compliance

casaraha

New member
my boyfriend is supposed to be using a nebulizer 4 times a day (acetylcystine and something else i'm blanking on right now) and in the week and a half he's supposed to have been doing this, he's done it a total of 4 times. this is an important therapy that should not be ignored, right?

also in the same time he's supposed to have started using a bipap during sleep - again, he's probably used it under 2 hours since he's been home (was discharged from the hospital 1 1/2 weeks ago). again - important, right?!

it's frustrating to me - because i'm trying to help him do everything he needs to. i remind him, check in with him and get things for him all the time.

he's depressed because his health is declining, but he says that he doesn't want to die yet. but he's coughing a lot more, has had more nausea lately, and his sleep is getting irregular - so finding the time to do the treatments has been hard. but his compliance doesn't match what he says his will to live is. nothing i've been saying or doing has seemed to help.

any help, encouragment, and information would be wonderful. thanks.
 

EnergyGal

New member
His mouth says one thing but his actions show another. I would tell him that he is not prolonging his life by the way he chooses to live. Tell him he would sleep a whole lot better if he would take his treatments. I would also tell him how much it is upsetting you and there is nothing more you can do for him if he is giving up. It is all up to him.

I would say this in a firm voice and if he decides to roll over, either shake him and get mad (if you think that would work) cry and tell him how much you love him and he is really hurting you more than anyone and he needs you to be strong to help him and you are giving up because he is making no effort.

I would just tell him like it is. If you want to go for another transplant you have to do all of these things NOW !
 

EnergyGal

New member
If what I wrote above does not work, then I would try this. Hold his hand and say do you want me to sit here and hold your hand and you can relax and give into this not wanting to do anything anymore attitude? Ask him how he thinks a transplant team is going to view his attitude? They can see how he is behaving that he is not doing treatments and not eating. There is only so much a person can do to cover things up. I would get your point across to him boldly and try and wake him up. Why does he want to go for another transplant if he is not making any effort? Yes it is hard when you are sick but to go for a second lung transplant is very difficult and if you have no effort at all what is he going to do when he is laying on the vent for days and days or a few months? He needs to get his mind together and make a decision whether he is going to fight and go for another transplant or take the inevitable and make the best out of life but at least appreciate your girlfriend and do not put her through all of this.

Ask him if he loves himself and if he respects himself?

What I hear is he needs some type of shocking statement to make him think.
 

casaraha

New member
he does need something shocking. i will give your suggestions a try. i think i've been increasing my bluntness levels everyday, but maybe it's time to try and get something seriously engrained in his brain. he's been void of much emotion since his hospital discharge - he thinks it might be the new anti-depressant that's causing that apathy. but i'm a believer in getting in control of your mind and body, and not let your mind and body control you. i wish it were that easy for him. tomorrow is his 3-year lung tx anniversary. let's hope he can get motivated to go out and celebrate. i'll keep you informed - thanks so much, risa.
 

EnergyGal

New member
You are a great lady and have so much patience. I would tell him tomorrow that "today is the day that you are going to start working on your drive to succeed" Write it down on paper and have him sign the paper and hang it on the fridge. It is a comittment for his love of himself and for you. Very simply put.
 
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