Am I the only one that feels this way?

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Robinranae

New member
Hello,
I am a 17 year old senior with CF & CFRD. I have to admit, I AM DEPRESSED. Sometimes, I think about death. :/ It has only gotten worse over the past few weeks. My boyfriend of 7 months and I just broke up and now he has this new girl that's complete trash. Yet, sometimes he still calls/texts me and tells me how he misses me and thinks about me............. And I fall for it, then it just leads to disappointment. I love him. I want us to be together, but we both have to make changes. I don't think he wants that. I'm getting mixed signals and I don't know what to do.. I'm so stressed out with school also. I'm having a really hard time deciding on where to go, what degree(s) to get, and all that. I want to do Marine Biology, but I'm not sure if I should get my Bachelor's in Zoology/Wildlife then get my Master's in Marine Biology. I'm so lost. No one in my family will help me, no matter how many times I ask. I have no help, support, or just happiness. I'm completely alone. Then there's my health. My weight has improved a lot, but my PFT's are just going down. I'm usually 80-90% and now I'm 60%. I don't do my treatments often like I should, but my lungs have never been the problem. My weight has been. I've only been hospitalized 2 times my whole life. I just need help. Please?! I'm crying out.
 
R

Robinranae

New member
Hello,
I am a 17 year old senior with CF & CFRD. I have to admit, I AM DEPRESSED. Sometimes, I think about death. :/ It has only gotten worse over the past few weeks. My boyfriend of 7 months and I just broke up and now he has this new girl that's complete trash. Yet, sometimes he still calls/texts me and tells me how he misses me and thinks about me............. And I fall for it, then it just leads to disappointment. I love him. I want us to be together, but we both have to make changes. I don't think he wants that. I'm getting mixed signals and I don't know what to do.. I'm so stressed out with school also. I'm having a really hard time deciding on where to go, what degree(s) to get, and all that. I want to do Marine Biology, but I'm not sure if I should get my Bachelor's in Zoology/Wildlife then get my Master's in Marine Biology. I'm so lost. No one in my family will help me, no matter how many times I ask. I have no help, support, or just happiness. I'm completely alone. Then there's my health. My weight has improved a lot, but my PFT's are just going down. I'm usually 80-90% and now I'm 60%. I don't do my treatments often like I should, but my lungs have never been the problem. My weight has been. I've only been hospitalized 2 times my whole life. I just need help. Please?! I'm crying out.
 
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tesorotiffa

New member
One word: Prioritize! Sit down and think about what you REALLY want out of life. Pick a college that offers all of the things you are interested in, take some courses and talk with the departments about what would be better to get a Bachelor's degree in and a Master's in in order to be able to have the career that you want. Seek information from people who are already marine biologists and see what advice they have to offer. I went to college and planned on being a lawyer.... I'm a Chemist. It all worked out!

About this guy: Drop him. If he misses you and thinks about you and wants to be with you, then he will be with you. If he's saying all of these things but is still dating this other girl, he is just playing with you. Don't fall for it. You have enough to deal with without having some lame dude in your life leading you on. Yes, you love him. Yes you both have to make changes. HE will not make changes until he feels it is necessary. He obviously doesn't feel like it's necessary to do it. We've all been here before, and trust me when I tell you, someone MUCH better will come along. Just be patient and take care of you first.

Health: You seem to have put a lot more thought into what you want to major in than you have in your health. Here's the thing, if you let your health go to crap, it won't matter what you want to major in. Got it? Do your treatments faithfully and see if you notice an increase in PFTs. If you do, it will be more motivation. Remember that we are different. What we do today and tomorrow can easily affect a year from now. So keep your priorities in mind, and do what it takes.

There is hope girl! My FEV1 is 63%, and I work full time, work out every day, have a wonderful husband, and live a very "normal" life. I'm healthy and very happy. It hasn't always been easy, but when it starts to get hard and you start to feel lost and alone, you need to muster up the strength to dig deep down inside of yourself and force yourself to do what is best for you.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just get started. It will work itself out from there.

