B
BreathinSteven
Guest
I’ll toss in my point of view, as a guy – though I don’t know how many other guys see things my way, I’m sure there are some…
I don’t know that my wife and I ever struggled with the idea of having children. I’m the one with cystic fibrosis – when we started dating, my wife and I had a long talk about the slim likelihood of me living another 10 years. (I was 25 at the time, not considering transplant, and it was the mid 1980s…) Neither of us really desired having children. I’d always worried about leaving them – about having a child, living another 5-6-7 years, then having me crash and burn and pass away. It might be morbid, but I didn’t like the idea of bringing a child into the world and leaving myself. But I’ve known many CF women and men who desperately want to have children – and I can appreciate that. I don’t think there can be anything more special in the world than having and caring for your own child…
And, looking back now – if we’d have had children early in our marriage, they would now be in their mid-twenties. They would be adults. My fears would have been unfounded. I’m 52 (with two beautiful, new lungs for the past 12 years – and now one beautiful, new kidney…) And, for CFers with decent lung function – the future seems much more promising than it did 10-20 years ago!
As was discussed above – I do have to agree that it’s a natural urge. I have to imagine that “social conditioning and pressure” might aggravate and promote that natural urge. I also think that a lot of us with cystic fibrosis, or many other chronic, childhood illnesses, are surrounded by a great deal of love, concern and support – many of us have incredible support systems in our families, medical caregivers and friends. Many of us feel VERY cared for and loved. And I feel that, sometimes, we’d like to reflect all of that love onto someone else – we want to love someone who needs us and depends on us – and we want to love them and care for them in the way we’ve been loved… Again – that’s just a thought that I have and it may apply to some, and for others it’s total crap.
I’ve also watched a number of CF women conceive, go through pregnancy and give birth. And it seemed that the whole process took an awful lot out of them and their health spiraled downward. I have to believe that the hormonal and physical changes that go along with pregnancy must create a lot of stress on a normal, healthy body – adding CF into the mix makes things more complicated. I don’t imagine that always happens, or has to happen – but it’s probably a warning to be vigilant about health during and after. I’m also acquainted with a few CF women who seem perfectly fine after having a child…
I’ve got nieces and nephews that I love and I’ve watched grow up. My wife and I have a close relationship with some of them. But, all of our parents had kids (obviously) and I see how we try to support them as they’ve grown older – and I do worry sometimes whether my wife will have that support after I’m gone. Sometimes I think that would have been a beautiful part of having children – even if I weren’t there to see them grow to adults…
I hope you get what you want in life… Love, Steve
I don’t know that my wife and I ever struggled with the idea of having children. I’m the one with cystic fibrosis – when we started dating, my wife and I had a long talk about the slim likelihood of me living another 10 years. (I was 25 at the time, not considering transplant, and it was the mid 1980s…) Neither of us really desired having children. I’d always worried about leaving them – about having a child, living another 5-6-7 years, then having me crash and burn and pass away. It might be morbid, but I didn’t like the idea of bringing a child into the world and leaving myself. But I’ve known many CF women and men who desperately want to have children – and I can appreciate that. I don’t think there can be anything more special in the world than having and caring for your own child…
And, looking back now – if we’d have had children early in our marriage, they would now be in their mid-twenties. They would be adults. My fears would have been unfounded. I’m 52 (with two beautiful, new lungs for the past 12 years – and now one beautiful, new kidney…) And, for CFers with decent lung function – the future seems much more promising than it did 10-20 years ago!
As was discussed above – I do have to agree that it’s a natural urge. I have to imagine that “social conditioning and pressure” might aggravate and promote that natural urge. I also think that a lot of us with cystic fibrosis, or many other chronic, childhood illnesses, are surrounded by a great deal of love, concern and support – many of us have incredible support systems in our families, medical caregivers and friends. Many of us feel VERY cared for and loved. And I feel that, sometimes, we’d like to reflect all of that love onto someone else – we want to love someone who needs us and depends on us – and we want to love them and care for them in the way we’ve been loved… Again – that’s just a thought that I have and it may apply to some, and for others it’s total crap.
I’ve also watched a number of CF women conceive, go through pregnancy and give birth. And it seemed that the whole process took an awful lot out of them and their health spiraled downward. I have to believe that the hormonal and physical changes that go along with pregnancy must create a lot of stress on a normal, healthy body – adding CF into the mix makes things more complicated. I don’t imagine that always happens, or has to happen – but it’s probably a warning to be vigilant about health during and after. I’m also acquainted with a few CF women who seem perfectly fine after having a child…
I’ve got nieces and nephews that I love and I’ve watched grow up. My wife and I have a close relationship with some of them. But, all of our parents had kids (obviously) and I see how we try to support them as they’ve grown older – and I do worry sometimes whether my wife will have that support after I’m gone. Sometimes I think that would have been a beautiful part of having children – even if I weren’t there to see them grow to adults…
I hope you get what you want in life… Love, Steve
