Family driving me nuts

[2sickkids]

Does anyone else have the same problem? My brother says stupid things all the time like oh if they get sick and die oh well. I have a hard time not going off on him all the time. He and his wife are trying to have a baby and he will not get a carrier test. But most of our family acts like they could never have kids with CF. As if we did something to cause our sons to have it. My parents are always trying to come over here sick. They told my grandparents that our kids were gonna get better. I have explained it to everyone and with some of them I'd swear I was talking to a brick well.

 

[anonymous]

keep in mind you may be speaking to a brick wall. I know now not to expect anything from my in laws,well I meen nothing I would not get from a brick wall. sometimes you just got to smile because the rest of the world is so dumb. or I call it d.d. dumb/denial

 

[anonymous]

Hey oh my God, welcome to my hell. My own family, brick wall, thats being too nice. Stupid comes to mind though. Since my daughter was born, it was my fault, I must have been drinking, smoking doing drugs! If she is sick with a cold, cause I don't know how to dress her, I don't know how to raise her, feed her, bath her. Shut my mouth, you're kidding. I have been the black sheep since I was born 37yrs later, still the black sheep and now the bad one. I have since had a son, by choice no accident, well now guess who is the next black sheep. They don't like him, resent me for having him, now I'm taking away from my daughters needs, hhmm welcome to my hell.... Know exactly how you feel. And if a turning a blind eye is easier then you think with everything else on my plate, well it is. Where is the help or compasion and or everything will be okay. If they can't help or say something nice why are we the ones that always have to be the bigger person. I'm exhausted!!!!! Do you think they are? They don't have anyother stuff on their plates, it's as bad as they critisize me for missing all the sales in the grocery flyer, like I have time to look or even read the paper, they are retired, they have nothing else to do but look at the paper!!!! Sorry guys, you know what I need Dr. Phil!! hehe ( thanks for the help mom and dad!!!!!!!) oh by the way, God for bid if my 30yr old sister who has no kids doesn't get her wedding shower though, that would be the end of the world as we know it.
,

 

[2sickkids]

Wow I am not the only one. That sounds so familiar. Boy did I get it when I was expecting my youngest. It is nice to hear about the people that get support from their family but it makes me sad. Guess that is what I get for being born to a family more like the Manson family then the Brady bunch huh. Then of course I get the lectures about worrying too much about the kids. What I'd like to know is is when did making sure they get all their meds and stuff become worrying too much. And just because my parents didn't take me to the doctor doesn't mean I should do the same. They think we are at dr too much.

 

[thefrogprincess]

My brother and I both have cf and are two of the older cousins in my family. We were both diagnosed very early but only one of my relatives has ever had the carrier test, and it was positive. People just like to think that it can't happen to them. They are scared and push that off onto the person they blame for their fear. Namely, the cf person. They brought this thing into their lives that they didn't even know was possible. Its sad really.

 

[anonymous]

Hey it's me again, my family lives 5blocks from us, and they speak more to their grand children 800miles away in a week then they see my kids in 5 months. But beware when they do show up for the judgemental visite, the how bad you are cause your house is a mess, the, if your sister had kids she would have everything in check, the what did you do wrong again, why is your son so loud, do you give her all those meds, why do you give so much fat, she doesn't need all those pills are you sure you're doing it right? Oh but don't come around and help or anything just come and critisize. I turned my sister down, I'm not standing in her wedding, we don't even like each other and do you think I might be too busy anyway. It's not like they even came to my wedding. OH but it's her day, her big moment, since my daughters birth 5 yrs ago, no one has so muched as asked me, "are you okay, how you holding up" after all it's my child that has to go through this while I watch in horror and can't take away her pain. Oh and my sister, she won't go for genetic testing either, cause she don't care she said it's easy just give her some pills once in awhile and a couple of treatments. lol No one has told her how she's going to feel,when she has to watch her child go through a double lung transplant and her baby can barely catch her breath, she's never thought of that I bet! Manson family? That family looks real good to me about now, and if you knew my selfcentered family you'd know why. Boy, i'm sorry, but hey this is cheaper then therapy and about has good. Thanks for listening sorry I get so angry I can go on and on. take care

ps time to call therapist!!

pss what I have found, things go alot easier in my house when I don't let them in it.