I don't get on this site very often, but I'm Tiffany Thomas Adkins on facebook if you ever want someone to talk to!
 
T

tesorotiffa

New member
One word: Prioritize! Sit down and think about what you REALLY want out of life. Pick a college that offers all of the things you are interested in, take some courses and talk with the departments about what would be better to get a Bachelor's degree in and a Master's in in order to be able to have the career that you want. Seek information from people who are already marine biologists and see what advice they have to offer. I went to college and planned on being a lawyer.... I'm a Chemist. It all worked out!

About this guy: Drop him. If he misses you and thinks about you and wants to be with you, then he will be with you. If he's saying all of these things but is still dating this other girl, he is just playing with you. Don't fall for it. You have enough to deal with without having some lame dude in your life leading you on. Yes, you love him. Yes you both have to make changes. HE will not make changes until he feels it is necessary. He obviously doesn't feel like it's necessary to do it. We've all been here before, and trust me when I tell you, someone MUCH better will come along. Just be patient and take care of you first.

Health: You seem to have put a lot more thought into what you want to major in than you have in your health. Here's the thing, if you let your health go to crap, it won't matter what you want to major in. Got it? Do your treatments faithfully and see if you notice an increase in PFTs. If you do, it will be more motivation. Remember that we are different. What we do today and tomorrow can easily affect a year from now. So keep your priorities in mind, and do what it takes.

There is hope girl! My FEV1 is 63%, and I work full time, work out every day, have a wonderful husband, and live a very "normal" life. I'm healthy and very happy. It hasn't always been easy, but when it starts to get hard and you start to feel lost and alone, you need to muster up the strength to dig deep down inside of yourself and force yourself to do what is best for you.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just get started. It will work itself out from there.

I don't get on this site very often, but I'm Tiffany Thomas Adkins on facebook if you ever want someone to talk to!
 
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SIcklyhatED

New member
I think nearly everyone can relate to what you're describing, CF or not. I think it's just one of those teenage years things, in that it's almost like a right-of-passage, plus Senior year can be hella stressful.

My suggestions?
-Guys/relationships in high school are lame/a waste of time in all reality because no,the odds say you will not meet your soul mate in HS. Letting go of that "I'm a girl, I need/want a boyfriend etc" mentality, however subtle, is The. Best. Feeling. Ever. Chasing that is just so exhausting...

-About college: when in doubt, if you "run out of time" by the end of the year, take 2 years of gen. eds at your community college, which will save you tons of money (do not listen to people who stigmatize community colleges: Both of my sisters, a pharmacist and a financial aid officer, did 2 years of community college, learned what they needed, saved money, didn't get caught up in stupid college crap, and are successful ADULTS.) Then you can transfer to a big, fancy, expensive university, but for the more "fun" classes. I agree with the above post, talk to people: guidance counselors and the like. Even a trusted teacher could help point you in the right direction.

On health: oh geez, am I realizing how important it is. When you do get into college, you may not be able to afford a hospital stay (financially, or time-wise). Being as on top of CF is important in the long run, truly. If I had to take a week off to go to the hospital I would literally flunk out of my college, so...

Basically, what the person above said, more or less. You can make it through. One day at a time, and remember people do this all the time. It gets better; it can just be hard to imagine that it will, or really seeing what your life will be like in 5 years. Everything right now may seem so "in the moment," so keep that in mind.

PM me if you want, no problem <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
S

SIcklyhatED

New member
I think nearly everyone can relate to what you're describing, CF or not. I think it's just one of those teenage years things, in that it's almost like a right-of-passage, plus Senior year can be hella stressful.

My suggestions?
-Guys/relationships in high school are lame/a waste of time in all reality because no,the odds say you will not meet your soul mate in HS. Letting go of that "I'm a girl, I need/want a boyfriend etc" mentality, however subtle, is The. Best. Feeling. Ever. Chasing that is just so exhausting...

