Sibling issues

hmw

New member
A frequent issue here is dealing with Emily's health issues frequently resulting in broken plans (or at the least, having to often readjust plans or not being able to commit in advance to certain things.)

This understandably results in resentment on their part when they have to miss something they've been looking forward to because 'Emily is sick AGAIN'. I do the best I can for this not to happen but it's not always possible for things to go on 'like normal' for them when she's too sick to go anywhere and I am tied home doing treatments 4x/day, etc.

How do I help the boys when they feel like Emily's CF is taking over THEIR life too?
 

hmw

New member
A frequent issue here is dealing with Emily's health issues frequently resulting in broken plans (or at the least, having to often readjust plans or not being able to commit in advance to certain things.)

This understandably results in resentment on their part when they have to miss something they've been looking forward to because 'Emily is sick AGAIN'. I do the best I can for this not to happen but it's not always possible for things to go on 'like normal' for them when she's too sick to go anywhere and I am tied home doing treatments 4x/day, etc.

How do I help the boys when they feel like Emily's CF is taking over THEIR life too?
 

hmw

New member
A frequent issue here is dealing with Emily's health issues frequently resulting in broken plans (or at the least, having to often readjust plans or not being able to commit in advance to certain things.)

This understandably results in resentment on their part when they have to miss something they've been looking forward to because 'Emily is sick AGAIN'. I do the best I can for this not to happen but it's not always possible for things to go on 'like normal' for them when she's too sick to go anywhere and I am tied home doing treatments 4x/day, etc.

How do I help the boys when they feel like Emily's CF is taking over THEIR life too?
 

hmw

New member
A frequent issue here is dealing with Emily's health issues frequently resulting in broken plans (or at the least, having to often readjust plans or not being able to commit in advance to certain things.)

This understandably results in resentment on their part when they have to miss something they've been looking forward to because 'Emily is sick AGAIN'. I do the best I can for this not to happen but it's not always possible for things to go on 'like normal' for them when she's too sick to go anywhere and I am tied home doing treatments 4x/day, etc.

How do I help the boys when they feel like Emily's CF is taking over THEIR life too?
 

hmw

New member
A frequent issue here is dealing with Emily's health issues frequently resulting in broken plans (or at the least, having to often readjust plans or not being able to commit in advance to certain things.)
<br />
<br />This understandably results in resentment on their part when they have to miss something they've been looking forward to because 'Emily is sick AGAIN'. I do the best I can for this not to happen but it's not always possible for things to go on 'like normal' for them when she's too sick to go anywhere and I am tied home doing treatments 4x/day, etc.
<br />
<br />How do I help the boys when they feel like Emily's CF is taking over THEIR life too?
 

izemmom

New member
I'm glad you asked this question, Harriet! We've not had to miss too much, due to illness, but often things get worked around treatments, trips to the doctor and CF fundraising. For example, My non-cf'er never gets to have me put her to bed because CPT is being done then. And, at girl scout cookie time this year, I was hesitant to let her do too much door to door since we'll be making the rounds for CF in a few weeks. None of these are major things, but, I really don't want the older one to grow up resenting her sister or the time that CF stole from all of us.

I'll be watching this thread and Rebecca's thread about helping non-cf'ers with thier self esteem very closely!
 

izemmom

New member
I'm glad you asked this question, Harriet! We've not had to miss too much, due to illness, but often things get worked around treatments, trips to the doctor and CF fundraising. For example, My non-cf'er never gets to have me put her to bed because CPT is being done then. And, at girl scout cookie time this year, I was hesitant to let her do too much door to door since we'll be making the rounds for CF in a few weeks. None of these are major things, but, I really don't want the older one to grow up resenting her sister or the time that CF stole from all of us.

I'll be watching this thread and Rebecca's thread about helping non-cf'ers with thier self esteem very closely!
 

izemmom

New member
I'm glad you asked this question, Harriet! We've not had to miss too much, due to illness, but often things get worked around treatments, trips to the doctor and CF fundraising. For example, My non-cf'er never gets to have me put her to bed because CPT is being done then. And, at girl scout cookie time this year, I was hesitant to let her do too much door to door since we'll be making the rounds for CF in a few weeks. None of these are major things, but, I really don't want the older one to grow up resenting her sister or the time that CF stole from all of us.

