adoption

[anonymous]

I just wrote a message about doption. This is my second time to post, and for some reason it went under prayer request???
I will basically recap quickly:

I thought I was under the pregnancy site when I wrte this, but oh well.

I am terrified of having a baby, because I am not sure what it will do. I do know that I want to start a family!!

My husband and I have checked into both domestic and international adoption. Russia requires you to be 'healthy', and in the U.S., the moms would see my medical history. It would be at a minimum of probably 4 years before I would get a chance to get a child if I am chosen. (2 year wait--my state requires this, 1 year of paper work, and about 2 years for a child to be chosen. Should I get a note from my doc saying I am stable? Has anyone adopted from Russia--what does healthy mean to them? Has anyone been picked by a domestic mom? I would love any information on adoption. The companies won't tell me much.

We also thought about surrogacy, but it is soooo expensive( >60k to go through a company) My insurance will cover none of it <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">

If anybody has any info. that would be great! And, if anybody could tell me how to post this in the pregnancy section, and not under the 'need a prayer' section that would be wonderful<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">
This same message is there, so I will save you the time of reading it twice--sorry

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Scarlett81]

Hey hon,

I'm going through the same thing right now. And the BEST advice I can give you is make an appointment with your CF doc just to talk about family options. We just had 1 Monday. I had the same fears of adoption, cost, health issues, ect.. To the point where my brain was spinning. And I have even greater fears about pregnancy.
But, if all you focus on is the fears, this won't be a pleasant experience for you. You really need to talk to a professional who knows their stuff. There's a lot of heresay everywhere about adoption. Yeah there's alot of bad stories, like anything, but there's ALOT of good ones too.
As far as Russia, I know it can take a long time (6 mos-2yr) but, the health requirements are usually only a letter from your doctor to the Russian goverment. And, provided you are fairly healthy, and your spouse is, your doctor should write that letter. I know my doctor told me that she would be fine writing my letter and saying that I am fully capable, and healthy enough. I average about 1 exacerbation a yr, just to give you an idea of my health level. Honestly, she told me that's there's rarely a problem with the health thing, except for just a few countries, and the US sometimes. We specifically asked about Russia.
There are also special agencies that offer low percentage adoption loans, I assume that would go for surogacy maybe even. I think my hubby and I will have to do that.
Really, I urge you to check with your CF center, just to talk, not to do anything. We went, and found out we have a social worker with tons of experience in them, several lawyers on staff for adoptions, and they'd even help us with our paperwork. So you don't know what's availalble for you out there.
It sounds like you're not sure of what you guys want-if you don't mind me saying. I mean, I can relate b/c I'm not sure either. But, all I know is I want a child. And the easiest, safest route to that will be the one I take. I don't care how I get my child, I just want the end result. So maybe focus on the end result of a child. When that feeling kicks in, you'll go through hell and high water to get to it.

Listen-I can't stress this enough-take what you hear on some adoption sites online, or in articles, or from your neighbor down the street with a grain of salt. There are successsful, baby adoptions happening all the time! My aunt just got a 9 month old baby from Russia! A beautiful blonde little thing named Ekaterina. My aunt has kidney disease. So there you go!

 

[anonymous]

Thank you so much. We definitely want a child, and I don't care what we have to do to get one--except what is best for me. My husband has been tested, and is not a carrier--so that is why we were considering surrogacy. To try have a baby that is 'ours'. But, I don't really care about that, and niether does my husband. I think I have pretty much ruled out carrying a baby on my own. My health is pretty stable--pft's are mid 60's and have been for about 8 years, but since I don't know what will happen, I am not sure I want to risk it.

Thanks for the info. about Russia! I will get my doc. to write a letter, and then contact an agency this week. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

Thanks for your help. I don't know anyone with cf, or have anyone to talk to, so I guess I just needed a little encouragement.

 

[Scarlett81]

Do you have a social worker at your CF center? They are like a vast storehouse of knowledge about stuff like this.

