need advice for friend

[anonymous]

Ok, I wanna know what you all think about this. My friens is 19 and her mom is very..protective. Shes in college (my friend that is) and recently her mom told her she wasnt allowed go out to the cinema with her friends, but because it had been organised the week before she said she was going anyway, which she did. As a result of disobeying her mom, shes grounded for a week, and her privalages have been takken away from her, eg, she cant make phonecalls, shes also not allowed go out at night again until halloween and then xmas.

I feel that the girl is 19, and thus an adult and she should be allowed have more independence. i think her moms treating her like a child. What do you all think?

 

[princessgiggles]

Oh my god! i thought my mum was bad! that's crazy, if i were your friend, i would sit my mum down and calmly explain that i am now an adult and it was time to start letting go, at the same time reminding her how grateful i was for everything she has done for me. that i love her so much and of course will always need her. i would say i appreciate her looking after me as a caterpillar (sp?) but now that i'm a butterfly i need to spread my wings! x

 

[anonymous]

Yeah but I dont know how to tell my friend to do that. Like I dont want to offend her...I asked did her mom treat her sister(21) like that and she said no, cas the sister always obeys her mom....I mean my friends wasnt complaining about the fact the her mom gives her no independence she just told me what had happened. So im not sure how the friend feels, but at 19....like...shes an adult!

 

[lovingBenandCambree]

Yes, I definitely think her mother is treating her like a child, but on the other hand I am assuming she still lives under her moms roof so therefore where I come from "if you live in my house you live by my rules" As quoted by the parentals. I think that she should be able to talk to her mom but if at all possible maybe the best thing for her would be to rent an apartment or something. I know it isn't always feasible.
Why don't you just ask your friend how she feels about the rules that her mom has for her and bring it about that way. Then you can talk to her about either talking to her mom or if she is interested in moving out and truly spreading her wings. Just a thought. Its always hard to answer when you aren't in their shoes or know the whole situation.

 

[anonymous]

Well, I was talkin to her and everytime I talk to her, Im just biting my lip to shout, 'your moms too controlling!' Thanks for your responses. Moving out isnt really an option for her, for various reasons..but her mom is just so strict, i mean because shes grounded shes not able to come to this ball thats on during the week. She said shes been working on her mom, but that the mom said her minds made up. I told my friend maybe to come anyway, i mean she is 19..but like you said the mom is using the whole 'you live under this roof thus my rules' whole thing. I feel sorry for my friend and also a little bit scared of her mom....so controlling you know?