Making the difficult decision not to have children

[serendipity730]

Hi all,

Over the last couple of years, my pft's have gone down quite a bit. This time two years ago, my husband and I had just started trying to conceive. We tried for about 5-6 months, but due to recurrent infections, we stopped trying temporarily. About 6 mos ago, we decided to stop trying all together, as my health is no longer at a level where I feel comfortable putting my body through a pregnancy. We explored some other options, such as adoption, but we didn't pursue that for financial reasons and concerns about having enough energy to keep up with an infant/young toddler. We did become licensed foster parents, but a child has not been placed with us yet.

I guess my point is that I'd always assumed that (one way or another) I would be a mom. It has taken a lot of adjustment in my thinking of my future to try to come to terms with the fact that I won't. Even though, my husband and I made this decision at least half a yr ago, I am still having a lot of difficulty with it. I figured that there must be other women with CF out there who've had a similar experience. If you'd be willing to share your story, I would appreciate it (you can PM me if you want).

Thanks!

 

[serendipity730]

Hi all,

Over the last couple of years, my pft's have gone down quite a bit. This time two years ago, my husband and I had just started trying to conceive. We tried for about 5-6 months, but due to recurrent infections, we stopped trying temporarily. About 6 mos ago, we decided to stop trying all together, as my health is no longer at a level where I feel comfortable putting my body through a pregnancy. We explored some other options, such as adoption, but we didn't pursue that for financial reasons and concerns about having enough energy to keep up with an infant/young toddler. We did become licensed foster parents, but a child has not been placed with us yet.

I guess my point is that I'd always assumed that (one way or another) I would be a mom. It has taken a lot of adjustment in my thinking of my future to try to come to terms with the fact that I won't. Even though, my husband and I made this decision at least half a yr ago, I am still having a lot of difficulty with it. I figured that there must be other women with CF out there who've had a similar experience. If you'd be willing to share your story, I would appreciate it (you can PM me if you want).

Thanks!

 

[serendipity730]

Hi all,
<br />
<br />Over the last couple of years, my pft's have gone down quite a bit. This time two years ago, my husband and I had just started trying to conceive. We tried for about 5-6 months, but due to recurrent infections, we stopped trying temporarily. About 6 mos ago, we decided to stop trying all together, as my health is no longer at a level where I feel comfortable putting my body through a pregnancy. We explored some other options, such as adoption, but we didn't pursue that for financial reasons and concerns about having enough energy to keep up with an infant/young toddler. We did become licensed foster parents, but a child has not been placed with us yet.
<br />
<br />I guess my point is that I'd always assumed that (one way or another) I would be a mom. It has taken a lot of adjustment in my thinking of my future to try to come to terms with the fact that I won't. Even though, my husband and I made this decision at least half a yr ago, I am still having a lot of difficulty with it. I figured that there must be other women with CF out there who've had a similar experience. If you'd be willing to share your story, I would appreciate it (you can PM me if you want).
<br />
<br />Thanks!

 

[olive]

Me and my partner have also made the decision to to have children, but im like u abit.. i always knew and thought that i would be a mummy. I tried for 3 and a half years before deciding not to. I sometimes still think tho that what if and but i want a baby. Im here if u need to talk sometimes ppl close to u cant help as much as someone whos out of the circle of knowing you. ppl who know u can make u feel like u should try, shouldnt try before actually understanding how u really are effected, this might not be the case tho u could have amazing friends who value ur decision and stand by u but if u ever want to talk im here

 

[olive]

Me and my partner have also made the decision to to have children, but im like u abit.. i always knew and thought that i would be a mummy. I tried for 3 and a half years before deciding not to. I sometimes still think tho that what if and but i want a baby. Im here if u need to talk sometimes ppl close to u cant help as much as someone whos out of the circle of knowing you. ppl who know u can make u feel like u should try, shouldnt try before actually understanding how u really are effected, this might not be the case tho u could have amazing friends who value ur decision and stand by u but if u ever want to talk im here

 

[olive]

Me and my partner have also made the decision to to have children, but im like u abit.. i always knew and thought that i would be a mummy. I tried for 3 and a half years before deciding not to. I sometimes still think tho that what if and but i want a baby. Im here if u need to talk sometimes ppl close to u cant help as much as someone whos out of the circle of knowing you. ppl who know u can make u feel like u should try, shouldnt try before actually understanding how u really are effected, this might not be the case tho u could have amazing friends who value ur decision and stand by u but if u ever want to talk im here

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

I have not decided to have my own children due to low pfts and CFRD. it is just too hard on my body to have children whenever i have children.
i have thought about adoption. there are so many children in usa that need a good home. so whenever my future husband wants children we will talk about adpoting or doing a foster home situation.

