How to convince my guy to get married.

T

thefrogprincess

New member
My boyfriend says he doesn't want to get married period, ever. I know he loves me, we've been together for 3 1/2 years and lived together for 2. To me marriage isn't a religious thing (obviously, we live together). I don't even care if it's legal, I just like the sybolism, the promise of being together forever and celebrating with our friends and family.

He says he doesn't want to get married because all of his friends who have ended up divorced. I don't quite get it though because most of his friends got married for the wrong reasons (like getting pregnant) or they have drug and/or alcohol problems that cause their break ups. Neither of us use drugs or drink excessively. And I'm a huge fan of birth control. Haha.

So I guess what I'm getting at, is how can convince him that getting hitched won't cause us to break up? Any advice would be appreciated.
 
P

Purplelungs

New member
Well first for finacial reasons I would say just do it as a symbol...take it from someone with experience...unless you have great coverage that will never ever be changed by marriage then whatever...but look at all aspects and what will change if you get married....trust me there is tons of stuff that changes health coverage wise when you get married...so if you are relying on government health ins in the US getting married more than likely will make you loose it.

Second ask him just what you have said. "why do you think we will be divorced we have been together for 3 years and no problems" " remember so and so only got married because she got preg and you know i love the bc" "what makes you think if we just have a symbolic exchange of vows that means we will love each other forever, that that will somehow change how we feel about each other"
does he tell you he loves you all the time? how is that different? i am like you if he loves you and you are living like your married anyway whats going to change?
 
A

anonymous

New member
To the last poster...you are sick...poster, dont listen to him/her. Here is my advice....just ask him (your boyfriend) if he loves you and if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you...dont bring up marriage. IF he answers yes, then ask him if he is committed to you...again, if he says yes, then ask him why he thinks you won't last forever...marriage is awesome, but is also a lot of work...if you are both committed, then it is worth the shot <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I wish you the best of luck!
 
T

thefrogprincess

New member
I don't have to rely on government health care so that's not an issue. And I've asked him all those questions (which are good ones). And I don't think that anything would change if we got married since we already live like we are anyway. We share incomes, bills, everything.
 
P

Purplelungs

New member
Then I say why ruin a good thing. Just keep asking him...my friend is actually in a simliar situation. They are engaged though but he keeps putting off getting married. He gets scared that something will happen...like once he is truely happy she will leave him (she wont)...He has been screwed over by women many times, was married once before and has children with his first wife and doesnt even know if their second child is really his. Its just been his history that women screw him over and its hard for him to get over it. Maybe your boyfriend is in a similiar mind set of "why ruin a good thing, dont fix it if its not broke"...that type of thing. Just make it known that you will always be there no matter what and how important it is to you to get married...maybe make a compromise and have a very very private thing where you just exchange vows (self written) to each other with no one around... and if you want get rings....Just dont push it if there is no need to. Like I said just make it known how important he is to you and that it would be important to you to have that symbol. and it looks like you already have done that.
 
C

cfgirl38

New member
I agree with you purple lungs. I had no problems with ins. and had the love bug too. But my boyfriend didn't. I didn't worry about ins. because I work and made good money. We bought a house together then I got sick from my CF, never been that sick before. I have been on disability from my job for a year. Until my lungs are at 50% my dr's will not release me to go back to work. So be careful what you wish for. I realize now how lucky I am. Because I would not have ins. or an income at all if they went by his income. But since were not married they do not pool his money with mine. I am on long term disabilty program through my job and through SSI. I have a secondary insurance which is paying my COBRA payments which are $343.00 a month. It's scary... but we're making it. and we are committed to each other but I just dont feel now that I need that paper to realize it.
 
2

2sickkids

Guest
Have you suggested just a cerimony. No paper work just you and the people you both care about. Just something simbolic to show your love. I am the other way been together for 7 years and I'm the one not wanting to get married. I just don't think it would make a differnce in our life to have a paper saying that I love him. Plus there is nobody in my family I would want there if we ever do so it doesn't make sense to spend a bunch of money.
 
