Don't know what to do.

[thefrogprincess]

I'm SO bored with my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years (we've lived together for about 2 1/2). Its to the point now where I kind of feel like we're room mates. He's a great guy, would never cheat, he's not violent or even prone to get angry (he won't even argue with me). But there's absolutely no passion or romance (never really has been).

But that's not the only thing. I want to get married and have kids, he doesn't, period. He's never wanted to be married (he doesn't think there's a point) and even though he's great with kids he just doesn't want them. I've been trying to change his mind for 4 years, and he hasn't budged. I don't think either of us should have to give up want we want for the other.

I love him but this is making me crazy. HELP!

 

[JazzysMom]

One BIG thing I have learned the hard way is that you cant "change" people. You can come to compromises, but that is not the way to deal with the issues you are discussing. I have known many people who gave up having kids to be with a man (my sister spent 18 years in such a relationship) hoping that things would change or if the man loves the woman enough they will do whatever it is. Thats not a healthy relationship. No matter how hard it might seem now because you love him. Finding out the hard way by either jumping into pregnancy (since marriage he has control over) or waiting for him to change & you lost time that could have had greater joy. Whatever it is about him that you enjoy always cherish, but please, please, please dont settle.

 

[rose4cale]

I agree with JazzysMom. Settling when you have issues this big would be miserable. You will look back and think of the time you spent with someone who doesn't want the same things out of life and wonder WHY? What are you getting in return by settling for what he wants? A roomate? You can find those anywhere!

Does he really want you to spend your life with him and give up everything you want? That is not fair for either of you. You may end up resenting him. Some relationships become a form of habit. It's hard to think of someone different being in your life, but to feel the excitement again of thinking that you can get what you want with someone who wants it with you has to be a very satisfying feeling.

He may be a nice guy who wouldn't hurt a bug, but that doesn't make him perfect for you. Just don't stay in the relationship in hopes that he'll change his mind. You have to make yourself happy, and maybe he's thinking the same thing.