Dear God

[coltsfan715]

TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
one
another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it
still
the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a
dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice
ride!
Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler
Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy
fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do huma ns understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw
it
up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying
"hello".

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee
table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -
not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11 . I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

I figured there would be some animal lovers that would appreciate this. Enjoy.

Lindsey

 

[julie]

Loved it, LOVED IT!!!

I copied it and sent it to my mom. We made the mistake of letting our dogs on the couch when they were kitten size, not really thinking of "what about when they were bigger". Now that the babies are on the way, we are training them to NOT be on the couch. I can only imgagine how one of my dogs (Bodhi) is feeling about it. I highlighed some of the things I could see him pondering and sent it off.

Thanks for the laugh!!!

 

[dyza]

excellent Lindsey, esp the Dragging the butt.

Question- Why is it that when you blow in a dogs face they get mad but when they are in a moving car first thing they do is hang their head out the window?

 

[Allisa35]

I love these. And many of them sound oh so familiar. We have 2 dogs and 5 cats, so a lot of the stuff mentioned, we've been through. Thanks!!

 

[JazzysMom]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>dyza</b></i>

excellent Lindsey, esp the Dragging the butt.



Question- Why is it that when you blow in a dogs face they get mad but when they are in a moving car first thing they do is hang their head out the window?</end quote></div>


Maybe its your breath, Craig! LOL!

 

[coltsfan715]

Yeah Allisa we have 1 dog and 4 cats. Our dog always chews on my cats ears and gets real rough with him .. they cat making the squeeky noise definitely fits with our house along with

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw
it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell. (except she does this mainly with lizards and frogs where we live there are a ton of those)
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying "hello".
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.


Glad you guys enjoyed it - I just had to share it cause it rang true with our house and our dog.

Lindsey

 

[dyza]

Thats it Mellissa, I'm not talking to you anymore...........hee hee