death

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momofjosh

New member
I posted a message a few weeks ago about my son going on hospice. Well, unfortunately he passed away two weeks ago (Jan. 19) We did end up with hospice in our home for 6 days. My son wanted to die at home. Even though his whole life I knew he would die at a young age, this is so much harder than I thought it would be!!!!! I know it will take time, but the hurt is so strong... all I want to do is stay home. I have now returned to work, which I found very hard. Everyone says I have to get back to my life, but my life isn't the same anymore! Things can't go back to normal because my life is not normal anymore. I took care of Josh physically and mentally for so long. That all changed in one second, so I don't know what to do now??!! I do have 2 other children, a 17 yr old daughter and a 2 yr old son. I thank God I have them! The 2 yr old keeps me very busy, if not for him I probably would just stay at home in my PJ's and cry all day. Any comments from someone who has been through this already would be welcome!

momofjosh
 
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momofjosh

New member
I posted a message a few weeks ago about my son going on hospice. Well, unfortunately he passed away two weeks ago (Jan. 19) We did end up with hospice in our home for 6 days. My son wanted to die at home. Even though his whole life I knew he would die at a young age, this is so much harder than I thought it would be!!!!! I know it will take time, but the hurt is so strong... all I want to do is stay home. I have now returned to work, which I found very hard. Everyone says I have to get back to my life, but my life isn't the same anymore! Things can't go back to normal because my life is not normal anymore. I took care of Josh physically and mentally for so long. That all changed in one second, so I don't know what to do now??!! I do have 2 other children, a 17 yr old daughter and a 2 yr old son. I thank God I have them! The 2 yr old keeps me very busy, if not for him I probably would just stay at home in my PJ's and cry all day. Any comments from someone who has been through this already would be welcome!

momofjosh
 
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anonymous

New member
I am soooo very sorry i feel your pain, i lost my daughter in march she was 17,just celebrated her birthday yesterday.
Theres no easy way, the only thing i can tell you is grieve on your own pace do whats right for you!my husband was off work for 6 months..and its still so very hard. i tried going for a job after 2 weeks couldnt handle it ,im still home now but im looking again,all i did was take care of my daughter,no life will never be the same.
I do everything in my power to keep my daughter traci alive in my heart. take your time theres no time limit on grieving. people around you will help. 2 weeks of losing traci i found i was still in shock it got much harder for me. still doesnt seem real.
i am here anytime you want to talk i do know how your feeling and maybe i can help you!
o didnt have much support from my family found myself getting bitter. i still have so many bad days .YOU WILL GET THROUGH THEM I PROMISE!contact me if you like my ady is maptcb@comcast.net.
you take care of yourself....baby steps ok?
gail
(traci-2-2-88 3-24-05)
 
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anonymous

New member
I am soooo very sorry i feel your pain, i lost my daughter in march she was 17,just celebrated her birthday yesterday.
Theres no easy way, the only thing i can tell you is grieve on your own pace do whats right for you!my husband was off work for 6 months..and its still so very hard. i tried going for a job after 2 weeks couldnt handle it ,im still home now but im looking again,all i did was take care of my daughter,no life will never be the same.
I do everything in my power to keep my daughter traci alive in my heart. take your time theres no time limit on grieving. people around you will help. 2 weeks of losing traci i found i was still in shock it got much harder for me. still doesnt seem real.
i am here anytime you want to talk i do know how your feeling and maybe i can help you!
o didnt have much support from my family found myself getting bitter. i still have so many bad days .YOU WILL GET THROUGH THEM I PROMISE!contact me if you like my ady is maptcb@comcast.net.
you take care of yourself....baby steps ok?
gail
(traci-2-2-88 3-24-05)
 
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JazzysMom

New member
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have never lost a child, but sadly have lost many family/friends in different ways over the years. I cant really say much except to say please keep his memory alive especially for your youngest since he missed out on the most time with Josh. Some people handle that pain by acting like that person never existed or talking about the person is wrong. I feel that attitude is very unhealthy. I tell Allie (whose husband passed away in 5/05) that my daughter talks like my Dad (Poppy to the grandkids) is still alive tho she couldnt have met him since he died almost 21 years ago. I tell stories, share tears & laughter, have pictures around etc. She should not miss out altogether just because he isnt physically here. Take one day at a time is all I can offer.......
 
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JazzysMom

New member
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have never lost a child, but sadly have lost many family/friends in different ways over the years. I cant really say much except to say please keep his memory alive especially for your youngest since he missed out on the most time with Josh. Some people handle that pain by acting like that person never existed or talking about the person is wrong. I feel that attitude is very unhealthy. I tell Allie (whose husband passed away in 5/05) that my daughter talks like my Dad (Poppy to the grandkids) is still alive tho she couldnt have met him since he died almost 21 years ago. I tell stories, share tears & laughter, have pictures around etc. She should not miss out altogether just because he isnt physically here. Take one day at a time is all I can offer.......
 
