Patiently Waiting for a Call

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cnsky54RRT

New member
Not on duty at the hospital as an RT tonight, but here anyway sitting in a room with my friend Heather. She is getting some antibiotics as we wait for the call from the big hospital over the mountains saying they have a donor for her. She is top of the list for her blood type, and we wait anxiously! I hang around the room all night, adjust her bipap, do percussion on her back when needed, and give her mom a break to go home and relax. Any time the call could come, and we want her to be as ready as possible. Omigawd, it sure is nerve-wracking waiting and wondering! And it is hard on her, dealing with self-assumed guilt that someone else has to have a tragedy so that she can live.

Let the big adventure begin!!!

John
 
C

cnsky54RRT

New member
Not on duty at the hospital as an RT tonight, but here anyway sitting in a room with my friend Heather. She is getting some antibiotics as we wait for the call from the big hospital over the mountains saying they have a donor for her. She is top of the list for her blood type, and we wait anxiously! I hang around the room all night, adjust her bipap, do percussion on her back when needed, and give her mom a break to go home and relax. Any time the call could come, and we want her to be as ready as possible. Omigawd, it sure is nerve-wracking waiting and wondering! And it is hard on her, dealing with self-assumed guilt that someone else has to have a tragedy so that she can live.

Let the big adventure begin!!!

John
 
C

cnsky54RRT

New member
Not on duty at the hospital as an RT tonight, but here anyway sitting in a room with my friend Heather. She is getting some antibiotics as we wait for the call from the big hospital over the mountains saying they have a donor for her. She is top of the list for her blood type, and we wait anxiously! I hang around the room all night, adjust her bipap, do percussion on her back when needed, and give her mom a break to go home and relax. Any time the call could come, and we want her to be as ready as possible. Omigawd, it sure is nerve-wracking waiting and wondering! And it is hard on her, dealing with self-assumed guilt that someone else has to have a tragedy so that she can live.
<br />
<br />Let the big adventure begin!!!
<br />
<br />John
 
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Lex

New member
Wow, John. You are an amazing friend! I was admitted on October 17th and got my first call about 10 days later. I got my second call a couple days after that, and a third call a couple days after that and the final call about 4 days after that. (whew)...

That said, I wish your friend luck. It's great to be at the top of the list, but I know how sick that means. Stay strong for her! Any questions, go for it! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
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Lex

New member
Wow, John. You are an amazing friend! I was admitted on October 17th and got my first call about 10 days later. I got my second call a couple days after that, and a third call a couple days after that and the final call about 4 days after that. (whew)...

That said, I wish your friend luck. It's great to be at the top of the list, but I know how sick that means. Stay strong for her! Any questions, go for it! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
L

Lex

New member
Wow, John. You are an amazing friend! I was admitted on October 17th and got my first call about 10 days later. I got my second call a couple days after that, and a third call a couple days after that and the final call about 4 days after that. (whew)...
<br />
<br />That said, I wish your friend luck. It's great to be at the top of the list, but I know how sick that means. Stay strong for her! Any questions, go for it! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
C

coltsfan715

New member
I agree you are an awesome friend to support her the way you are - heck my ex fiance didn't even support me that way when I went through my transplant ... hence the ex <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">. I strongly believe that yes physical shape is important but mental shape is even more so. I understand the guilt, but I looked at it this way and it helped me tremendously. I looked at it as this - if the original person that had my lungs was no longer able to have them then they were being entrusted to me. They were meant to be with me if they couldn't be with their original owner. I told myself that everyday for the first year and a half after my transplant and remind myself of it to this day anytime I feel bad about the situation.

Love to you and your friend and best of luck to her on her this part of her journey.

Lindsey
 
C

coltsfan715

New member
I agree you are an awesome friend to support her the way you are - heck my ex fiance didn't even support me that way when I went through my transplant ... hence the ex <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">. I strongly believe that yes physical shape is important but mental shape is even more so. I understand the guilt, but I looked at it this way and it helped me tremendously. I looked at it as this - if the original person that had my lungs was no longer able to have them then they were being entrusted to me. They were meant to be with me if they couldn't be with their original owner. I told myself that everyday for the first year and a half after my transplant and remind myself of it to this day anytime I feel bad about the situation.

Love to you and your friend and best of luck to her on her this part of her journey.

