My boyfriend's tough question

[Emeraldmirror]

I'm 20, I've had CF since I was 15 months old. When I was 15 i basically met my soulmate. We didn't start dating for years to come after we met, we actually had a rather complicated relationship before. Anyway, the other night he woke me up (we live together now) and asked if we could have a serious conversation, naturally I agreed even though I had to go to work early. So he started to tell me, first he told me that he was seriously thinking about asking me to marry him (which didn't surprise me), but then he continued to go on and ask me a very unexpected question. He asked how it was going to be in the end. He wanted to know what to expect when the inevitable time of my death arrived. How it was going to be, if it was going to be long and dragged out, if I was going to suffer etc. I was caught very off guard I'm not sure what to tell him really. What i'm really looking for is some advice for having a difficult conversation with the one you love. I really don't think I'm going to die anytime soon, but what should I tell him?

 

[Emeraldmirror]

I'm 20, I've had CF since I was 15 months old. When I was 15 i basically met my soulmate. We didn't start dating for years to come after we met, we actually had a rather complicated relationship before. Anyway, the other night he woke me up (we live together now) and asked if we could have a serious conversation, naturally I agreed even though I had to go to work early. So he started to tell me, first he told me that he was seriously thinking about asking me to marry him (which didn't surprise me), but then he continued to go on and ask me a very unexpected question. He asked how it was going to be in the end. He wanted to know what to expect when the inevitable time of my death arrived. How it was going to be, if it was going to be long and dragged out, if I was going to suffer etc. I was caught very off guard I'm not sure what to tell him really. What i'm really looking for is some advice for having a difficult conversation with the one you love. I really don't think I'm going to die anytime soon, but what should I tell him?

 

[ClashPunk82]

wow thats a toughie but actually im glad he did ask you cuz then youll have an idea of how you both feel about that subject. not tryin to be morbid but it is a reality we have to face and discuss. i dont know what you should tell him cuz i dont know how you feel or how you want to express it to him but i think you should talk with him about it and get a feel about the situation. i hope some of this helps and i hope youll share with us how the talk goes <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Nicole 22 CF

 

[ClashPunk82]

wow thats a toughie but actually im glad he did ask you cuz then youll have an idea of how you both feel about that subject. not tryin to be morbid but it is a reality we have to face and discuss. i dont know what you should tell him cuz i dont know how you feel or how you want to express it to him but i think you should talk with him about it and get a feel about the situation. i hope some of this helps and i hope youll share with us how the talk goes <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Nicole 22 CF

 

[anonymous]

Everyone dies. No one knows when or how that's going to happen. I don't have CF but my b/f does and I know that I could very well die before he does. Only God can choose that moment. You can't dwell on those thoughts and we all have to remember that death can come whenever. CF doesn't have to be that death sentence. Just live..enjoy life as well and long as you can and remind your b/f that death is unpredictable. Don't worry about it know or dwell before and after the marriage. We're all going to die at some point. If you let it keep you down and depressed then you'll miss out. I love my boyfriend..I cried and cried when he first told me about his CF but I've realized over time that death is unpredictable and if I let it bring me down then I'm going to miss out on great moments with him when I can just love, enjoy, and live with him.

 

[anonymous]

Everyone dies. No one knows when or how that's going to happen. I don't have CF but my b/f does and I know that I could very well die before he does. Only God can choose that moment. You can't dwell on those thoughts and we all have to remember that death can come whenever. CF doesn't have to be that death sentence. Just live..enjoy life as well and long as you can and remind your b/f that death is unpredictable. Don't worry about it know or dwell before and after the marriage. We're all going to die at some point. If you let it keep you down and depressed then you'll miss out. I love my boyfriend..I cried and cried when he first told me about his CF but I've realized over time that death is unpredictable and if I let it bring me down then I'm going to miss out on great moments with him when I can just love, enjoy, and live with him.

 

[AbsintheSorrow]

To the last poster... I just want to make a point. You're right that death is unpredictable and all that good garbage, but growing up with CF, you pretty much continually stare death in the face... And unless you've been there, you don't know what it's like. Even having a boyfriend with CF, you still don't know what it's like. You have a better idea than most, but you still... just don't know.