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momofjosh

New member
To anonymous and JazzysMom:
Thanks for replying. My 2 yr old son says Josh is in the hospital. Josh was in the hospital so much, so that it is normal for my little one. I guess I am glad he thinks that. I am surprised because Josh's room is now a playroom for my little one, and he is in there often. He never says anything about the fact that Josh's bed and things are not in there. Sat. I had to take my 2 yr old to the doctor and when we got there he thought we were going to see Josh. That made me cry. One of the things Josh always said was he wanted to live long enough so his little brother had memories of him and did not have to know him through pictures only. Before he died, Josh said he didn't want to leave all of us (his family and friends) and he was upset because Mario was only 2 and wouldn't remember him. I told him we would never let Mario forget him! Josh was so happy when I had Mario and enjoyed him very much. I think he knew he would never have his own children.
My mind keeps wandering, I keep thinking and thinking and thinking. Sometimes I wish it would stop, but then I don't want to stop thinking about Josh! I still cannot believe I will never see him again!! It seems so unreal!

momofjosh
 
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momofjosh

New member
To anonymous and JazzysMom:
Thanks for replying. My 2 yr old son says Josh is in the hospital. Josh was in the hospital so much, so that it is normal for my little one. I guess I am glad he thinks that. I am surprised because Josh's room is now a playroom for my little one, and he is in there often. He never says anything about the fact that Josh's bed and things are not in there. Sat. I had to take my 2 yr old to the doctor and when we got there he thought we were going to see Josh. That made me cry. One of the things Josh always said was he wanted to live long enough so his little brother had memories of him and did not have to know him through pictures only. Before he died, Josh said he didn't want to leave all of us (his family and friends) and he was upset because Mario was only 2 and wouldn't remember him. I told him we would never let Mario forget him! Josh was so happy when I had Mario and enjoyed him very much. I think he knew he would never have his own children.
My mind keeps wandering, I keep thinking and thinking and thinking. Sometimes I wish it would stop, but then I don't want to stop thinking about Josh! I still cannot believe I will never see him again!! It seems so unreal!

momofjosh
 
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Allie

New member
Nobody can tell what is best, and everyone is going to try, I warm you. Well meaning people are going to absolutely drive you batty . They just don't get what it's like to to lose a chunk of your soul. My thoughts and codolences are with you right now.

My daughter saved my life too. After Ry, I didn't have much desire to go on without him. Sometimes I had to focus everything I had into Ahava to stop myself from just lying around and crying all day. '

There is no 'normal life' Life is all new now, and at first it's extremely difficult to accept this fact. Having my job helped me, because i had to get up, get dressed and function so my little girl could eat. One of things that helps me is sometimes, I just need to talk about him. To say his name, and hear others say it, so I know he was real and people loved him just as much as I did. Almost 9 months out, I still have moments and days that are really hard. I know Ry wouldn't want me to be that way, so I try as hard as I can...and sometimes I'm more successful than others. Grieve at your pace, do what is right for you at that moment.

My Ahava took a long time to accept that her father was gone. She always asked me where he was, and it broke my heart too. Now she realizes what has happened, I think before it was willful ignorance, and she just chose to accept it on her own time. Your 2 year old will probably be much the same. I, like you, am always terrified that she will forget her father, that someday she won't want to hear about him anymore. I'm trying hard to avoid that, and her dad left a lot of mementos that help as well.

No one can truly ease the ache in your heart. All I can say is it gets less raw with time. If ever you need me, both my email and my screen name are in my profile, just click on the magnifying glass.
 
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Allie

New member
Nobody can tell what is best, and everyone is going to try, I warm you. Well meaning people are going to absolutely drive you batty . They just don't get what it's like to to lose a chunk of your soul. My thoughts and codolences are with you right now.

My daughter saved my life too. After Ry, I didn't have much desire to go on without him. Sometimes I had to focus everything I had into Ahava to stop myself from just lying around and crying all day. '

There is no 'normal life' Life is all new now, and at first it's extremely difficult to accept this fact. Having my job helped me, because i had to get up, get dressed and function so my little girl could eat. One of things that helps me is sometimes, I just need to talk about him. To say his name, and hear others say it, so I know he was real and people loved him just as much as I did. Almost 9 months out, I still have moments and days that are really hard. I know Ry wouldn't want me to be that way, so I try as hard as I can...and sometimes I'm more successful than others. Grieve at your pace, do what is right for you at that moment.