Lindsey
 
C

coltsfan715

New member
I agree you are an awesome friend to support her the way you are - heck my ex fiance didn't even support me that way when I went through my transplant ... hence the ex <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">. I strongly believe that yes physical shape is important but mental shape is even more so. I understand the guilt, but I looked at it this way and it helped me tremendously. I looked at it as this - if the original person that had my lungs was no longer able to have them then they were being entrusted to me. They were meant to be with me if they couldn't be with their original owner. I told myself that everyday for the first year and a half after my transplant and remind myself of it to this day anytime I feel bad about the situation.
<br />
<br />Love to you and your friend and best of luck to her on her this part of her journey.
<br />
<br />Lindsey
 
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Lex

New member
Exactly Lindsey....my doc set me straight. She reminded me that my donor and family made the choice to donate. They were giving me the greatest gift one can give another willingly--it was their last great thing they did. We shouldn't feel guilty over such a gift. The problem arises because we want this gift SO BADLY while waiting and in pain. We want it so bad that we pray for it, we wish for it....and the confusion is that we are NOT wishing for someone to die. We are wishing to stay alive.

Have your friend think of it this way. If SHE was the donor and while looking down from heaven saw her recipient feeling guilty, how would that make your friend feel? If I was the donor looking down from heaven, I'd want my recipient to breathe for the first time, run outside on a beautiful day, do something they always wanted to do but couldn't....and most importantly, dare to dream of all those things that are now attainable with new lungs.

Survivor's guilt hit me hard and it took my doctor talking sense into me that finally snapped it. I hope this helps!
 
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Lex

New member
Exactly Lindsey....my doc set me straight. She reminded me that my donor and family made the choice to donate. They were giving me the greatest gift one can give another willingly--it was their last great thing they did. We shouldn't feel guilty over such a gift. The problem arises because we want this gift SO BADLY while waiting and in pain. We want it so bad that we pray for it, we wish for it....and the confusion is that we are NOT wishing for someone to die. We are wishing to stay alive.

Have your friend think of it this way. If SHE was the donor and while looking down from heaven saw her recipient feeling guilty, how would that make your friend feel? If I was the donor looking down from heaven, I'd want my recipient to breathe for the first time, run outside on a beautiful day, do something they always wanted to do but couldn't....and most importantly, dare to dream of all those things that are now attainable with new lungs.

Survivor's guilt hit me hard and it took my doctor talking sense into me that finally snapped it. I hope this helps!
 
L

Lex

New member
Exactly Lindsey....my doc set me straight. She reminded me that my donor and family made the choice to donate. They were giving me the greatest gift one can give another willingly--it was their last great thing they did. We shouldn't feel guilty over such a gift. The problem arises because we want this gift SO BADLY while waiting and in pain. We want it so bad that we pray for it, we wish for it....and the confusion is that we are NOT wishing for someone to die. We are wishing to stay alive.
<br />
<br />Have your friend think of it this way. If SHE was the donor and while looking down from heaven saw her recipient feeling guilty, how would that make your friend feel? If I was the donor looking down from heaven, I'd want my recipient to breathe for the first time, run outside on a beautiful day, do something they always wanted to do but couldn't....and most importantly, dare to dream of all those things that are now attainable with new lungs.
<br />
<br />Survivor's guilt hit me hard and it took my doctor talking sense into me that finally snapped it. I hope this helps!
 
C

cnsky54RRT

New member
Thanks to you both, it does help. I need all the ammo I can get in the psychological battle that goes with such a momentous change in her life.

We continue to wait. The other night she sat bolt upright and started spraying blood out of her nose and mouth - a vessel broke in her nose and she was suddenly clawing at the bipap mask. RN called doctor, and he wanted to intubate her then and there, but I told him no. We have had this before and it goes away. Fortunately, he believed me and let me clean up the mess and get her settled. Scared her badly, not because of the blood, but because if the doc had his way and tubed her she would be off the transplant list and donor lungs would have passed her by. As you know, a recipient is quite sick, but can get no better nor worse without getting bumped. We have to keep that balance right now. And a lot of patience! How DO you fill the hospital days waiting for that call?

By the way, Lex, when Heather wonders whether her life will be any better, I have used your marathon run as a fantastic example of how a recipient can bounce back! She thought she could be trapped in endless tests and not have a life, but not so!
 
