need help / advice

smoothdave

New member
hello there, i have been with my girl for almost a year now. she knew i had some kind of "thing" wrong with me but we never went in detail about it, because i was at the hospital the other day she asked a bit more and a bit more....
she went on the internet and looked stuff up...
i told her before she went on the internet that she sould not take everything she reads into account, (meaning some things are hard to take in that dont effect me ect yet..) (i hope u understand what i mean there)
she is now scared that i am going to die very very soon, she has no reason to think that i am. i am a very healthy person, got d/x at 18 and i am just away to turn 21, i always take my tablets and very very rarly miss them, go to the gym 3 or more times a week every week.
she is just worrying so much, she has a 3 year old boy and she was obviously worryin about him because if he gets so attached to me and then i "die" how would he take it, i am jsut tryin to find out ways to let her know i am going to be ok for a long long time "touching wood" she is just scared of losing me. i have spoken to the hospital i go to and i have arranged times for us to go and c them so she can speak about everything. but how can i help her out just now because i know she is worryin about me so much. i just want to let her know i am going to be ok. someof the things u read on the internet are mind blowing.... so i know how she is feeling because a few years ago i had to go thru this my self. any advice from u guys would be very grateful. i am just not sure what to do to help her. help her understand a bit more.... please guys this will be appreciated so much

cheers dave
 

smoothdave

New member
hello there, i have been with my girl for almost a year now. she knew i had some kind of "thing" wrong with me but we never went in detail about it, because i was at the hospital the other day she asked a bit more and a bit more....
she went on the internet and looked stuff up...
i told her before she went on the internet that she sould not take everything she reads into account, (meaning some things are hard to take in that dont effect me ect yet..) (i hope u understand what i mean there)
she is now scared that i am going to die very very soon, she has no reason to think that i am. i am a very healthy person, got d/x at 18 and i am just away to turn 21, i always take my tablets and very very rarly miss them, go to the gym 3 or more times a week every week.
she is just worrying so much, she has a 3 year old boy and she was obviously worryin about him because if he gets so attached to me and then i "die" how would he take it, i am jsut tryin to find out ways to let her know i am going to be ok for a long long time "touching wood" she is just scared of losing me. i have spoken to the hospital i go to and i have arranged times for us to go and c them so she can speak about everything. but how can i help her out just now because i know she is worryin about me so much. i just want to let her know i am going to be ok. someof the things u read on the internet are mind blowing.... so i know how she is feeling because a few years ago i had to go thru this my self. any advice from u guys would be very grateful. i am just not sure what to do to help her. help her understand a bit more.... please guys this will be appreciated so much

cheers dave
 

smoothdave

New member
hello there, i have been with my girl for almost a year now. she knew i had some kind of "thing" wrong with me but we never went in detail about it, because i was at the hospital the other day she asked a bit more and a bit more....
she went on the internet and looked stuff up...
i told her before she went on the internet that she sould not take everything she reads into account, (meaning some things are hard to take in that dont effect me ect yet..) (i hope u understand what i mean there)
she is now scared that i am going to die very very soon, she has no reason to think that i am. i am a very healthy person, got d/x at 18 and i am just away to turn 21, i always take my tablets and very very rarly miss them, go to the gym 3 or more times a week every week.
she is just worrying so much, she has a 3 year old boy and she was obviously worryin about him because if he gets so attached to me and then i "die" how would he take it, i am jsut tryin to find out ways to let her know i am going to be ok for a long long time "touching wood" she is just scared of losing me. i have spoken to the hospital i go to and i have arranged times for us to go and c them so she can speak about everything. but how can i help her out just now because i know she is worryin about me so much. i just want to let her know i am going to be ok. someof the things u read on the internet are mind blowing.... so i know how she is feeling because a few years ago i had to go thru this my self. any advice from u guys would be very grateful. i am just not sure what to do to help her. help her understand a bit more.... please guys this will be appreciated so much

cheers dave
 

Jennifer1981

New member
Hi Dave,

She's in shock. The poor sweetheart. How long are the two of you together? I told my husband when we were together only 2 weeks.

I understand why you didn't tell her right away. Really I do. But I think that since you waited it added to the shock effect now. I think the best thing that you two can do is have a heart-to-heart without her son present or any other possible interruptions. Explain CF with all the in's and out's. Then after you finish, answer all her questions patiently and with understanding. She's really scared and devistated right now. If the whole conversation take 2 hours, then it takes 2 hours. I also think that taking her to an appointment is an excellent idea. That will give her the reassurance that she really needs to hear right now. She just needs to "feel" that things will be alright. It's a lot to handle for someone with no prior knowledge.

She may be in shock for a few days, but if she really loves you for who you are, she will come around. A true love will accept you for who you are. CF or not. Have faith and be as patient as possible. You both will be in the thoughts. Good luck! <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 

Jennifer1981

New member
Hi Dave,

She's in shock. The poor sweetheart. How long are the two of you together? I told my husband when we were together only 2 weeks.