A

anonymous

New member
life is too short, so stop worry,enjoy everything u can! worry too much is not good for ye! and about gettin married? i say wait till u think u done everything in ur life etc....social life, seein world so on.... then make commited. , i,myself won't get marry till late 30 so i could fillful my life first be4 i take things seriously. ENJOY UR LIFE, DON'T WASTE IT
 
A

anonymous

New member
I think the idea that 2sickkids posted is a good thought. It might work for you, might not but it is something to consider. And I have to agree with what others said about being married and the income counting. Money isn't everything, but we all need some of it to survive. My husband doesn't qualify for a lot of assistance that he needs because of the money I make. If we weren't married he would be entitled to everything. NOw in our particular situation, I am in the military so I get more housing allowance for having a dependent, so that is a benefit I would loose if we weren't married. But you really have to consider all the factors when choosing what you should do for yourself.

Also, being married changes things. I don't know why and I don't know how-but it does. My husband and I lived together for about 2 years before we were ever married. We had a shared bank accoung, we split the bills, shared cars, were on eachothers insurance, had life insurance policies with eachother as the beneficiaries...you name it, we were like a married couple. Then we got married and the first 9-18 months were honestly just so difficult that looking back they were almost awful. I had a friend tell me"it changes when you get married" and I was thinking "yeah right, we've lived together, shared stuff...this doesn't apply to me" BOY was I wrong. We fought harder and like never before, we both considered divorce about 3 or 4 times, and I even went to the court house and got papers once . Then after about 18 months, things started getting back to the way they were before we got married. This isn't to deter you from what you really want, because I remember wanting to get married so bad, but just to share a personal experience.

I wish you the best of luck,

Julie (wife to Mark 24 w/CF)
 
A

anonymous

New member
Brandi - the poster before me was deleted, you probably did not see his/her post, it was sick!!! Soooo, I forgive you judging me...if you would have read it, you would be sick too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-frown.gif" border="0">
 
A

anonymous

New member
Those are really good ideas I may take them into consideration. But I can't even imagine my family and his family together in the same room. HeeHee. If we had a cerimony it would be the 2 of us and a few friends. Thanks! Becky
 
P

Purplelungs

New member
I just wanted to say to the annon poster that said life is to short to get married. I see where you are coming from. Honestly for ME personally I couldnt imagine my life without my husband. Truely i would be dead by now...i am serious. I was in a bad spot before I started dating him, healthy wise and depression wise...long story short I doubt i would still be here or at best still have the health i do have. I love being a wife and i know I always have someone to do things with.
Being married or tied down with commitment isnt for everyone, like you said yourself. Just wanted to say that some people dont think the same....you probably already knew that <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> Dont really know why i felt the need to say something.

froggie (do you mind if i call you froggie?)...do what you want to do. i say if just living together works for you then stay that way. i mean if your friends and family cant even be civil enough to be together for your special day then really whats the point. if you still want a ceremony do a secrect one. it can just be the two of you saying special things to each other and that can be your anniversary day. or have a tiny ceremony, you and your closest friends in the world. or just have a vacation at a certain time and say its your honey moon....i dunno. you dont have to have a ceremony....your already committed to each other.
 
M

Mockingbird

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br>Brandi - the poster before me was deleted, you probably did not see his/her post, it was sick!!! Soooo, I forgive you judging me...if you would have read it, you would be sick too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-frown.gif" border="0"><hr></blockquote>

Yeah, i was wondering about that, too. =-)
 
A

anonymous

New member
hey what happen to opinon that i made, why did ye have to delete it? i have right to express my view, so ye can't just stop pple sharing their ideas,view and feeling! it's miscarriage of justice! jesus i was only writing down, if u don't like it then don't read it! the one that i made that u pple think it's sick, i found it no fault! so what the problem? come on, speak for yourself! it's not fair. i have right to say something so u can't deleted if u think it's unapporicate<img src="i/expressions/devil.gif" border="0">
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
The Admin are the ones that delete it, and though I personally believe in free speech, they have a right to run this board as they see fit. So if you said something inappropriate and they deleted it... not much you can do about it. Let it go.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top