 

[anonymous]

Reading some of these posts is like I wrote them myself!
My son is 2 hardly receives the time of day from my in-laws except for the judgemental visits.
Once again it is my fault he has CF as their family is to perfect to have anything like that happen.
I also feed him the wrong foods and he takes to many pills.
When my sister in law came over the day my baby was diagnosed all she could talk about was the tiles in her kitchen!
I now have stopped giving these people the time of day, if they want to be a part of my sons life they are going to have to acknowlege him and every part of him!
Fortunately my family are great my sister also has a child not with CF but special needs and so it is great having someone else who kind of relates.
They accept and love him for exactly who he is and do everything they can to show that.
I think a lot of these people (family) are scared and are in denial, they will be the ones that miss out in the long run!

 

[thefrogprincess]

Check this out, when my brother and i were really little my dad was in the army and he was stationed in another state. Me, my brother, and my mom all got pnemonia (sp??) and my grandmother who lived 10 minutes away wouldn't help my mom out, so none of were getting any better. My dad had to get an early discharge from the army so he could come home and take care of all of us! Thank gawd he had a good comanding officer who understood the situation.

 

[anonymous]

I can so relate. Some of my in-laws are so stupid that when my son was diagnosed, we called to tell them and they said "oh, that's a shame" and then proceeded to ask my husband some questions about their car. (his is an mechanic). We had just heard the results of the tests and were fighting back tears and all they could say was "Oh". I just chalk it up to their stupidity. I think overall, nobody ever mentions it so I think they just don't have a clue as to what CF is. I don't blame them for being stupid - maybe its genetic like CF.

 

[anonymous]

I am actually the silly one here when my BF first told me that he had CF I had no idea what it was I actually thought CF was Chronic Fatigue but he told me all about it at first I was shocked I didn't realise how serious it was.

 

[Emily65Roses]

At least you didn't tell him to piss off, or that it was all his fault he was sick after you learned what it was (referring, of course, to all the entries below). You know better now, and you're still with him. Works for me. <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

Hey, WOW!!!!! You know what would be fun, to switch our familiies around. YOu know, you can deal with my family, i.e. in-laws, and I will take yours!!! It"s easier to tell someone elses family (where to go sort of speak) then to tell your own. How dare they judge us, after all I got my GENES from my parents. DOn't they understand that. Old school, I've heard it all, can you imagine if we used that with our own children today....."oh hunny, that's old school, you don't need to take all those meds, the doctor doesn't know what he's talking about" That would work well don't you think. I can't believe this happens to more people then just me, I always thought I was the only person that was switched at birth or something. I so appreciate the sharing of stories, I truly thought I was out here alone. well like I said, I get to a point that I just shut them out, don't answer phone calls, don't visit, avoid at all costs. What saddens me, is that my children are missing out on grand-parents and they truly love their grand-parents, it's just how do you explain that their grand-parents don't truly love them, you know, unconditionally??? That is what is scary to me, and that I don't how to handle or deal with. After all, they will love my 5yr old daughter (with CF), but my four yr old son, truly notices the difference and tries so hard to get their attention. So I try to protect him, and in turn hurt my daughter. so confused!!

 

[anonymous]

My family is at it again yesterday my grandma asked me why I had my youngest. I wish they would stop . I am having panic attacks it has been months since I have seen any of my doctors. I am in pain from all my medical problems lack of sleep. I can't relax or destress. No one helps me but every one thinks they have all the answers. So stressed 2 days ago I cusses a woman out in the store for given her half cents worth. She came up and told me I should not have my 7mo in the seat in the shopping cart. She thought he was 2 mo. Then she told me if I talked to him maybe he'd stop screaming like that and he is so small maybe you should feed him more then ask why he couldn't sit up. Why do people do that stuff.

 

[anonymous]

Hon, they do it because they are stupid, ignorant and aren't satisified enough in their own lives so they have to meddle in everyone elses. It's about their issues, and not you. I know it's much easier for me to say than for you to do it, but you have got to learn to just look the other way. If your family doesn't cherish your children, then (I personally) wouldn't give them the satisfaction of having ANY of my children in their lives. Someday they will regret their actions. Also, maybe somebody will put it in their faces someday that if they really want to blame somebody they should just look in the mirror because it is a GENETIC disease and has no reflection on the parents, it is just simply genetics. But honestly nobody is to blame, and I hope you know that!

Julie (wife to Mark 24 w/CF)