Frustrations, frustrations

[julie]

So... some of you had some GREAT advice about how to kind of cut corners to save money and maybe even raise awareness in the community-thank you again by the way!

I got off my butt the other day (actually, off my back and onto my butt <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">) and contacted some local churches. Some via email, some via phone where I left a message. I would personally go in under different circumstances, but I'm getting to the "must be relaxing/laying down 90% of the day" time in my pregnancy. I've had one respond so far saying they might be able to help with some diapers and groceries, so I'm very thrilled about that. They'll wait until the babies are born and need birth certificates (understandable) but they should be able to help with like a pack a week. Great news for us!!!

I also pondered the "human interest story" that a number of you had mentioned. I didn't/don't think Mark would go for it because he is VERY private about his CF and even more private and embarassed (why embarassed??? I really don't get it) about the IVF (something about not being able to get me pregnant naturally, I was like, "well your suckers fertilize just fine cause look at us now", but he's still stuck on being embarassed about it). But, I thought I'd do some of the leg work anyways, just in case he was willing.

Get this.... the Navy says I can't do it. I said, WHAT??? They said something to the effect of (and this is from the legal department) of, "well, if you do a story and say you are in the military/Navy and you are struggling financially and are asking for support from the community, it's bad publicity for the military". Again I said, WHAT??!??!?!?
I told the guy, "listen, I'd mention I'm in the military so people understand that I am working and DO have a job. It has nothing to do with the military not providing, it's not their job to provide just because I went out and had 3 kids instead of 1. Nonetheless, we are still struggling to pay our mortgage and buy groceries right now! I'm not asking the military to provide for me because of my choices, but I am wanting to let the community know what's going on and ask for help. Giving is what makes the world go around". And he said that the PR department (who I'd have to talk to before doing a story) would have to come to legal to get it cleared through the commander, and that the commander woudn't authorize it.

So then I said, "what if I didn't mentione where I was stationed or what branch of the military I was in" and he still said "no way, it's bad publicity for the miltiary and we won't authorize it....." So then I said, "what if I just say I work for the government" and he said, "that won't work either for two reasons, #1, we still won't authorize it, #2, somebody in the community is going to figure out that you are in the military and then somehow the public might find out, and #3 (apparently he can't count) IF you did do it without our authorization, we know who you are, we know we told you NOT to do it and you would be facing a lot of legal issues and possible discharge".

AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA What do I do now. Of course, it wasn't a for sure that we were even going to do a story, that is all dependent on Mark's feelings and I respect his right to privacy, it's his disease, NOT mine so I can have an opinion but the decision is his. But for them to tell me this and it's because, "It will make the military look bad". WHAT THE HECK?????

Is anyone else scratching their head over this or is it just me?

Hopefully some of the other stuff will pan out. I've already started a little folder of "money saving ideas" that everyone's given me so I have them all in one location and ready to use when the time comes (no sense in making baby wipes now as they have no preservatives and won't keep for 6+ weeks). We are going to the food bank on Tuesday, get some food there to help cut down the food bill so we can use some more money for the mortgage and bills, and I am awaiting the paperwork on the Tricare case we won so Mark can get a Rx for boost shakes (which will help a bit with the food expenses).

Thanks for listening to this rant... if anyone else has any ideas for saving money and such, I welcome them!!!

 

[LouLou]

ERRR!!!!

 

[anonymous]

julie,

Just a couple ideas off the top of my head for saving $.(You might know these already but what the hey)..Buy meat on sale, bulk if you can. With 3 kids you'ld need to buy in bulk anyway. Chicken cut up with skin/bones so much cheaper. I cook it and freeze some for meals later in the weak/month, time-saver, too. Crock-pot, if ya don't have one get one. you can cook up very cheap meat and it takes delicious, makes your house smell good and again should I say great time saver. I love my crock pot, throw the stuff in the am and dinner cooks itself fairly healthy and cheap. I have some good recipes for beef stew, chicken soup. chili if ya want me to post them.

My husband and I also have this credit card we use for almost all purchases called Upromise. The credit card company gives us a certain amount of $ per month toward a college savings account set up for each of our children. This $ in the college savings account is not taxable as well.

I use coupons but only for things I already planned on buying. I've cut down on buying clthes for the kids, hand-me-downs are great. Good for the environment too not to purchase so much stuff. Also, some thrift stores will buy back children's clothes in good condition.