 

[HollyCatheryn]

As far as adoption, numerous adults with CF have been successful. Paul Feld who volunteers with and writes for the CF Roundtable adopted his daughter. Beth Sufian (a disability lawyer in Houston who has CF) adopted her daughter from China. I know a guy at my clinic who's daughter is adopted from Russia. Katherine Lassiter Shores (who was the oldest living CF patient when she died last November) adopted a daughter.

Just start looking. Paul Feld wrote an article about being public/private about CF and he said that his declaring his CF made it harder, but it didn't stop the adoption going through. I'm sure that the state of your health and the kind of support system you have in place to help care for you and your adopted child in case of flare-up will be an important thing to talk about.

One thing to remember is that there are MANY countries with children up for adoption to the US. If Russia or China is too strict, check on Guatemala or Romania or Liberia. The costs vary widely from country to country as well as their specifics about timing, age requirements, and various other things. Many areas are starting adoption support groups that are for people interested in adoption as well as those in the process and with their children already in their home. That would be a good place to start. You can find helpful local organizations and perhaps connect with parents with similar concerns and find out where to look for what.

As for biologial children. There are just as much misconception and misinformation out that as about adoption. Start by checking out <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.geocities.com/MurrensNatureMama">www.geocities.com/MurrensNatureMama</a>. I've compiled hundreds of resources about fertility, pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding for adults with CF. The evidence is overwhelmingly positive for most scenarios. I personally had a wonderful experience being pregnant with my daughter and have had better and more stable health since becoming pregnant with her.

Hang in there. There is MUCH hope for becoming a parent!

 

[Scarlett81]

Just a ditto-

I found HollyCatheryn's site very interesting, and knowlegable. You should definately check it out, even if just for the information. There's alot of misconceptions about adoption too out there, and I think childrasing in general- when you're a parent with cf.

Again-I also suggest thorough discussion with your CF center. That helped us tremendously. Just to get the facts, and also b/c pregnancy especially can be different with each patient. It helped us to go and listen to our doctor's specific suggestion for us. Of course, they can't tell you what to do, but they can give their best possible advice.

I feel like after visiting my center, we had alot of questions answered, and we see our path a little clearer.

How's everything with your situation? Any updates?<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

Thanks for the info! I was on the computer most of last night checking out that website and others <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

My best friend went into labor yesterday and delivered a baby boy. I am sooo happy for her! Some of my firends -well the couple there that don't know about my cf kept bugging me--'when are you going to have a baby?', 'you are the only one without kids' blah blah blah. But, they don't know about my cf, (we are not that close), and I know they mean well, so it really didn't bother me.

I had to drive out of state to go to a cf center, and my doctor left after the hurricane, so in June I will be going to another cf center in another state. I did talk to my local doctor and he said he would definitely write a letter for me. I also went and talked to the local adoption agency here. They were pretty positive. But, they said they are having a tough time with Russia right now, so they are not sending couples over there (they are not accredited by the Russian Federation). She told me that for domestic adoption there is a 2 year wait to get on the waiting list, and then a 3-4 year wait or until you are chosen by a mom. After listening to her, I went and found another agencey on the internet that has no waiting list and they are acredited by Russia.

So, I am just going to have to get over this time frame I have in my head, be patient and realize that I can still be a mom even if I am in my 30's before it happens! Am I just really impatient, or does anyone else have this 'now, now, now', attitude? <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Anyway, after that meeting my husband and I went and told the bank to take some out of our check and put it into savings every month. We also got paper work form two different agencies to fill out. And, when I go to my new center in June I will find out what they say about pregnancy (although I have been told it is not a good idea), but I am always interested in another opinion.

All in all I am pretty happy. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0"> I feel like we are doing something and not just sitting still waiting.

Keep me posted on you!

 

[HollyCatheryn]

One option I forgot about last night was domestic adoption through the foster-care system. There are lots of different kinds of children in the foster-care system and many are up for adoption. Usually you get a child in your home faster if you train and certify to foster/adopt. This means that they place a child with you as a foster-child then, when the child's parents' rights are terminated and they are eligible for adoption, first preference goes to you.

You can choose what kinds of things you are open to. The social worker will go over a big long list and you basically check off the things that you would be ok with. Not only that, you can train and certify to foster/adopt children of various needs levels. There are I think four care-level categories. I-basically a normal child, II-a child with some issues needing some counselling and perhaps an Rx or two, III- a child with more severe problems requiring specialized training to care for them, IV- a child requiring professional care, most likely in an institutional setting.