And don't take this to mean that I'm a horribly pessismistic or moody and dark dreary person. I live life to the fullest, and enjoy all the little things. I just really hate when people use that theory that "death can happen to anyone at any time, I could wake up tomorrow and get hit by a train." Even though you're right, it's not the same when you grow up and live knowing that you're standing on the tracks, and you know that train is coming... you're just waiting to find out when. And unless you've lived it, you just don't know.

 

[AbsintheSorrow]

To the last poster... I just want to make a point. You're right that death is unpredictable and all that good garbage, but growing up with CF, you pretty much continually stare death in the face... And unless you've been there, you don't know what it's like. Even having a boyfriend with CF, you still don't know what it's like. You have a better idea than most, but you still... just don't know.

And don't take this to mean that I'm a horribly pessismistic or moody and dark dreary person. I live life to the fullest, and enjoy all the little things. I just really hate when people use that theory that "death can happen to anyone at any time, I could wake up tomorrow and get hit by a train." Even though you're right, it's not the same when you grow up and live knowing that you're standing on the tracks, and you know that train is coming... you're just waiting to find out when. And unless you've lived it, you just don't know.

 

[ClashPunk82]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>AbsintheSorrow</b></i><br>To the last poster... I just want to make a point. You're right that death is unpredictable and all that good garbage, but growing up with CF, you pretty much continually stare death in the face... And unless you've been there, you don't know what it's like. Even having a boyfriend with CF, you still don't know what it's like. You have a better idea than most, but you still... just don't know.



And don't take this to mean that I'm a horribly pessismistic or moody and dark dreary person. I live life to the fullest, and enjoy all the little things. I just really hate when people use that theory that "death can happen to anyone at any time, I could wake up tomorrow and get hit by a train." Even though you're right, it's not the same when you grow up and live knowing that you're standing on the tracks, and you know that train is coming... you're just waiting to find out when. And unless you've lived it, you just don't know.<hr></blockquote>

EXACTLY! very well put!

Nicole 22 CF

 

[ClashPunk82]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>AbsintheSorrow</b></i><br>To the last poster... I just want to make a point. You're right that death is unpredictable and all that good garbage, but growing up with CF, you pretty much continually stare death in the face... And unless you've been there, you don't know what it's like. Even having a boyfriend with CF, you still don't know what it's like. You have a better idea than most, but you still... just don't know.



And don't take this to mean that I'm a horribly pessismistic or moody and dark dreary person. I live life to the fullest, and enjoy all the little things. I just really hate when people use that theory that "death can happen to anyone at any time, I could wake up tomorrow and get hit by a train." Even though you're right, it's not the same when you grow up and live knowing that you're standing on the tracks, and you know that train is coming... you're just waiting to find out when. And unless you've lived it, you just don't know.<hr></blockquote>

EXACTLY! very well put!

Nicole 22 CF

 

[anonymous]

I am amazed each time I come on here and read what you all go through. I've learned so much from this site and the people that post on it. I really care about everyone and pray for that miracle that we've all (you and family/friends)been waiting for. I understand I don't know what CF is truly like but this issue was what to tell the boyfriend. I can't even imagine what it's like to go through what all of you with CF have and still are but when it comes to explaining death to this girls b/f...I think an explanation like that is best. If I constantly think about my b/f dying, how or when it's going to happen, what it's going to be like, I'll be miserable. Anyone with the thought or attempt at an explanation of that will dwell on that for the rest of their lives with that individual. I know I would and without the idea that we don't know when we'll die or that I can very well go before him...I would lose it everyday. You don't forget a talk like that. And if you are similar to my b/f I know that is not something that he wants me to dwell on or worry about everyday. I don't mean to tell you how to perceive life or how to live it but talking about it and predicting how and what will happen when it does occur is something that can make anyone scared and miserable. Focusing on something other than that, like life, helps get all of us through the day.<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

