Anyone w/CF not want to have kids?

CaliSally

New member
Like you, growing up I always thought I wanted kids. Even though CF really didn't affect me then, everyone told me I couldn't have kids - I think that made me want to have them even more.

Up to my late 20's I still thought I wanted kids, then, I babysat my brothers two. It was then that I realized I wasn't built to be a parent. My decision making skills lacked, I wasn't mature enough, and my mind alone (forget my body) was overwhelmed with it all.
(I believe now that I wanted to experience pregnancy more than I actually wanted kids).

Now that I'm older, and sicker, I'm glad I never had kids (planned or unplanned). I have the maturity now (for the most part), but my body isn't the same.

I hear from many that it's the care of the child that tempts the CFer in not caring for themselves like they should, and therefore their health starts to suffer.

Some can do it all, some have a FANTASTIC family structure (including extended family) which are willing and able to help in times of need. Though, I think this is the exception and not the rule.

I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and it has had no emotional impact on me and my decision. At (almost) 42 years old, I'm glad I don't have kids to add to my "to do" list.

You have to be realistic about:
<u>your health</u> - how discipled are you - will you keep up your treatment routine no matter the cost?, CF only gets worse, not better, how often will you be away from home in the hospital;
<u>your marriage </u>- is it strong or lacking? Some believe a baby will make a bad marriage better - this is a lie, it only adds more stress to the bad marriage;
<u>your support system (family)</u>- are they flakes? If they offer to help, will they follow through?, are they physically able to help, are they willing to help.

<i><b>Bottom line - illness or not - babies aren't for everyone, no matter what society/friends/family think. You must make <u>your own </u>decision, for your own reasons. If you realize kids aren't for you (for whatever reason), then YOU are making a wise decision and shouldn't feel shame for it - instead feel proud for making the right decision.</b></i>
 

CaliSally

New member
Like you, growing up I always thought I wanted kids. Even though CF really didn't affect me then, everyone told me I couldn't have kids - I think that made me want to have them even more.

Up to my late 20's I still thought I wanted kids, then, I babysat my brothers two. It was then that I realized I wasn't built to be a parent. My decision making skills lacked, I wasn't mature enough, and my mind alone (forget my body) was overwhelmed with it all.
(I believe now that I wanted to experience pregnancy more than I actually wanted kids).

Now that I'm older, and sicker, I'm glad I never had kids (planned or unplanned). I have the maturity now (for the most part), but my body isn't the same.

I hear from many that it's the care of the child that tempts the CFer in not caring for themselves like they should, and therefore their health starts to suffer.

Some can do it all, some have a FANTASTIC family structure (including extended family) which are willing and able to help in times of need. Though, I think this is the exception and not the rule.

I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and it has had no emotional impact on me and my decision. At (almost) 42 years old, I'm glad I don't have kids to add to my "to do" list.

You have to be realistic about:
<u>your health</u> - how discipled are you - will you keep up your treatment routine no matter the cost?, CF only gets worse, not better, how often will you be away from home in the hospital;
<u>your marriage </u>- is it strong or lacking? Some believe a baby will make a bad marriage better - this is a lie, it only adds more stress to the bad marriage;
<u>your support system (family)</u>- are they flakes? If they offer to help, will they follow through?, are they physically able to help, are they willing to help.

<i><b>Bottom line - illness or not - babies aren't for everyone, no matter what society/friends/family think. You must make <u>your own </u>decision, for your own reasons. If you realize kids aren't for you (for whatever reason), then YOU are making a wise decision and shouldn't feel shame for it - instead feel proud for making the right decision.</b></i>
 

CaliSally

New member
Like you, growing up I always thought I wanted kids. Even though CF really didn't affect me then, everyone told me I couldn't have kids - I think that made me want to have them even more.

Up to my late 20's I still thought I wanted kids, then, I babysat my brothers two. It was then that I realized I wasn't built to be a parent. My decision making skills lacked, I wasn't mature enough, and my mind alone (forget my body) was overwhelmed with it all.
(I believe now that I wanted to experience pregnancy more than I actually wanted kids).

