The "First" Holiday

[anonymous]

I just wanted to wish all of you who have lost some one significant in your lives a blessing this holiday season. I know this may be the "First" holiday without some one you loved dearly. My heart goes out to all of you and even though you will never know me, please know that I am praying for you as though you were my best friend.
This disease can be very hard at times and will challenge our souls endlessly, just have hope. Never give up on that.
Please don't criticize this for not being under the "Religious" category and let it be what it is.
I just got out of the hospital on 12-23, I had a heart rate of 144, high blood pressure, bleeding in my right lung, pneumonia in my left, I had to go thru the ER and I had to spend several days in the hospital waiting to find out "What" was in my left lung (they thought it was a blood clot at first). Luckily it's not. I saw many people in the hospital who will not be out of the Holidays and my heart goes out to them too.
Blessings to all this Holiday season!
Kelli
28 year old, female with CF

 

[Faust]

Oddly enough (and not so much so, becuase it was part of your post), when I think of the "first holiday", I think of it as the end of life. Regardless what religion you abide by, and what philosophy you have exposed yourself to, there will be something past death, even if it's just "death". Someone once asked me, they asked "So you think that when you die it MIGHT be the end of life?". Then they asked "Doesn't that bother you?". I said "Do you personally remember before you were born?", of course he said "No". I then asked "So if death is the opposite of life, and when I die, it is generally the end of life, and my conciousness totally fails to exist anymore, how/why could I feel/think anything?" I don't remember what I knew before I was conceived/born, so how/why should I know anything when life is done? To be fair, if the christian faith exists after death, then they were right, and others were wrong, and they were the "chosen". Now ask yourself this, "Can there be only ONE (right) god/path in life?" To me it sounds silly. In general, live your life in a positive manner. Help those who can be helped and SHOULD be helped. Give to those who are in need. Embrace different feelings about life and your environment. Realize we are ALL on this same rock of mud, all trying to find ourselves. Don't condemn those for being different than you. Even though you will run into a TON of REALLY stupid people, realize we all have our place on this rock.


Talk to your parents. Talk to your children. Talk to your friends. Talk to your mates. Talk to people you haven't talked to in a long time. Realize we are all the same (even though some of us are pretty damn dumb)...Overall, realize they are YOUR heartbeats on this earth, do with them as thou wilt!

 

[anonymous]

Hi Keli
This will be my first Christmas without my beloved Matt and I can't begin to tell you how difficult it is. Christmas was always Matt's favourite time of the year and even though he was 27, Matt was like Peter Pan and the "kid" in him never left. My heart is completely broken and friends and family seem to be more concerned about me, but I am quite worried about Matt's 24 year old brother. He has remained strong throughout all of this turmoil this year, I know this was for my sake, and only just since the Christmas season begun have I noticed a significant change in him, of course I know this is all due to his brother not being here. He has been going out buying presents that he knows Matt would have liked, doesn't want to go out anywhere or do much of anything. I am going to try to talk him into going to a support group although I don't think he will but I can try.

Sandy

 

[Allie]

This is my first Hanukkah without my Ry, and I echo what Sandy said in that it's the most difficult thing I've ever experienced. I really don't care about celebrating, or anything. The only reason I do it at all is for my little girl. I've noticed a change in me and his whole family as well. And like you, his little brother seems to be taking it hardest. They were 13 years apart, so Ry was more like a cool adult confidante then a brother.

I'll just be trying to get through this season without losing my mind, though I'm already close lol. The world is in pairs this time of year, and even my salt and pepper shakers mock me with their coupledom. Shalom, my love, I will miss you forever.

 

[anonymous]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Allie</b></i><br>The world is in pairs this time of year, and even my salt and pepper shakers mock me with their coupledom. Shalom, my love, I will miss you forever.<hr></blockquote>

How beautifully put, Allie. And touching, and sad.

Here's rooting for you and your little girl. Happy Hanukkah.

Q

 

[65rosessamurai]

Last Christmas, was actually, my "first" Christmas in Japan without my "first" wife, we finalized our divorce at the end of November.

Fortunately, because I never had any "good" memories of past Christmas' (They all ended up on weekdays, where I had to work, anyway!) times, there was no real heartbreak from that.
This year was my "First" Christmas with my new wife, and it was a little more of an enjoyable day, despite minor problems.
Though, I wish that sometimes, my parents would give me a call once in a while!

For SeanDavis, who describes his "first holiday" with death, can't be referring to Christmas, which is supposed to be the "new birth" and not "end of life". If it's in response to Kelli, the first one who posted, well, depending on the religion, she may be challenged with cf again, but no one knows that, and further expansion on the subject would be best done in the "religion" section.

And, Allie has a point, Christmas is not just about family, but couples, too. Many years, I wished for a girlfriend around Christmas, someone to share the joy with, but that was a wish God seemed to want me to wait paitently for. But those who had their love, and lost them through the year, do have a much tougher time to get through, and the only thing besides inner strength to get them through would be support from surrounding friends and family.

 

[cfgirl38]

I do hope your all feeling a bit better today. I know how hard it is to think about having fun when you feel so bad. I know for me I have a hard time because I lost my step dad (whom is the only dad I knew) he loved the holidays. After he passed none of my family wants to get together. It's been 4yrs. It's awful to think this is his favorite time and some of our familywant to spend it alone. I ussually spend it with my boyfriends family but its not the same. So try really hard not to push people away at this difficult time. Theri there for you, they may not know what to say but just to know that they are supporting you is a gift in itself. Your loved ones that are gone would want you to honor them with you enjoying the holiday for them. I try to. Although my family pushing away makes it hard but not impossible. I bought ormanents with the names of the ones weve lost in the family and it helps me to get them out each year. There little snowmen. So they all celebrate in spirit. Just my 2 cents. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">