Health decline after becoming a mother?

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gunelle

Guest
Hi, as I have mentioned in other threads on this forum, we are in the process of deciding to have a baby. We had more or less decided to go ahead, but after meeting with my cf specialist we are back to doubting, or I am.


On the one hand, I have never been the one who's desire in life was to become a mother - but I am starting to realize that this is due to some personal stuff in my past, that has affected my way of thinking about the matter. There are things in my head I need to figure out. I am afraid. Of not loving my child, of being a bad mother and that being a mother is for life. That is my head talking. My heart is wanting... When my partner said that he wants a child, I became emotional, with the thought of giving him a child. I want that. When I see babies I want my own. I have a lot of love to give...

Then there is the issue which really is the reason I am writing here.
I met with my cf doctor a few days ago. At my visit 3 months ago, we mentioned that we were going to try for a baby, and agreed that on the next visit he would have some papers ready that I need to go see a high risk pregnancy gynocologist. At the apointment a few days ago, my partner could not join me so my mil came with me. She asked some questions about the risk for my health, and my doctor explained that there were risks. That there were medications that I could not take during pregnancy, and that it will be a high risk one, and that I might lose lung function in the long run, due to not getting enough sleep, catching bugs from the child once it's in kindergarden etc. Basicly he did not say it, but he is against it. He would like to see me the most possibly healthy, and a child can worsen my health. Also I told him, that I was never the one to always want children, but that my partner does, and he said that having children is a big thing just to do for your partner. To make him happy. He is a really good doctor, and a nice person, so it's not like he is saying no for no's sake. He is looking at in from a lung's point of view. In the end we decided that we should think more about it and discuss it, and at the next apointment we can get the referral if we want.

We have discussed it, and my partner is ready to go for it. I asked him if it's worth the risk, and he feels that it is. And I have always though that as I have a "mild" cf, I would not be in risk of losing as much lung function as others... I don't know. I am just afraid, of using this as an exuse for really not wanting children...? My stupid head. The fear. The easy thing is not having children.

But ok, my question is, have you who are mothers lost lung function, and got worse after becoming mothers?

I will continue to work full time, so will be a working mum.

Thank you for listening and sorry for the long post.
 
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briarrose

New member
Is adoption a possibility for you guys? If you want children but aren't fully committed to pregnancy, maybe it is something your partner would consider. Or surrogacy? You would still have the germ risks, of course, when your child is school age, but you would avoid any risks from the pregnancy itself.
 
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sdeuber

Guest
I cannot comment on the pregnancy as I never was - I became a mother by adoption and I have to say being a mother made me healthier and stronger than ever before. I also became a mother at a later stage in life (I was 39 when son #1 and 41 when son #2 were born) and those boys keep me on my toes, I have to stay healthy just to keep up and have all the energy to handle these bundles of joy. So I eat better, sleep more and am more active than before.
We adopted internationally BTW.
 
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gunelle

Guest
That sounds really encouraging sdeuber, I hope it will work out for me like that also.
 
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bookperson

Guest
I can only speak from my experience, and I'm sure other CF moms have a different story to tell, but for me, yes, my health has definitely gotten worse after having my daughter. The pregnancy itself was fine with no CF complications, but since birth, I have been on IV antibiotics every 3 months. I can't seem to get better and stay better. It is hard to get the rest I need and to coordinate childcare with my daily med and exercise routines. I am currently at home with my daughter, so i don't know what it would be like to work full-time, but i would imagine that would complicate things even more, especially if you would be outsourcing childcare. I seem to pick up every single cold my daughter gets.

That said, having my daughter is the best thing I ever did. She is an excellent motivator to try to stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible. I would never discourage a CFer from having kids if he or she really wants them. But if you do it, you should do it because it is what you want, because it is definitely a sacrifice.
 
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welshwitch

Guest
I'm not a mom, but here are my 2 cents.

*Health is a very nebulous thing. There are moms with CF who have their health decline, and moms with CF who don't. Just like there are people with CF who have full time jobs (me) and stay healthy, and people with CF who can't have full time jobs since their health won't allow it.

