I'm a little surprised that this story needed to be told. Today I turned 65 but it was just yesterday I was fifteen. I can put on my age 15 mind and do a pretty good job of relating to the fifteen year old of today. I'm lucky enough to have lived through fifteen and then live long enough to appreciate interacting with a teen as an adult.
Then again, from the lively discussion, I realize that for many people the memories from a particular time aren't retained. It is as if each seminal stage of life is archived and only the current status quo is relative. I realize there are different ways people express respect for somebody who is dying or to the loved ones of somebody recently passed. My wife's family showed respect by remaining silent. They never asked questions, and politely sat silent, choosing to show their support by just being there. They aren't alone, the world is quite full of people awkwardly lost in times of grief.
This has everything to do with the considerations for a young person's last wishes. It is precisely the head in the sand denial by some loved members of a dying youth, that is at the crux of the News story. In a way, it is like a Will with a codicil detailing how they wish to be memorialized. The statistics are much better today but even before a child is born, parents are worrying about their child dying. It is hard wired into our brains.
I can say for certain about the only preparation I had for a possibly young demise was my mother teaching me The Lord's Prayer. OK, There was "Now I lay me down to sleep" but that was it. I can't remember if it was meningitis or when I contracted encephalitis they feared I had polio and I learned the prayer.
For most CFers, I can't imagine they haven't spent time in the hospital. Kids in a hospital tend to talk about the very things nobody else is being forthcoming with. When I was maybe 11, I had been kicked in the ribs rough housing on the school playground. That evening I peed blood clots and fresh blood. Swept off to the ER, our family doctor admitted me for observation. I was beginning to realize all hospitalizations were just for observation and they were sticking to that story.
This hospital visit was a life changing experience. Pediatric nurses are a dedicated lot and they have such hard jobs. The hospital room had three boys, me, a kid with a newly broken leg and another boy with his head in a cast. He caught part of the blast from a shotgun that had slipped down from the corner of a pickup truck bed. In the middle of the second night, we heard the boy with the shotgun wound die. I wasn't certain if he in fact was dead, so I hopped out of my bed and pushed his call button. Two nurses came immediately, then quickly left and returned with a gurney, removing him. I can't explain why we pretended to be asleep but we did. One nurse figured out he hadn't pushed his own call button and leaned down to ask if that was the case. I nodded and she placed her finger over her lips signalling me to be quiet.
The next day, it was as if he had never been in the hospital. No belongings, no returning family and a dozen kids playing detective, trying to ferret out what nobody was saying. I shared the details with only one other patient. A girl in isolation had celebrated her birthday the day before and his parents had brought a present for him to give her. She was also the oldest patient in the ward, 13 or 14. Depending on the age of the inquisitor, the nurses told kids he had gone home in the middle of the night because they had a long ways to drive to flat denying such child ever existed. These were pre-cognitive aged children who happily suspended their belief.
For some people this entire subject is too painful. I believe this News story is enlightening for the parents and their children who might precede them,
LL
Gammaw, If I may presume. The movie "Love Story' came out right around when my too young father died. My mother and I went to see this popular movie. When the build up to the scene where Jenny knows she's going to die finished, my mother turned to me and said, "I have seen the ending, I'll wait in the lobby". You know how it ends, maybe too much.
