Hey everyone need help

[Kris Salmons]

hey everyone I am Kris and I have been a past member and i quit getting on but i am starting to but i am having probs with me and my girlfriend i am 20 and she is 19 and i am in the hospital right now i am hoping to get out tomorrow but since i have been in here i have been in here for 2weeks but anyway since i have been in here she has cheated on me and i dont know what to do about it i mean i know what i need to do but i cant find it in my heart but really what it is i am afrad that i cant find someone who will except the cystic fibrosis can any one help!!! please

 

[JustDucky]

As hard as it would be to do, I think you two need to part ways and move on with your lives.. There are other people out there who will treat you with respect and love you no matter what, sick or healthy and you deserve that! Please don't settle for less and accept your current situation because you think she is the only one who can deal with your CF....She is clearly treating you like crap. Cheating is not part of a healthy relationship! I am thinking you know what you need to do...I can understand your hesitation, but you need to believe that you are deserving of something better!

Hugs, Jenn 40 wCF

 

[calebf]

Hi Kris, I've recently gone through a breakup where we were living together for 8 months. She didn't cheat on me (that I know of) but she wasn't supporting me. She was bulimic and emotionally unstable. I knew I needed to pull the plug, but hesitated for months for some of the same reasons. 2 years ago I was with another girl who did cheat on me. I'm learning the hard way that it's better to pull the plug when you see the red flags. Stress, especially relationship stress, can have a huge impact on your health. There are great girls out there with their heads on straight who will treat you right. Just because you have CF doesn't mean you have to settle for someone that obviously doesn't care about you. You're gonna kill yourself if you put yourself through that stress.

Also in my experience girls 18-20 usually haven't had to face that much in life. They don't know what they want and typically don't have to worry about all that much. The kind of things a CFer faces on a daily basis is hard for them to comprehend and thus hard for them to show support. There are exceptions of course. Anymore though I've been more interested in dating older girls. I'm 23, last weekend I went on a date with a girl who was 25. I told her up front I had CF and she wanted to see me. Older girls, especially those living on their own and working, just have more life experience. They like a guy who has similar life experience and isn't one dimensional.

20 is a tough point to be at when you're a guy with CF I think. You're looking for qualities that girls (and guys) your age just haven't acquired yet. It's not really reasonable to ask a 19 year old girl to wrap her head around a terminal illness she probably doesn't fully understand and can't adequately support. Be VERY selective. Watch for red flags and run when you see them. Take it from a guy who's spent literally $6000 trying to support a girl that cheated on him and lost 20 lbs during the breakup, then pretty much repeated that situation with another girl 2 years later. Be choosy. The wrong girl will use you and break you if you're not. From what I've seen with other happily married CFers, the right girl will be your rock, stick with you through hell, and make your life amazing.

 

[00transam]

Caleb and ducky both made good points, Cf people have had to grow up fast and are in some ways much more mature than healthy people of the same age(worse around your age). I went through a few of those relationships and the stress of trying to hang on to it and always worrying, etc is NOT worth it. As hard as it is move on and you will find the right one someday, it took time but I found the right one, married her and am happier than ever in my life because of her. She IS out there.

 

[TheDude92]

Well, as a 19 year old I know what you mean. Only thing I can say is let your personality take over. Let that define you not CF. If anything let your strength and courage of fighting CF shine through. I can't tell you how many girls have admired me for my strength. Another good point is that us CFers are pretty mature for the most part. Romance is like fishing you got to wait for that right one to nibble on your line (get your mind out of the gutter pervs! ). One more note don't use stink bait to get girls cause it don't work! xD

 

[beautifulsoul]

Hi Kris,

I don't have too much to add since everyone else has pretty much said everything I would say. I agree with the others here. 19 years old is such a young age for someone that doesn't have CF to be able to fathom everything you have to go through. People are also at that point in their life thinking "What do I want to do with my life" or "who am I" at that age. They are sort of just starting at the beginning. As someone has already mentioned, there hasn't yet been much to explore at 19 years old. I would definitely move on. I can't imagine how hard it is because I've never been through it but there will be some other beautiful woman out there for you. One that you deserve. They will love you so deeply that they will see right past the CF!

I mainly posted this because I strongly believe in HOPE. Hope is a powerful thing. Never let it go. It keeps me going everyday. I used to think that I would never find anyone that would love me but I changed my outlook about 3 years ago and realized that if there is one thing I could have during my time here it was true love. I had hope from then on.

Here I am today with my boyfriend of two years. I never gave up hope and you shouldn't either. I have what I had believed in and I couldn't be happier. Someone who loves me and someone who I love back with all my heart and soul.

Keep your head up! and remember...BELIEVE (L)

Hugs to you

 

[CyrilCrodius]

Everything calebf said.

 

[LookingforPeace]

I haven't read what everyone else has written yet. This woman has taken advantage of you at a very vulnerable point in your life.

If she loved you she would have been right by your side supporting you. I completely understand what you mean when you say it will e difficult for someone else to accept you... But you got her right?

My brother was in and out of hospital all the time. Let me tell you, he had no issues getting women to hang off of him.

Listen, you have to stand up for yourself. What was her excuse anyways?

The issue isn't your CF, its your self confidence. LOVE YOURSELF!

 

[LookingforPeace]

Hmm okay... Agree with the he factor. I can't believe I jumped to the conclusion that she is taking advantage of you at your most vulnerable (while this is still true in my opinion). I place myself at 19 and know that's how I would view it. Nonetheless, we have all loved quite the life and look at life through a very different lense... Even than those 50+. Either way, I have recently lost my brother and learned, after a massive lack of support, that people are incapable of understanding things that they have not experienced themselves.

You are worth the world, don't you dare stand for this.