Need advice urgently

[thefrogprincess]

My brother was coughing up blood again today. He went to the ER and thought he would be admitted (he wasn't after all) and asked me to go to his apartment to feed his rabbit. When I walked in there I wanted to puke. It is filthy. I cannot even begin to tell you how horrified I am. There is moldy food in the fridge (including the leftovers I sent him home with from Thanksgiving) moldy dishes in the sink and moldy rabbit poo on the floor. There is a giant swarm of fruit flies. There was no shower curtain up and the tub was dry as a bone. I don't think he's bathing!

I called my mom in Ohio and said that she needs to get back here as soon as she can. I'm ready to call the health department. I refuse to go back in there so that I don't get sick too. He is going to kill himself if he continues like this. He clearly is unable to take care of himself, so what I want to know is, can I get him declared incompotent? Mom said the apartment complex has already warned him about this. If he gets evicted he'll never get another apartment.

I can't even discribe my emotional state right now. I came home and had to take a shower after I had a crying fit. I am just all over the place. I'm angry that he would let it go like this, angier that he asked me to over there, furious that he has that poor animal in there. I'm worried about him. I refuse to take him in if he loses that place. As soon as I got out of the shower (I've never scrubbed so hard in my life, I'm suprised I still have skin) and just didn't know how to deal with this so I started drinking. I don't drink much ever but I just had to in order to cope tonight.

 

[thefrogprincess]

My brother was coughing up blood again today. He went to the ER and thought he would be admitted (he wasn't after all) and asked me to go to his apartment to feed his rabbit. When I walked in there I wanted to puke. It is filthy. I cannot even begin to tell you how horrified I am. There is moldy food in the fridge (including the leftovers I sent him home with from Thanksgiving) moldy dishes in the sink and moldy rabbit poo on the floor. There is a giant swarm of fruit flies. There was no shower curtain up and the tub was dry as a bone. I don't think he's bathing!

I called my mom in Ohio and said that she needs to get back here as soon as she can. I'm ready to call the health department. I refuse to go back in there so that I don't get sick too. He is going to kill himself if he continues like this. He clearly is unable to take care of himself, so what I want to know is, can I get him declared incompotent? Mom said the apartment complex has already warned him about this. If he gets evicted he'll never get another apartment.

I can't even discribe my emotional state right now. I came home and had to take a shower after I had a crying fit. I am just all over the place. I'm angry that he would let it go like this, angier that he asked me to over there, furious that he has that poor animal in there. I'm worried about him. I refuse to take him in if he loses that place. As soon as I got out of the shower (I've never scrubbed so hard in my life, I'm suprised I still have skin) and just didn't know how to deal with this so I started drinking. I don't drink much ever but I just had to in order to cope tonight.

 

[thefrogprincess]

My brother was coughing up blood again today. He went to the ER and thought he would be admitted (he wasn't after all) and asked me to go to his apartment to feed his rabbit. When I walked in there I wanted to puke. It is filthy. I cannot even begin to tell you how horrified I am. There is moldy food in the fridge (including the leftovers I sent him home with from Thanksgiving) moldy dishes in the sink and moldy rabbit poo on the floor. There is a giant swarm of fruit flies. There was no shower curtain up and the tub was dry as a bone. I don't think he's bathing!

I called my mom in Ohio and said that she needs to get back here as soon as she can. I'm ready to call the health department. I refuse to go back in there so that I don't get sick too. He is going to kill himself if he continues like this. He clearly is unable to take care of himself, so what I want to know is, can I get him declared incompotent? Mom said the apartment complex has already warned him about this. If he gets evicted he'll never get another apartment.

I can't even discribe my emotional state right now. I came home and had to take a shower after I had a crying fit. I am just all over the place. I'm angry that he would let it go like this, angier that he asked me to over there, furious that he has that poor animal in there. I'm worried about him. I refuse to take him in if he loses that place. As soon as I got out of the shower (I've never scrubbed so hard in my life, I'm suprised I still have skin) and just didn't know how to deal with this so I started drinking. I don't drink much ever but I just had to in order to cope tonight.

