I completely understand what you are saying. Whe you are in need of something, sometimes that really is all that you can think about. I got to the point where I couldn't really get out of the house and doing anything and I had a lot of time to think. I would think about the transplants and am I going to get them in time. I would think about what is going to happen to my son if I don't get the transplants. I mean yeah, he has his Daddy, but would he be okay because he's spent 24/7 with me for a year (except for while I was in the hospital). I knew that if I didn't get the transplants that I would not make it much longer and if that were the case, my son would definitely not remember me because he was under a year old. It was very scary!!
So what did I do?? Well, my Mom moved in with me to help me out with my son and help me do some other things. With her assistance, I was able to go a couple of places during the day and that kept me a little occupied. I also like to read and do crossword puzzles and stuff like that. I now have a nintendo DS and boy do I wish I had that while I was waiting for the transplants because I would have kept occupide with that. Anyway, I don't know how sick you are right now, but if you are still able to get out of the house, do that. Go for a walk, go to a friends' house, go to the movies, anything to keep the transplant from consuming your thoughts.
I was told in November 2004 that I needed the transplants and started a journal of things that were going on around me. I had my son in January 2006 and then was listed in August 2006. I was on the double lung and liver lists for 5 months when I got the transplants. It was one of the best days ever. You will get through it....just concentrate on the important thinge in your life right now and do something that you have always wanted to do that you haven't done yet. Anything.....just try to get the worrying off your mind for a little while. Good luck and hope that you are better soon!
