I think theres something really wrong with me.. Everyone Pls read.

[anonymous]

Ill get right to the point.
I have CF and CFRD.
I have been really depressed for a long time. it seems like years.
I find myself staying at home and doing nothing like I cant drag myself out.
I think about weird things and get weird superstitious like beliefs that make NO SENSE.
I sometimes get these obsessive compulsive behaviors.
I feel inferior to others and feel that the think I am inferior.
I am tired ALL the time ... exauhsted.
Another big thing is even when Im awake.. it seems like im constantly daydreaming or talking to myself and constanty observing myself.. even my thoughts.

I know the tiredness can be due to the cf and cfrd. But what is causing the rest and how do i fix it?
Are these things common with cf? What about the superstitions and compulsive behaviors?
I feel like im going CRAZY sometimes or I am crazy.
I cant cry tho .. even when I get REALLY depressed its like ill cry for like ten seconds and its like my body wont let me cry anymore. If i start to cry Ill start getting kinda in a zone where im evaluating myself crying and Ill concentrate on the evaluation of myself and not my emotions and boom I stop crying, even tho I so want to let out what I have so bundled up.

I am TERRIFIED of telling my family because I think they will think i am looney.
Im also afraid to talk to my doctor about it. I feel embarrassed and My mom (even though im 27)
always goes with me to my cf specialist because she helps me out all the time with my day to day meds and taking care of me.

But I am so tired of this.. It seems my life has been at a HAULT for the past four years and been like this. Can someone give me some advice and tell me if other ppl with CF have these symptoms or what they could be? and What should I do?
I am DESPERATE. I just want to enjoy life for one day without these things.


Thank you

 

[anonymous]

OH hey its me the person that posted this...
I also seem to always focus my thoughts on myself as an outside person looking at me.
I cant seem to focus on my own emotions...
Like im wondering how everything that im doing LOOKs... even if others arent around...

Just something else I adding in...
thx

 

[anonymous]

I think it's time to put your pride aside & call your social worker or psycologist at the CF Clinic. If you don't go to a CF Clinic, then call your Dr's nurse and tell her of your feelings.
It is so completely normal when you have CF to have feelings of depression, etc--the key is to get help & maybe even get on some kind of medication for these feelings until you can deal with them personally. I bet you'd be surprised at the number of people on this board that are currently taking some type of medication for depression or anxiety.
A couple of suggestions: Try reading a good fiction book that is not a depressing book. This helps you escape reality for a while. As a woman, I can always read a romance book...as a guy, maybe Louis L'Amour books?? The other thing you may already be doing, but pray (a lot)about how you're feeling and count on God to help, but defineately, call your Dr, etc to start getting some outside help! Post here anytime you want to and hopefully someone can help.
<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

To the person who started this post-

Wow, I know exactly what you are talking about, i actually am in shock of what you wrote because I went through a period of time where I was experiencing the same thing. What you are saying about the feeling of being outside yourself, observing what you are doing, i felt that for so long and it would start to drive me nuts. It is tied into the depression because it is like you are outside your own mind, in a kind of zone that wont let you feel anything. During the time I felt like this I eventually went to see a therapist. We did some weekly sessions for a few months, and eventually I stopped going. To be honest what made me feel better was the more I talked about things, whatever was bothering me, problems....the more I realized that I didnt need to be sitting in a room talking about myself. At first it was nice to just get things off my chest, have someone really want to sit and listen to me...but then more and more I started realizing (through talking) that maybe it wasnt that bad...its as if for once my problems were in FRONT of me instead of me outside of myself in front of them. You said your mom helps you alot and that you feel as if you have been in a standstill for 4 years...maybe you are not doing enough on your own...I am not saying related to your CF, but just in general. How is your health? If you are relatively healthy maybe you should think about doing something by yourself, away from your mother, where you can just take a risk and doing something different, like go on a trip by yourself, or take an old freind and just GO somewhere. If you feel your health is holding you back, just do it anyway, take the risk, because you will just destroy yourself mentally even if you are keeping yourself healthy physically.

