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I don't want to tell my boyfriend.
- Thread starter anonymous
- Start date
Emily65Roses
New member
It's your decision in the end. But I think the guy has a right to know. Let me just leave you with this.... If he'd be the kind of guy that would leave you based solely on your CF, do you really want to be with him anyway? Seems terribly shallow and ignorant to me. Just a thought. <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">
It's my opinion that if you tell a guy about your CF and he dumps you then you're better off without him. Not saying that he is a bad person, I can see how it would just be too much for someone to handle, but if it is then obviously you need to find someone else!
I think with either outcome it's better to go ahead and tell him. Either he dumps you and you can move on to someone that's right for you, or he handles it and you don't risk him getting mad for waiting to tell him.
I think with either outcome it's better to go ahead and tell him. Either he dumps you and you can move on to someone that's right for you, or he handles it and you don't risk him getting mad for waiting to tell him.
Joblazer86
New member
I agree with the others by telling him. If he dumps you then he is the one who lost out!
serendipity730
New member
I second that! Any guy who would dump you, because you have CF is not worth your time! I would tell him sooner than later.
I was in the same boat as you a couple of weeks back. Exept my teacher at college decided to blurt out the fact i had cf infront of every one in my class and only 4 people knew i had it. I went bright red and everyone looked at me as if i was some freak! Then when i asked the bloke i liked he didnt have a clue what is was. So i had to explain it all. He was fine.. yet i still dont think he has the slighest idea what goes on in my world but at least he knows now!!
I agree with others although i wouldnt know where to start in trying to explain it! Especially trying to sum it up in a few sentances! so if any one has any tips i would love to here them too!!!
F 18 w/cf
I agree with others although i wouldnt know where to start in trying to explain it! Especially trying to sum it up in a few sentances! so if any one has any tips i would love to here them too!!!
F 18 w/cf
im sorry but any guy/girl who will actually break up with you over having a disease like CF, should be wiped off the face of this earth. like did they have any reason inperticular?!? or did their stupidty just get to them. i don't understand people these days. im 17 years old and i had to deal with this same situation. It's kind of funny and made me laugh afterwards because it made me think on how much of a waste of time he was for not understanding etc. i dont know? who knows.
Magerly111
New member
Ok, here's the thing. A boyfriend/girlfriend is supposed to be there for you and support you and help you through rough times. If someone is going to base their decision on you having CF, then it is their loss, and it's due to their ignorance. A lot of people don't know what CF is, and if you take the time to explain it, it might make them think otherwise. I know I never told anyone about my CF until I felt comfortable around them. The ones who don't mind and just help you through it all are the only ones who are worth any of your time. I'm talking friends, lovers, teachers, w/e. A lot of people are just so uneducated about CF that once you say that word "disease" or "medicines" they freak out. Somethings you just have to gradually tell people. And you just need to decide whats more important to you, a relationship based on a lie (or lack of stating a fact), or your dignity and good relationships that can be formed from the truth. I'd rather know that my boyfriend knows what's to come or could happen to me, rather than trying to explain it when it happens. Good luck, and do what you think is best.
I noticed a lot of girls posted, so here goes from the guys' side...all-be-it a fellow CF-er. Anyways, I've had alot of girlfriends, CF doesn't cramp my style, and I've told most of them--especially as I got older. I was really worried about it when I was 15 or so, because I knew they definately wouldn't grasp the gravity of the situation. When i was around 17-18 I started telling my dates. I was upfront about it after a couple months on the first time, and then it got easier each time and came sooner. I found it to be a liberating experience. I was able to be myself and not worrying about having to hide my cough or treatment stuff when they came over. I reccommend you do it, if not for him, for yourself. The reaction I got from my dates was very unfamiliar to me---they all liked me even more. They all thought that i was a really strong person emotionally and wanted to be with me even more....weird huh! If ya need to talk gretzky711 on AIM.
you have to tell him because if he really likes you for who you are then it should not matter if you have cf or not. together you two can overcome it and besides if he dumps you because you have cf then hes not worth your time.secrets are never a good thing for a relationship. its best if you tell him upfront<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0"><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
hm... it's really hard to not tell him something that u're hiding. for me, if he's the guy that would dump you because you have CF, i wouldn't even want him to be his girlfriend. but then, might think differently then me, of course. so my suggestion is that you should just tell him about it.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
hey i think that you should tell him now before someone gets hurt! If he dumps you then hes not the right guy for you. God has a certain guy for you that will be there to help you, not just dump you bc your "sick"!!!! That is the best advice i can give you!!! I hope everything goes good for you!!!
