HELP

[Seana30]

I am going to ask this question to the people that have CF because I am not sure how to handle it, and I want Courtney to talk to me.....not get upset.

I got a call from the school nurse today.

A monitor in the lunchroom has been keeping an eye on Courtney for the past week because she noticed that Courtney was not getting into the regular food line at lunchtime. Let me state right away that I have NEVER asked anyone at the school to keep track of Courtney's eating habits. I don't want her to feel that someone is always watching over her shoulder.

For the past week all Courtney has been eating for lunch is a fudgesickle or a bag of chips, so you figure she is only getting a couple hundred calories at lunchtime and then going to softball practice and burning all those calories off. The nurse asked me if I wanted her to talk to Courtney.

She knows she has to have more calories than that!!!!!! How would you as a teenager CFer want your parents to handle this situation??

Just in case you don't know.....Courtney is 13, is 5 feet 3 inches tall and only weighs 78 pounds, so weight is a MAJOR issue for her.

Thanks in advance for any ideas and advise!

Seana

 

[debs2girls]

Seana, that is a tough one because if you say anything to her, she
will know someone called you....I really dont have any advice to
offer...I just wanted to say good luck...

 

[vinsmom]

I am proofing a book that being written about this topic specifically. How to empower children w/chronic illness to take control of themselves and make good choices. Here's what it says to do.

First, show empathy for her situation..."Honey, I know it must be a bummer to have to eat so much and take your enzymes at school."

Then, put the responsibility on her to make the appropriate choice....."If it were me, I would make sure to consume enough calories everyday so I wouldn't miss out on any of my extracirricular activities due to lack of energy. But, I can't make that decision for you..that's only what I would do."

By giving her the choice you put her ultimately in control of herself and avoid power struggles. She may or may not comply, but you've given the responsibility and control to her where it belongs. I just recently tried this w/my son and enzymes and it worked like a charm. It's kind of a tough love situation because she may end up abusing her body, but only she can make those choices. One of the other mom's had a similar situation with a diabetic daughter who wouldn't take her insulin and her mom just said, " I know it must be exhausting to have to monitor your blood levels all of the time and take your injections, but I know becasue you're a strong person you can handle this situation. I accept whatever decision you make whether it be to abuse or to take care of your body because I can't be responsible for your body. Let me know what you decide."

This may not work for you but I think the earlier we can make them responsible for themselves, the better. If you'd like more on the book, email me and I'll see if I can send it your way.

 

[irishgirl]

If you didn't want her to know that someone has been watching her, then you could say something like, 'the mall is having a sale, and I noticed you needed some capris or an Easter dress or something. (You know she will be smaller). Then ask, what size do you need, or be with her when she tries them on. When you casually observe that she has dropped a size, then you can ask her what she needs to do to gain some weight or something. ....

I used to eat light in the cafeteria. I had band, softball, etc.. after school. I knew if I ate too much, then my stomach would hurt right in the middle of practice around 5, so I just learned to eat light at lunch and then pack on the calories after dinner. This may be the reason she is not eating so much.

Since enzyme taking is a drag, I carried a purse everywhere, and my mom went and bought one of those tiny travel size bottles that holds shampoo or something. Well, I would fill that with water, and just drop in a bathroom stall and take my meds--my h20 was with me. Or I would do it in line or at the table when one no one was looking. I actually still do that. It is not worth explaining to complete strangers at a business dinner what I am doing! So, I just go to the bathroom, and then I am all set. I hope you find something that works!
<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[thelizardqueen]

I think all CF teenagers go through a rebellion period. I know I did for a while. I went so far as to not take my pills at all - I would hide them, throw them out, etc. And at lunch I was eating small lunches, etc. When my mum found out, she sat me down and said look, I know you're not eating or taking your pills, and there's nothing I can do to force you to do what you have to do to stay healthy. That being said, you won't be healthy if you don't eat and take your pills. She sort of hammered into me that without eating, etc, I would get sicker and end up in hospital. I didn't want to go in hospital so I smarted up pretty quickly. You can't always be your daughters friend. Sometimes you have to take the reins and say look - you may not like the fact that I've found out, but deal with it. Of course say this in a nicer way I'm sure.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

 

[skh]

Seana, for what its worth I know my daughter does not eat alot for lunch at school. She never has. She is not comfortable taking her enzymes around the other kids and they do not know that she has cf. But since she is not in any sports she is able to come home after school and make a very good snack for herself which she does. I know that your daughter goes to softball practice so that adds to the problem. I don't have any good advice for you just wanted to let you know I understand your worries and fears.

 

[wanderlost]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>thelizardqueen</b></i>

I think all CF teenagers go through a rebellion period. I know I did for a while. I went so far as to not take my pills at all - I would hide them, throw them out, etc. And at lunch I was eating small lunches, etc.</end quote></div>

I was the same. I can say that when puberty hit, I really filled out and lost that whole "Cf look." I know this doesn't happen to everyone, but it might, just to keep a little hope alive! I also wanted boobs (still waiting) and around age 12 someone told me that I needed some body fat to help them grow, so that motivated me to eat also. And, when all my friends were going through the whole "Im on a diet" phase, I was always so proud to eat 5 slices of pizza and a few candy bars with a haughty, "I can eat whatever I want and never gain weight!" kinda attitude (sadly that has changed - and though my Cf doc loves seeing my pudge, I've begun to hate it!) Point is, you might appeal to her teenage-ness as a motivator. Nonetheless, I am sure she will outgrow this stage , as frustrating and frightening as it is for you to see.

 

[NoExcuses]

For me, at that age, I was proud of how skinny I was. At least in LA, I got a ton of attention for being so thin.