That's all for now

Good luck,
Rebecca(mom to Sammy almost 8 no CF and MAggie 3 1/2 with CF)

 

[anonymous]

What about a part time job for Mark? Just until the babies arrive, even something as simple as mowing lawns (assuming he doesn't have significant allergies). Won't make a huge difference but would allow you to save up some money and take the burden off til the triplets get here.

I think you said you're already buying in bulk? Generics, too, I suppose? Are you able to cook now? If not, can Mark cook large, homemade dinners, split them in smaller dinners and freeze? It's more cost effective that way. Do you have any programs like CAPE in your county that offer one time subsidies for utility bills or things like that? I know you're mostly on bed rest but can you do any (small amount) of web designing, typing, etc from home for a small fee?

I know these aren't very good ideas. Unfortunately, I'm just tapped out now. I hope others have some more useful ideas.

On the military, I'm honestly not surprised. Can you do an article if you just don't mention how you're struggling?? Just bringing the awareness, even without a plea for help will often bring an outpouring from the community.

 

[anonymous]

Prior to DS being born, my lovely coworkers and relatives constantly had to remind us that "once you have kids your lives are going to be over -- no more sleep, no more money.... Yadda yadda yadda. Granted you're going to have THREE babies all at once, but you'll probably be giving up on other things and will have some unexpected cost savings some where -- DH and I don't go out to eat, out for drinks or movies as much any more. I don't run to the mall on my lunch break and buy myself a new outfit or some little treat. We've cut back on Xmas & Birthday gifts -- set a budget and aren't as generous with friends and family anymore I don't have TIME to bake anymore, so I'm not baking cookies and goodies from DH or my coworkers. Diapers were a biggy, but I signed up with both Huggies and Pampers and got quite a few coupons. I also signed up with infamil and simalac. Ended up using Infamil and every couple of weeks I'd get a coupon/check from them for $3-10 off the price of a container of formula.

Also, I did for myself what I did for my sister when she was pregnant with her 3rd child -- When I was out shopping at Target or Walmart, I'd pick up a baby item -- shampoo, bag of wipes, bag of diapers and put it in a big box. By the time my sister's baby was born -- I had a box FULL of goodies for her.

My elderly neighbor even brought by a bag of huggies for me 'cuz he saw them on sale. Whatta sweetie. On a side note -- last year a lady in our church had twins about the same time her husband got in an accident. The church organized a diaper drive -- people donated a package of diapers, wipes for this family so there was one less worry.

Liza aka ratatosk

 

[julie]

Thanks Rebecca, I'd love to see the beef stew, chicken soup, chilli... recipies. We have a crock pot and have used if for a number of different things. I'd love to get some more tasty recipeies to use.

We have Upromise too, signed up YEARS ago (LOL, I should have known) and we also have a credit card that gives cash back, so we use that when we know we can pay it off 100% at the end of the month.

Marks trying to get a PT job at the local gym, which will also give him a free membership (although we use it as a medical deduction and it's only $15 a month) but he has to make sure that the hours are condusive to him finishing up his last class for school and has to stay within certain limits so he can continue to recieve his SS benefits. I know it seems futile now to keep his SS, but since he will be staying home with the babies when I go back to work it will be essential for him to keep those SS benefits....

We do cook in bulk and freeze and reheat a few days later or a week or two later, so that is cost effective for us. And the commisary carries a lot of generics so we get generic too if they have it, same with at the grocery store, generics over name brand any day.

I've looked at some "work from home" sites and on craigs list and seattle times for stuff I can do at home on the computer, or even little projects I can make/do at home and sell but I've come up empty handed, or you have to pay first and then they accept you and then you pay. I'm not handing over any money to work for someone, if that makes sense.

I suppose I *might* be able to do an article on the birth of the triplets or something like that (I think they are the only set in the city where we live) but then again, I'd have to run it through the military PR and then they run it through legal, so even not mentioning that we are struggling would still probably be a no. Just how they work....

I'll keep looking into the "work from home" sites, any suggestions from anyone on those????

Thanks for the info and the posts and ideas! I appreciate it!

 

[Haileysmommy]

I would contact Discovery Health. They might be all over the CF triplet thing. Then you aren't asking for help, people will be knocking(hopefully) on your door to give it to you. That way you aren't making it out that you don't make enough they will see your struggles themselves

 

[anonymous]

Recipes:

I got these from the Betty Crocker Slow cooker Cookbook. I adjusted the recipies a little for our taste.