*I've read blogs by women with CF who have kids. In some of them, they have struggled. In others, they have maintained great health.

*I think whether or not you plan to work full-time or part-time while being a mother should play a role in your decision.

*It's about priorities, in my opinion. Is motherhood something you 100% want to do? Then go for it! If not, then listen to your heart and body and figure out a way to find fulfillment without going that route. Plenty of people have fantastic, fulfilling lives and no kids.

Great thread. It's something that's been on my mind a lot too. I'm a 33 year old woman with CF.
 
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kmhbeauty

New member
This is something that has been on my mind also as I get older. I have always wanted to have one kid but I am wondering how I am going to do it. I have a mild form of cf but that is because I rest all the time. I get 9-10 hours of sleep a night and when ever I feel like Im getting run down, I take the time to rest. I just don't know how this will happen when there is a baby. I hear how my friend (non cf) has trouble with the lack of sleep and shes normal. No matter what, I am going to try to have a child. I am just going to push myself to the limits and hope it works out. If it is something you feel that you wernt ment to do, maybe don't have a kid. My fiancé has a 6 year old son and he is even a lot of work. The kid never stops moving.
 
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keefer11

New member
My doctor says that "most woman with CF's health decline after they have a baby, but most me with CF's health doesn't decline." He says it's because women are busy taking care of their kids and don't take care of themselves. And the lack of sleep, germs, etc.

Personally, I believe that if you have a big enough support system you could have a baby and be okay. So if your parents, your boyfriends parents, sisters, brothers, are all willing to help out when you are feeling run down or even just to help out to prevent you from becoming run down, you will be okay. BUT, if you don't have a big support system I could see having a child take a toll on your health, because you will be doing it all yourself.

It sounds like your boyfriend is the one who really wants the baby and you are still unsure. If he wants it so badly, you should sit down and establish a plan so that he commits to being fully involved and that you won't be left being the only one taking care of the child. He will get up in the middle of the night when the baby is crying, he wil watch the baby so that you can do your daily treatments, he will help more when you or the baby are sick, etc.

It's tough. For me, I know I get sick when I don't sleep enough, and a kid guarentees that(also I don't feel like I have the mommy gene), so I've pretty much decided against kids and to just have dogs :) I also know my bf would rather have me around as long as possible and risking a kid isn't worth it to him.

Good luck, let us know what you decide! You are doing the right thing by thinking about it and taking your time with the decision. It's a big one!
 
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kittenface

Member
I'm a 48 yr old mother of 2 children - 9 & 6 years old. The lack of sleep certainly is something that I suffered from when they were younger and even now when they have a rough night. More germs, less time to workout/therapy etc. It's all worth it I must say. I don't have a great support system. My parents are in their 80s and my siblings have lots going on in their own lives. I didn't know I had CF until I was pregnant. I was diagnosed when I was 37. I had chronic lung infections over the years. My digestion was fine however I was always underweight until my 30's. Having kids is a life long commitment and is something that you really must be committed to. I'm very happy that I chose to have children. Good luck and stay healthy!
 
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welshwitch

Guest
Thank you kitten face :) I'm happy to hear your story! We'd love to hear more from you if you have time :)
 
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gunelle

Guest
Yes, I agree, it's nice to hear your story, it's nice to hear all of your stories, thank you very much. I think we are going to go for it, we are going to go for it. I am thinking of making a plan, as I was advised on an earlier post. Hope the plan will work :) I plan to bottle feed, not breastfeed if I am tired or in the night...to ask for help when sick, but not too much, will ask my mil, and she has her own life also...look into the financial situation of working half time or reduced hours...I will get help frommy partner for domestic things, he already is the one who does most around the house...and slrep when the baby sleeps. Lets see how it goes. I don't even know of we can become parents. I am going to contactmy doctor for the referral. Thanks again to all.
 
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kittenface

Member
Gunelle - If you want any further information feel free to send me a private message.
I can answer any questions on this thread as well.

Welshwitch - I certainly have time to chat further. Send me a private message and I can answer any questions. Or if you are on Facebook we can chat live and I can send you my email address.
I would chat on line when we had the option a few months ago...I miss it. It was great to chat live.
 