I didn't go out of my way to keep my weight down, but I never went out of my way to keep my weight up either.

Body image is a huge thing - and it seems like people on TV and models in magazines are getting thinner and thinner.

I don't mean to suggest that she has an eating disorder. But she may be perfectly happy with how thin she is and may not understand the whole picture of how nutrition plays into her overall health. I certainly didn't at that age, that's for sure.

Again, I don't mean to be an alarmist. I'm just talking about my situation and how I felt at that age. It may not apply at all to your daughter....

 

[Jane]

This subject is SO hard for me! My older son has the exact problem and has for several years. He is very active and athletic but really small (hovering around 71 and 5 feet) Once we went to see his baseball team play. He was sick and stayed home. All the kids came over in concern for Josh. They asked about him and told us "You know Josh never eats in school, sometimes he even puts his sandwich up his sleeve so we think he ate it". That was so hard to hear. I know we put too much pressure on him about eating and have tried to back off a little. We've tried telling him he can't play his sport unless he eats properly, but then he'd miss out on exercise. This book sounds so helpful.

On a side note, Josh goes to the school where I am a teacher. All the other teachers know of my concerns and watch out for him (without him knowing). It is funny but it gets pretty annoying because I get a daily report about what he eats (or doesn't) who he sits with and how much he coughs.

 

[Seana30]

Thank you all so much for the advice! I think we are just going to tell her that she has a choice, eat and be healthy, or not and end up in the hospital and miss all of her activities at school.

Amy, I had to giggle when I read your post. My sister lives in California and she talks about how important it is to be thin out there. We live in El Paso, TX which has been named the third fattest city in the USA. I think they said that over 75% of people here are overweight (it is all that mexican food we eat). COMPLETE opposite of California....lol.

Courtney's father (my ex) is SOOOO hard on her about her weight that I feel like I end up going to the other extreme so that she will talk to me about what she is thinking and doing. I need to find a happy medium!!

Thanks again!

Seana

 

[Seana30]

Totally off subject here....but I wanted to add something funny about what I was telling Amy.

El Paso was not only named one of the fattest cities in the US but also one of the most uneducated.

A couple of months after we got those titles we got the title of

El Paso, TX.............4 safest cities in the US.

I just laughed and laughed! My hubby said "why is that so funny"?

I SAID "WE ARE TO DA** FAT, LAZY, AND STUPID TO BE COMMITING ANY CRIMES".

So there is something positive about being overweight and under educated!!!

LOL

Seana

 

[JazzysMom]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Seana30</b></i>

Totally off subject here....but I wanted to add something funny about what I was telling Amy.



El Paso was not only named one of the fattest cities in the US but also one of the most uneducated.



A couple of months after we got those titles we got the title of



El Paso, TX.............4 safest cities in the US.



I just laughed and laughed! My hubby said "why is that so funny"?



I SAID "WE ARE TO DA** FAT, LAZY, AND STUPID TO BE COMMITING ANY CRIMES".



So there is something positive about being overweight and under educated!!!



LOL



Seana</end quote></div>




LMAO......love the idea!

 

[julie]

Seana, I don't really have much advice either, but it appears you have choosen a method to discuss this with her.

I just wanted to offer up something that others have stated as well. When Mark was in JR high/high school, he was really skinny, rebellious about doing his CF meds, taking enzymes.... blah blah. All throughout HS he was 6 ft and NEVER weighed more than about 146lbs. I imagine you've seen the pictures of him recently, he's still 6ft but now weighs between 185-197.

When we got together I nagged him to take his enzymes. He said he did fine without them for years, I begged him to try them for 2 months-EVERY day and if they didn't make a difference, he could stop after 2 months. In turn, I promised to have dinner ready every Saturday and Sunday night (I would come over and cook what HE wanted, We didn't live togther yet at this point). It worked out well, and he startd eating a little healthier too. He started spending more time in the gym, even more time once I moved in because I took over some of the cooking and all of the cleaning. I really just think it's a typical teen stage. Definately something you should not ignore, and being that you are close-DEFINATLY talk to her about it. But just know others have gone through it too.

Good luck!!!!!!!!

 

[Allie]

I already gave you lots of suggestions via IM, but I was thinking more, and I hope you can get across the seriousness of the weight issue to her. Thoughts and prayers for you.

Also, if any of those recipes I sent helped, I can get more.

 

[Seana30]

Well, we talked to Courtney last night.

We pretty much told her that she was old enough that it is time for her to take her health into her own hands. She seemed to listen to us......we will see how it goes.

I also had a nice chat with Allie last night and she convinced me to allow Courtney to do a few things that might get some weight on her such as allow one soda per day (I am very anti soda).

Thank you all so much for the comments and suggestions. It is nice to have somewhere to go to get advice!

Seana

 

[NoExcuses]

We have a TON of fat people in LA as well.

It's weird - it seems like a city of contrasts. There are some extremely obese people - and then there are some of the best looking people in the world.

Unfortunately, it seems to be highly correlated with socioeconomic status. Since we have such a high level of illegal immigrants, and of course they tend to be poor and eat the fast food. The wealthier people eat the organic stuff and expensive fruits & veggies. Many have more time to work out as well.

I'm sure that we're not the only city like this - but it's really a city of contrasts.

I'm getting a little festively plump myself - I'm 5'2 and 118 lbs. I was always SO SO SO THIN prior to puberty. I will never forget December of 1994. I was 5'0 tall and 69lbs at the begining of the month. By Christmas, I was 95lbs. No joke. Oh ya and I was still 5'0. 13 1/2 years old, and puberty had hit!

The res of my family is petite and thin. I'm a little more bulky like my pops <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">