I'll be watching this thread and Rebecca's thread about helping non-cf'ers with thier self esteem very closely!
 

izemmom

New member
I'm glad you asked this question, Harriet! We've not had to miss too much, due to illness, but often things get worked around treatments, trips to the doctor and CF fundraising. For example, My non-cf'er never gets to have me put her to bed because CPT is being done then. And, at girl scout cookie time this year, I was hesitant to let her do too much door to door since we'll be making the rounds for CF in a few weeks. None of these are major things, but, I really don't want the older one to grow up resenting her sister or the time that CF stole from all of us.

I'll be watching this thread and Rebecca's thread about helping non-cf'ers with thier self esteem very closely!
 

izemmom

New member
I'm glad you asked this question, Harriet! We've not had to miss too much, due to illness, but often things get worked around treatments, trips to the doctor and CF fundraising. For example, My non-cf'er never gets to have me put her to bed because CPT is being done then. And, at girl scout cookie time this year, I was hesitant to let her do too much door to door since we'll be making the rounds for CF in a few weeks. None of these are major things, but, I really don't want the older one to grow up resenting her sister or the time that CF stole from all of us.
<br />
<br />I'll be watching this thread and Rebecca's thread about helping non-cf'ers with thier self esteem very closely!
 
M

Mommafirst

Guest
I think this is a great question.

I'm dealing with some sibling things as well. My oldest is more like me in his body type and he LOVES to eat and sits in the 85% for BMI. He doesn't have CF. Alyssa (and my other non-CF son) both need to gain weight. Alyssa gets pretty much whatever she will eat....ice cream for breakfast? OKay. Shakes made especially for her. Yup. And then my oldest wants it all too and he just can't. His body can't have the extra calories that Alyssa needs to survive. So I have to say yes to her and no to him and it SUCKS. He tells me constantly how unfair it is.

I've tried explaining to him that food is a medicine for Alyssa.

I've tried explaining that his non-CF body doesn't need the quantity of food, nor the fat content, that Alyssa needs.

I've tried explaining that life is not usually fair.

But the bottomline is he becomess envious of her. He wants her ice cream, he wants to be able to eat whatever he wants and plenty of it. I get it. I'd like to be able to eat ice cream every night and not have anyone tell me no or for it to grow on my hips like it does. But I'd never wish FOR CF just for that small benefit. But I'm an adult and I understand, and even though he gets it, it doesn't stop his feelings of envy and unfairness.

Soooo....any advice is always welcome on this. We can't be alone.
 
M

Mommafirst

Guest
I think this is a great question.

I'm dealing with some sibling things as well. My oldest is more like me in his body type and he LOVES to eat and sits in the 85% for BMI. He doesn't have CF. Alyssa (and my other non-CF son) both need to gain weight. Alyssa gets pretty much whatever she will eat....ice cream for breakfast? OKay. Shakes made especially for her. Yup. And then my oldest wants it all too and he just can't. His body can't have the extra calories that Alyssa needs to survive. So I have to say yes to her and no to him and it SUCKS. He tells me constantly how unfair it is.

I've tried explaining to him that food is a medicine for Alyssa.

I've tried explaining that his non-CF body doesn't need the quantity of food, nor the fat content, that Alyssa needs.

I've tried explaining that life is not usually fair.

But the bottomline is he becomess envious of her. He wants her ice cream, he wants to be able to eat whatever he wants and plenty of it. I get it. I'd like to be able to eat ice cream every night and not have anyone tell me no or for it to grow on my hips like it does. But I'd never wish FOR CF just for that small benefit. But I'm an adult and I understand, and even though he gets it, it doesn't stop his feelings of envy and unfairness.

Soooo....any advice is always welcome on this. We can't be alone.
 
M

Mommafirst

Guest
I think this is a great question.

I'm dealing with some sibling things as well. My oldest is more like me in his body type and he LOVES to eat and sits in the 85% for BMI. He doesn't have CF. Alyssa (and my other non-CF son) both need to gain weight. Alyssa gets pretty much whatever she will eat....ice cream for breakfast? OKay. Shakes made especially for her. Yup. And then my oldest wants it all too and he just can't. His body can't have the extra calories that Alyssa needs to survive. So I have to say yes to her and no to him and it SUCKS. He tells me constantly how unfair it is.