 

[JazzysMom]

I am not sure you can declare him incompetant. You can contact the CF clinic, department of mental health and/or adult protective services. Explain the situation and see if indeed they have the right to "protect" himself from himself. Sadly tho its gross & not in his best interest....some laws/regulations state that its not against the law to live like that. ON the otherhand if he is living in an apartment building of any sorts. Whatever critters might be invading his home would most likely venture to the living area of other tenants. Then the departmenf of health would/could get involved. Unfortunately I dont know if the fault would definitely fall on him or the landlord. Inquire is all you can really do & see what feedback you get! Good luck and I am so sorry that you have to deal with this!



Another thing to think of also is the Humane Society. If the animal is in danger....again tho I dont know if any of this would help your brother or just cause legal issues for him!!!!!!!!!!

 

[JazzysMom]

I am not sure you can declare him incompetant. You can contact the CF clinic, department of mental health and/or adult protective services. Explain the situation and see if indeed they have the right to "protect" himself from himself. Sadly tho its gross & not in his best interest....some laws/regulations state that its not against the law to live like that. ON the otherhand if he is living in an apartment building of any sorts. Whatever critters might be invading his home would most likely venture to the living area of other tenants. Then the departmenf of health would/could get involved. Unfortunately I dont know if the fault would definitely fall on him or the landlord. Inquire is all you can really do & see what feedback you get! Good luck and I am so sorry that you have to deal with this!



Another thing to think of also is the Humane Society. If the animal is in danger....again tho I dont know if any of this would help your brother or just cause legal issues for him!!!!!!!!!!

 

[JazzysMom]

I am not sure you can declare him incompetant. You can contact the CF clinic, department of mental health and/or adult protective services. Explain the situation and see if indeed they have the right to "protect" himself from himself. Sadly tho its gross & not in his best interest....some laws/regulations state that its not against the law to live like that. ON the otherhand if he is living in an apartment building of any sorts. Whatever critters might be invading his home would most likely venture to the living area of other tenants. Then the departmenf of health would/could get involved. Unfortunately I dont know if the fault would definitely fall on him or the landlord. Inquire is all you can really do & see what feedback you get! Good luck and I am so sorry that you have to deal with this!



Another thing to think of also is the Humane Society. If the animal is in danger....again tho I dont know if any of this would help your brother or just cause legal issues for him!!!!!!!!!!

 

[JennifersHope]

Hey Jessi,

I don't believe you can get him declared as incompetent over being a big sloppy mess. It is a fine line..

In the hosptial, when we have a patient come in that is unshowered, dirty, and unable to care for themself we always call social services, usually we have them admitted as a social admit.. and then we try to sort it out from there.

Usually though these people are old people who are starting to get dementia but it has gone unnoticed at that point we can go to court and try to take custody of them and place them somewhere.

Since your brother is a young kid, I would think you would have to prove he was a danger to himself, or to others before they can do anything.

I know it is hard but please don't drink.. trying to solve one problem with another is not going to help in either case. I can't imagine how hard it must be to see a family or loved not taking care of themself though.

Thinking of you..

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Hey Jessi,

I don't believe you can get him declared as incompetent over being a big sloppy mess. It is a fine line..

In the hosptial, when we have a patient come in that is unshowered, dirty, and unable to care for themself we always call social services, usually we have them admitted as a social admit.. and then we try to sort it out from there.

Usually though these people are old people who are starting to get dementia but it has gone unnoticed at that point we can go to court and try to take custody of them and place them somewhere.

Since your brother is a young kid, I would think you would have to prove he was a danger to himself, or to others before they can do anything.

I know it is hard but please don't drink.. trying to solve one problem with another is not going to help in either case. I can't imagine how hard it must be to see a family or loved not taking care of themself though.

Thinking of you..

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Hey Jessi,

I don't believe you can get him declared as incompetent over being a big sloppy mess. It is a fine line..

