Significant Others

[sue35]

Hi all,
My boyfriend and I were talking tonight and he said something that really hurt and i wondered it anyone else ever got this from their spouses or sig. others.

I asked him (as a joke as we were watching Dancing with the Stars) if he ever wished I was more active. He immediately said yes and that there were a lot of things that he wished I could do with him but couldn't.

This hurt me so much and I immediately had to try not to cry. It meant that CF really did get in the way so much that he wishes I was different.

Has you significant other ever told you he/she wished you could do things with them that were more active?

I just don't know what to do and if I should be as hurt as I am.

 

[sue35]

Hi all,
My boyfriend and I were talking tonight and he said something that really hurt and i wondered it anyone else ever got this from their spouses or sig. others.

I asked him (as a joke as we were watching Dancing with the Stars) if he ever wished I was more active. He immediately said yes and that there were a lot of things that he wished I could do with him but couldn't.

This hurt me so much and I immediately had to try not to cry. It meant that CF really did get in the way so much that he wishes I was different.

Has you significant other ever told you he/she wished you could do things with them that were more active?

I just don't know what to do and if I should be as hurt as I am.

 

[sue35]

Hi all,
My boyfriend and I were talking tonight and he said something that really hurt and i wondered it anyone else ever got this from their spouses or sig. others.

I asked him (as a joke as we were watching Dancing with the Stars) if he ever wished I was more active. He immediately said yes and that there were a lot of things that he wished I could do with him but couldn't.

This hurt me so much and I immediately had to try not to cry. It meant that CF really did get in the way so much that he wishes I was different.

Has you significant other ever told you he/she wished you could do things with them that were more active?

I just don't know what to do and if I should be as hurt as I am.

 

[coltsfan715]

I totally understand why that would hurt your feelings. That would crush me if Kurt ever said that to me.

I always fear that I am not able to do enough with him - or that I bore him cause I can't go out and stay out til all hours like I used too. I actually broke down in tears the other night ... maybe a week ago because I felt like I was disappointing him in our relationship because I wasn't able to do some things.

His reply was that there isn't anything that he has ever wanted to do with me that I haven't been able to do. When I am sick I have a hard time and I can't do everything I usually do, but when I am healthy I am normally okay.

The only thing he has ever said he wishes he could change or the only thing he would change if given the chance is the fact that I have CF and that I have to deal with all of the issues that come with CF.

I will say that maybe your boyfriend meant his comments in a way similar to my last few sentences. Not that he wishes you were more active so much - but that he wishes you COULD be more active - that CF wasn't effecting you so much or whatever. It is something that really never comes out the way you plan it - but I doubt he was meaning to hurt your feelings. I take what he said as a wrongly worded attempt at saying that he wishes you didn't have CF or weren't as sick from CF - NOT you are not active enough for me or whatever. Basically I don't think he was trying to blame you or make you feel badly about it.

I hope you start feeling better and if you are really hurt by what he said say something about it. It may seem silly to mention, but from experience just get it off your chest before it eats at you mentally.

Take Care,
Lindsey

 

[coltsfan715]

I totally understand why that would hurt your feelings. That would crush me if Kurt ever said that to me.

I always fear that I am not able to do enough with him - or that I bore him cause I can't go out and stay out til all hours like I used too. I actually broke down in tears the other night ... maybe a week ago because I felt like I was disappointing him in our relationship because I wasn't able to do some things.

His reply was that there isn't anything that he has ever wanted to do with me that I haven't been able to do. When I am sick I have a hard time and I can't do everything I usually do, but when I am healthy I am normally okay.

The only thing he has ever said he wishes he could change or the only thing he would change if given the chance is the fact that I have CF and that I have to deal with all of the issues that come with CF.

I will say that maybe your boyfriend meant his comments in a way similar to my last few sentences. Not that he wishes you were more active so much - but that he wishes you COULD be more active - that CF wasn't effecting you so much or whatever. It is something that really never comes out the way you plan it - but I doubt he was meaning to hurt your feelings. I take what he said as a wrongly worded attempt at saying that he wishes you didn't have CF or weren't as sick from CF - NOT you are not active enough for me or whatever. Basically I don't think he was trying to blame you or make you feel badly about it.

