My boyfriend has cf, help please?

[koolkp]

My boyfriend has cystic fibrosis and we have been together over two and half years and I love him more than anything. He has told me in the past that he wants to be with me forever. I realize that it would be a difficult journey but I've been there with him through all of his hospitalizations and he is the most amazing guy I've ever met. He's going to college right now and he works a part time job and he broke up with me the other day because he said I stressed him out too much. I was crushed. I didn't know if it was me or if his cf was just getting to him too much?

I reflected after that and I decided to be a much better girlfriend and realized that I would do anything for this man to make things work. I went to his house the next day and even though he was reluctant, he told me he loved me and would give me a second chance. I know he's probably afraid but why would he leave someone who has been there for him through thick and thin? I'm heartbroken by this guy who promised to be with me forever.

I guess I'm just looking for advice from other people who are familiar with or have cf as to what is behind all of this. Do you think we can make things work? I know he loves me and I understand it will not be easy as I have been with him for a long time but he means everything to me. We saw each other yesterday and had an incredible day together. I'm just afraid that he might break down again and leave me again in the future.

 

[Chrissyb]

I have cf to I have been with my boyfriend for three years he as been the greatest guy ever

 

[Calimom]

Is he going through an especially tough time healthwise right now? He may be afraid that you will leave him...

 

[Aboveallislove]

I guess I'm wondering why he said you stressed him out and what you mean about being a better girlfriend? I think the answers to those questions will tell whether it is a) a CF thing; b) an age thing; c) an incompatibility thing; and/or d) whether "you being a better girlfriend," is good for the relationship or a matter of doing anything to keep him? Without knowing more it is really hard to know what might be helpful input.

 

[LittleLab4CF]

It is hard enough to keep focused on the next 24 hours for some with CF and the last bug anybody wants a loved one to contract is worry. In two days my wife will go in for the second cancer surgery in two years. At the moment managing my CF is all over the page. The last thing either of us need right now is her worrying about anything than keeping focused on HER health. But she is worried more about mine. Solve this conundrum and you will have solved yours.
Stress isn’t to be underestimated in its ability to make a body sick or sicker. It is unlikely you can substantially affect his lung infections or maybe his gut shot belly pain, so don’t fret over it. At least don’t get caught.
Hope this helps,
LL

 

[scarecrow]

I don't know you or your boyfriend but CF doesn't make you any better or worse of a person. Most people with CF have grown up w/ the idea that they will never live to be very old. I have been married for over 25 years and have told my wife that if she wants out I won't hold it against her. So far she has stayed w/ me and I am glad she has. If it weren't for her I would have given up long ago. If you are really sure that you want to spend your life w/ this guy then you need to make sure he knows that you're not going anywhere. On the other hand, you should take a long look at your relationship and ask yourself why you want to be w/ him. These are things that strangers can't answer for you. Just know that the ups and downs are part of his life and if you stay w/ him they will be part of yours.

 

[LittleLab4CF]

I had edited out a critical consideration meant to be in my post. Take your queue from him as to how much he fusses over himself. Disease management isn't fussing. If he is obsessing over his mortality and you can draw him away from unproductive contemplations. If you are, stop it.

The proper advice would be to seek help from a professional counselor. This can be an unsustainable relationship. It is about as hard as it gets and you may be better informed by discussing how to nurture your relationship. Being that better girlfriend may be best achieved with the help of professional advice on how best to deal with life and death issues in a casual world.

LL