Grandparents think Parents are Overprotective?

[anonymous]

We have a 20 month old boy with CF and we are in the midst of a family problem. His grandparents (my parents) think we are overprotective of our boy and that he will not grow up to be normal because we dont let him get out enough. This drives me crazy because i feel they dont understand the disease, mostly because they say things such as "he needs to play with other kids more and dont worry about if they are sick because it will boost his immune system". They also feed him treats and forget to give him enzyme and they get very mad at his bedtime because they want him to stay up and play.

I dont want to be too wordy, so ill just say our boys only rules are that we stick to an eating and bedtime schedule and he plays with other kids but definitely not if they have a cold.

Thanks for any and all advice from other CF parents or people with CF.

Barry & Jill w/ Derek (20 mos with CF)

 

[Emily65Roses]

I have to say, for the most part, I agree with the grandparents. Not with the snacking - enzymes thing. That's pointless. But with going out, playing with other kids, even if they have colds, I definitely agree. It's impossible to avoid colds forever, no matter how hard you try. Keep the other kids away if they have something more serious like the flu or pneumonia, but a cold is just a cold. Whenever my boyfriend comes over with a cold these days, I just grab him and kiss him right there, to get it out of the way. I'm going to get it anyway, no point in trying not to.

You're right, though... In the end, it's your kids, your rules. But don't think the grandparents are just being ridiculous and not caring about your kids. You have to find a happy medium between fighting the CF as hard as possible... and still allowing the child to have a life. If you go too far to either direction, it's no good. Too far into fighting CF and the kid'll resent you for being overprotective. Too far in allowing the child to live, and their health is liable to go down the tubes. Let the kids play with other kids, but don't let them eat without enzymes. It's a give and take type thing. Give in places you think are acceptable to do that, and keep the rules in places where you think they really matter.

The "building an immune system" thing I also entirely agree with. The more they're exposed to, the more they can fight off. All I want you to do is keep what the grandparents said in mind. They're not completely offbase.

 

[anonymous]

Hi --

I am the mom of three (thomas 14 w/o cf, tara 12 w/cf and Tina 9 w/cf).

My motto has always been:

If I have a choice, I would rather my girls live 20 happy years running around with friends and family then 40 years at home keeping to themselves.

This philosophy seems to work. My kids rarely think about their disease. Even when we are hospitalized, it is just part of the day, part of our routine. As they get older, it becomes even harder to shelter them from colds, etc.

Hope this helps!! Deb

 

[anonymous]

Hi There,
I can understand your frustration.
You are just trying to do the right thing for your son and it isn't asking to much for family to respect your choices whether they agree with them or not.
It isn't a matter of questioning whether they care or not.
My son is 2 and a half and it has taken a while to relax about things, and in the beginning I was very protective and as he gets older I learn to relax a little bit more.
He attends Kindergarten and is infact one of the healthiest children at the centre.
Good Luck to you and your little boy!
Rebekah
Mother to Matt 2years w/CF and Ella 8 mths Wo/CF

 

[anonymous]

Hi there, just wanted to say that I don't blame you for keeping a close eye on him, especially while he is so young. The lungs do the most developing during their first 2 years, then years 2-5, and after that they slow way down in development. SO, it is important to avoid lung infections while they are young and unfortunately having something as simple as a cold can make them more susceptible to getting something worse. I let my daughter (age 2) participate in playgroups/classes - most times twice a week - but I watch her closely, disinfect her afterwards (for whatever that is really worth) and keep my eyes out for coughing kids (we leave if someone is coughing much). Most of my friends who have kids without CF are very careful with their kids and won't bring them if they are sick and take measures to keep them from getting sick too, which really helps me out (not that they do it for me or my daughter, it just helps to have friends who are also careful). Of course I have run into people who think we are overprotective but I have also run into people who think we are too liberal with her, so my husband and I have just decided to stick with what works for us and everyone us can just bug off!

Hope this helps!

 

[anonymous]

DS goes to a daycare and is around other children, but I'm still a bit overprotective -- especially around the holidays, when there are more people from out of town around. I wipe down grocery carts and have only let ds play at Mcdonald's playroom once in his life and afterwards I wiped him down with wipes.

My FIL has chronic sinus problems and I know I'm a nag about that, but he carries around a nasty hanky and/or he's always blowing his nose and doesn't wash his hands afterwards -- who knows whats growing in his nasal passages.

Also, they don't listen when I say they need to throw out moldy onions, throw out moldy bath toys.

And the thing that drives me absolultely crazy is at family events when people are either smoking outdoors or think they need a bonfire. DS is too little to understand that he has to stay away from smoke and MIL is just too embarrassed to tell people not to smoke around DS.

The enzyme thing isn't really an issue 'cuz they know what we went thru when DS was born with the meconium illeus. But MIL drives me nuts when we're trying to feed DS his dinner and she brings out the low cal veggies, which DS loves -- then he'll only eat some carrots or cukes and refuse to eat anything else.