My husband and I have a four year old son with CF. My husband has only gone with me to one CF clinic visit, and my son was diagnosed three years ago! It is very hard to sit in the waiting room and see most of the other kids have both parents present. He doesn't help with the treatments or medicines. He won't go to support groups, at all. I was wondering how having a child with CF has affected your marriage? I don't want to leave my husband, but I don't think I can handle this anymore.
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marriage issues?
- Thread starter anonymous
- Start date
Dear Parent,
As a CF adult, and having obviously been a CF child, I can't imagine why your spouse chooses not to participate in his (?) child's care. If it was clear to me that, as a child, one of my parents didn't want to get involved it would devastate me. The disease is hard enough alone without a child having to guess or assume that his dad (?) doesn't love him, or thinks less of him, etc. Perhaps this isn't the case, but without actions a parent's words mean little.
It all must be particularly tough on you. Best of luck.
As a CF adult, and having obviously been a CF child, I can't imagine why your spouse chooses not to participate in his (?) child's care. If it was clear to me that, as a child, one of my parents didn't want to get involved it would devastate me. The disease is hard enough alone without a child having to guess or assume that his dad (?) doesn't love him, or thinks less of him, etc. Perhaps this isn't the case, but without actions a parent's words mean little.
It all must be particularly tough on you. Best of luck.
have you discussed your feelings with your husband? It appears as though your husband is staying removed from the situation, probably his way of self preservation. It is a bit selfish to you and your son but probably the reason. I would strongly encourage communication between you and he and counseling before you leave. Coming from a lack luster childhood I think both parents actively particpating in a childs life is paramount.
Luke 29/cf with a step father who beat him and was homeless at 17
Luke 29/cf with a step father who beat him and was homeless at 17
I have a three-year old and a one-year old. They both have cf. My husband would have no idea how to give a lot of their medications. He also has been to only three appointments with me. The last two appointments where because I told him that he will be going with me to their birthday yearly cf appointments. After going two years without him, I put my foot down. He didn't see the need, but I need more emotional support, need an extra hand with two now and the kids need to know that he plays an active role. My husband wouldn't go to a support group if I asked him and I have. Honestly, my husband doesn't need a support group he is 100% okay with their diagnosis and doesn't need emotional support from anyone else.
I don't see my husband's attitude as a marriage problem at all. My husband couldn't love me or the kids more. He just sees my role as a stay at home mom and it includes taking care of the cf related issues. A lot of work for my yes, and I must admit he has been doing some of my little one's cpt lately. I think you should just discuss with your husband how you feel. He might not know how draining it is for you. Try not to let it interfere with the stability of your marriage. Try and see how the other ways he loves you and your son.
I also asked my husband if I could have someone to help me clean the house when my second child was born with cf. I knew that taking care of the both and the house would put me over the top. It really has helped alleviate some stress for me.
Sharon
I don't see my husband's attitude as a marriage problem at all. My husband couldn't love me or the kids more. He just sees my role as a stay at home mom and it includes taking care of the cf related issues. A lot of work for my yes, and I must admit he has been doing some of my little one's cpt lately. I think you should just discuss with your husband how you feel. He might not know how draining it is for you. Try not to let it interfere with the stability of your marriage. Try and see how the other ways he loves you and your son.
I also asked my husband if I could have someone to help me clean the house when my second child was born with cf. I knew that taking care of the both and the house would put me over the top. It really has helped alleviate some stress for me.
Sharon
I work (luckily at home though), have 6 kids, two of which are twins w/cf and do all the housework. My husband does help though! Does your husband work through the day? If so maybe that is why he is not going!! Like the others say just tell him how you feel he may not know anything is even wrong!! I think it is a little harder for men to deal with then woman, or so they think. They think we can do it all sometimes!!!!
Men deal with thing differnt to say the least. My other half does. When we found out my oldest had cf he didn't tell anybody. I didn't know this till I was pregant with our new baby. Both have cf. I do all the things at home and he works 12hrs a day 6 days a week and tries to work on his day off for a few hrs. I was was mad at first cause it felt he didn't care but we talked and that was his way of dealing. It took awhile to fix. I had a hard time learning to relax (still working on that). I am always baby this meds that. Come to find out he thought I didn't think he could take care of them. Well to sum this up talk about your feelings. Even if he doesn't talk back maybe he will hear you. Hope you the best!
Mom of two
Mom of two
As a father of an adult child with cf I think each person, father or mother, relates to their cf child or other childrens problems by way of their past experience. Having over 25 years dealing with cf, meeting other parents of children with cf, each family, each parent, has a different attitude. One family,I know, thought their world stopped when they were told their son had cf. Our experience was
we were given a lemon so lets make it into something good, lemonade. For us, I think it is our faith in God that gives us the attitude, THY WILL BE DONE. I think prayer, love, and communication between father, mother, cf child and other children is the key.
All of us have only today, tomorrow never comes! Live it!
we were given a lemon so lets make it into something good, lemonade. For us, I think it is our faith in God that gives us the attitude, THY WILL BE DONE. I think prayer, love, and communication between father, mother, cf child and other children is the key.
All of us have only today, tomorrow never comes! Live it!
HollyCatheryn
New member
<P>As far as I remember, my dad didn't come to lots of appointments. He came to some. Mainly it was because of work. When I had appointments, especially when our clinic was a couple of hours from our home, it would just take too much time from work to go with us. My mom would take me and my sister (who doesn't have CF). When I had to be hospitalized out of town, they took shifts. Mom stayed up for a while with me while Dad stayed home with sister and worked, then they'd switch. We'd all be together on weekends. I never thought my dad didn't care I guess because we'd all talk about the appointments and anything new at dinner. So I knew he was interested, but I also knew that it was his work that enabled me to go to the doctor and get my meds. There is a tremendously high divorce rate among the parents of children with chronic illnesses. Try hard not to become part of that statistic. It does nothing for a child with CF to be thinking in the back of their mind that if they hadn't had CF mom and dad could've made it work. If you do divorce make sure it isn't over CF and make sure that your son knows it!</P>
Emily65Roses
New member
My dad never came to my appointments either. It was also because of work. He had a harder time taking off than my mom. In the end, it turned out to be kind of "bonding time" for me and my mom. Hah, how weird is that? My dad shows up for important stuff, like surgeries, and he visits when I stay overnight. It was mostly just the appointments that he didn't go to. But yeah, Holly is right, there's a really high divorce rate among parents of chronically ill kids. But my parents are still together. It's do-able. <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">
I am an adult with CF. I don't think my Dad ever came to a CF doctor appointment. It was not because he did not want to get involved, it was because at that time he was working so hard to support the family. He knew that my Mom had it handled, he loved her and trusted her - he also knew that if she ever asked him for help he would do it. Many years ago before my Wonderful Dad passed away he asked me if there was ever anything that I wanted from him that he did not give me. I told him that I did not need anything because ever day when I woke up I knew that I was loved. I don't think there is a greater gift to give a child. It is not if you go to a doctor appointment, it is how much you love them and show them in all sorts of ways. Give your husband a chance - my Mom did and I am a better person because of it.
A Very Loved Daughter
A Very Loved Daughter
P
PeteRose
Guest
I forgot to sign in on this one. The last message was from me.