I am amazed each time I come on here and read what you all go through. I've learned so much from this site and the people that post on it. I really care about everyone and pray for that miracle that we've all (you and family/friends)been waiting for. I understand I don't know what CF is truly like but this issue was what to tell the boyfriend. I can't even imagine what it's like to go through what all of you with CF have and still are but when it comes to explaining death to this girls b/f...I think an explanation like that is best. If I constantly think about my b/f dying, how or when it's going to happen, what it's going to be like, I'll be miserable. Anyone with the thought or attempt at an explanation of that will dwell on that for the rest of their lives with that individual. I know I would and without the idea that we don't know when we'll die or that I can very well go before him...I would lose it everyday. You don't forget a talk like that. And if you are similar to my b/f I know that is not something that he wants me to dwell on or worry about everyday. I don't mean to tell you how to perceive life or how to live it but talking about it and predicting how and what will happen when it does occur is something that can make anyone scared and miserable. Focusing on something other than that, like life, helps get all of us through the day.<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

Thanks for all your help, my bf has yet to bring it up again and there is no real good way to bring something like that up. But if he does I think I know what I'm going to say. Oh, don't worry he doesn't dwell on things like this, he's just a very sensitive guy who has been touched my the deaths of a few people in his life. I think his basic point in asking me was to find out what he was up against so when that time came we can fight it together and he'd have a basic idea of what was going on.

Ashley 20 w/ cf

 

[anonymous]

Thanks for all your help, my bf has yet to bring it up again and there is no real good way to bring something like that up. But if he does I think I know what I'm going to say. Oh, don't worry he doesn't dwell on things like this, he's just a very sensitive guy who has been touched my the deaths of a few people in his life. I think his basic point in asking me was to find out what he was up against so when that time came we can fight it together and he'd have a basic idea of what was going on.

Ashley 20 w/ cf

 

[anonymous]

My husband recently past away from CF. Up until the last 2 years of his life he was very active and led a normal life. Slowly his health declined. Little by little he had to give up sports, then he started using O2 at night, then during the day, then he need a Bipap at night. We knew the end was coming but even being in the situation we never knew ' when'. His last day here was normal for him. Thankfully he didn't suffer at the end and he knew his time had come. He was at peace with what was happening. As I look back at his passing it was peaceful and he did not appear to be in pain. As hard as it is not to have him and watch the love of your life die, it will never equal the unconditional love we had for one another and all the fun we had. I would do it again in a minute.

 

[anonymous]

My husband recently past away from CF. Up until the last 2 years of his life he was very active and led a normal life. Slowly his health declined. Little by little he had to give up sports, then he started using O2 at night, then during the day, then he need a Bipap at night. We knew the end was coming but even being in the situation we never knew ' when'. His last day here was normal for him. Thankfully he didn't suffer at the end and he knew his time had come. He was at peace with what was happening. As I look back at his passing it was peaceful and he did not appear to be in pain. As hard as it is not to have him and watch the love of your life die, it will never equal the unconditional love we had for one another and all the fun we had. I would do it again in a minute.

 

[dresapp]

I think the difference between dying from CF and "being hit by a bus" is that with CF you are constantly struggling for your life everyday for years and its usually a gradual and very uncomfortable death. Its not instant and painless. Ofcourse when you face that reality it much different. Hey even with CF i could die instantly from a car accident or etc. but most likely it will be CF and fearing that downward spiral is in my mind everyday. Having to see my friends and family deal with that scares me. All you can do is live everyday to the fullest(easier said than done when your sick) and enjoy your time together. IF you worry and dwell about death all the time it only takes away from your happy in life and thats no way to live either......good luck!

 

[dresapp]

I think the difference between dying from CF and "being hit by a bus" is that with CF you are constantly struggling for your life everyday for years and its usually a gradual and very uncomfortable death. Its not instant and painless. Ofcourse when you face that reality it much different. Hey even with CF i could die instantly from a car accident or etc. but most likely it will be CF and fearing that downward spiral is in my mind everyday. Having to see my friends and family deal with that scares me. All you can do is live everyday to the fullest(easier said than done when your sick) and enjoy your time together. IF you worry and dwell about death all the time it only takes away from your happy in life and thats no way to live either......good luck!