EmilysMini
New member
I agree with every one here. tell him...but only when you feel the time is right. now obviously this is little to no help so try this. yes its true that the word disease freaks people out. not always there fault. i mean, lets face it. when any one hears that word it doesnt exactly set of a positive reaction. its word assosiation. Now im not saying you should cover the fact that a disease is what it is. maybe just aviod using the word straight out. call it something diffrent. for instance, a genetic disorder. like i said. Him not reacting exactly positively to you calling it a disease doesnt nessicarily mean hes a horrible person. hope this is helpful in some way.
just to add a question onto the original post....
Just wondering when ppl thiknk it would be the bst time to tell your bf or gf that you suffer with cf.. I never know when the right time is to tell them as im scared of saying it as soon as i meet them incase i scare them off, or whether to wait till they get to know me better, then like let it out in bits here and there.
Pretty much everyone i tell whether it b a friend or boyfriend for that matter reli dont have a clue what i go through and i dnt think anyone does unless they live with you and c u go through daily life.
Anyone who can share their experiences would be good to hear! Tar v much!
Just wondering when ppl thiknk it would be the bst time to tell your bf or gf that you suffer with cf.. I never know when the right time is to tell them as im scared of saying it as soon as i meet them incase i scare them off, or whether to wait till they get to know me better, then like let it out in bits here and there.
Pretty much everyone i tell whether it b a friend or boyfriend for that matter reli dont have a clue what i go through and i dnt think anyone does unless they live with you and c u go through daily life.
Anyone who can share their experiences would be good to hear! Tar v much!
Emily65Roses
New member
To the last anonymous poster,
It's hard to decide when. But I usually tell them pretty early on if they don't already know. The thing about me is that I live in a pretty small town. I grew up being open about the CF, so pretty much my whole graduating class knew all throughout our school years. Basically those are the people we date, peers our own age. So a lot of the time, I didn't have to tell anyone anything. They already knew.
In cases where I did have to tell people, I just bring it into conversation the first time it's available. I don't want to come off like I'm shoving the information down people's throats, but I want to make sure they know what's going on before they get too invested. I don't remember now, but I can pretty much guarantee I've always told within the first week (assuming they didn't already know).
When I started dating Mike, he already knew of it (vaguely). We had had a town concert with local bands years earlier where the proceeds went to CF. Two of my girlfriends put it together, and used me as a poster child for the fund raising. So Mike learned about the CF then. But he didn't really know much of anything about it. So the night we met up at the high school hang-out (we had known each other previously, but just sort of ran into one another about town), we talked about nearly everything. I talked about my exes, he talked about his current girlfriend (who he broke up with the next day for me -- don't worry she was a cheating wench... lol). We went outside for a walk and he started smoking. So I took that opportunity to tell him, in more detail, about the CF. It was still pretty basic at first, but he had a decent understanding of it.
You're right, though. No one ever really knows unless they live with you. Even then no one knows what it's like to live with it. But either way, no one can ever really know all about the CF and what you go through unless you're with them nearly all the time. Mike learned more and more as time went on. We've been together a year and a half now, and he knows everything I do. In other words, he doesn't know anything about going through a lung transplant, because I have yet to go through that myself. But he knows what I deal with on a daily basis. And everytime something new comes up, he's one of the first to hear about it. He helps make sure I do my Pulmo. I taught him how to clap my back for when I need it. He goes to my clinic appointments with me. He stays in the hospital with me when I stay overnight. He learned how to take care of my home IVs (hooking them up, saline, heparin, etc). Recently (last fall, I think), I even taught him how to access my port. So every month when it comes time to flush it, I have him do the whole thing so he gets practice in. He's done it 3 times now (I think), and even though it creeps him out, he does a wonderful job.
