Breastfeeding & Emotions

JodyRenee

New member
Hey everyone. Ben just turned one years old this past week and it has been a whirlwind of emotions for me. A few of you may remember that we are still breastfeeding after a very difficult year with little support from our CF clinic and many interuptions (failure to thrive and RSV). Anyways, as we were appoaching his first birthday, I felt very much like I was in a kind of mourning. I felt like I needed to let go of so much of this past years' traumas. At the same time it was so theraputic to put together his celebration, looking at many photos of just Ben being Ben. As we hit the year mark I just wish with all my heart that he could be tiny again without all the worries and stress of the pass year mixed in every memory. How do you let go?

The other thing is I am realizing that I am very apprehensive about him weaning. Did anyone who breastfed their CF baby feel a bit afraid that when you stopped, their health might decline? Did it? If so what did you feel or do about it? I am very dedicated to providing a great diet (we choose to avoid dairy and offer lots of protein and antioxident-rich foods) and supplementation, but I keep feeling a certain amount of dread about having to wean at some point. I plan to just let him be the one to show when he is done with breastfeeding, but I am so hoping it isn't until he is 2 or older!

I am so sad right now about entering toddlerhood. I think it is just a time of reflection right now and allowing my emotions to surface after a very tough year. He is just so beautiful and is so healthy right now, I just need to enjoy every second with him. Well he is crying so I better go.

Jody
 

cfmomma

New member
Hello jody, I nursed my son for a year and had a very hard time when he weaned himself. I would have nursed him longer than a year, but the older he got the less interested he was. He would get distracted and want to go and play, and pretty soon he was only nursing at night and when he wanted comfort until he finally stopped. It was very emotional and I felt rejected (irrational, but I felt it). I remember wondering each time I nursed him, if it was going to be the last time.

We had a difficult time breastfeeding at first. He wasn't gaining weight and I was told that I wasn't making enough milk or that it was bad. I felt inadequate and like a failure. I rented a nice breastpump to increase my milk production in between feedings and I used a nursing supplement during feedings to give him more milk. I was determined to make breastfeeding work. He finally started to gain weight and feel better. He wasn't diagnosed until he was 18 months old, after he had alredy stopped nursing. which explains his failure to thrive.

Breastfeeding is an intense bonding experience that is often misunderstood. There is a grieving process when your baby stops nursing and it can be very hard to get through. There will be many milestones in your child's life that will be difficult for you to emotionally let go but they are also joyous moments. My son will be starting kindergarten in the fall and I am already a basket case!! Cherish every moment and celebrate his accomplishments.
 

anonymous

New member
I breast fed for the first 17 months... caleb was a big mommas boy and thats all he wanted to do was nurse, he never took a bottle, flat out refused, never even had a drop of formula.. he also never really ate too many solids until 17 months old, i personally feel that you should do it for as long as you can.. when he finally was weaned we went straight to pediasure, and his weight has always been good.. he will let you know when he is ready to be weaned...


Melissa mom to dylan 6 no cf and never breastfed.. and caleb almost 4 strickly breastfed for the first 17 months..
 

anonymous

New member
Hi Ladies,
I'm 29 weeks pregnant with my third child (a boy) and I learned back in April he has CF. I also have a daughter 3 and a son 12, neither have CF. I did not breastfeed either of them and to be honest I didn't even consider it, it just felt too personal or intimate, I don't know, I just didn't feel comfortable with the idea at all. Since I got the diagnosis I have been thinking about breastfeeding and I really want to be successful with it but I don't have the same feelings that you ladies have? I mean, I don't feel that desire or whatever it is. Is something wrong with me? Am I bound to fail at this because I can't get comfortable with the idea? Will something change after the baby is here and I'm actually doing it? Did any of you have these feelings before you started breastfeeding? I am so jealous of your ability to feel good about this, I want that feeling too.
Jen
 

CFHockeyMom

New member
I felt /feel the same way about breast feeding. I'm just not comfortable with it. When both my children were born, my mother-in-law really pressured me to breastfeed but I didn't even consider it. My Dr. was also very upset with me when I told her I wasn't planning to breastfeed. I'm just not comfortable with it.

I know there are supposed to be benefits to breastfeeding but neither of my kids were breastfed and neither was I for that matter and I challenge anyone to prove to me that we (or anyone bottle fed) are worse off for it.