I hope you start feeling better and if you are really hurt by what he said say something about it. It may seem silly to mention, but from experience just get it off your chest before it eats at you mentally.

Take Care,
Lindsey

 

[coltsfan715]

I totally understand why that would hurt your feelings. That would crush me if Kurt ever said that to me.

I always fear that I am not able to do enough with him - or that I bore him cause I can't go out and stay out til all hours like I used too. I actually broke down in tears the other night ... maybe a week ago because I felt like I was disappointing him in our relationship because I wasn't able to do some things.

His reply was that there isn't anything that he has ever wanted to do with me that I haven't been able to do. When I am sick I have a hard time and I can't do everything I usually do, but when I am healthy I am normally okay.

The only thing he has ever said he wishes he could change or the only thing he would change if given the chance is the fact that I have CF and that I have to deal with all of the issues that come with CF.

I will say that maybe your boyfriend meant his comments in a way similar to my last few sentences. Not that he wishes you were more active so much - but that he wishes you COULD be more active - that CF wasn't effecting you so much or whatever. It is something that really never comes out the way you plan it - but I doubt he was meaning to hurt your feelings. I take what he said as a wrongly worded attempt at saying that he wishes you didn't have CF or weren't as sick from CF - NOT you are not active enough for me or whatever. Basically I don't think he was trying to blame you or make you feel badly about it.

I hope you start feeling better and if you are really hurt by what he said say something about it. It may seem silly to mention, but from experience just get it off your chest before it eats at you mentally.

Take Care,
Lindsey

 

[NoExcuses]

Your feelings are hurt cuz your boyfriend wish u were more active? I'm trying to make sure I'm understanding this correctly.

Is he supposed to not wish u weren't feeling well and u weren't more active?

My boyfriend is a foreigner.... ya I wish he was an American citizen so he would have an easier time working. That would make our life together easier and less stressful. And he wouldn't get cavity searched everytime he flew into the States from Europe. Is he supposed to cry about that too?

I think you're overreacting just a tad....

 

[NoExcuses]

Your feelings are hurt cuz your boyfriend wish u were more active? I'm trying to make sure I'm understanding this correctly.

Is he supposed to not wish u weren't feeling well and u weren't more active?

My boyfriend is a foreigner.... ya I wish he was an American citizen so he would have an easier time working. That would make our life together easier and less stressful. And he wouldn't get cavity searched everytime he flew into the States from Europe. Is he supposed to cry about that too?

I think you're overreacting just a tad....

 

[NoExcuses]

Your feelings are hurt cuz your boyfriend wish u were more active? I'm trying to make sure I'm understanding this correctly.

Is he supposed to not wish u weren't feeling well and u weren't more active?

My boyfriend is a foreigner.... ya I wish he was an American citizen so he would have an easier time working. That would make our life together easier and less stressful. And he wouldn't get cavity searched everytime he flew into the States from Europe. Is he supposed to cry about that too?

I think you're overreacting just a tad....

 

[donnadee]

Sue,<br>
<br>
I can understand why that would hurt you.  I feel like I am
holding my boyfriend back alot b/c I am so limited with what I can
do right now.  I asked him about it a couple of weeks ago, and
it was like what Lindsey said, he is just sad that I have to deal
with all this and he can't make it better.  It helped alot to
talk to him about it, so at least I know exactly how he feels.
 The mind can play terrible tricks on you.<br>
<br>
Donna

 

[donnadee]

Sue,<br>
<br>
I can understand why that would hurt you.  I feel like I am
holding my boyfriend back alot b/c I am so limited with what I can
do right now.  I asked him about it a couple of weeks ago, and
it was like what Lindsey said, he is just sad that I have to deal
with all this and he can't make it better.  It helped alot to
talk to him about it, so at least I know exactly how he feels.
 The mind can play terrible tricks on you.<br>
<br>
Donna

 

[donnadee]

Sue,<br>
<br>
I can understand why that would hurt you.  I feel like I am
holding my boyfriend back alot b/c I am so limited with what I can
do right now.  I asked him about it a couple of weeks ago, and
it was like what Lindsey said, he is just sad that I have to deal
with all this and he can't make it better.  It helped alot to
talk to him about it, so at least I know exactly how he feels.
 The mind can play terrible tricks on you.<br>
<br>
Donna

 

[sue35]

Unfortunately he didn't mean it in the nice way where he just wishes I didn't have to deal with all this. he meant it in the same way that someone would say, "I wish you had a smaller butt" or something like that. I know because I asked him that.