I have some friends that have now adopted 9 children through the foster system in Houston. Most of their kids came to them with numerous problems, but they have found that with basic, loving, attentive care they have been able to come off their meds, out of special-ed classes and into main-stream, and have been able to slowly wean from therapy sessions. So, some kids are just normal kids with no decent parents to care for them and other kids look worse off initially than they will be in time.

Usually there is no fee for adopting from CPS (Child Protective Services) and the child usually will come to you with Medicaid coverage or some sort of state health care to cover any needs (dental, Rx, doctor, glasses). Some even are eligible for an automatic college fund provided by the state. Many lawyers will finalize CPS adoptions for $100 or less. So that would be your total legal fee.

That is a really good option if you're looking for a domestic child and don't want to wait 2 years just to get a chance to wait again. There are babies eligible for adoption. Some people don't want to adopt babies through CPS, even if they are healthy because often the parents had such problems that it scares of the adopting family. Or the child might be of mixed or minority race - some people just want a baby that will look like them. But, there are lots of other older children desperately needing and wanting homes. I've done lots of research on adoptive care and bonding and have many friends who have already completed the process. We are still in the planning phase for our adoption.

Anyway, I'm happy to share any of my resources with you. OH! There are lots of financial grants for adopting. Many are from religious organizations, some are for military families, others are for adoptive parents from certain states or for children coming from specific countries... on and on and on. But, you should check into those also.

 

[anonymous]

I'm a an adoption social worker and can share some information regarding both private and public adoptions as I have connections in both. What state do you live in? I reside in Columbus, Ohio, but we do contract with numerous other states and agencies. Let me know if you want to talk further.

I also am a mother to a 3 1/2 year old with CF and we also are in the process of deciding to adopt or have another biological child. Let me know what I can do to help.

 

[Jennifer1981]

To the above poster:

Hi, I am 24 w/CF. My health is excellent. My husband and I are trying to conceive. However, we have not ruled out international adoption from Guatemala. We live next door in Pennsylvania. What information could you offer me regarding adoption from there. My husband is Hispanic/Italian, and I am White (Non-Hispanic). We want to try naturally for about a year. Even if we conceive, we would like to have additional children through adoption. My lungs are stable. I have not had any admissions into the hospital for a little over two years. I exercise 5 days a week. Any information would be greatly appreciated!!! Would my CF be a factor? Of what I read, Guatemala is remotely gentle with visits to the country, age, and waiting time. My husband and I would not mind a child that is completely Spanish. I checked out other countries (even in South America) but many are too strict including Uruguay which is where my husband is from. Well, sorry to keep going.

Thanks,

Jennifer 24 w/CF

 

[irishgirl]

You are probably going to regret telling me you work with adoptions <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0"> J/k

I would love to talk. I am full of so many questions, and so much information from agencies and the internet....that it is just kinda swirling around in there 'till I can't figure out what is what.

What is your proffessional opinion about domestic adoption and me actually being picked? I know I would pick me. But ,I also know I am 'healthy', and I can care for a child. However, if I was a pregnant girl (woman), and I was trying to find the best parents for my child, and I was reading the couples' profiles and saw healthy couple, healthy couple, girl with cf, healthy couple.... I would not pick me. I just don't know how to convey the fact that I know I can raise a child with those two little letters attached to my name. Maybe if I changed them to zm...that doesn't sound as scary <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

I would love to go to Russia (ecept for the fact that I am terrified to fly, and I would be pumped so full of valium that I would be as useful as our luggage, --but that is for another support group <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0"> ) I live in Mississippi. The local company said they do not send people to Russia right now, b/c it is not a good situation over there with adoptions. When I left I found out that they were not accredited by Russia. I went on the internet and found some companies that do have the accredidation (sp?), and they were like 'sure we send people to Russia everyday'. So, I am not sure who to believe or what to do.