Chicken Noodle Soup(great when not feeling well)

3/4 pound boneless, skinless chicken thigh, cut into 1 inch pieces

2 medium stalks celery(with leaves) sliced(1 1/4 cups)

1 large carrot, chopped(3/4 cup) I use baby carrots

1 medium onion, chopped(1/2 cup)

1 can(14 1/2 onces) diced tomatoes, undrained, I use Delmonte brand with oregano and garlic and basil(yum)

1 can (14 1/2 ounces) chicken broth

1 teaspoon dried thyme leaves


Instructions: cook chicken in skillet(sprayed with cooking spray) 5 min until brown

Mix chicken and remaining ingrediants in slow cooker

Cook low heat 6 1/2-7 hours.

Sometimes i add peas/leftover noodles add the very end of cooking if so desired.

I also double this recipe(Great in the winter)

you can add fat by drizzling a little olive oil to a single bowl after the whole dish is cooked(if you want for Mark)

Gotta go kids are WilD!

Rebecca(Mom to sammy 8 no CF and MAggie 3 1/2 with CF)

 

[DietRootBeer]

So...is Mark staying at home with the babies when you go back to work full-time?? That is great! Atleast then you do not have to worry about childcare costs but it will be quite the job for him!! I hope he will have help.

What about downsizing your mortgage? Either stretching the payment over say 30+ yrs if the bank will allow it or moving closer to your job so you do not need a car to get you there. Cars are such a waste of money, and gas prices are ridiculous!! Even if you could rent near where you work. Maybe your family could hold like a huge garage sale for you guys too...or some other charitable event.

I would not get your hopes too high on charity Julie...you may get some donations but I am sure it is only a short-term solution. You are going to have to do something drastic to lower your income-like moving or getting a better paying job ...etc. I wish you the very best and keep us updated!!!

 

[ladybug]

Julie,

I'm so sorry you're having such a frustrating time with all of this. I don't have many other suggestions that others haven't already shared.

I have actually heard that about the military though. I'm not really surprised, and though it really stinks, I do kinda see where they're coming from. If every military personnel could go online or on tv and talk about how they're struggling, I would think many of them would, and it would look VERY bad for the military. And, it would open the door for people in the military talking bad about the military (which is a HUGE no-no, as I'm sure you're aware.) I know this is not the case for you, and it makes no difference that you're in the military with regard to this story and your struggling, but you get where I'm coming from. OTHERS may take advantage.

... However, I do wonder how people (like familys who have people in Iraq) are able to go on TV and have their houses redecorated and/or childcare provided (super nanny), etc. and this not be showing that even military families struggle when unexpected things come up (deployments to Iraq, etc.).... I would think this would also show that the families are not able to "keep up" when spouse is away, so how is this different than you wanting to show you need help "keeping up" while husband is battling CF, etc.? Hmmmm.... seems there should be a way around this.

Good luck!

 

[ladybug]

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO MY SUGGESTION FOR A RECIPE-SHARE ON THIS SITE?!?!

I posted that months ago, and nothing has come of it.

I think that would help ALL of us get healthy, high-calorie meals AND save us ALL money. Its very frustrating that nothing has happened with this. Sorry to rant, but there should be no reason that we'd have to post recipes within posts (hard to find) when Bill could maybe just make a link on the side to add recipes to. I hope this happens soon for Julie's sake, and all of us to benefit.

 

[julie]

Thanks for the recipes rebecca, I really appreciate it.

Yep, Mark will be stay at home daddyoooooooo. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> He's excited about it, but also torn because he was looking forward to getting a job, after 4 years of college and not working, he was excited to focus on work. He's been looking for jobs, to see if he can find one with a bit more than I make (because of the military tax benefits) and great health benefits, but so far.... nothing in Seattle. My mom is taking a month off (I LOVE my mom) and his mom is taking a week off of work to help, so initially he'll have help, and I'm off for 6 weeks after the birth, but then we kind of all leave at once. Poor guy....

Do you know much about mortgage? I was just thinking, and even moreso after your post about the mortgage, maybe we could refinance to reduce the payments, but I'm not sure if it works that way or not. We already have a 30 year so extending it more isn't an option, but if anyone knows if refinancing could help with this sort of thing....To reduce the monthly payments???? I'm clueless (clearly)

We've thought about renting the house and moving closer to my base, but the rental prices are so much lower than the purchase prices/our mortgage, that we'd end up having to pay a lot of money out of pocket for the difference between rent and mortgage, each month. As it is, we only live about 15-20 miles away.