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

I have not decided to have my own children due to low pfts and CFRD. it is just too hard on my body to have children whenever i have children.
i have thought about adoption. there are so many children in usa that need a good home. so whenever my future husband wants children we will talk about adpoting or doing a foster home situation.

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

I have not decided to have my own children due to low pfts and CFRD. it is just too hard on my body to have children whenever i have children.
<br />i have thought about adoption. there are so many children in usa that need a good home. so whenever my future husband wants children we will talk about adpoting or doing a foster home situation.

 

[Twistofchaos]

For me, as i've grown older (well, 29 now) i've become more and more used to the idea of not having children to at some point really not be bothered by it anymore to the point of developing a bunch of rational and moral objections to having children and frowning upon people (mostly non-cf) that do..

Here's the gist of it..
-As per evolution, mother nature plays a little trick, make sex feel good, but the hidden surprise is reproduction. We're (probably) the first species to see through this trick, but still do anyway. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif" border="0">
-There's no point to reproduction other than societal pressure and conditioning. That's a natural mechanism as for societies to survive only ideas that support societies survived in societies that survived.. As a result it's still "normal" to want to have children, and people that consciously choose not to have them are still frowned upon while they should be hugely applauded. "There must be something wrong with them", etc.. (in our case there is..but)
-In incredibly wealthy western countries such as mine, we've long lost the need for reproduction. Not so long ago having children was a necessity to gather enough income to survive as well as have someone to care after you once you got old and sick. (ofcourse..a lot of conservative politicians would like to see this return..so we've to be careful.)
-If I need children to give my life a purpose, make me complete or have a fulfilling life, you probably aren't ready to have children in the first place. Not having them might be a little harder as you have to look at yourself a little harder and figure out what else there is to life. Once you do however and break away a little more of societies preset hypocritical ideas there's really a lot to live for.
-I'll avoid the usual "there's 7 billion people and a lot of parentless loveless children, how could you add more?", "the world sucks" and "having children is extremely polluting" arguments. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

I'm sorry if i offended anyone but i hope this can be said and not just a more one-sided story in regards to having children, as well as i'm sure there's plenty other cf'ers around that feel similair or for those in doubt giving these sort of ideas some thought can help decide against it and even give some sort of peace of mind. As it does for me.

 

[Twistofchaos]

For me, as i've grown older (well, 29 now) i've become more and more used to the idea of not having children to at some point really not be bothered by it anymore to the point of developing a bunch of rational and moral objections to having children and frowning upon people (mostly non-cf) that do..

Here's the gist of it..
-As per evolution, mother nature plays a little trick, make sex feel good, but the hidden surprise is reproduction. We're (probably) the first species to see through this trick, but still do anyway. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif" border="0">
-There's no point to reproduction other than societal pressure and conditioning. That's a natural mechanism as for societies to survive only ideas that support societies survived in societies that survived.. As a result it's still "normal" to want to have children, and people that consciously choose not to have them are still frowned upon while they should be hugely applauded. "There must be something wrong with them", etc.. (in our case there is..but)
-In incredibly wealthy western countries such as mine, we've long lost the need for reproduction. Not so long ago having children was a necessity to gather enough income to survive as well as have someone to care after you once you got old and sick. (ofcourse..a lot of conservative politicians would like to see this return..so we've to be careful.)
-If I need children to give my life a purpose, make me complete or have a fulfilling life, you probably aren't ready to have children in the first place. Not having them might be a little harder as you have to look at yourself a little harder and figure out what else there is to life. Once you do however and break away a little more of societies preset hypocritical ideas there's really a lot to live for.
-I'll avoid the usual "there's 7 billion people and a lot of parentless loveless children, how could you add more?", "the world sucks" and "having children is extremely polluting" arguments. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

I'm sorry if i offended anyone but i hope this can be said and not just a more one-sided story in regards to having children, as well as i'm sure there's plenty other cf'ers around that feel similair or for those in doubt giving these sort of ideas some thought can help decide against it and even give some sort of peace of mind. As it does for me.

