Goodbye, Holland

Allie

New member
Goodbye, Holland

You have lived for many years in Holland. Now it is home. Your friends are all in Italy, but you visit them now and barely understand. They visit you and discover you don't speak Dutch. But this is your land. You have discovered the wonder in a Rembrandt, the peaceful joy in of gawking at the tulips that bloom each spring, the tragedy of Anne Frank, and even the partying and joy in Amsterdam. A contented smile lights your face as you take in the windmill silhouetted by the sunset.

Then, one morning, a notice is stamped on your door. You are being departed from Holland. "What?!," You cry, "No. Holland is all I know now. You can't make me leave!" But it is all out of your hands. In a month, Holland will be gone. You wander the streets of your beloved country, trying to desperately breathe in everything and etch it on your heart. Tears fill your eyes as you tenderly stroke the petal of a tulip, knowing you'll never feel it again. You struggle to accept your parting as you look on the majesty of the Hauge, trying to let it and all of Holland sink into your eyes and flow into your very soul.

When the day comes, it seems unexpected, though you knew it was coming. You weep bitterly as you recall the times you prayed to leave Holland. As it fades from sight, you keep your eyes on it as long as you can, and when it drops from sight, the tears all uncontrollably, knowing you can never go back.

Friends try and understand your hurt back home. But they never know anything but the facts about Holland, not its heart, or its spirit. You hear them talk about Italy. They visit it often. When you speak of Holland, they get hushed, and you know they whisper of your expulsion in private. They try to distract you from talking about Holland, all they seem to remember is the leaving, not the living.

But you remember Holland in full. Pictures and wrods about Holland bring both smiles and tears. You offer your hand to anyone who has discovered they are moving there, you know all the inside tips. You keep Holland with you always, even as you walk the streets of a new country. You may not be in Holland, but Holland is in you.

-Allie Stentsland
 

kayleesgrandma

New member
Allie, I am so moved by your story.  I lost my own soulmate 33
yrs ago (just yesterday it seems), and I feel your pain.  I
can say that at <span style=
" text-decoration: underline;">least a day or two passes
where I dont think about him (my Tom).  You will never lose
the pain, it just becomes easier to handle.  Talking to others
about your pain helps.  You are so so lucky to have a part of
him in your child, I would give anything to have had a baby.
 I am so sad that you are so sad.  
 

Faust

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>

I Have a very deep head wound...</end quote></div>


Really? How is that working out?
 

anonymous

New member
Nice, Allie.
I'm thinking you would have made lots of friends in Holland during all those years -- friends that you would miss and worry about now that you are in Italy. Would you go back to visit them, write them, talk about them to your Italian friends.
 

shauna

New member
wow Allie thank you so much, that's awesome!!! you are so talented....never underestimate yourself and what you bring to everyone here.
 

Jane

Digital opinion leader
This is so beautiful Allie. I especially liked the part about not being in Holland, but Holland being in you.

I have to question the anan before me though...just because Allie is no longer in Holland, it doesn't necessarily mean she is in Italy. In my opinion once you're in Holland you will never get to Italy. But I'm still in Holland, so I don't know for sure.
 

anonymous

New member
They say time doesn't heal, it just learns to accomodate...

I liked your story Allie, well done. You have a gift for writing, and its great that you can share that.

Shamrock, x
 

LisaV

New member
Hi Jane,
That anon was me (I forgot to sign in).

I agree with you that once you've lived in Holland/Siberia you can never be Italian. They might deport you to Italy, but when you get to Italy you'd find out (maybe even much to your astonishment) that you'd become Dutch/Siberian .

Maybe over a long time you would change and end up being Italian so that if you later tot deported from Italy to somewhere else you'd be an uncomfortable immigrant to that new country.

But I'm not sure you can change. As a parent (or spouse) who has lived with CF long enough to loose a loved one, I'm thinking that you're whole persepective on life, chronic illness, hardship, joy, the "gods", fate, justice, death, etc would have changed--that you would always see these things through the eyes of the Dutchman/woman you had become. I think that's what Allie meant when she wrote that Holland is now in you.

At least that's what I'm finding out about me right now.

Who would think that I (someone who hates the cold) would ever fondly remember the coziness of being inside with loved ones while the blizzard tried to blow its way into the house....
 

Jane

Digital opinion leader
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>LisaV</b></i>

an uncomfortable immigrant .








perfectly said
 

anonymous

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>

Very lovely Allie. You continue to amaze me!</end quote></div>


Sorry, that was me!
 

BigBee

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i> I'm
confused...</end quote></div><br>
<br>
<br>
I'm guessing that anon didn't read the original Holland story -
 I only know about it because of Izemmom.  Maybe someone
could post the link to the original story - I'm not that
technologically advanced.
 

BigBee

New member
Allie, You hit the nail on the head. I lived in a different part of
Holland than you, but I too was rudely forced to leave. You've
captured an emotion that is extremely difficult to put into words.
You have a true gift.   I really got attached to my place
in Denial, Holland and I miss it there....
 
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