C

cnsky54RRT

New member
Thanks to you both, it does help. I need all the ammo I can get in the psychological battle that goes with such a momentous change in her life.

We continue to wait. The other night she sat bolt upright and started spraying blood out of her nose and mouth - a vessel broke in her nose and she was suddenly clawing at the bipap mask. RN called doctor, and he wanted to intubate her then and there, but I told him no. We have had this before and it goes away. Fortunately, he believed me and let me clean up the mess and get her settled. Scared her badly, not because of the blood, but because if the doc had his way and tubed her she would be off the transplant list and donor lungs would have passed her by. As you know, a recipient is quite sick, but can get no better nor worse without getting bumped. We have to keep that balance right now. And a lot of patience! How DO you fill the hospital days waiting for that call?

By the way, Lex, when Heather wonders whether her life will be any better, I have used your marathon run as a fantastic example of how a recipient can bounce back! She thought she could be trapped in endless tests and not have a life, but not so!
 
C

cnsky54RRT

New member
Thanks to you both, it does help. I need all the ammo I can get in the psychological battle that goes with such a momentous change in her life.
<br />
<br />We continue to wait. The other night she sat bolt upright and started spraying blood out of her nose and mouth - a vessel broke in her nose and she was suddenly clawing at the bipap mask. RN called doctor, and he wanted to intubate her then and there, but I told him no. We have had this before and it goes away. Fortunately, he believed me and let me clean up the mess and get her settled. Scared her badly, not because of the blood, but because if the doc had his way and tubed her she would be off the transplant list and donor lungs would have passed her by. As you know, a recipient is quite sick, but can get no better nor worse without getting bumped. We have to keep that balance right now. And a lot of patience! How DO you fill the hospital days waiting for that call?
<br />
<br />By the way, Lex, when Heather wonders whether her life will be any better, I have used your marathon run as a fantastic example of how a recipient can bounce back! She thought she could be trapped in endless tests and not have a life, but not so!
 
L

Lex

New member
It is true that someone can run a marathon less than a year out from a TX. But more importantly, anything is possible after TX. I chose to run, but your friend may choose to walk with you in a park on a nice day. Whatever is going to get her through this process. BTW: I read a few great books while waiting--but mostly, I dreamed (day after day) of a day like today. Beautiful outside....and I can enjoy it.
 
L

Lex

New member
It is true that someone can run a marathon less than a year out from a TX. But more importantly, anything is possible after TX. I chose to run, but your friend may choose to walk with you in a park on a nice day. Whatever is going to get her through this process. BTW: I read a few great books while waiting--but mostly, I dreamed (day after day) of a day like today. Beautiful outside....and I can enjoy it.
 
L

Lex

New member
It is true that someone can run a marathon less than a year out from a TX. But more importantly, anything is possible after TX. I chose to run, but your friend may choose to walk with you in a park on a nice day. Whatever is going to get her through this process. BTW: I read a few great books while waiting--but mostly, I dreamed (day after day) of a day like today. Beautiful outside....and I can enjoy it.
 
C

cnsky54RRT

New member
So, yesterday I took Heather out to get her hair coloured and cut. I figured it would be a great boost for morale if she looked her very best. It also took two oxygen tanks to get through it all! Now she looks great, and we joked that with her hair a little shorter in the back, she won't have a case of 'bed head' when she gets called to get her lungs. Now I am at work at the hospital at midnight, and she just phoned me..... She just got the call to come to the transplant center. Perhaps the big moment has arrived! How can I concentrate on work when I'm anxiously waiting to hear if the donor set of lungs are going to be hers? Wish I could have gone with her!!!
 
C

cnsky54RRT

New member
So, yesterday I took Heather out to get her hair coloured and cut. I figured it would be a great boost for morale if she looked her very best. It also took two oxygen tanks to get through it all! Now she looks great, and we joked that with her hair a little shorter in the back, she won't have a case of 'bed head' when she gets called to get her lungs. Now I am at work at the hospital at midnight, and she just phoned me..... She just got the call to come to the transplant center. Perhaps the big moment has arrived! How can I concentrate on work when I'm anxiously waiting to hear if the donor set of lungs are going to be hers? Wish I could have gone with her!!!
 
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