Hi folks. I just needed some advice and input. I am 27yrs old with cf and cfrd. About four yrs ago I was engaged to my 'one and only'. We grew up together in high school and dated for seven yrs and finally broke up. She was my best friend as well as my love and I spent nearly every day with her. I was so sure we would be together forever and we were Invincible to breaking up. I cant even remember now how we broke up. Things just kinda went downhill.Now she is married with children and every since then I have thought I missed my chance at my lifelong love.With all my friends and my brother and sister married I am very lonely. And at 27 yrs old I cant seem to find the will to find anyone else. When I get sick it gets worse. I think all sorts of stuff like who would want to marry a person like me? and I missed my chance and no one will ever love me like she did or I did her.I also have very low self esteem when it comes to girls. I am a very good looking man but as with most ppl with cf I am smaller than most, and I think that really gets to me.Im only about 5'5. But I was a trainer at a gym and even when I was in shape I had low self esteem. I dont know how to begin to get out and meet people since I would be the only one going out, and I dont know where I would go. Its like every day is pretty much being alone besides seeing my brother who has a wife and child and I feel like im missing so much.What in the world do I do and how do I do it?I desperatly want to find a wife and I am very alone. After four yrs I find myself still thinking about my ex and even dream about her sometimes and that REALLY makes me feel alone.Any suggestions? Thx.Matthew
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Help for a Lonely 27 male CFer
- Thread starter anonymous
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I've gone through the break up scene as well. The last was very painful since I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with this guy. What helped was my friends and family. I started doing things that I enjoy that I wouldn't have gotten to do when my ex was around. Eventually, I just got wrapped up in what I liked (tutoring, helping out at the ranch, science club, and dance classes), I kind of forgot about being alone and finding someone.It was when I wasn't looking that someone showed up. We took things slow at first, but now are very involved with one another. The thing is though, if I had been so busy trying to not be alone I would have looked right past him and never given him a second thought.So basically, just go out there and find something you enjoy. Once you do that things will fall into place.
Okay, I am going to use the old cliche but, you can never love anyone else until you love yourself. It seems you were happy with your ex and you were happy with yourself. Now, that that part of your life is over, you have to accept that fact and accept yourself for who you are. Believe me, I have problems with self-esteem as well. I have a boyfirend of 4 1/2 years. I love him and I love myself, however, I am not so sure I like myself all the time...If that makes any sense to you? There are things I want to change about myself that I work on everyday, and until I find exactly who I am and who I want to be, I can't fully become a partner with the man that I love. I can't change the fact that I have CF, so I live everyday accepting that. Instead of searching for the love that you had with you ex, keep your mind and heart open for a new love, a different kind of love. Don't focus on what everyone else has, because they are not you. It will all happen in time. Enjoy yourself when you go out. If you have no one to go out with, then go to the gym, or the mall, or even a spa to get a massage. They are actually good pick up spots. Weddings are even better. Just because its not your wedding doesn't mean it can't be fun. But, one more piece of advice, don't look to hard, because the other reply was right...you may just miss the one you are looking for. Good luck. I hope this makes sense to you. But then again heartbreak, the search for love, and love itself, is hard to make sense out of.
I have to agree w/ the previous posts. When I met my current husband, meeting a man was the last thing on my mind. I was just at a hockey game w/ a g/f enjoying myself. I could, however tell that the man sitting in the seat next to me was a one-in-a-million just from small talk during the game and didn't want to let him get away! So, here we are 10 years later & happily married. Have you tried church groups or sports events? I found the ole bar scene just wasn't a place to meet quality men, I'm not saying they weren't there, I just wasn't finding them. Like someone else mentioned, try to find a hobby or something so that you can be happy w/ your own company & not "needing" to have someone to make you happy & I think you'll be more content.Good luck. I'll be keeping you in my prayers for "Mrs Right".<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
i some what know how you feel, im 20 and going through what seems to be a downward spiral with the girl that ive been going out with for the past year. she's my first gf so i know it going to be hard on me when her and i finaly break up but i know it just a mater of time. but my friends have been a big help to me, and helping me boost my self esteem cuz yes liek all of the rest of us im under weight but still i make up for it in personality and my friends notice that and tell me to "flaunt it" so i have been and ive been finding potentional mates with a couple girls sience, and it true that you never can tell where your going to find the next person that you might want to be with cuz i met a girl at her work which just so happend to be a strip club that seemed very interested in me which i know its their job to come off that way but sience she gave me her number then id say its for real. so go out and live alitte, find something that you feel good about yourself for and use it for all its worth and if a girl likes it then she'll make it obvious just dont worry about your ex and get out and show some girls who you really are, and you will soon find one who will like you cf or not.
I am 21/m and have CF. I have had short term relationships and semi-long relationships and am currently single (thank goodness) lol. Whenever I get lonely or depressed, I think of the things that I do have...and like you have too. A brother you love, a place to live, you know..the small things (not being cheesy, just real). You'd be surprised at how many people would like to have a brother or have a friend. As someone with CF, I used to consider myself so unlucky, but then I looked at the things that I did have, and realized how lucky I really am. Just try to change your frame of mind (this sometimes requires prayer): ) Good luck and keep you chin up!
bowlingguy
New member
matthew im right there with you on this 1, im 33 been in a few relationships that lasted 2-3 years, but in hte last 6 years or so i have been single, the self esteem issue is hard to get over. all i can say is learn to enjoy life without a mate, and if you find that special someone again she will love you for who you are, so just be yourself. i know its hard seeing all your family and friends getting married and having children, but hell in all honesty we should be lucky to be alive and enjoying the life we have as best we can or do. atleast thats how i feel, i do think often about past relationships and how i was happy with the fullfillment of being needed and loved, but i just think i was lucky to have had those experiences and if another woman comes along so be it, if not im going to enjoy my life. man i ramble sorry <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Hi MatthewI have just found this site for the first time. I am a 28 female w/cf. I have had the same feelings through my life. I was in a serious relationship about 6 yrs ago and was devistated when that relationship ended (due to abuse). I have only just been able to rebuild my self asteem to be able to think about being with someone else. I am now seeing someone and we have been together for 8 mths. He understands all about my problems and my list seems to be endless but I thought about it I could sit at home each day and dwell on the negatives but i have decided that it is time i took control of my life and actually do something positive and make a difference in the world. You can and will find someone trust me on that one because i was very much like you. It may take time but there is someone out there for you. Your ex is the one who lost out not you. She lost the person who loved her for whom she was, she now has to realise she lost her true friend.MelAustralia