I know there are some hell bent breast feeders out there that will tell you to do it no matter what but if you're not comfotable with it then I don't think you should force yourself to do it. You may feel differently as the birth of your baby approaches.

Also, there are still plenty of CF Dr.'s out there that don't think breast feeding (without supplementation) is beneficial for CF'ers. Of course, this does depend the CFer but again, I wouldn't feel too pressured to do it.
 

anonymous

New member
Thanks for the reassurance that I'm not alone in feeling this way. But I can't help but wonder if society made us feel this way. I mean everytime you see a baby in a picture feeding it has a bottle in its mouth, same with tv and all advertisments. I just wonder if society has made us feel that breastfeeding is dirty or something?
My mom did not breastfeed either I don't know what her reason's were but I believe she probably felt the same way as me. And I agree that there is nothing wrong with people who are bottlefed, it just seems that babys were born to be breastfed and it seems they could benefit from it more than a bottle. It just seems that way to me.
Jen
 

JazzysMom

New member
I am a stay at home Mom with CF of a 7 year old daughter who does not have CF. I really wanted to breastfeed my daughter. However, it was not recommended because of the effects on me. They were afraid it would drain to much from me as well as the meds I took would pass to the breast milk. I felt like I really lost out on something, but I had to look at the big picture. I dont know if it would have went well, but to try at least would have been nice. Many people I know are divided over this topic. I believe if possible it would be good, but I dont get obsessed withit. If the Mom is going to have anxiety because they personally dont feel comfortable doing it then they shouldnt. That baby is going to sense the anxiety & it might make the experience worse. Just like anything else with parenting/motherhood, there will be sooooooooooooooooooo many people with soooooooooooooooooooooo many opinions & thoughts & everyone thinks theirs is the right one that you would go crazy. The final decision is up to the Mom! Not Grandma, Aunts, Cousins & unfortunately even Dad.
 

rose4cale

New member
Both of my kids were breastfed but I was not comfortable with them attaching to the breast, so I bought an electric double pump. I pumped my milk and then fed my kids through a bottle. That is what worked for me. I felt like a cow being milked every two hours, but they received the benefits of breast milk. With my daughter I couldn't keep my supply up for her demand, so she was supplemented formula. My son on the other hand, for some reason I had excess and stored up to 80 bags of milk in the freezer that lasted for a while. He wasn't diagnosed until 18 months of age so I didn't feel the pressure to keep pumping. I stoppped at 6 weeks of age because I returned to work, but like I said, the extra bags of milk lasted for a while.
 

cfmomma

New member
I am a big supporter of breastfeeding and its benefits. However, it makes me crazy when people try to force breastfeeding on new mothers. It is a very personal descision and one that should be up to the mother, not well-wishing friends or relatives. I agree that if the mother is uncomfortable and anxious when she is nursing her baby will sense it. It will be something that the mother and child don't enjoy and that will interfere with the bonding process. Like one of the above posters said you can always pump and give the baby milk through a bottle. I think you should try nursing, at least for a day or two, togive your baby the benefits of colostrum. But if you don't like breeastfeeding don't let society pressure you to continue.
 

anonymous

New member
Hi Jody, I just wanted to congratulate you on making it to the one-year point with breastfeeding. When breastfeeding is over for you and Ben, I would hope it would be a choice you and he have made and not the CF clinic or others putting pressure on you. When my daughter weaned (at 10 months) her health didn't decline as in her getting sick but her growth did really slow down (my guess is bc breast milk is so easily absorbed and cows milk isn't). Hopefully when Ben does wean his good diet will really help to keep him healthy.


Leaving "babyhood" and entering "toddlerhood" was both sad and exciting for me (my daughter turned one last June) and I still feel conflicted feelings about missing the past, wanting the present to stay the same and also looking forward to the future!

Anyway, just wanted to send you some support!
Hugs,
Kelli (mom of Sydney 2wcf)
 

anonymous

New member
Hi Jody, I'm a stay at home mom with a 2 1/2 yr old girl with CF that I am still breastfeeding. It just works for us and I think that's the key. Around that 1 yr old mark everyone started asking when are you stopping and then it almost became the topic of conversation with everyone. My daughter has not had any health problems at all so for me it has been an easy decision. If there had been complications or illness maybe we would have made another choice. Her nutritionist at the CF clinic tried to get me to put her on whole milk but I declined stating that she has been thriving and always in the 50th percentile for weight... I must be doing something right. Good luck with your decision.