Now that I'm older, and sicker, I'm glad I never had kids (planned or unplanned). I have the maturity now (for the most part), but my body isn't the same.

I hear from many that it's the care of the child that tempts the CFer in not caring for themselves like they should, and therefore their health starts to suffer.

Some can do it all, some have a FANTASTIC family structure (including extended family) which are willing and able to help in times of need. Though, I think this is the exception and not the rule.

I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and it has had no emotional impact on me and my decision. At (almost) 42 years old, I'm glad I don't have kids to add to my "to do" list.

You have to be realistic about:
<u>your health</u> - how discipled are you - will you keep up your treatment routine no matter the cost?, CF only gets worse, not better, how often will you be away from home in the hospital;
<u>your marriage </u>- is it strong or lacking? Some believe a baby will make a bad marriage better - this is a lie, it only adds more stress to the bad marriage;
<u>your support system (family)</u>- are they flakes? If they offer to help, will they follow through?, are they physically able to help, are they willing to help.

<i><b>Bottom line - illness or not - babies aren't for everyone, no matter what society/friends/family think. You must make <u>your own </u>decision, for your own reasons. If you realize kids aren't for you (for whatever reason), then YOU are making a wise decision and shouldn't feel shame for it - instead feel proud for making the right decision.</b></i>
 

CaliSally

New member
Like you, growing up I always thought I wanted kids. Even though CF really didn't affect me then, everyone told me I couldn't have kids - I think that made me want to have them even more.

Up to my late 20's I still thought I wanted kids, then, I babysat my brothers two. It was then that I realized I wasn't built to be a parent. My decision making skills lacked, I wasn't mature enough, and my mind alone (forget my body) was overwhelmed with it all.
(I believe now that I wanted to experience pregnancy more than I actually wanted kids).

Now that I'm older, and sicker, I'm glad I never had kids (planned or unplanned). I have the maturity now (for the most part), but my body isn't the same.

I hear from many that it's the care of the child that tempts the CFer in not caring for themselves like they should, and therefore their health starts to suffer.

Some can do it all, some have a FANTASTIC family structure (including extended family) which are willing and able to help in times of need. Though, I think this is the exception and not the rule.

I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and it has had no emotional impact on me and my decision. At (almost) 42 years old, I'm glad I don't have kids to add to my "to do" list.

You have to be realistic about:
<u>your health</u> - how discipled are you - will you keep up your treatment routine no matter the cost?, CF only gets worse, not better, how often will you be away from home in the hospital;
<u>your marriage </u>- is it strong or lacking? Some believe a baby will make a bad marriage better - this is a lie, it only adds more stress to the bad marriage;
<u>your support system (family)</u>- are they flakes? If they offer to help, will they follow through?, are they physically able to help, are they willing to help.

<i><b>Bottom line - illness or not - babies aren't for everyone, no matter what society/friends/family think. You must make <u>your own </u>decision, for your own reasons. If you realize kids aren't for you (for whatever reason), then YOU are making a wise decision and shouldn't feel shame for it - instead feel proud for making the right decision.</b></i>
 