My Ahava took a long time to accept that her father was gone. She always asked me where he was, and it broke my heart too. Now she realizes what has happened, I think before it was willful ignorance, and she just chose to accept it on her own time. Your 2 year old will probably be much the same. I, like you, am always terrified that she will forget her father, that someday she won't want to hear about him anymore. I'm trying hard to avoid that, and her dad left a lot of mementos that help as well.

No one can truly ease the ache in your heart. All I can say is it gets less raw with time. If ever you need me, both my email and my screen name are in my profile, just click on the magnifying glass.
 
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anonymous

New member
I am so, so sorry for your loss, how I wish there were something I could say to ease your pain but only time can do that, something that I never believed could happen. I lost my son 9 months ago and to this day I still find it hard to believe that he isn't going to walk through the door anymore. When Matt first past away I sat in front of the computer for hours and hours each day for months, going over all of his pictures and videos, Matt was a wonderful photographer and left so many pictures and videos of himself on discs that this was what got me through my day. I did not want to go outside the house and when I did I felt the need to get back home as soon as I could. Unfortunately, unless someone has been through what we have, they have absolutely no idea what it is like and should never tell you that you have to "get on with your life", that is just not possible as our lives have forever changed. I have been very lucky with family and friends and can call on them anytime, there is always a shoulder for me cry on and to listen to me, support at this time, is very important and I do hope that you have plenty.
I was fortunate to have been able to take 5 months off of work and even then, I didn?t want to go back., but I got to the point that I realized that this was as good as I was going to get for a long, long time and decided that it was time to go back. I used to get annoyed at people when they would say work would be a distraction for me as I didn?t want to be distracted but it did start to help after awhile. I know at this time your pain is so intense and it feels like you will never be able to function properly again and believe me you won?t ever ?get over it? but you will learn to cope and to adjust to life and remember all of the happy times that you had with your son.
I am constantly thinking up different projects to do and this is what keeps me going, my present project is one for the CF Ward where Matt spent much of his last year, I am having a collection of his artwork framed and it is going to be displayed on the ward.
Do whatever it takes for you to get through each day, like Gail said, there is no time limit to grieving.
Please feel free to contact me also at mcbrash1@rogers.com if you want to chat any time.

Sandy
 
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anonymous

New member
I am so, so sorry for your loss, how I wish there were something I could say to ease your pain but only time can do that, something that I never believed could happen. I lost my son 9 months ago and to this day I still find it hard to believe that he isn't going to walk through the door anymore. When Matt first past away I sat in front of the computer for hours and hours each day for months, going over all of his pictures and videos, Matt was a wonderful photographer and left so many pictures and videos of himself on discs that this was what got me through my day. I did not want to go outside the house and when I did I felt the need to get back home as soon as I could. Unfortunately, unless someone has been through what we have, they have absolutely no idea what it is like and should never tell you that you have to "get on with your life", that is just not possible as our lives have forever changed. I have been very lucky with family and friends and can call on them anytime, there is always a shoulder for me cry on and to listen to me, support at this time, is very important and I do hope that you have plenty.
I was fortunate to have been able to take 5 months off of work and even then, I didn?t want to go back., but I got to the point that I realized that this was as good as I was going to get for a long, long time and decided that it was time to go back. I used to get annoyed at people when they would say work would be a distraction for me as I didn?t want to be distracted but it did start to help after awhile. I know at this time your pain is so intense and it feels like you will never be able to function properly again and believe me you won?t ever ?get over it? but you will learn to cope and to adjust to life and remember all of the happy times that you had with your son.
I am constantly thinking up different projects to do and this is what keeps me going, my present project is one for the CF Ward where Matt spent much of his last year, I am having a collection of his artwork framed and it is going to be displayed on the ward.
Do whatever it takes for you to get through each day, like Gail said, there is no time limit to grieving.
Please feel free to contact me also at mcbrash1@rogers.com if you want to chat any time.

Sandy
 
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skh

Guest
I am so sorry. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sue
 
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skh

Guest
I am so sorry. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sue
 
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anonymous

New member
I am so sorry for your loss. It isn't fair<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> Do what you need to heal - scream, cry, hibernate, etc. Please keep us updated. We care!
 
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anonymous

New member
I am so sorry for your loss. It isn't fair<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> Do what you need to heal - scream, cry, hibernate, etc. Please keep us updated. We care!
 
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julie

New member
Momofjosh,

I am sorry, so very sorry to hear about your loss! We are here for you, praying and thinking of you and your family. I am never quite sure what to say at times like this, but I want you to know that people care!
 
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julie

New member
Momofjosh,

I am sorry, so very sorry to hear about your loss! We are here for you, praying and thinking of you and your family. I am never quite sure what to say at times like this, but I want you to know that people care!
 
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