Jennifer (mom to Kimmie 2yrs w/cf)
 

HollyCatheryn

New member
To Jody and the Pregnant Mama!Pregnant Mama: I just want to say that I can totally relate. When I was pregnant, I knew that breastfeeding was best, but when I thought about actually doing it I was really uncomfortable. I was always so se*ually sensetive in the breast area that I really thought it would be twisted of me. Interestingly enough, once my daughter was born, I didn't even think about it. I just nursed her. Only later did I think about it and when I did it still seemed odd. But, in the moment, when she was needing me, nursing was the most natural thing in the world and I never felt dirty or weird while nursing her. I wasn't one of those people who got lots of warm-fuzzy feelings about nursing. I had and still have warm-fuzzies about my daughter, but not the breastfeeding part. In some ways it was like going to the bathroom. I won't get gross, just follow me. If you think about the technical stuff of going to the bathroom, it can be really gross. But, in the moment when you need to go, you're not thinking about that and you don't feel dirty or weird. I don't have a particular fondness of going to the bathroom - it is just a natural, healthy part of my life. That was the way nursing was for me. However, intellectually I knew how good it was for her and how emotional it was for her and so I fought really hard for it (<A href="http://www.geocities.com/MurrensNatureMama/nursing_victory">www.geocities.com/MurrensNatureMama/nursing_victory</A>). It was only after my prolactin levels dropped that I realized what an emotional stabilizer nursing had been for me. I had been so much more relaxed, peaceful and even-keel. Tought stuff happened, but I was able to deal with it really well without getting anxious. It also really helped my daughter (besides health benefits). She has been really independant and secure. She's been a really good sleeper and eats a huge variety of things. In observing my friends' kids I have noticed that kids who have been breastfed on-demand by a mother who stays with them are mush more independant and secure and empathetic (not playgournd bullies). Kids who have been exclusively breastfed longer also have better developed taste-buds for different kinds of foods. Many kids who are nursed a long time exclusively, avoid the toddler tendency to refuse all but a handful of foods (that may or may not be good ones). Since having made the decision to breastfeed I have learned of many benefits YOU experience because of nursing. Even if your baby would be just as healthy consuming formula, the benefits to you are worth it (<A href="http://www.geocities.com/MurrensNatureMama/breastfeeding">www.geocities.com/MurrensNatureMama/breastfeeding</A>). Be assured that the benefits to your baby don't even stop at optimum health, security and a healthy appetite. Breastfeeding from the breast also helps develop the facial bones and muscles optimally and helps develop the jaws for optimum dental development. We're really not talking about good versus bad with regard to breast or formula feeding. It is a case of breastfeeding being optimum. Formula has come a very long way and truly is the best choice for certain circumstances, but the technology employed will always be playing catch up with the latest findings about the ingredients and merits of breastmilk. Only your milk will meet the exact and changing needs of your baby optimally. La Leche League is a wonderful resource that pulled me through LOTS! It was really helpful also to be exposed to nursing moms ahead of time so that I wasn't clueless when it was my turn. There are lactation consultants at the hospitals and most midwives are trained in the establishment of nursing, but it still helps to at least have a vague working idea going into it. Those first few hours are so precious, it is wonderful to not need them interrupted unduly. Also remember that a HUGE advantage of breastfeeding is that it is FREE. This can be a really big deal when you have a baby with a chronic illness that costs money to treat. There was a thread here recently called "Allergic to Formula" which ended up getting lots of good info on breastfeeding on it. That would be a good one to look up. You can see a lot of these moms tell of their experiences with breastmilk and formula and their babies. That may help you make a decision. Just keep in mind that many of the best choices in life are NOT emotional ones. They may become emotional at some point, but rarely are having certain emotions a good reason for making decisions. Sorry that got so long. I guess I had more to say than I originally thought. That happens a lot. Hmmmmm.Jody: I just want to offer some empathy. I know that my mom still grieves and struggles with feelings because of and about my CF. You may always have those, but I think you do gain perspective/context over time. I think that depending on the stage of weaning and the impetus it can be more emotional or less. Though I had grown attached to nursing ( I stated above that I was not warm-fuzzy about it) because of the relationship my daughter and I developed, when she weaned at 2 1/2 years of age, we were both ready and there were no tears. We have just traded our "nummies" for snuggles. Nursing is nice because you don't have to really worry so much about their diet - you know that they are making up for any solid food deficits with the complete nutrition of your milk. Most kids experience a bit of withdrawal upon weaning. By withdrawal I mean that they get more runny noses and colds for a while as their immune system adjusts. All babies go through this adjustment, just at different times. If you formula-feed then your baby makes that adjustment immediately whereas if you nurse for an extended period, he might make that adjustment at 2 1/2 or 3. We were able to avoid this with our daughter by supporting her immune system with supplements - we chose Reliv because of how much it had helped me (<A href="http://www.geocities.com/MurrensNatureMama/Reliv">www.geocities.com/MurrensNatureMama/Reliv</A>). We started the supplementing when she began to drink from a cup and take solid foods, since technically that is the start of weaning. You can encourage him to keep nursing by continuing to offer and by keeping the pattern of your days similar. If you've been nursing at night, keep it up - even if you have to make adjustments to the sleeping arrangements (we played musical beds for a while before we found what worked for toddler nursing - I'm happy to elaborate if you wish). Also, if you are together he is more likely to nurse. If he is one who avoids nursing when too much is going on then you might try to keep your schedule simple and home-centered. If he is one who likes to snuggle up to you away from stimulation, then perhaps making a small outing regularly will encourage it. Just remember though, that child-led weaning is just that and he MAY lead sooner than you are ready. Continue to keep solids to a minimum. Our daughter didn't eat (wasn't interested in) solids regularly until 13 months, aside from a brief foray at about 9 months.Again here, La Leche League is a wonderful resource for toddler nursing as well. If you aren't already in a group, now is a great time to start going. You could offer lots of encouragement/wisdom to new or expectant moms from your experience as well as get suggestions and support for yourself. It is so obvious that you want to do what is best for Ben! How blessed he is to be your son!Toddlerhood is awesome! You start to see more and more of their personality and physical make-up. You find out whether your baby is adept or clutzy (though they all go through less-coordinated phases), long and lean or short and compact, active or pensive.They begin to share their thoughts and observations with you, likes and dislikes. It is such a cool thing! Every stage is the best stage. Write things down and make lots of memories that you can keep for him until he's old enough to share them with you.
 