CaliSally

New member
Like you, growing up I always thought I wanted kids. Even though CF really didn't affect me then, everyone told me I couldn't have kids - I think that made me want to have them even more.
<br />
<br />Up to my late 20's I still thought I wanted kids, then, I babysat my brothers two. It was then that I realized I wasn't built to be a parent. My decision making skills lacked, I wasn't mature enough, and my mind alone (forget my body) was overwhelmed with it all.
<br />(I believe now that I wanted to experience pregnancy more than I actually wanted kids).
<br />
<br />Now that I'm older, and sicker, I'm glad I never had kids (planned or unplanned). I have the maturity now (for the most part), but my body isn't the same.
<br />
<br />I hear from many that it's the care of the child that tempts the CFer in not caring for themselves like they should, and therefore their health starts to suffer.
<br />
<br />Some can do it all, some have a FANTASTIC family structure (including extended family) which are willing and able to help in times of need. Though, I think this is the exception and not the rule.
<br />
<br />I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and it has had no emotional impact on me and my decision. At (almost) 42 years old, I'm glad I don't have kids to add to my "to do" list.
<br />
<br />You have to be realistic about:
<br /><u>your health</u> - how discipled are you - will you keep up your treatment routine no matter the cost?, CF only gets worse, not better, how often will you be away from home in the hospital;
<br /><u>your marriage </u>- is it strong or lacking? Some believe a baby will make a bad marriage better - this is a lie, it only adds more stress to the bad marriage;
<br /><u>your support system (family)</u>- are they flakes? If they offer to help, will they follow through?, are they physically able to help, are they willing to help.
<br />
<br /><i><b>Bottom line - illness or not - babies aren't for everyone, no matter what society/friends/family think. You must make <u>your own </u>decision, for your own reasons. If you realize kids aren't for you (for whatever reason), then YOU are making a wise decision and shouldn't feel shame for it - instead feel proud for making the right decision.</b></i>
 
M

moxie1

Guest
You are not a bad person at all if you decide not to have children.

I have decided not to have my own kids...for now. If some new treatment comes along that is really fabulous, I might change my mind. However, right now I don't want to chance being pregnant, getting sick, and have a limited supply of antibiotics due to baby.

We have decided, however, to foster parent a baby. I know it will still be a huge stress, but I'm willing to try it out. I am 100% compliant about my health and I will do whatever it takes to stay that way. My hubbie is wonderful and we work well as a team, so I think getting my treatments done and exercising won't be a problem.

I also have both of my parents and relatives (living in the same development as us) who have offered their help. My mom is even going to take the child several nights a week if he/she is not sleeping through the night.

Bottom line...I think you have to look at your own situation and really think through how it would or wouldn't work. If your health is going to be adversely affected, then maybe it is not a good idea.
 
M

moxie1

Guest
You are not a bad person at all if you decide not to have children.

I have decided not to have my own kids...for now. If some new treatment comes along that is really fabulous, I might change my mind. However, right now I don't want to chance being pregnant, getting sick, and have a limited supply of antibiotics due to baby.

We have decided, however, to foster parent a baby. I know it will still be a huge stress, but I'm willing to try it out. I am 100% compliant about my health and I will do whatever it takes to stay that way. My hubbie is wonderful and we work well as a team, so I think getting my treatments done and exercising won't be a problem.

I also have both of my parents and relatives (living in the same development as us) who have offered their help. My mom is even going to take the child several nights a week if he/she is not sleeping through the night.

Bottom line...I think you have to look at your own situation and really think through how it would or wouldn't work. If your health is going to be adversely affected, then maybe it is not a good idea.
 
M

moxie1

Guest
You are not a bad person at all if you decide not to have children.

I have decided not to have my own kids...for now. If some new treatment comes along that is really fabulous, I might change my mind. However, right now I don't want to chance being pregnant, getting sick, and have a limited supply of antibiotics due to baby.

We have decided, however, to foster parent a baby. I know it will still be a huge stress, but I'm willing to try it out. I am 100% compliant about my health and I will do whatever it takes to stay that way. My hubbie is wonderful and we work well as a team, so I think getting my treatments done and exercising won't be a problem.

I also have both of my parents and relatives (living in the same development as us) who have offered their help. My mom is even going to take the child several nights a week if he/she is not sleeping through the night.

Bottom line...I think you have to look at your own situation and really think through how it would or wouldn't work. If your health is going to be adversely affected, then maybe it is not a good idea.
 
M

moxie1

Guest
You are not a bad person at all if you decide not to have children.

I have decided not to have my own kids...for now. If some new treatment comes along that is really fabulous, I might change my mind. However, right now I don't want to chance being pregnant, getting sick, and have a limited supply of antibiotics due to baby.