As far as getting rid of the car, it's not really an option with 3 babies who will be preemies, needing to go to the dr. a lot. If the bus system in my City was an option, we would use it and forego the car alltogether, but the bus system is really bad and really really limited in my area. Maybe in a few years it will be expanded as things grow. Seattle and the other nearby metropolitan areas have a great bus system (my dad drives for them <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">) but not yet where I live.

I wish I could get a better paying job <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">, but I'm locked into the military for another 2 years. And to be quite honest, the benefits are wonderful (health mainly). Mark and I talked about maybe me getting a second job, I woudn't mind, I've done it before. But I've never done it with 3 little ones at home and I fear I'd never see my kids. we've also talked about him getting a PT job in the evenings after I get home, but I don't want him to wear himself out and get sick. He'll need that time to recoop.

Thanks for the mortgage idea though, I'll look into it and see if doing something like refinancing would lower our monthly payment.

 

[anonymous]

sonia,

you're right about having a recipe section. I have learned to cook for a child with CF as well as for a whole family in a healthy way for us all(most of the time) that is moderately priced. I would share my recipes, time willing.

Rebecca( mom to Sammy 8 no Cf and Maggie 3 1/2 with CF)

 

[julie]

I think a recipe share is a great idea. I'm not a good cook, so I don't think I'd have much to contribute, and I might have some recipes from my mom but they eat "high end", always have so I'm not sure that would help anyone here <img src=""> But I sure would love some tasty but cheaper to make ideas. Hummmmmmmmm

Thanks for the info Sonia. I do see what you are saying, and I didn't want to say anyting relating to the military in relation to our struggles, because really there is no link (i.e. I'm not poor because I'm in the military). But I figured it would be best to let people know YES, I DO have a job. But ow that I went and tried to get permission to do it, I've kind of shot myself in the foot from taking about it and not even mentioning my job....That's life I guess <img src=""> I'd rather learn now than later.

And things do start to look better as the year end nears, I get a raise for my 3 year mark in October, and I get an good uniform allowance which will reimburse everything I've spent on uniforms in the last year so that will help, and I haven't worn them in a while so they need no upkeep, so for once it's money in my pocket instead of money in and then money out. plus the babies will get some of Mark's SSDI, there is a "family maximum" and all together they will get about $300. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's just that a number of things came up that we didn't plan on (stomach draining in relation to IVF, 3 babies instead of 1, outrageous food expenses while eating for 4 but still being considered only eating for 1 by WIC and food stamps, not having any funding through DVR for Mark's tuition this summer so we had to pay 100% out of pocket for tuition AND books-usually we end up paying about 50% per semester, or he could take the classes next semester when the triplets were here-yah right, ...) and the savings we would have normally had to cover these expenses, was all spent on IVF (in hindsight, NOT a good plan on our part).
So there is hope, we won't be this short on funds for more than just another 2 months or so, but in the meantime it's making life very very difficult.

 

[DietRootBeer]

Hey Julie,

As for the mortgage you could check with your bank if you could re-mortgage your home. Maybe they can extend the amortization period from 30yrs to 35 yrs and that would lower your payment and you could ask for a cash back option as well( I live in Canada so not sure if the same in the USA but when we bought our home we got 5,000$ in the bank the day we signed because we chose cash back. Not the smartest option but when you are young and poor sometimes you have no choice. The rate will be higher on cash back but you get a lump sum after signing). Also I am not sure how new your mortgage is but you could always get money from the bank and add it to your mortgage. Say like 10,000$ and they add it to your mortgage. It will up your payment in the long run but it would probably keep you a float for now. My bank said that if I ever want to do renovations I can add it to my mortgage. So when we re-did our roof they gave us 5,000$. All we needed to do is fax some hardware receipts to her and she released the money. You could ask for that and use the money for basic living.

Adding extra to your mortgage is never a bright idea but sometimes in life you have to do what is needed to take care of your family.

How about getting a lift from a co-worker to work? Two cars seems soooo expensive. Maybe someone in your area going the same way could help. You could pay them something...