JodyRenee

New member
Thank you all. I am just going through a bit of an emotional time right now with all that has happened this past year. All and all I know it will just happen naturally and I will adjust. Even though I didn't breastfeed my daughter full-time (just part-time for 6 months) I remember her first birthday was a bit emotional as well. We just didn't have the trauma of hospital -stays and a diagnosis to deal with.

To Pregnant mom: I understand what you're saying. One can never imagine what it will be like. My friend had many issues with her body with her first pregnancy and couldn't imagine breastfeeding, especially in public. She just tried it and ended up loving it more than she thought. Now she has breastfed 2 kids full-time, become a La Leche league leader, a childbirth educator and doula!!! So, I think just opening your heart to it and finding the right support if you truly want to "succeed" will make it easier. I also want to say that to "succeed" may very well be full-time breastfeeding (my son would never take the bottle), or pumping and offering a bottle, or some combination of both can all be considered a success! I am one of the mom's that has very much felt the "warm fuzzies" from breastfeeding. For me it has helped tremendously with sticking things out and remaining close with him even when the emotions and challenges of CF have become intense. I just look down at him as he doses off to sleep while nursing and there is no more perfect moment for me. To have that after all the worries and sleepless nights is such a gift and it is one I never imagined would be there for me. I have done both so I totallly agree with one of the mom's who said bottle fed babies are just fine. It is just a choice we are all faced with and when you weigh in the health and immune benefits for CFers it is just that much more important to understand the options. Either way you will do what is best for you, your baby and your family and you will be supported here!

I will say this, if you choose to breastfeed full-time, don't necessarily look for the CF docs to support you in that choice. Many still have an older viewpoint that you can't breastfeed a CF infant. As long as your baby has a normal growth curve and their vitamin levels are good there is no reason to stop or even supplement. If supplementation is needed there are many non-interruptive ways to add calories via an SNS system (attaches to the breast while they feed they get extra nutrition while still keeping breastfeeding pattern). You just may have to push. Have you thought about meeting with the CF doc before you give birth to explain your desire to breastfeed and your expectation of their support? THis may avoid some problems and you can get a feel if they are supportive.

We are all awesome moms no matter how we choose to feed our babies!!!!

