I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top
line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he
was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish the exam.
------------------------------------------------------
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorse the patient.
-----------------------------------------------------
A man comes into the ER and yells; "My wife's going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.<img src="">
---------------------------------------------------
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing
female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed
a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed
him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling
was, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
HAHAAAHAAH
------------------------------------------------------------
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow
the lawn."
-------------------------------------------------------
I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to
the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
------------------------------------------------------
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered...
"Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top
line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he
was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish the exam.
------------------------------------------------------
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorse the patient.
-----------------------------------------------------
A man comes into the ER and yells; "My wife's going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.<img src="">
---------------------------------------------------
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing
female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed
a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed
him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling
was, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
HAHAAAHAAH
------------------------------------------------------------
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow
the lawn."
-------------------------------------------------------
I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to
the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
------------------------------------------------------
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered...
"Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">