We have decided, however, to foster parent a baby. I know it will still be a huge stress, but I'm willing to try it out. I am 100% compliant about my health and I will do whatever it takes to stay that way. My hubbie is wonderful and we work well as a team, so I think getting my treatments done and exercising won't be a problem.

I also have both of my parents and relatives (living in the same development as us) who have offered their help. My mom is even going to take the child several nights a week if he/she is not sleeping through the night.

Bottom line...I think you have to look at your own situation and really think through how it would or wouldn't work. If your health is going to be adversely affected, then maybe it is not a good idea.
 
M

moxie1

Guest
You are not a bad person at all if you decide not to have children.
<br />
<br />I have decided not to have my own kids...for now. If some new treatment comes along that is really fabulous, I might change my mind. However, right now I don't want to chance being pregnant, getting sick, and have a limited supply of antibiotics due to baby.
<br />
<br />We have decided, however, to foster parent a baby. I know it will still be a huge stress, but I'm willing to try it out. I am 100% compliant about my health and I will do whatever it takes to stay that way. My hubbie is wonderful and we work well as a team, so I think getting my treatments done and exercising won't be a problem.
<br />
<br />I also have both of my parents and relatives (living in the same development as us) who have offered their help. My mom is even going to take the child several nights a week if he/she is not sleeping through the night.
<br />
<br />Bottom line...I think you have to look at your own situation and really think through how it would or wouldn't work. If your health is going to be adversely affected, then maybe it is not a good idea.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
 

NoExcuses

New member
Haven' read anyone else's posts but I think you're the OPPOSITE of a failure for not having kids.

I think it takes an incredibly selfless person to think outside of their own wants and needs to think about what a life might be for a kid with a parent who has CF.

I'm on the same page with u.... it's not fair for a kid in my opinion. If the CF prognosis stuff changes one day, I'll re-evaluate. But for now, it doesn't matter what I want. It's not fair for the kid.
 

NoExcuses

New member
Haven' read anyone else's posts but I think you're the OPPOSITE of a failure for not having kids.

I think it takes an incredibly selfless person to think outside of their own wants and needs to think about what a life might be for a kid with a parent who has CF.

I'm on the same page with u.... it's not fair for a kid in my opinion. If the CF prognosis stuff changes one day, I'll re-evaluate. But for now, it doesn't matter what I want. It's not fair for the kid.
 

NoExcuses

New member
Haven' read anyone else's posts but I think you're the OPPOSITE of a failure for not having kids.

I think it takes an incredibly selfless person to think outside of their own wants and needs to think about what a life might be for a kid with a parent who has CF.

I'm on the same page with u.... it's not fair for a kid in my opinion. If the CF prognosis stuff changes one day, I'll re-evaluate. But for now, it doesn't matter what I want. It's not fair for the kid.
 

NoExcuses

New member
Haven' read anyone else's posts but I think you're the OPPOSITE of a failure for not having kids.

I think it takes an incredibly selfless person to think outside of their own wants and needs to think about what a life might be for a kid with a parent who has CF.

I'm on the same page with u.... it's not fair for a kid in my opinion. If the CF prognosis stuff changes one day, I'll re-evaluate. But for now, it doesn't matter what I want. It's not fair for the kid.
 

NoExcuses

New member
Haven' read anyone else's posts but I think you're the OPPOSITE of a failure for not having kids.
<br />
<br />I think it takes an incredibly selfless person to think outside of their own wants and needs to think about what a life might be for a kid with a parent who has CF.
<br />
<br />I'm on the same page with u.... it's not fair for a kid in my opinion. If the CF prognosis stuff changes one day, I'll re-evaluate. But for now, it doesn't matter what I want. It's not fair for the kid.
 