 

[Twistofchaos]

For me, as i've grown older (well, 29 now) i've become more and more used to the idea of not having children to at some point really not be bothered by it anymore to the point of developing a bunch of rational and moral objections to having children and frowning upon people (mostly non-cf) that do..
<br />
<br />Here's the gist of it..
<br />-As per evolution, mother nature plays a little trick, make sex feel good, but the hidden surprise is reproduction. We're (probably) the first species to see through this trick, but still do anyway. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif" border="0">
<br />-There's no point to reproduction other than societal pressure and conditioning. That's a natural mechanism as for societies to survive only ideas that support societies survived in societies that survived.. As a result it's still "normal" to want to have children, and people that consciously choose not to have them are still frowned upon while they should be hugely applauded. "There must be something wrong with them", etc.. (in our case there is..but)
<br />-In incredibly wealthy western countries such as mine, we've long lost the need for reproduction. Not so long ago having children was a necessity to gather enough income to survive as well as have someone to care after you once you got old and sick. (ofcourse..a lot of conservative politicians would like to see this return..so we've to be careful.)
<br />-If I need children to give my life a purpose, make me complete or have a fulfilling life, you probably aren't ready to have children in the first place. Not having them might be a little harder as you have to look at yourself a little harder and figure out what else there is to life. Once you do however and break away a little more of societies preset hypocritical ideas there's really a lot to live for.
<br />-I'll avoid the usual "there's 7 billion people and a lot of parentless loveless children, how could you add more?", "the world sucks" and "having children is extremely polluting" arguments. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
<br />
<br />I'm sorry if i offended anyone but i hope this can be said and not just a more one-sided story in regards to having children, as well as i'm sure there's plenty other cf'ers around that feel similair or for those in doubt giving these sort of ideas some thought can help decide against it and even give some sort of peace of mind. As it does for me.

 

[MissKitty]

I have made the decision that having a child is not in my future. I discussed with my doctor about adopting and he told me that having CF puts me at the bottom of the list because I am not a "reliable" candidate for a parent as I could die while the child was in my care. I never knew that and it makes it a lot harder for me because I have always dreamed of having a child. I have just decided to become a teacher, that way I can still "have" the kids but return them at the end of the day. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[MissKitty]

I have made the decision that having a child is not in my future. I discussed with my doctor about adopting and he told me that having CF puts me at the bottom of the list because I am not a "reliable" candidate for a parent as I could die while the child was in my care. I never knew that and it makes it a lot harder for me because I have always dreamed of having a child. I have just decided to become a teacher, that way I can still "have" the kids but return them at the end of the day. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[MissKitty]

I have made the decision that having a child is not in my future. I discussed with my doctor about adopting and he told me that having CF puts me at the bottom of the list because I am not a "reliable" candidate for a parent as I could die while the child was in my care. I never knew that and it makes it a lot harder for me because I have always dreamed of having a child. I have just decided to become a teacher, that way I can still "have" the kids but return them at the end of the day. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[yoda111603]

me and my wife tried for 2 yrs before she got preg for our now 3 yr old son, she was very healthy during the hole thing and only had ivs after just to make sure nothing came up. sadly she has passed away on the 18th of nov, but a child is something she has always wanted, she wanted to try for a girl next but her health went down hill big time in just 4 months. she still lives in our son tho hes just like her.

 

[yoda111603]

me and my wife tried for 2 yrs before she got preg for our now 3 yr old son, she was very healthy during the hole thing and only had ivs after just to make sure nothing came up. sadly she has passed away on the 18th of nov, but a child is something she has always wanted, she wanted to try for a girl next but her health went down hill big time in just 4 months. she still lives in our son tho hes just like her.

 

[yoda111603]

me and my wife tried for 2 yrs before she got preg for our now 3 yr old son, she was very healthy during the hole thing and only had ivs after just to make sure nothing came up. sadly she has passed away on the 18th of nov, but a child is something she has always wanted, she wanted to try for a girl next but her health went down hill big time in just 4 months. she still lives in our son tho hes just like her.

 

[musclemania70]

there are a million good points to not having children.
ask me and I will give you a list. This is absolutely not negative or condescending towards parents.
This is simply giving a list of really great reasons why life can still be fabulous without children.
Ask and I will divulge.

 

[musclemania70]

there are a million good points to not having children.
ask me and I will give you a list. This is absolutely not negative or condescending towards parents.
This is simply giving a list of really great reasons why life can still be fabulous without children.
Ask and I will divulge.