I admit that maybe i overreacted by getting so hurt and crying but I now know that I will never post any feelings I have on this website. Amy, I wrote that i was upset and for no reason whatsoever you decided to hit me when i was down. There are a million ways you could have said what you thought in a nice manner but you chose not too.

What if you boyfriend was so upset that he could not be a US citizen and did cry about it? I feel sorry that he would apparently have such a unsympathetic girlfriend that he could not go to with his problems.

It was a big deal to me and although small in the scheme of things I don't think that I deserved an email, making fun of me and the fact that I was crying.

I am done with any feelings on this site.

Thank you Lindsey and Diane. I am sorry if I sounded petty or overreactive in anyway.

 

[sue35]

Unfortunately he didn't mean it in the nice way where he just wishes I didn't have to deal with all this. he meant it in the same way that someone would say, "I wish you had a smaller butt" or something like that. I know because I asked him that.

I admit that maybe i overreacted by getting so hurt and crying but I now know that I will never post any feelings I have on this website. Amy, I wrote that i was upset and for no reason whatsoever you decided to hit me when i was down. There are a million ways you could have said what you thought in a nice manner but you chose not too.

What if you boyfriend was so upset that he could not be a US citizen and did cry about it? I feel sorry that he would apparently have such a unsympathetic girlfriend that he could not go to with his problems.

It was a big deal to me and although small in the scheme of things I don't think that I deserved an email, making fun of me and the fact that I was crying.

I am done with any feelings on this site.

Thank you Lindsey and Diane. I am sorry if I sounded petty or overreactive in anyway.

 

[sue35]

Unfortunately he didn't mean it in the nice way where he just wishes I didn't have to deal with all this. he meant it in the same way that someone would say, "I wish you had a smaller butt" or something like that. I know because I asked him that.

I admit that maybe i overreacted by getting so hurt and crying but I now know that I will never post any feelings I have on this website. Amy, I wrote that i was upset and for no reason whatsoever you decided to hit me when i was down. There are a million ways you could have said what you thought in a nice manner but you chose not too.

What if you boyfriend was so upset that he could not be a US citizen and did cry about it? I feel sorry that he would apparently have such a unsympathetic girlfriend that he could not go to with his problems.

It was a big deal to me and although small in the scheme of things I don't think that I deserved an email, making fun of me and the fact that I was crying.

I am done with any feelings on this site.

Thank you Lindsey and Diane. I am sorry if I sounded petty or overreactive in anyway.

 

[catboogie]

ouch. yeah, i can definitly see why you would be hurt by that.

but at the same time i think there are two ways to take what he said about wishing you were more active. for example, if you needed a wheelchair to get around and you asked a friend "do you ever wish i didn't need this wheelchair to get around?" they might quickly say "yes"--as in they wish you didn't have to have the wheelchair; but this does not mean that they like you (love you) any less because you need it or that they would love you more if you didn't need it. more than likely your boyfriend, like all of our loved ones, cares very much for you and just wishes your life was easier for you.

the other possibility is that this is something that really bothers him and he feels a gap in your relationship with you not being able to share in some of his experiences and maybe it took you saying that for him to realize it, or maybe he's been thinking it but didn't have a chance to bring it up until then. if it really is a problem for him, find things you can do to spend quality time together that both of you can enjoy.

i seriously doubt he lays awake at night thinking "hmm...what would i be doing with sue if she could do more with me?" now, granted we are talking about a guy here, so depending on his emotional maturity, you may trust more or less whether he has sat around and thought about this stuff--more than likely he just blurted it out w/out thinking.

if you let the moments like these pass without telling him that what was said hurt you and why, you are missing a great opportunity. you really can't expect guys to just pick up on the ways we take things they say...he cannot read your mind. that also would be a good jumping off point for an explanation from him on how he meant what he said.

sorry, didn't mean to lecture here. your original question: no, i don't recall ever being told this by a bf.

my advice: instead of sitting around feeling hurt, use this as an opportunity to help you two grow closer. i know, easier said than done. best of luck!