In the hosptial, when we have a patient come in that is unshowered, dirty, and unable to care for themself we always call social services, usually we have them admitted as a social admit.. and then we try to sort it out from there.

Usually though these people are old people who are starting to get dementia but it has gone unnoticed at that point we can go to court and try to take custody of them and place them somewhere.

Since your brother is a young kid, I would think you would have to prove he was a danger to himself, or to others before they can do anything.

I know it is hard but please don't drink.. trying to solve one problem with another is not going to help in either case. I can't imagine how hard it must be to see a family or loved not taking care of themself though.

Thinking of you..

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Hey Jessi,

I don't believe you can get him declared as incompetent over being a big sloppy mess. It is a fine line..

In the hosptial, when we have a patient come in that is unshowered, dirty, and unable to care for themself we always call social services, usually we have them admitted as a social admit.. and then we try to sort it out from there.

Usually though these people are old people who are starting to get dementia but it has gone unnoticed at that point we can go to court and try to take custody of them and place them somewhere.

Since your brother is a young kid, I would think you would have to prove he was a danger to himself, or to others before they can do anything.

I know it is hard but please don't drink.. trying to solve one problem with another is not going to help in either case. I can't imagine how hard it must be to see a family or loved not taking care of themself though.

Thinking of you..

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Hey Jessi,

I don't believe you can get him declared as incompetent over being a big sloppy mess. It is a fine line..

In the hosptial, when we have a patient come in that is unshowered, dirty, and unable to care for themself we always call social services, usually we have them admitted as a social admit.. and then we try to sort it out from there.

Usually though these people are old people who are starting to get dementia but it has gone unnoticed at that point we can go to court and try to take custody of them and place them somewhere.

Since your brother is a young kid, I would think you would have to prove he was a danger to himself, or to others before they can do anything.

I know it is hard but please don't drink.. trying to solve one problem with another is not going to help in either case. I can't imagine how hard it must be to see a family or loved not taking care of themself though.

Thinking of you..

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Hey Jessi,

I don't believe you can get him declared as incompetent over being a big sloppy mess. It is a fine line..

In the hosptial, when we have a patient come in that is unshowered, dirty, and unable to care for themself we always call social services, usually we have them admitted as a social admit.. and then we try to sort it out from there.

Usually though these people are old people who are starting to get dementia but it has gone unnoticed at that point we can go to court and try to take custody of them and place them somewhere.

Since your brother is a young kid, I would think you would have to prove he was a danger to himself, or to others before they can do anything.

I know it is hard but please don't drink.. trying to solve one problem with another is not going to help in either case. I can't imagine how hard it must be to see a family or loved not taking care of themself though.

Thinking of you..

Jennifer

 

[Ratatosk]

My MIL has a cousin whose parents passed away years ago and about 10 years, an uncle discovered a similar situation. Situation was a bit different because he apparently has some sort of developmental disability, but in other ways is very very intelligent, highly functional. We also found out he had diabetes at the time. Anyway, we got a crew of family members together and cleaned and repaired his house. Tossed a lot of stuff. He had never been taught basic cleaning skills. Evenutally we moved him to an apartment in town.

Then shortly before DS was born, we got a call -- apartment was a mess. Needed to be moved. This time -- discovered insulin syringes covering the floors. Argh! We've since hired a cleaning service. And when one of us picks him up for family events, we insist on going up to his apartment to get him -- before he insisted on meeting us at the door.

I really doubt you can have him declared incompetent. You and your mom are going to have to have an intervention. Is he severely depressed or just overwhelmed?

 

[Ratatosk]

My MIL has a cousin whose parents passed away years ago and about 10 years, an uncle discovered a similar situation. Situation was a bit different because he apparently has some sort of developmental disability, but in other ways is very very intelligent, highly functional. We also found out he had diabetes at the time. Anyway, we got a crew of family members together and cleaned and repaired his house. Tossed a lot of stuff. He had never been taught basic cleaning skills. Evenutally we moved him to an apartment in town.

