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finding a spouse
- Thread starter anonymous
- Start date
Emily65Roses
New member
I think it changes too much from person to person to generalize. But that's just my take on it. Either way, I think we all have a lot of trouble in that area. As do healthy people, for that matter.
I would agree with the original poster. I am a female with CF and I would much rather be a woman than a man dealing with this. These are just my personal feelings and I'm not meaning to offend. It is, once again, just how I think.
Being a woman, I look for a man who is bigger than me that I feel safe with and protected by. And I think that some times (from the men I've known with CF) it is harder to find women who are attracted to a man with a smaller stature, etc. I think it is a crappy thing, but it is just what I have personally observed. I know with my husband, I want/expect HIM to take care of ME.
I really hope this didn't offend anyone. That was not my intention.
-kelli<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif" border="0">
Being a woman, I look for a man who is bigger than me that I feel safe with and protected by. And I think that some times (from the men I've known with CF) it is harder to find women who are attracted to a man with a smaller stature, etc. I think it is a crappy thing, but it is just what I have personally observed. I know with my husband, I want/expect HIM to take care of ME.
I really hope this didn't offend anyone. That was not my intention.
-kelli<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif" border="0">
<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">I am a female with CF, and believe size doesn't count.... It's truely what's inside that counts, I look for kindness and compassion. There are many many illnesses, understanding and accepting we are all different is half the battle. My late brother who also had CF had some loving caring girlfriends and they did not make him feel inadequate because of appearance.
Emily65Roses
New member
How extraordinarily juvenile. Size may make it a little better, but what's ALWAYS more important is emotion involved and that the guy knows/cares about what you like.
As far as CF guys being small, I could see that as kind of a problem. I myself tend to go for guys 6' or over. But at the same time, I wouldn't NOT go out with a guy just because of his size. If I liked the guy, and he was shorter than me, I wouldn't much care. Certainly not enough to avoid him for it.
But then CF girls have similar little problems with appearance. Our stomachs tend to stick out, even if we've got damn near 0% body fat, and let's face it... no guy wants a fat-looking chick. I'm sure there are other little quirks similar to this for girls, but I'm just not in a thinking mood.
Either way, you get the idea. We all have our problems. I see what you mean about guys having trouble with size, but girls might have trouble with size for quite a different reason.
As far as CF guys being small, I could see that as kind of a problem. I myself tend to go for guys 6' or over. But at the same time, I wouldn't NOT go out with a guy just because of his size. If I liked the guy, and he was shorter than me, I wouldn't much care. Certainly not enough to avoid him for it.
But then CF girls have similar little problems with appearance. Our stomachs tend to stick out, even if we've got damn near 0% body fat, and let's face it... no guy wants a fat-looking chick. I'm sure there are other little quirks similar to this for girls, but I'm just not in a thinking mood.
Either way, you get the idea. We all have our problems. I see what you mean about guys having trouble with size, but girls might have trouble with size for quite a different reason.
Weird or not...I wish there were more girls like you! Actually, I always find it tough to get involved at just the girlfriend stage of a relationship, let alone having it ever progress to becoming a marriage. A long time ago I must have subconsiously decided that I wasn't going to seek out someone for my own personal happiness, only to make her suffer when my health took a turn for the worse. So I've always pushed anyone who came to close away. Last thing I want is for someone I love to have to plan my funeral...and that is probably why I'm still single today.
Richard
31 w/cf
Richard
31 w/cf
Emily65Roses
New member
Hey Rich... everyone has to plan a funeral they don't want to someday. And if you warn the girl right away, and she stays with you, she's making that conscious choice. She knows she will probably have to plan your service someday, she's an adult making her own choices, and wants to be with you anyway. So I say go out to the dating scene in FLIN FLON and find a girl who's got enough smarts to stick around "despite" your CF (even though I tend to think it definitely has its perks). <3
Richard,
I can see where you are coming from, and can't ever know exactly how you feel because I am not in that position. But I know that I will loose my husband someday, then again, he might outlive me (and just my luck he will <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> ). But just from a woman's perspective, who's married to someone who has CF, I would rather have this time together-however short it might or might not be, than never have married him at all.
I don't want to be preaching to you or anything and certainly am not trying to, but I guarantee if you ever do get to the point where you open yourself up to a serious relationship, you will find that the CF isn't even a big concern to someone who really cares about you.
I hope that if you wish, you really do find someone.
Julie (wife to Mark 24 w/CF) married almost three years (in August) and together almost six.
I can see where you are coming from, and can't ever know exactly how you feel because I am not in that position. But I know that I will loose my husband someday, then again, he might outlive me (and just my luck he will <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> ). But just from a woman's perspective, who's married to someone who has CF, I would rather have this time together-however short it might or might not be, than never have married him at all.
I don't want to be preaching to you or anything and certainly am not trying to, but I guarantee if you ever do get to the point where you open yourself up to a serious relationship, you will find that the CF isn't even a big concern to someone who really cares about you.
I hope that if you wish, you really do find someone.
Julie (wife to Mark 24 w/CF) married almost three years (in August) and together almost six.
L
luke
Guest
richard
On my first marriage I ALWAYS told myself I would push her away when I got sick so she didn't have to go through all of dying issues. She was very weak and I just knew she could not take care of herself more enough me. I figured it would be my brother at my bedside and that is how I wanted it.
My new wife is completely different, I take comfort in knowing she will be there with me through the all the hard times. She is emotionally strong and I can let myself be taken care of by her. She makes herself be involved in my health even when I want her to leave well enough alone. So now, my wife and my brother, one on each side is how I envision my last hours. That would be as comfortable as I could possinly imagine.
I guess what I am saying is when you find the ONE your impression might change.
luke
On my first marriage I ALWAYS told myself I would push her away when I got sick so she didn't have to go through all of dying issues. She was very weak and I just knew she could not take care of herself more enough me. I figured it would be my brother at my bedside and that is how I wanted it.
My new wife is completely different, I take comfort in knowing she will be there with me through the all the hard times. She is emotionally strong and I can let myself be taken care of by her. She makes herself be involved in my health even when I want her to leave well enough alone. So now, my wife and my brother, one on each side is how I envision my last hours. That would be as comfortable as I could possinly imagine.
I guess what I am saying is when you find the ONE your impression might change.
luke