I've tried explaining to him that food is a medicine for Alyssa.

I've tried explaining that his non-CF body doesn't need the quantity of food, nor the fat content, that Alyssa needs.

I've tried explaining that life is not usually fair.

But the bottomline is he becomess envious of her. He wants her ice cream, he wants to be able to eat whatever he wants and plenty of it. I get it. I'd like to be able to eat ice cream every night and not have anyone tell me no or for it to grow on my hips like it does. But I'd never wish FOR CF just for that small benefit. But I'm an adult and I understand, and even though he gets it, it doesn't stop his feelings of envy and unfairness.

Soooo....any advice is always welcome on this. We can't be alone.
 
M

Mommafirst

Guest
I think this is a great question.

I'm dealing with some sibling things as well. My oldest is more like me in his body type and he LOVES to eat and sits in the 85% for BMI. He doesn't have CF. Alyssa (and my other non-CF son) both need to gain weight. Alyssa gets pretty much whatever she will eat....ice cream for breakfast? OKay. Shakes made especially for her. Yup. And then my oldest wants it all too and he just can't. His body can't have the extra calories that Alyssa needs to survive. So I have to say yes to her and no to him and it SUCKS. He tells me constantly how unfair it is.

I've tried explaining to him that food is a medicine for Alyssa.

I've tried explaining that his non-CF body doesn't need the quantity of food, nor the fat content, that Alyssa needs.

I've tried explaining that life is not usually fair.

But the bottomline is he becomess envious of her. He wants her ice cream, he wants to be able to eat whatever he wants and plenty of it. I get it. I'd like to be able to eat ice cream every night and not have anyone tell me no or for it to grow on my hips like it does. But I'd never wish FOR CF just for that small benefit. But I'm an adult and I understand, and even though he gets it, it doesn't stop his feelings of envy and unfairness.

Soooo....any advice is always welcome on this. We can't be alone.
 
M

Mommafirst

Guest
I think this is a great question.
<br />
<br />I'm dealing with some sibling things as well. My oldest is more like me in his body type and he LOVES to eat and sits in the 85% for BMI. He doesn't have CF. Alyssa (and my other non-CF son) both need to gain weight. Alyssa gets pretty much whatever she will eat....ice cream for breakfast? OKay. Shakes made especially for her. Yup. And then my oldest wants it all too and he just can't. His body can't have the extra calories that Alyssa needs to survive. So I have to say yes to her and no to him and it SUCKS. He tells me constantly how unfair it is.
<br />
<br />I've tried explaining to him that food is a medicine for Alyssa.
<br />
<br />I've tried explaining that his non-CF body doesn't need the quantity of food, nor the fat content, that Alyssa needs.
<br />
<br />I've tried explaining that life is not usually fair.
<br />
<br />But the bottomline is he becomess envious of her. He wants her ice cream, he wants to be able to eat whatever he wants and plenty of it. I get it. I'd like to be able to eat ice cream every night and not have anyone tell me no or for it to grow on my hips like it does. But I'd never wish FOR CF just for that small benefit. But I'm an adult and I understand, and even though he gets it, it doesn't stop his feelings of envy and unfairness.
<br />
<br />Soooo....any advice is always welcome on this. We can't be alone.
 

hmw

New member
Yeah- the doctor's appts get in the way of a lot too, sometimes as much as the illness. The kids don't understand that we have to 'take what we get' when it comes to these appts sometimes, rescheduling is simply not an option given how booked up these drs are- so sometimes things we'd much rather do get missed...

I don't want resentment either... and the stress this adds to the family when things can already be overwhelming is difficult.

eta> oh my goodness, I get the food thing too!!! Feeding kids with CF has got to be so much easier when they are only children or when all sibs have it... because trying to come up with two sets of snacks/meals without there being all out warfare is very hard sometimes. The boys notice if she has extra whipped cream, an extra .000001 ounce of icecream, nevermind an extra scoop...! Even stuff like cheese and 'healthy' high-fat food- if you are trying to teach your children healthful ways to eat, they can't go nuts on it like our children with cf that have trouble gaining enough weight. (OK, that little vent felt good. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> )

I teach the 'why' part, etc... but they are kids. Of course they are going to want what she gets and want what tastes 'better'.
 

hmw

New member
Yeah- the doctor's appts get in the way of a lot too, sometimes as much as the illness. The kids don't understand that we have to 'take what we get' when it comes to these appts sometimes, rescheduling is simply not an option given how booked up these drs are- so sometimes things we'd much rather do get missed...