katyf13

New member
I will offer a slightly different perspective since I do not have cf. Mike and I and our dog were a happy family. I would have loved to have a kid with him or adopt, but I knew we might not ever be able to do that. And that was fine, as long as I had him I had all the love I could want. I have a niece and I work with kids and I know that it is difficult even if you do not have an illness.
Now I think I will probably adopt a foster child someday, but not until I am myself again and can give someone the childhood they deserve. And if I can't ever do that, that is okay too.
Just because you are female does not mean you have to have kids. And not having children does not make you cold or selfish. It is a decision to be made not just based on wants, but by a giant number of factors. The number one being "What will this little person's babyhood, childhood, adolescence and adulthood be like? What do I ahve to offer?" No one is perfect and no one can offer everything, so each person needs to make that personal choice based on their own life and circumstances.
 

katyf13

New member
I will offer a slightly different perspective since I do not have cf. Mike and I and our dog were a happy family. I would have loved to have a kid with him or adopt, but I knew we might not ever be able to do that. And that was fine, as long as I had him I had all the love I could want. I have a niece and I work with kids and I know that it is difficult even if you do not have an illness.
Now I think I will probably adopt a foster child someday, but not until I am myself again and can give someone the childhood they deserve. And if I can't ever do that, that is okay too.
Just because you are female does not mean you have to have kids. And not having children does not make you cold or selfish. It is a decision to be made not just based on wants, but by a giant number of factors. The number one being "What will this little person's babyhood, childhood, adolescence and adulthood be like? What do I ahve to offer?" No one is perfect and no one can offer everything, so each person needs to make that personal choice based on their own life and circumstances.
 

katyf13

New member
I will offer a slightly different perspective since I do not have cf. Mike and I and our dog were a happy family. I would have loved to have a kid with him or adopt, but I knew we might not ever be able to do that. And that was fine, as long as I had him I had all the love I could want. I have a niece and I work with kids and I know that it is difficult even if you do not have an illness.
Now I think I will probably adopt a foster child someday, but not until I am myself again and can give someone the childhood they deserve. And if I can't ever do that, that is okay too.
Just because you are female does not mean you have to have kids. And not having children does not make you cold or selfish. It is a decision to be made not just based on wants, but by a giant number of factors. The number one being "What will this little person's babyhood, childhood, adolescence and adulthood be like? What do I ahve to offer?" No one is perfect and no one can offer everything, so each person needs to make that personal choice based on their own life and circumstances.
 

katyf13

New member
I will offer a slightly different perspective since I do not have cf. Mike and I and our dog were a happy family. I would have loved to have a kid with him or adopt, but I knew we might not ever be able to do that. And that was fine, as long as I had him I had all the love I could want. I have a niece and I work with kids and I know that it is difficult even if you do not have an illness.
Now I think I will probably adopt a foster child someday, but not until I am myself again and can give someone the childhood they deserve. And if I can't ever do that, that is okay too.
Just because you are female does not mean you have to have kids. And not having children does not make you cold or selfish. It is a decision to be made not just based on wants, but by a giant number of factors. The number one being "What will this little person's babyhood, childhood, adolescence and adulthood be like? What do I ahve to offer?" No one is perfect and no one can offer everything, so each person needs to make that personal choice based on their own life and circumstances.
 

katyf13

New member
I will offer a slightly different perspective since I do not have cf. Mike and I and our dog were a happy family. I would have loved to have a kid with him or adopt, but I knew we might not ever be able to do that. And that was fine, as long as I had him I had all the love I could want. I have a niece and I work with kids and I know that it is difficult even if you do not have an illness.
<br />Now I think I will probably adopt a foster child someday, but not until I am myself again and can give someone the childhood they deserve. And if I can't ever do that, that is okay too.
<br />Just because you are female does not mean you have to have kids. And not having children does not make you cold or selfish. It is a decision to be made not just based on wants, but by a giant number of factors. The number one being "What will this little person's babyhood, childhood, adolescence and adulthood be like? What do I ahve to offer?" No one is perfect and no one can offer everything, so each person needs to make that personal choice based on their own life and circumstances.
 
Top