Then shortly before DS was born, we got a call -- apartment was a mess. Needed to be moved. This time -- discovered insulin syringes covering the floors. Argh! We've since hired a cleaning service. And when one of us picks him up for family events, we insist on going up to his apartment to get him -- before he insisted on meeting us at the door.

I really doubt you can have him declared incompetent. You and your mom are going to have to have an intervention. Is he severely depressed or just overwhelmed?

 

[Ratatosk]

My MIL has a cousin whose parents passed away years ago and about 10 years, an uncle discovered a similar situation. Situation was a bit different because he apparently has some sort of developmental disability, but in other ways is very very intelligent, highly functional. We also found out he had diabetes at the time. Anyway, we got a crew of family members together and cleaned and repaired his house. Tossed a lot of stuff. He had never been taught basic cleaning skills. Evenutally we moved him to an apartment in town.

Then shortly before DS was born, we got a call -- apartment was a mess. Needed to be moved. This time -- discovered insulin syringes covering the floors. Argh! We've since hired a cleaning service. And when one of us picks him up for family events, we insist on going up to his apartment to get him -- before he insisted on meeting us at the door.

I really doubt you can have him declared incompetent. You and your mom are going to have to have an intervention. Is he severely depressed or just overwhelmed?

 

[thefrogprincess]

I've always thought that he might be bi-polar. He has had severe mood swings in the past and has gone through deep depressions. He was going to a psychaistrist about 10 years ago, but eventually my parents found out that all he did was lie to her about his home life. He was on antidepressants but just stopped taking them. Regardless he has mental problems, just nothing that is diagnosed because he won't cooperate with anyone over it. I'm going to do some research on my options, something has got to be done, and I can't and won't be his keeper.

 

[thefrogprincess]

I've always thought that he might be bi-polar. He has had severe mood swings in the past and has gone through deep depressions. He was going to a psychaistrist about 10 years ago, but eventually my parents found out that all he did was lie to her about his home life. He was on antidepressants but just stopped taking them. Regardless he has mental problems, just nothing that is diagnosed because he won't cooperate with anyone over it. I'm going to do some research on my options, something has got to be done, and I can't and won't be his keeper.

 

[thefrogprincess]

I've always thought that he might be bi-polar. He has had severe mood swings in the past and has gone through deep depressions. He was going to a psychaistrist about 10 years ago, but eventually my parents found out that all he did was lie to her about his home life. He was on antidepressants but just stopped taking them. Regardless he has mental problems, just nothing that is diagnosed because he won't cooperate with anyone over it. I'm going to do some research on my options, something has got to be done, and I can't and won't be his keeper.

 

[Hermit]

I understand your pain completely.

My younger brother would have probably been in the same state if he'd lived that long. (Not to scare you or anything, everybody's situation is different, remember)

I felt so hopeless watching him live day to day. He never showered, never brushed his teeth, his toenails were half an inch long and filthy. He was just totally incapable of even eating properly when he should have been. And here he was still living at home!!

Unfortunately he really started going downhill at 18, and at that point it was illegal for my parents or me to do anything without his consent. I felt so completely helpless, and in the end he passed away because of his own incompetence and inability to see reality and cope with it properly.

I'm so sorry you and your brother are going through this. I understand completely and if you ever need to talk, you can PM me.

Chris

 

[Hermit]

I understand your pain completely.

My younger brother would have probably been in the same state if he'd lived that long. (Not to scare you or anything, everybody's situation is different, remember)

I felt so hopeless watching him live day to day. He never showered, never brushed his teeth, his toenails were half an inch long and filthy. He was just totally incapable of even eating properly when he should have been. And here he was still living at home!!

Unfortunately he really started going downhill at 18, and at that point it was illegal for my parents or me to do anything without his consent. I felt so completely helpless, and in the end he passed away because of his own incompetence and inability to see reality and cope with it properly.

I'm so sorry you and your brother are going through this. I understand completely and if you ever need to talk, you can PM me.

Chris