Hopefully anyone you end up with will be something like how Mike is. But it takes time and patience. Mike was never mean about it or anything, but to be as lovely as he is took time (and it's always getting better as new days bring new crap). We also practically live together, which adds to it. When I'm home from school he either sleeps at my house, or sometimes I sleep on his couch. He hears my night and morning coughing and all that.
What it comes down to... Do whatever you're comfortable with. Tell them as much or as little as you want when you want. Just make sure not to let something get too serious before they know what's going on. It's only fair that they know everything if you expect them to stay with you and love you. As time goes on, the guy/girl will get more understanding, more involved and all that. And of course, if someone is going to get scared off because of the CF, do you really want to waste time on them? When you could instead be out finding someone who can handle all of it?
Everyone is different. This is just how I handle it. But if you're looking for a boyfriend, finding someone as understanding, and involved as Mike is would be a good place to start. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">
It's hard to decide when. But I usually tell them pretty early on if they don't already know. The thing about me is that I live in a pretty small town. I grew up being open about the CF, so pretty much my whole graduating class knew all throughout our school years. Basically those are the people we date, peers our own age. So a lot of the time, I didn't have to tell anyone anything. They already knew.
In cases where I did have to tell people, I just bring it into conversation the first time it's available. I don't want to come off like I'm shoving the information down people's throats, but I want to make sure they know what's going on before they get too invested. I don't remember now, but I can pretty much guarantee I've always told within the first week (assuming they didn't already know).
When I started dating Mike, he already knew of it (vaguely). We had had a town concert with local bands years earlier where the proceeds went to CF. Two of my girlfriends put it together, and used me as a poster child for the fund raising. So Mike learned about the CF then. But he didn't really know much of anything about it. So the night we met up at the high school hang-out (we had known each other previously, but just sort of ran into one another about town), we talked about nearly everything. I talked about my exes, he talked about his current girlfriend (who he broke up with the next day for me -- don't worry she was a cheating wench... lol). We went outside for a walk and he started smoking. So I took that opportunity to tell him, in more detail, about the CF. It was still pretty basic at first, but he had a decent understanding of it.
You're right, though. No one ever really knows unless they live with you. Even then no one knows what it's like to live with it. But either way, no one can ever really know all about the CF and what you go through unless you're with them nearly all the time. Mike learned more and more as time went on. We've been together a year and a half now, and he knows everything I do. In other words, he doesn't know anything about going through a lung transplant, because I have yet to go through that myself. But he knows what I deal with on a daily basis. And everytime something new comes up, he's one of the first to hear about it. He helps make sure I do my Pulmo. I taught him how to clap my back for when I need it. He goes to my clinic appointments with me. He stays in the hospital with me when I stay overnight. He learned how to take care of my home IVs (hooking them up, saline, heparin, etc). Recently (last fall, I think), I even taught him how to access my port. So every month when it comes time to flush it, I have him do the whole thing so he gets practice in. He's done it 3 times now (I think), and even though it creeps him out, he does a wonderful job.
Hopefully anyone you end up with will be something like how Mike is. But it takes time and patience. Mike was never mean about it or anything, but to be as lovely as he is took time (and it's always getting better as new days bring new crap). We also practically live together, which adds to it. When I'm home from school he either sleeps at my house, or sometimes I sleep on his couch. He hears my night and morning coughing and all that.
What it comes down to... Do whatever you're comfortable with. Tell them as much or as little as you want when you want. Just make sure not to let something get too serious before they know what's going on. It's only fair that they know everything if you expect them to stay with you and love you. As time goes on, the guy/girl will get more understanding, more involved and all that. And of course, if someone is going to get scared off because of the CF, do you really want to waste time on them? When you could instead be out finding someone who can handle all of it?
Everyone is different. This is just how I handle it. But if you're looking for a boyfriend, finding someone as understanding, and involved as Mike is would be a good place to start. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
<img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">