-About college: when in doubt, if you "run out of time" by the end of the year, take 2 years of gen. eds at your community college, which will save you tons of money (do not listen to people who stigmatize community colleges: Both of my sisters, a pharmacist and a financial aid officer, did 2 years of community college, learned what they needed, saved money, didn't get caught up in stupid college crap, and are successful ADULTS.) Then you can transfer to a big, fancy, expensive university, but for the more "fun" classes. I agree with the above post, talk to people: guidance counselors and the like. Even a trusted teacher could help point you in the right direction.

On health: oh geez, am I realizing how important it is. When you do get into college, you may not be able to afford a hospital stay (financially, or time-wise). Being as on top of CF is important in the long run, truly. If I had to take a week off to go to the hospital I would literally flunk out of my college, so...

Basically, what the person above said, more or less. You can make it through. One day at a time, and remember people do this all the time. It gets better; it can just be hard to imagine that it will, or really seeing what your life will be like in 5 years. Everything right now may seem so "in the moment," so keep that in mind.

PM me if you want, no problem <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
A

Anomie

New member
Have you spoken with your doctors about this substantial drop in PFT's. Maybe its time for another tune-up. It also sounds like there's alot of stress in your life. Maybe an exercise plan or doing transcendental meditation could help get you back on the road to recovering some of that lung function. All your other high school problems will work themselves out in time so there's no since in stressing over them. Focus now on your health and your happiness!
 
A

Anomie

New member
Have you spoken with your doctors about this substantial drop in PFT's. Maybe its time for another tune-up. It also sounds like there's alot of stress in your life. Maybe an exercise plan or doing transcendental meditation could help get you back on the road to recovering some of that lung function. All your other high school problems will work themselves out in time so there's no since in stressing over them. Focus now on your health and your happiness!
 
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Robinranae

New member
Thank you everyone. I think I am going to talk to counselors and teachers. Hopefully I can get help from them and possibly talk to someone at a zoo or something. I am going to do my best to get my health back up. I feel like I need to go in for a tune up but my mom really doesn't want me to. :/ I'm not sure why. She just got a new job and can't take off work for 90 days. Maybe it's because she won't be able to be with me. I don't know but my last PFT increased a little bit so my Dr. didn't feel like I needed to be put in the hospital. I go back in two months, so if they aren't improved or worsened I am going to have to go in for a tune up. I need to take one day at a time and prioritize. Thank you <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
R

Robinranae

New member
Thank you everyone. I think I am going to talk to counselors and teachers. Hopefully I can get help from them and possibly talk to someone at a zoo or something. I am going to do my best to get my health back up. I feel like I need to go in for a tune up but my mom really doesn't want me to. :/ I'm not sure why. She just got a new job and can't take off work for 90 days. Maybe it's because she won't be able to be with me. I don't know but my last PFT increased a little bit so my Dr. didn't feel like I needed to be put in the hospital. I go back in two months, so if they aren't improved or worsened I am going to have to go in for a tune up. I need to take one day at a time and prioritize. Thank you <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
R

Robinranae

New member
Thank you everyone. I think I am going to talk to counselors and teachers. Hopefully I can get help from them and possibly talk to someone at a zoo or something. I am going to do my best to get my health back up. I feel like I need to go in for a tune up but my mom really doesn't want me to. :/ I'm not sure why. She just got a new job and can't take off work for 90 days. Maybe it's because she won't be able to be with me. I don't know but my last PFT increased a little bit so my Dr. didn't feel like I needed to be put in the hospital. I go back in two months, so if they aren't improved or worsened I am going to have to go in for a tune up. I need to take one day at a time and prioritize. Thank you <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
R

