My in-laws are comming to watch our kids while we go to Hawaii next month. They will be here for about 2 weeks and we will be gone about 1 week of that. We are a military family and as a result we don't live near either one of our parents. So they don't really know a whole lot about the CF thing. They know Danny takes meds, does his vest, all of that but they have never experienced it first hand day to day. My concern is that they will wear him out and he'll end up really tired and sick. They have raised 10 kids so I have no problem with them taking care of them but they are the kind of parents who don't really follow a schedule. When they have come to watch our two non-CF kids, they are constantly on the run and don't really put them in bed on time. Our kids thrive on a schedule and regular bed times. I know that they will do all of his CF stuff but I worry about them dragging him everywhere and not taking the same precautions about germs and not getting enough sleep. Plus, they really like to go out to eat, and that would be okay, but Danny has lots of food allergies and can't really eat much when we go out. I know that he won't eat as well for them while we're gone and that worries me too. I know that some say to fit CF into your life but our life seems to fit in around CF. He need to be home to eat enough, (3 meals, 2 snacks), he needs to do his vest twice a day, and he needs his nap and a resonable bed time. Basically my question is, how do I bring this up with my MIL and not come off sounding like the controlling, bitchy daughter in law? I don't want to insult her or her parenting skills. I know it's only for a week and he'd survive but I am scared to death that he'll get sick while we're gone. Maybe it would be something subtle that she might not notice because she doesn't know him that well. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
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how to handle a delicate situation
- Thread starter Nicole
- Start date
I bet that when your in-laws were younger they would have all the energy in the world to raise 10 kids, and going out to eat all the time sounds great, but with 3 kids in tow maybe not so. Just tell her what he needs and leave it like that, I'm sure that your mil will do the right thing, after all, they don't see them that much as you said. And it is only 1 week.
I'm sure he'll be fine. Give them as much info as you can and write everything down. Your other two kids know the routine and will be able to help a lot. Their schedules will get messed up, they may overdue it and they are all going to be cranky when you get back. This is normal for all kids, CF or not. I have three brothers and we turned into spoiled little devils when we stayed at our grandparents for a week. We loved it though, and now that they are gone, I cherish those memories of staying up late and eating ice cream for dinner. Your in-laws are going spoil your kids, the key is finding a way to do it without putting your son's health at risk. Set firm guidelines for the most important stuff (treatments, enzymes and avoiding food allergies). He will be fine and most importantly, have fun in Hawaii!!! You need to relax and enjoy the trip without worrying about the kids.
Hawaii- WOW, good for you! Enjoy every minute.
I really understand what you're asking. CF kids and their routines are complicated and parents know what to do because of trial and error in a 24/7 setting. Its almost impossible for someone else to learn everything you've figured out about your kid's needs. Its very delicate to find the right way to teach your MIL what is important without making her feel incompetent.
I would write everything down and review it. Then take some stuff out that may not be as crucial or that your other kids can help with. That way she won't be overwhelmed by instructions. Make sure you tell her in advance that Daniel needs certain things and how much you will appreciate her support.
In October, my brother and SIL are coming to stay with my boys to give us a break (just 2 nights). Remember both my kids are on IVs and tube feeds- so I'm already trying to figure out how I'm going to teach them all THAT stuff. Its not easy.
I really understand what you're asking. CF kids and their routines are complicated and parents know what to do because of trial and error in a 24/7 setting. Its almost impossible for someone else to learn everything you've figured out about your kid's needs. Its very delicate to find the right way to teach your MIL what is important without making her feel incompetent.
I would write everything down and review it. Then take some stuff out that may not be as crucial or that your other kids can help with. That way she won't be overwhelmed by instructions. Make sure you tell her in advance that Daniel needs certain things and how much you will appreciate her support.
In October, my brother and SIL are coming to stay with my boys to give us a break (just 2 nights). Remember both my kids are on IVs and tube feeds- so I'm already trying to figure out how I'm going to teach them all THAT stuff. Its not easy.
Maybe in addition to writing it all down mention that school will be starting soon for your other two & you are trying to keep some kind of routine that will get more into their normal schedule as time gets closer. If in doubt print this thread off for them. I dont think you expressed anything that would be hurtful!!!!!! BTW ENJOY HAWAII! My sis lived there for 15 years. Her son was born there, but yet I never took the time to visit. Stupid I know. Now she lives back in New York State near me! Guess I missed my chance!
I'm sure if I was leaving for a week those same thoughts would be running through my head! My son has never spent more than one night without me and I'm usually the only one who does meds or treatments or chest pt. That said, try not too worry to much and enjoy yourself. If it helps, just write a list. (I'm always writing lists, my hubby hates it!) Maybe it will give you a little peace of mind knowing she knows what meds at what time and how much and maybe just write a little extra at the bottom reminding of food allergies. I have great memories of nights sleeping at my gramma's with my sister, or her babysitting at our house. Just remember that their grand-kids are probably the thing in life they cherish most, and they really want to take the best care of them.
I worry about DS when we've gone on vacations -- that he'll get overly tired and then get sick. He's done great! Last winter when we went to Mexico for a wedding we were constantly on the go -- I just made sure that I took along a backpack with snacks, plenty of water, juice boxes, so even if he didn't eat the same stuff we did, he'd still have his food -- fed him spagettios out of the can on the beach one afternoon. We were also still able to get in his 3 cpt treatments a day.
Maybe just explain to your MIL your concerns about DS getting overly tired and the schedule is in place to help them still have time to enjoy their grandchildren, while still getting the meds and treatments taken care of. My inlaws used to drive me nuts about their son's ex-wife --how the world revolved around the grandkids naps and she never ever gave in. I'm not a nap nazi, I just explained early on that the schedule is in place for treatments and meds -- one of his meds he has to take 4 times a day, and unless they want to get up at 2 a.m. and give it to DS, I suggest they space the meds at LEAST 4 hours apart and not get behind. FIrst one before 8, then noon, then supper, then bedtime. The treatments -- first one between 6-8 a.m., 2nd 5-6:00 pm. and last one between 9:00-10:30 p.m. -- schedule is in place so DS can get adequate sleep something to eat -- It may not seem like fun at times, but we do DS's middle CPT treatment right away after work/preschool so we can get him fed and he'll still have a few hours of playtime before he goes to bed.
Just write everything down and just explain that you too were overwhelmed at first and the schedule is the only way that you as a parent can remember to get everything done in a timely manner and still have time for a normal life.
Maybe just explain to your MIL your concerns about DS getting overly tired and the schedule is in place to help them still have time to enjoy their grandchildren, while still getting the meds and treatments taken care of. My inlaws used to drive me nuts about their son's ex-wife --how the world revolved around the grandkids naps and she never ever gave in. I'm not a nap nazi, I just explained early on that the schedule is in place for treatments and meds -- one of his meds he has to take 4 times a day, and unless they want to get up at 2 a.m. and give it to DS, I suggest they space the meds at LEAST 4 hours apart and not get behind. FIrst one before 8, then noon, then supper, then bedtime. The treatments -- first one between 6-8 a.m., 2nd 5-6:00 pm. and last one between 9:00-10:30 p.m. -- schedule is in place so DS can get adequate sleep something to eat -- It may not seem like fun at times, but we do DS's middle CPT treatment right away after work/preschool so we can get him fed and he'll still have a few hours of playtime before he goes to bed.
Just write everything down and just explain that you too were overwhelmed at first and the schedule is the only way that you as a parent can remember to get everything done in a timely manner and still have time for a normal life.