 

[julie]

We are trying to get a carpool going at work, that's a great idea. Only problem we keep running into is that we have 3 different shifts, and 4 different duty sections. So probably 2-3 days a week I could carpool with someone (there are only 2 that live by me, but one is a civilian and has different hours) but the other 2 or 3 days I'd need a car, or someone to watch the kids for about 1 hour so Mark could take me and get home.

I'm going to try and look into the mortgage thing today, or at least start it. I don't really want to take cash out because the mortgage is already a lot for us to pay (I keep asking myself why we did it, and it was because last year when we bought the house, before we even moved up here, Mark was going to be working through the summer PT and get a full time job when he graduated in the fall. The PT went out the window when I got put on bedrest and needed some help around the house, with meals, going to the dr. two times a week... and the FT went out the windo when we decided he was staying home with the babies) and we would just be taking it out and increasing our payments on the mortgage. But maybe there is a way to do it, maybe try to get alower interest rate.... Thanks for suggesting that!!!

 

[ladybug]

Julie-

You only get 6 weeks off from work after having 3 babies!?!?!? WTF!!!! That is terrible!

I didn't mean that you're not at a right to mention what you do. And, I know what you meant.

I mostly posted cause I don't reallly see the difference between you doing publicity and saying, "Cause of X,Y, and Z, our family needs help." versus another family who has a spouse away in Iraq saying "Cause of X,Y, and Z, <i>our</i> family needs help." Often, shows on TV show them helping families who can't make ends meet while spouse is away at war. How is this "looking good" for the military? I mean, can't the military take care of such families "better" so they don't need to ask for outside assitance? Can't the military take better care of them and offer them resources so they don't have to ask SuperNanny or Ty (whatever his name is who builds houses for people down on their luck)? I've seen both such shows.... I can't see a bit of difference between what you'd be doing and what they do.

"Because of X, Y, Z I want to get my story out." If anything, you being in the military has LESS to do with what you're doing than someone having a house built for them when their spouse is away at war. Ya know? I just don't see any difference. Maybe you could bring this up to someone and see what they say. I wonder how those people got PR to ok such shows when you can't do a human interest story that has really nothing to do with the military or fact you're in it. Matter of fact, like you said, the PR may be GOOD... I mean, they have GREAT health benefits and they could highlight that. Maybe that would appease PR.

Hmmmm....

 

[anonymous]

Maybe Mark will need a very large and specially trained Octopus to help him out at home...I saw one on the Flintstones, once!
I can totally understand Mark's embarrasement for IFV...Simply put, it's a guys thing and women may just not understand that point.
As for the Military thing, I'd ask a second opinion, OR idea number two...find out from the military about any programs in relation to your situation...strange how easy the guy would say that the PR would be unauthorized, but never gave any assistance to your situation in regards to what the military might have available for you. (Brrr...cold vibes from that guy!)

 

[julie]

I gotcha. That's a good angle <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">. The military has great health benefits... blah blah blah. Make someone happy about it, put in a good word and maybe they'll ok it. Maybe I'll try that route. I'll talk to my chief and see if I can get him on "my side", his opinion of the siutation will weigh much more heavily than mine. So far though his response has been, "just don't get behind on the bills". I miss my old command in CA, the were much more helpful and understanding than people seem to be up here. Granted, I was never down on my luck for the 2+ years I was there, but I saw how they went out of their way for others, and how they were reasonable in most everythign they did.

Yep, 6 weeks. I'm just leaving that one alone for now until the time comes. I've read the instruction and it says 6 weeks for an uncomplicated delivery. Well, no offense to anyone but even on the best day, my delivery will be anything BUT uncomplicated. And that 6 weeks is for a singleton. There is nothing in there addressing multiple births, or how much longer to give it if IS a complcated delivery. The instruction leaves much to be desired. If I made the rules I'd say 6 weeks per kid, but I don't make the rules <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">. Or 4 weeks each after they get out of the NICU, or someting like that. When the time comes, I'll talk with my Dr. and maybe she'll have some more pull....

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Landy]

Julie
I don't have much to add to what's been said, but wanted you to know that I feel for you & wish things weren't so financially stressful for you.
Do you think once your maternity leave is done with & you're back to work things will still be as stressed financially? I'm hoping there's a light at the end of the tunnel here is what I'm trying to get at!
Too bad the military won't let you go public. That was going to be my first/main suggestion. I think your story would get picked up in a heartbeat.
Sorry I don't have anything to offer, but, hey....if i win the lottery, I'll keep you in mind<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">