Holly Catherine-I did check with our local DHS, thanks for the advice!
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[anonymous]

In response to both e-mails. I do not have alot of knowledge regarding overseas adoptions as our agency only does domestic adoptions. We primarily work with children in the foster care system and families that have homestudies completed through private adoption agencies as well as public (meaning child welfare agencies). We match our children with families regardless of where their homestudies are completed, Ohio, Penn, etc. We travel and place kids everywhere. We just had a little girl with CF matched to a family here last month.

I started to continue to write, however, would be writing forever, it may be best to e-mail me at my office and I can answer any questions that you may each have. I can if nothing else give you some adoption agencies in your areas that we/I have worked with that can get your homestudy completed.

My e-mail address at work is: dcherold@fccs.co.franklin.oh.us

Feel free to ask away.

 

[Scarlett81]

Original poster-

Just checking in. And wanted to say you are NOT alone regarding the impatient thing!!! I want to start now! It's like I'm living and breathing 'kids'. Almost every goal I have now is either directly or indirectly related to getting ready for children. Its really getting to me. If you ever want to talk, private message me.
I can 100% percent relate to the impatient thing. I think most of us cfers do that in one way or another with our lives. It's subconcious.
Hold on!

 

[HollyCatheryn]

I wanted to add that from my own investigations, the requirements for adoption internationally or domestically through a private agency tend to be much stricter than the requirements for adopting through CPS.

Meaning a couple who is over a certain age and wouldn't be picked by a young mother flipping through profiles or by officials in China, may be picked happily for adoption through CPS.

I know of a Gramma & Gramps in my metro area who just adopted a sibling group of 5. They have their own grown biological kids and some grandkids, too. But, they really loved being parents and wanted to do it again. So, just because you are turned down because you don't mee trequirements for one country or agency, doesn't mean you are at a dead end.

Always remember how many options there really are out there. And again, I highly encourage getting connected with a local adoption ministry/support group. It is very helpful to see people who really have their adopted children at home with them. And they are a wealth of wisdom practically, emotionally and otherwise.

Remember that adoptions are much like pregnancies in that they take time, energy, some tears, ups and downs, some days of not feeling well... but they ultimately end up with FAMILY!!!

 

[Scarlett81]

HollyCatheryn-

I hope so! I have my bad days too where all I see is the obstacles. The Disability issue, the waiting, the cost, which country.....ahh!!!

But its the end that matters, yes.

 

[heath13h]

I saw your blog this evening and I am hoping you can help me out with some information. My husband and I both reside in NJ and have two boys. Ethan 4 w/o CF and LIam 2 w/ CF. My husband and I are both carriers and are looking into the adoption of a newborn with CF, though we know it might take quite some time. Can you offer me any information as to where I can look with this request. Thank you for your time. heath13h@yahoo.com

 

[Allie]

YoU want a newborn specifically with Cf? Maybe contact a social worker? Often those kids are passed up for adoption, and they might be most likely to help you. I know awhile ago, someone had a 2 year old with CF that was up for adoption.

 

[HollyCatheryn]

If you are Christians, you can look into CHASK - Christian Homes And Special Kids. CHASK has a database of parents waiting for a child with specified special needs/diagnosis and children with special needs/diagnosis who are awaiting placement or are not yet born.

 

[imported_Momto2]

health13. If you already have a child w/cf in the family, it is not necessarily a good choice to add another. They will pass germs and both childrens life expectancy can be drastically shortened.

Anonymous- I have CF and we adopted twice, once internationally, once domestically) Having done both, I would highly recommend domestic. MUCH much easier and relatively fast.

 

[Jeana]

I successfully adopted my now 7-year-old son. He was two days old when we took him home from the hospital. It was a domestic adoption, but we flew out of state to get him. At the time, my fev1 was about 75% and I averaged one exacerbation a year. Basically my doctor had one small part to write about my health being stable at the moment and for the forseeable future. The birth mother knew that I had fertility issues due to cystic fibrosis, but didn't ask any questions about what Cf is. Although it was a scary time in our lives, wondering if it would all work out and the adoption would be finalized, but the Lord truly blessed us! And about a year after our adoption, the agency came to us to see if we would adopt some newborn twins. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions about our experience. Oh yeah, we live in Alaska and adopted from Idaho.