Jody

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 

anonymous

New member
If I may, I had some questions for the breastfeeding moms. First of all, I will share a story about a friend of mine that breastfed her boy until he was at least 3 years old because he had SO many food allergies that it was just easier than always running to the ER because of allergy reactions. (she watched what she ate too, so he wouldn't get nuts, eggs, etc thru breast milk). Anyway, long story short, he was very "clingy" with her and also when he outgrew some of the food allergies & was able to "eat", he didn't want to eat, that was too much work, so that was quite a struggle.
I guess my question is, have any of you ran into this problem of them not wanting to eat regular food after breastfeeding for longer periods of time than usual?
 

HollyCatheryn

New member
Like I mentioned above, I breastfed my daughter for 2 years and 7 months. I didn't have any problem adding food to her diet, in fact she initiated it. Nor have I had any problems with her being "clingy". We are close, but she doesn't fear other family members, friends or new people (like my doctors or when we go to work for someone new). I think that a lot has to do with how things are handled. If the mother expresses anxiety over foods (because of allergies or other things) this can affect how the child views foods. He may connect eating foods with bad reactions and be fearful. In that case it isn't so much about him wanting to continue nursing as much as his being afraid to eat solids. Also, if you avoid people or are anxious around them or allow being with people to unduly interrupt a child's necessary routine, this can cause clingyness. The child percieves things and people out of his routine as stressful and so will avoid them and cling to what is comforting. Even if the mother does not react in this way, if the child has had a lot of stress because of illness and medical intervention he may need more comforting. I was a very needy child. I needed lots of comfroting, but I was only breastfed for a few months. Some kids are just clingy-er than others. It may just be coincidnec that the mother breastfed for an extended period. La Leche League meetings were really eye-opening for me as a new mom. I saw all kinds of moms and kids and that they all had only breastfeeding in common. I think the only thing I can say as a blanket statement is that they tended (as a whole) to be more in-tune with one another than the average moms and children. Some were clingy, others independant. Some nursed long, others shorter. Some were stay-at-home moms, some worked. Some kids had sitters or were in day-care other were at home. Some were very fat babies and toddlers, others were long and lean. Some were sweet and pleasant, others were brats. All those things have more to do with the family (history, genetics, parenting choices, personalities) than with whether or not a child was breastfed.
 

anonymous

New member
To Jen (aka pregnant mama) when my daughter was 2 weeks I was ready to give up bfing for many reasons but decided to give my pump a try first---in many ways pumping is just as difficult as bfing and sometimes more difficult BUT it worked out GREAT for us. I exclusively pumped for months and since I started pumping early on I was able to use some "techniques" (which I found from an online support group for exclusive pumpers) that helped me build up a HUGE milk supply-before I started cutting back I was pumping enough milk for 2.5 babies which allowed me to freeze over 3000 ounces at one point. SO, if I were in your position, I would encourage you to find as much info on bfing and pumping as possible before the baby comes so you can be most prepared to make a decision (that isn't based on your exhaustion, kwim?). Congrats on the baby boy, I am sorry to hear he has CF but glad that you are finding support ahead of time.

HTH,
Kelli (mom of Sydney 2 wcf)
 

anonymous

New member
Kelli,
What kind of pump did you use? I plan to pump once I return to work. I am taking 12 weeks of maternity leave.
Jen
 

cfmomma

New member
I'm not Kelli, but I pumped. I rented a Medela from a distributor in my area, contact your hospital or LaLeche league to find on. It had the capability to pump both breasts at the same time, and fast! The Avent handheld pump worked very good as well. It is small and you have to manually pump it, but it was great for travel or when you wanted to pump in silence. I rented my Medela for about $40 a month, which is still much cheaper than formula. I think they are about $375 to buy. I would recommend buyimg one if you plan on pumpmg for a long time or exclusivly. Good Luck
 
2

2sickkids

Guest
I bfeed my oldest son through his first 6mo it was so much easier then bottle feeding. No getting up in the middle of the night to make formula. I would have kept doing it but my doctors were all over me to restart some of my med and my son had not been diagnosed yet. They thought my poor health was causing my sons failure to thrive. Some of my stomach meds cause stunted growth and pass through bmilk. I did not have any of the producing milk problems many women talk about I always pumped after I nursed my son and could still fill three 8oz bottles at a time. I had enough milk stored to feed him for another month or so. I always tell people if you can bfeed it is a good idea. I could not nurse my youngest son because I had to start my meds not safe to take during pregnancy after he was born. Had my sons been not aged so closely I could have done it with the second baby.
 
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