"everything happens for a reason"?

[anonymous]

I was watching Oprah 3 days ago, something she said bothered me. "everything happens for a reason" not that I havnt heard that before, it just aggravates me everytime I hear it. The hole theory that there is a plan, and nobody has offered to let me know. DONT GET ME WRONG I am not a god hating victum of my childs disease I am actually a very positive person but it realy bugs me when peaple say any of the following:

1)everything happens for a reason
2)God must have a plan for you(or my son)
3)God dosnt give you more than you can handle

Again dont get me wrong I am fairly religious person, but it drives me crazy when people correlate my sons CF with Gods plan.
maybe I will email Oprah and let her know that sometimes life just comes down to genetics!
Maggie mom of 3yr old w/cf

 

[NoDayButToday]

I agree with you, not just because I have CF, but because when i think about it, I can't imgaine that everything that has happened in history has happened for a reason. Tellthat to a 9-11 wido or somone whose infant has died of leukemia, that their husbands or wives or babies died because it was part of a bigger plan; I think its not very comforting.

 

[anonymous]

I also hate it when I am given the "everything happens for a reason" line as well.
It always seems to be the people that say it are the ones that nothing like that ever happens to!
I am sure they are looking at me and thinking thank goodness it's her and not me.
Rebekah
Mother to Matt 23mths w/cf and baby on the way wo/cf

 

[anonymous]

Hi, I can totally relate to your feelings and whenever someone says something like that to me I just try to shrug it off bc for the most part it seems like the only people that say those things are those who have been "lucky" enough not to have had any major pains or losses in life. I have been reading a really good book written by James Dobson called "When God Doesn't Make Sense" and it directly discusses the statements you mentioned and the struggles that we face in trying to understand why terrible things happen in this world. It is a very easy read and it also very interesting and comforting...since you mentioned you are a fairly religious person you might find it worthwhile to read but keep in mind that Dobson is a Christian, so if you aren't a Christian please don't be offended by my suggestion of it <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> The book was given to me by my SIL just after our daughter was diagnosed with CF and it wasn't until about 8 months later that I actually picked up the book bc I just wasn't ready until then. Hope this helps and let us know if you hear anything from Oprah!!

Hugs,
Kelli (mom of Sydney 22 months wcf)

 

[Mockingbird]

ha ha, I guess i'm the weird one here (big suprise =-) because I'm always telling myself "everything happens for a reason" whenever something bad happens. Of course, I do hate it when other people tell me that, and I would never tell anyone else that; it's just something I use to get past rough times. =-) Anyway, i guess that's another conradiction of mine; I believe everything happens for a reason, but if anyone tells me that they get a slap in the face. =-) Weird, huh?

 

[Zyrexana]

I would find it such a bothersome thing because it's as if lines like that make everything better... and to justify the reason someone has CF like that seems a crime, also.

I think part of the problem might be the presentation... in most cases, the person saying it means well, but it's bothersome that it seems to ease their minds to consider it some Godly plan, when no, it's not easy, it's not "justifiable", and whether or not there's a "reason" isn't for a person to decide... And it can seem like sort of a slap in the face, I would say. "I'm not going to consider the full implications of your problem, so I'll just hand you some sentiment that basically says you/your friend/your son/your daughter/your spouse SHOULD have CF, and was meant to, and I'll be content."

It's just so fatalistic a sentiment, too, when it would be much better to focus on the positive things... Especially when speaking to someone who has had to deal with CF for a long time... In most cases, they don't want to hear someone else's interpretation on the holy justification of it. They've learned to deal with it, they've persevered through all the hard times... And it just seems rude to tell someone who has had to deal with it for a long time how to rationalize it. I would think in most cases they've got that dealt with, in whatever manner, and are focusing on being happy and living as best they can despite the circumstances.

*shrugs* Basically... I'd just say to people that'd like to say that, it may be true, it may not, but it's not Your job to inform them of that, it'll just irritate them.

Of course, I could be wrong. But that's why such remarks anger me. =(

 

[cfgirl38]

Well personally I believe it does happen for a reason. Myfamily , I'm sure others are as well, are a bit selfish and don't understand about dealth, afraid of it, don't like to be compassionate to people. etc. Since finding out of my CF 5 yrs ago a couple of family members have actually came around to the way I have always been. I'm over compassionate to my family. Dont always understand why they do things they do but still accept their choices. I try really hard to do what it is they need at the time. errands, care for the nephew when needed. etc.. I beleive things happen to teach others. Whatever the lesson is, we're still being taught something. Whether it be walking in someones elses shoes, or just genuinely being nice to people for no reason, etc.. Instead of asking why we should be asking what can I do to help you understand. Or what we can do for them. If it wasn't for my CF noone I know knew of it and I taught them of the subject. We teach others everyday as they do us. whether we live by what were taught is our decision.

 

[anonymous]

Well, I also have similar kinds of belief. I think it can sometimes just be really rude for someone to say something like that to someone. *shrugs*

 

[NoDayButToday]

I agree that through our experiences we can teach others and learn ourselves, but I don't like to believe that that was the reason I was given CF.

 

[WinAce]

You don't need to be "God-hating" to realize how asinine such statements are, though. And the only way anyone can claim "no one gets more than they can handle" is by, you guessed it, ignoring every single case where people <i>did</i> get too much to handle. Like the "no <i>true</i> scotsman puts sugar on his porridge" thing.

 

[serendipity730]

Maggie,
I completely understand how you feel. Just because good things can come out of bad things (i.e. CF) doesn't mean that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes things just happen.

 

[anonymous]

Like the others, I also reject the "things happen for a reason" or "according to God's plan." I consider myself religious, but do not believe that God intervenes in our lives or makes things happen. Many people are raised with that kind of God concept, but it is not the only way to believe. Another good book on the subject is "When Bad Things Happen To Good People" by Rabbi Harold Kushner. You don't have to be Jewish to find it comforting, thoughtful, and helpful. (I read it when my daughter was born with CF.) In Kushner's view, God does not "make" things happen in our lives. In fact, he would find it hard to worship a loving God that makes bad things happen to good people, or that protects some people from harm while not protecting others. Rather, God is the source of strength and inspiration and comfort that helps you deal with the adversity and undeserved pain that is just part of living. I really like that thought.