I don't want resentment either... and the stress this adds to the family when things can already be overwhelming is difficult.

eta> oh my goodness, I get the food thing too!!! Feeding kids with CF has got to be so much easier when they are only children or when all sibs have it... because trying to come up with two sets of snacks/meals without there being all out warfare is very hard sometimes. The boys notice if she has extra whipped cream, an extra .000001 ounce of icecream, nevermind an extra scoop...! Even stuff like cheese and 'healthy' high-fat food- if you are trying to teach your children healthful ways to eat, they can't go nuts on it like our children with cf that have trouble gaining enough weight. (OK, that little vent felt good. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> )

I teach the 'why' part, etc... but they are kids. Of course they are going to want what she gets and want what tastes 'better'.
 

hmw

New member
Yeah- the doctor's appts get in the way of a lot too, sometimes as much as the illness. The kids don't understand that we have to 'take what we get' when it comes to these appts sometimes, rescheduling is simply not an option given how booked up these drs are- so sometimes things we'd much rather do get missed...

I don't want resentment either... and the stress this adds to the family when things can already be overwhelming is difficult.

eta> oh my goodness, I get the food thing too!!! Feeding kids with CF has got to be so much easier when they are only children or when all sibs have it... because trying to come up with two sets of snacks/meals without there being all out warfare is very hard sometimes. The boys notice if she has extra whipped cream, an extra .000001 ounce of icecream, nevermind an extra scoop...! Even stuff like cheese and 'healthy' high-fat food- if you are trying to teach your children healthful ways to eat, they can't go nuts on it like our children with cf that have trouble gaining enough weight. (OK, that little vent felt good. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> )

I teach the 'why' part, etc... but they are kids. Of course they are going to want what she gets and want what tastes 'better'.
 

hmw

New member
Yeah- the doctor's appts get in the way of a lot too, sometimes as much as the illness. The kids don't understand that we have to 'take what we get' when it comes to these appts sometimes, rescheduling is simply not an option given how booked up these drs are- so sometimes things we'd much rather do get missed...

I don't want resentment either... and the stress this adds to the family when things can already be overwhelming is difficult.

eta> oh my goodness, I get the food thing too!!! Feeding kids with CF has got to be so much easier when they are only children or when all sibs have it... because trying to come up with two sets of snacks/meals without there being all out warfare is very hard sometimes. The boys notice if she has extra whipped cream, an extra .000001 ounce of icecream, nevermind an extra scoop...! Even stuff like cheese and 'healthy' high-fat food- if you are trying to teach your children healthful ways to eat, they can't go nuts on it like our children with cf that have trouble gaining enough weight. (OK, that little vent felt good. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> )

I teach the 'why' part, etc... but they are kids. Of course they are going to want what she gets and want what tastes 'better'.
 

hmw

New member
Yeah- the doctor's appts get in the way of a lot too, sometimes as much as the illness. The kids don't understand that we have to 'take what we get' when it comes to these appts sometimes, rescheduling is simply not an option given how booked up these drs are- so sometimes things we'd much rather do get missed...
<br />
<br />I don't want resentment either... and the stress this adds to the family when things can already be overwhelming is difficult.
<br />
<br />eta> oh my goodness, I get the food thing too!!! Feeding kids with CF has got to be so much easier when they are only children or when all sibs have it... because trying to come up with two sets of snacks/meals without there being all out warfare is very hard sometimes. The boys notice if she has extra whipped cream, an extra .000001 ounce of icecream, nevermind an extra scoop...! Even stuff like cheese and 'healthy' high-fat food- if you are trying to teach your children healthful ways to eat, they can't go nuts on it like our children with cf that have trouble gaining enough weight. (OK, that little vent felt good. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> )
<br />
<br />I teach the 'why' part, etc... but they are kids. Of course they are going to want what she gets and want what tastes 'better'.
 
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