The other day I was thinking to myself how that stuff never happened to me anymore...it just sort of stopped, and i tried to think about why. I think I just really tried to get outside myself, plus I was forced, I went to college, I was forced to not be the most important thing in my life. I grew up an only child with parents who care sooooo much about my health, especially my mother, and that can make you seem like you are the center of the universe...not in an egotistical way at all, but in the sense that you cant think about anything but your own thoughts, life, ACTIONS. You need to get outside of yourself and current situation, talking to a therapist might help but something else should be done...even if it involves taking a big risk. Then I bet the feelings will go away, not right away, but someday you will jsut realize they stopped happeneing, like I did the other day.
Caitlin
write to me if you want to talk more catalinaohara@aol.com

 

[ButtonNO1]

HIYA I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A BIT OF A DOWN PATCH BUT I AM KINDA PICKING MYSELF UP I HAVE NOT REALLY BIN FEELING WOT YOU HAVE BUT EVERYDAY I WRITE A DIARY AND IT IS A GOOD WAY TO GET YOUR FEELINGS OUT IF YOU ARE TO EMBRASSED TO TALK TO SOMEONE . KEEP YOUR CHIN UP BEST WISHES FROM JO <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

 

[HollyCatheryn]

Sounds like an obsessive compulsive disorder with some depression mixed in. I have a friend who suffered with this for years and then a Dr put her on a pretty low dose of Prozac and Voila! She's been much better since. If you really want to keep it private, you can either call your social worker and ask to be worked in to psych just to talk and see what they might have to say, or talk to your doc on the phone, or have a specific part of your clinic visits during which your mother waits in the lobby. You need to get some help. It's no shame. Most people with CF are on some sort of anti-depressant med, just to handle to stress of life with CF. I would advise against just letting your CF doc prescribe something though (not all will, but some do). Try to get into see a psych doc. Just talking about it all with someone who might understand will make a huge difference.

 

[MarkR]

I think that you really need to talk to your doctor. He can help manage your anxiety.
It's not good for you to keep this bottled up. not menaly but health wise you really need help.
I was depressed for a long time, and it got dangerous for me

 

[MarkR]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>MarkR</b></i><br>I think that you really need to talk to your doctor. He can help manage your anxiety.

It's not good for you to keep this bottled up. not only menaly but health wise you really need help.

I was depressed for a long time, and it got dangerous for me<hr></blockquote>

 

[Diane]

I Agree with whoever said OCD ( obsessive compolsive disorder). I found myself feeling exactly the way you do, and thought i was just going crazy and losing my mind. I went to see a therapist and she immediately said it sounded like OCD, and had me start going to group meetings. It helped me a lot because there were people there that had it so much worse then myself, and i realized i could help myself by trying to be stronger than the symptoms. I did extremely well, till i had some bad experiences with hemoptysis 2 years ago, and absolutely had to go on zoloft to control the horrible, crippling , anxiety i started to suffer because of it. Dont suffer in silence, get yourself some help. You will be glad you did.
~Diane 39 / cf / diabetes / b.cepacia

 

[anonymous]

Hey all,

We all get these feelings at one stage of our life. Its part of living with cf, but the hard thing about it is getting over it. Its part of fighting to fit in. You r not alone. I dunno if a counsellor would help really, but u can give it a shot. Pesrsonally counsellors didnt help me i lifted myself by myself.

Rami 21w/cf

 

[anonymous]

my name is kristin and my brother in law (32) you just passed away this july had Cf. I kinda understand how you are feeling. I would see him go through all of these different stages of being depressed and always feeling exsausted. I dont know how he did it but he always kept a positive out look on life. Even when he would be exsausted he would make himself get out of bed just to go to dinner with us. We would pack all his pills and oxygen machine just so we could go to eat. which seems weird to so many people but what people dont undertsnd is how much energy it takes just to shower.
I'm not really good at giving advice but i can tell you one thing that if my brother in law ever felt sorry for himself or didnt use that last once of energy to get out of bed he would have missed out on a lot of things and he didnt want that. My brother had a home of his own, a wife ( my sister) and a child. So dont give up and try to look for the good in everything. because there is good out there. i will pray for you and wish you nothing but that best.

 

[anonymous]

Hi,

It hurts to read your message a see a lot of my brother that you are describing. My brother had CF for 30 he showed all of the things that you are describing. You really really need to let your doctor or a CF counslor know. Let someone help you with your thoughts and your feelings. You should let someone help you figure things out. My brother and I use to set and talk for hours. He was my bestfriend and there was nothing that I wouldn't do for him.

I don't think that there is anything mentally wrong with you. I think you body is just mentally and physically exhausted that you are having trouble getting things organized. I wish I could hug you and help you. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[bowlingguy]

How controlled is your CFRD? Most of your problems could be related to low blood sugar. And no matter whats the cause of how your feeling you will feel 100x better once you talk to someone about it, and let them know how you feel...good luck and god bless...