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rubyroselee

New member
Hi there,

I have two boys, but I was only pregnant with one of them (my partner carried my first son). My health was very steady at the time I decided to get pregnant, so I thought it was a good time to consider it. I never thought I would be pregnant because I was basically told my whole life that I wouldn't be able to or that it would be too risky. But I was surprised at how supportive my CF team was. I have two CF teams at two different clinics, and got both of their opinions. They both wanted me to do what I wanted with my life, but gave me the facts about the risks and potential problems with honesty. One of my CF doctors told me that a CF woman's body is not the most ideal body for a pregnancy, but that it can be done. My other CF doctor showed me studies that 50% of CF women who do not have CFRD develop gestational diabetes during pregnancy, and then 50% of those develop CFRD after giving birth. He told me that some CF woman do not do well after giving birth and some people's health declines. But then he also told me that some do very well. Once I found out that I would not have to stop any of my medications, I knew pregnancy was the right thing for me to do.

My pregnancy went really well overall. I had one exacerbation at 4 months gestation, which an inhaled antibiotic took care of. I also had one sinus infection that required an oral antibiotic. My weight gain was only about 12 pounds total during the pregnancy, but I had some extra weight pre-pregnancy, so it all worked out fine. My PFT's were some of my best ever during the last trimester.

The challenges started after the birth for me. I was EXTREMELY exhausted at first. My PFT's 6 weeks post-partum took a 30% dive and my weight was down about 30 lbs from pre-pregnancy (although still in normal range). I did take 8 weeks off of work post-partum, but my son was colicky and did not sleep through the night until 10 months old. I think the lack of weight gain and drop in PFT's had a lot to do with how tired I was. I was not able to take care of myself as much being that I had to tend to an 18-month old and a newborn all the time. Their needs really do come first when you are a mom, which is a hard thing to deal with when you have CF. It's just instinct to take care of your children, and you always make sure that their needs come before your own. Which makes for a challenging environment when you have important needs as well. That's where a committed partner comes into play. Hopefully you have that person, who will be there to help a little more so that you can do your treatments, eat enough, exercise, etc. I would definitely say that the baby days were the hardest of our life and I am glad that we made it through!

On a happy note, the baby years have passed and my boys are now 4-1/2 and 6. They are happy, healthy boys with great personalities. My PFT's and weight went back up to baseline within the year after my pregnancy and have remained stable. The kids were sick A LOT in the first 4 years of their lives. They have had bronchitis, ear infections, viruses, stomach bugs - you name it, they've had it! Some years were more "contagious" than others, so I ended up with a few of the viruses. But overall, I was able to avoid most of them. But that's the motherly instinct again, you have to be there to take care of your sick child. I just took the risk and luckily it worked out okay for me.

You also mentioned you would be a working mom. I went back to work full-time after 8 weeks off and it worked out fine for me. I just made sure I was on a strict routine to make sure I could fit everything in during the day. I still work full-time and still find that having a good routine is key.

The only thing that was really a challenge for me was exercise. I had always been very active before children. I was on a lot of soccer and softball leagues and spent a lot of time keeping active. But after you have kids, that all takes a back burner to your child's needs. Particularly if you have to work too. There just isn't enough time or energy in a day to get it all done. So keep that in mind when thinking about kids. You just won't has as much "me" time. Now that my kids are a little older, I am able to do more things that I enjoy, but it was a sacrafice I made for a few years.

Good luck with your decision. I know it's a hard one to make.
 
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Melly527

Guest
I am 32 w/cf and have a 2 yr old. My experience pretty much echos what Bookperson said (that I had a smooth pregnancy, followed by a decline in overall health post-baby). But I also agree that having my son has been the greatest life experience I could've wished for.

From reading your post, I just wanted to point out that it doesn't sound like your MD is against you having a baby-rather to me it sounds like they just want you to make an informed, educated decision. They would be doing you a disservice by sugarcoating it.

I also think that you have to make this decision primarily based on what YOU want. If you do this for your husband and not for you it could lead to resentment on your end and guilt on his down the road.

Good luck with whatever you decide...there is no wrong or right choice.
 
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