 

[catboogie]

ouch. yeah, i can definitly see why you would be hurt by that.

but at the same time i think there are two ways to take what he said about wishing you were more active. for example, if you needed a wheelchair to get around and you asked a friend "do you ever wish i didn't need this wheelchair to get around?" they might quickly say "yes"--as in they wish you didn't have to have the wheelchair; but this does not mean that they like you (love you) any less because you need it or that they would love you more if you didn't need it. more than likely your boyfriend, like all of our loved ones, cares very much for you and just wishes your life was easier for you.

the other possibility is that this is something that really bothers him and he feels a gap in your relationship with you not being able to share in some of his experiences and maybe it took you saying that for him to realize it, or maybe he's been thinking it but didn't have a chance to bring it up until then. if it really is a problem for him, find things you can do to spend quality time together that both of you can enjoy.

i seriously doubt he lays awake at night thinking "hmm...what would i be doing with sue if she could do more with me?" now, granted we are talking about a guy here, so depending on his emotional maturity, you may trust more or less whether he has sat around and thought about this stuff--more than likely he just blurted it out w/out thinking.

if you let the moments like these pass without telling him that what was said hurt you and why, you are missing a great opportunity. you really can't expect guys to just pick up on the ways we take things they say...he cannot read your mind. that also would be a good jumping off point for an explanation from him on how he meant what he said.

sorry, didn't mean to lecture here. your original question: no, i don't recall ever being told this by a bf.

my advice: instead of sitting around feeling hurt, use this as an opportunity to help you two grow closer. i know, easier said than done. best of luck!

 

[catboogie]

ouch. yeah, i can definitly see why you would be hurt by that.

but at the same time i think there are two ways to take what he said about wishing you were more active. for example, if you needed a wheelchair to get around and you asked a friend "do you ever wish i didn't need this wheelchair to get around?" they might quickly say "yes"--as in they wish you didn't have to have the wheelchair; but this does not mean that they like you (love you) any less because you need it or that they would love you more if you didn't need it. more than likely your boyfriend, like all of our loved ones, cares very much for you and just wishes your life was easier for you.

the other possibility is that this is something that really bothers him and he feels a gap in your relationship with you not being able to share in some of his experiences and maybe it took you saying that for him to realize it, or maybe he's been thinking it but didn't have a chance to bring it up until then. if it really is a problem for him, find things you can do to spend quality time together that both of you can enjoy.

i seriously doubt he lays awake at night thinking "hmm...what would i be doing with sue if she could do more with me?" now, granted we are talking about a guy here, so depending on his emotional maturity, you may trust more or less whether he has sat around and thought about this stuff--more than likely he just blurted it out w/out thinking.

if you let the moments like these pass without telling him that what was said hurt you and why, you are missing a great opportunity. you really can't expect guys to just pick up on the ways we take things they say...he cannot read your mind. that also would be a good jumping off point for an explanation from him on how he meant what he said.

sorry, didn't mean to lecture here. your original question: no, i don't recall ever being told this by a bf.

my advice: instead of sitting around feeling hurt, use this as an opportunity to help you two grow closer. i know, easier said than done. best of luck!

 

[NoExcuses]

Another example of people who post and only want people to agree with them.

You asked if you should "be as hurt as I am."

If you didn't want your question answered, then I suggest not asking. If you want only responses that agree with you, I suggest that you specify that.

My point about my boyfriend is that he has a situation that he can't change. That doesn't mean that I can't wish his life was easier. Or more enjoyable. Which I think it would be if he was a citizen. From your 1st point, I got the feeling that your boyfriend simply wished u were healthier and therefore more active.

 

[NoExcuses]

Another example of people who post and only want people to agree with them.

You asked if you should "be as hurt as I am."

If you didn't want your question answered, then I suggest not asking. If you want only responses that agree with you, I suggest that you specify that.

My point about my boyfriend is that he has a situation that he can't change. That doesn't mean that I can't wish his life was easier. Or more enjoyable. Which I think it would be if he was a citizen. From your 1st point, I got the feeling that your boyfriend simply wished u were healthier and therefore more active.