Being Small

[lovemygirl]

Ashley is 5 and started kindergarten this past Fall. Lately she is often upset because people at school (and in general) keep commenting that she is so small. It seems to be a big issue for her at the moment. We talk about it and I explain that "size doesn't matter", "good things come in small packages", "you have a big heart" etc. but it doesn't seem to help.
Does anyone have advice on what to say to my daughter to make her feel better, or a reply she can give to others to make them understand that it hurts her feelings. She says she has asked them to stop but they don't. I've tried explaining that they are not trying to be mean and that everyone probably thinks she is just cute.

 

[Emily65Roses]

I don't necessarily have any special comments to give you. But I'm pretty short. And I'm fairly thin, too. Not sick thin, but CF thin. I'm only 5'2" If it helps, you can tell her you talk to adults that have CF (same as her, I presume?) that are also very small. And feel free to quote me, or paraphrase in a way that she may better understand. You know her better than I do.

But I love being short. I used to hate it (feel free to point that part out). But it's become "cute" like you said. My boyfriend of over two years is almost a foot taller than I am. And it makes me easy to pick up, and hold and stuff. That may not appeal to her, being that she's only 5... but I do enjoy being short. The cute factor is very helpful. I hated it for years, and I've just completely come around on it.

I don't know, I doubt I was helpful. Heh. But I tried. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0">

 

[thelizardqueen]

I think all kids go through this stage. I used to hate being short, but love it now, because it is "cute". I don't think I have any magical words to say that will stop the kids from teasing her. Kids can be like that sometimes, and then they outgrow it. Like Emily said, maybe tell her that there are lots of adults who are short too.

 

[Emily65Roses]

I might be able to find a picture of me and Mike together... you can point out that I'm a CFer like her, and look how short I am. Hahaha. Just yell if you'd like me to find and paste a picture.

<b>Edit:</b> Well I hope you didn't want one, because it turns out, I don't have any. Closest I have is prom shots of us standing next to each other, but I wore high heels, so I don't appear as short as I am. Bah.

 

[JRPandTJP]

What about a story that touches on differences? Or even a classic tale about "little guy" being the smartest, bravest, ect. There is a good version of Three Little Pigs in a book called "Can you guess my name? Traditional Tales from around the world" by Judy Sierra, where the littlest one is the smartest and builds the strongest house. Also, a Tom Thumb story may really touch her. Why not make one up with her favorite animals? We just read Charlotte's Web which is basically a story of how a littlest pig ended up being the star of the farm and made a really special friend.

Story telling can be an amazing "cure" for life's little bumps. You could even make some simple hand puppets to go with the story so she can read it with you a couple times, then act it out in her play time. You may hear her acting out her frustrations with her peers during her play time with the puppets. Sometimes this gives them an opportunity to say what they need to without the pressure of it being real...then they find a way to resolve it on their own at school or during play with friends. Plus, I know my daughter listens to me but has to find her own way to resolve it (she just turned six).

Warmly,
Jody

 

[anonymous]

I think the story idea is a great one. And I worry about this issue also I have a boy. Try to take some comfort in the fact she is a girl and I think she will find extra small girls are always adorable. And it wont be long this day in age that she is admired for it.

 

[anonymous]

All I can say is use this as an opportunity to start educating her on importance of proper diet, importance of extra vits and other suppliments. I did not really understand this until my adult years. Yes, I have seen and listened to the dieticians as kid and teen, but it does not stick to most kids or teens. I think using some adults from this site as role models for kids would help much more then hearing things at the clinic.

 

[Allie]

Ry was always small, as an adult he was only 5'5'', which is harder on boys then it is on girls. His solution for it was to create snappy comebacks as he got older, and to be funny enough that people didn't remember that he was he was so small.

As far as reassuring her that it's okay to be small, there's somthing different about everybody. I wore glasses as a little kid, Ry was tiny, Ahava is small also. She'll find her groove eventually. Just tell her to let her personality shine through, and people will learn to look at ther for more than her size.

 

[Salli]

Does Cf affect the height you will grow - I thought it only affected your weight but not height????
And can someone tell me what clubbed fingers are?

 

[Allie]

A lot of Cfers are small all around, some aren't, but a good percentage are.

Clubbed fingers look like this: <img src="http://www.mediscan.co.uk/images/Batch1/0040/0040t.jpg">

Some Cfers don't have much finger clubbing (Ry never really got a TON) but they get clubbed toes : <img src="http://aboutplastic.surgery.uiowa.edu/photo7.jpg">

 

[shauna]

I'm the same as the other girls...I love being short now because its "cute"! Though I never disliked it. I think as you get older you get used to it and become OK with it (especially being a girl- i think its a lot easier to be ok with it if you're a girl.)

 

[Jane]

My boys have always been very small. Josh is usually at the bottom of the growth chart, if not off it completely. He is a great athlete and always did well in sports. His size helped in some areas, like running speed. His pediatrician called him the "lean, mean, machine". He played baseball and basketball until last year, now he plays tennis. He's always been uncomfortable with his size and kids do tease him, but he's been ok with it because he was a jock. Now that the other boys are growing to their adult heights and weights, the difference is more obvious. It won't be so bad when he reaches puberty, but right now there is a big difference.
You are what you are.

 

[LisaV]

In my experience (I was a year youner and much smaller than my classmates) they won't stop tasing. All you can do is to learn to lauh In junior hih it becomes a distinct advantae getting boyfriends since the boys haven't yet had their growth spirt and would rather dance with shorter girls.

 

[anonymous]

What about finding some short people she admires or might want to brag about: I did a quick google of "famous short women" and it's quite an interesting list on wikepedia; maybe the most accessible for a litle girl are Kerri Strug and Mary Lou Retton who are 4'8" and 4'9" respectively.

Another thing might be to encourage her to make lots of friends so that she finds herself part of a group - it's easier I think to shrug off rude remarks if you've got a peer group behind you.

 

[anonymous]

My 9 yr old boy w cf is tall for his age. But his parents are 6'6" and I am 5'6" so the doc said he will probably be at least 6'. His weight has never really been a problem yet either. His best friend is really short (as his his parents) - but a very good athlete. My son would never tease him. My daughter w/o cf is and has always been the tallest in her class - and she HATED it - her best friend is short and tiny. Now that she is gettin' in to sports she likes her height better. But the smaller girls are usually better at sports! And all of her friends are cute - tall or short!! Tell her just to ignore the teasing and they will quit!! If they let it get to her - they'll keep doing it. More than likely they are probably commenting and not teasing - let's hope anyway. I can't stand teasing - and hope I've taught my kids NOT to!!

Mother of 9 yr old boy w cf
12 yr old girl no cf

 

[NoExcuses]

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[anonymous]

I have a friend that has a boy (no CF) that is much smaller than the kids in his class and his big thing is his clothes and the tags. He wondered why all of his clothes said 6/7 when he is 10. So, to elleviate his anxiety, she started cutting the tags out before she got home. It was just a constant reminder that he was smaller than others. Not a big thing but something little that helped her with her son.

Karen ~ wife to Troy

 

[lovemygirl]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think we will go back to the story idea because that always works for us, and for some reason I didn't think of it. We have "Horton Hears a Who" and she love that so I will pull it out for tomorrow's bedtime story. For those who haven't read it one of the repeated lines in the story is "a persons a person no matter how small".