Robinranae

New member
Thank you everyone. I think I am going to talk to counselors and teachers. Hopefully I can get help from them and possibly talk to someone at a zoo or something. I am going to do my best to get my health back up. I feel like I need to go in for a tune up but my mom really doesn't want me to. :/ I'm not sure why. She just got a new job and can't take off work for 90 days. Maybe it's because she won't be able to be with me. I don't know but my last PFT increased a little bit so my Dr. didn't feel like I needed to be put in the hospital. I go back in two months, so if they aren't improved or worsened I am going to have to go in for a tune up. I need to take one day at a time and prioritize. Thank you <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
P

Printer

Active member
A few things, the advice that you have gotten from tesorotiffa and sicklyhated is right on the mark. Additionally, you can not begin to think about college unless yout health is as good as it can be. Do your treatments religiously and exercise everyday. About a clean out, tell your mom that if you are old enough to be getting ready for college, you are old enough to be in the hospital without her supervision, She can phone you every day.

Good luck,
Bill
 
P

Printer

Active member
A few things, the advice that you have gotten from tesorotiffa and sicklyhated is right on the mark. Additionally, you can not begin to think about college unless yout health is as good as it can be. Do your treatments religiously and exercise everyday. About a clean out, tell your mom that if you are old enough to be getting ready for college, you are old enough to be in the hospital without her supervision, She can phone you every day.

Good luck,
Bill
 
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Robinranae

New member
Yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking today and I may try a community college. That way it'll be cheaper and I can still live at home, haha
 
R

Robinranae

New member
Yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking today and I may try a community college. That way it'll be cheaper and I can still live at home, haha
 
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bananagirl

New member
I would agree with people about community college. I started out at a university for my first semester and did not like it at all. I felt very stressed to pick what I wanted to major in. They tell you you can wait to declare a major but all your classes need to work towards a major to graduate on time (and to not waste a bunch of money) but what I began finding is that many majors requir very specific general class ( only one type of math, or history etc.) I ended up transferring to a community college and I love it! It is much easier to explore differnt classes (I found that at the university I couldn't just sign up for a class because it sounded interesting, instead I had to be part of that college, which ment applying and taking a bunch of pre-recs just to try out something to see if I was interested in that major). In addition you save a ton of money, not only on the cost of getting a lot of your requirements but also on classes that end up not working toward your major, now if a class doesn't end up working i loses 200 ish Instead of 2000.

As far as thinking you are depressed it might be worth talking with a psychiatrist. I started thinking I was depressed when I was a freshman in high school but was too afraid to speak to a psychiatrist, or try taking meds. I did not end up doing this until my freshman year of college. I have been on meds for a year now and it is amazing. I finally feel like my normal self! My only regret is that I waited so long. If you think your depression is an issue I would go with your gut and meet with someone.
 
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bananagirl

New member
I would agree with people about community college. I started out at a university for my first semester and did not like it at all. I felt very stressed to pick what I wanted to major in. They tell you you can wait to declare a major but all your classes need to work towards a major to graduate on time (and to not waste a bunch of money) but what I began finding is that many majors requir very specific general class ( only one type of math, or history etc.) I ended up transferring to a community college and I love it! It is much easier to explore differnt classes (I found that at the university I couldn't just sign up for a class because it sounded interesting, instead I had to be part of that college, which ment applying and taking a bunch of pre-recs just to try out something to see if I was interested in that major). In addition you save a ton of money, not only on the cost of getting a lot of your requirements but also on classes that end up not working toward your major, now if a class doesn't end up working i loses 200 ish Instead of 2000.

As far as thinking you are depressed it might be worth talking with a psychiatrist. I started thinking I was depressed when I was a freshman in high school but was too afraid to speak to a psychiatrist, or try taking meds. I did not end up doing this until my freshman year of college. I have been on meds for a year now and it is amazing. I finally feel like my normal self! My only regret is that I waited so long. If you think your depression is an issue I would go with your gut and meet with someone.
 
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