I understand why you didn't tell her right away. Really I do. But I think that since you waited it added to the shock effect now. I think the best thing that you two can do is have a heart-to-heart without her son present or any other possible interruptions. Explain CF with all the in's and out's. Then after you finish, answer all her questions patiently and with understanding. She's really scared and devistated right now. If the whole conversation take 2 hours, then it takes 2 hours. I also think that taking her to an appointment is an excellent idea. That will give her the reassurance that she really needs to hear right now. She just needs to "feel" that things will be alright. It's a lot to handle for someone with no prior knowledge.

She may be in shock for a few days, but if she really loves you for who you are, she will come around. A true love will accept you for who you are. CF or not. Have faith and be as patient as possible. You both will be in the thoughts. Good luck! <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 

Jennifer1981

New member
Hi Dave,

She's in shock. The poor sweetheart. How long are the two of you together? I told my husband when we were together only 2 weeks.

I understand why you didn't tell her right away. Really I do. But I think that since you waited it added to the shock effect now. I think the best thing that you two can do is have a heart-to-heart without her son present or any other possible interruptions. Explain CF with all the in's and out's. Then after you finish, answer all her questions patiently and with understanding. She's really scared and devistated right now. If the whole conversation take 2 hours, then it takes 2 hours. I also think that taking her to an appointment is an excellent idea. That will give her the reassurance that she really needs to hear right now. She just needs to "feel" that things will be alright. It's a lot to handle for someone with no prior knowledge.

She may be in shock for a few days, but if she really loves you for who you are, she will come around. A true love will accept you for who you are. CF or not. Have faith and be as patient as possible. You both will be in the thoughts. Good luck! <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 

nicolaj

New member
Hey Dave. The exact same thing happened to me 4years ago, when i met my boyfriend. i didnt go into great detail either, but when he read something in the news about the life expectancy of somebody with cystic fibrosis, he totally freaked and got very scared, which is totally understandable.
He was frightened that he would be left all alone. The thing that worked for me was the internet. I found loads of stories from people with cf, who are now in there forties and fifties! i printed all the stories of that inspired me. The people who lead a normal life despite there illness, the people who work hard and have a family. I just wanted to show my boyfriend that the future isnt as scary as he thought. i showed these stories to my boyfriend and he instantly felt better. just seeing the age of these people made the difference. My boyfriend now has an open mind about the future. None of us no whats round the corner, wether you have an illness or not! all i no is ,you should spend each day like its your last!


Nicola/21cf/England <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 

nicolaj

New member
Hey Dave. The exact same thing happened to me 4years ago, when i met my boyfriend. i didnt go into great detail either, but when he read something in the news about the life expectancy of somebody with cystic fibrosis, he totally freaked and got very scared, which is totally understandable.
He was frightened that he would be left all alone. The thing that worked for me was the internet. I found loads of stories from people with cf, who are now in there forties and fifties! i printed all the stories of that inspired me. The people who lead a normal life despite there illness, the people who work hard and have a family. I just wanted to show my boyfriend that the future isnt as scary as he thought. i showed these stories to my boyfriend and he instantly felt better. just seeing the age of these people made the difference. My boyfriend now has an open mind about the future. None of us no whats round the corner, wether you have an illness or not! all i no is ,you should spend each day like its your last!


Nicola/21cf/England <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 

nicolaj

New member
Hey Dave. The exact same thing happened to me 4years ago, when i met my boyfriend. i didnt go into great detail either, but when he read something in the news about the life expectancy of somebody with cystic fibrosis, he totally freaked and got very scared, which is totally understandable.
He was frightened that he would be left all alone. The thing that worked for me was the internet. I found loads of stories from people with cf, who are now in there forties and fifties! i printed all the stories of that inspired me. The people who lead a normal life despite there illness, the people who work hard and have a family. I just wanted to show my boyfriend that the future isnt as scary as he thought. i showed these stories to my boyfriend and he instantly felt better. just seeing the age of these people made the difference. My boyfriend now has an open mind about the future. None of us no whats round the corner, wether you have an illness or not! all i no is ,you should spend each day like its your last!


Nicola/21cf/England <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 

Allie

New member
I'm going to be straight with you. If I was your girlfriend, right now, I would be so angry, and hurt. Not because of the CF itself, though yes, it's scary at first. But because I would be thinking, "How can he claim to care about me and hide such a thing from me? Did he not plan on a long term relationship with me? Was I not important enough to know?"

Number one, I think you owe her an apology for keeping that fact from her.

Number two, I think the way to mend this is now full disclosure. Tell her this is what the average is, you are doing abnormally well for your age, but no one knows exactly how well you will fare. Tell her you promise to be honest with her in all things relating to your health in the future. This is what made Ry and I so close, I knew I could trust him, he would never lie to me or keep something from me. Answer her questions honestly, let her freak out a little (I think it's completely normal to have a short freak out stage), but let her know that you love her and plan on letting her into to your ENTIRE life from now on, no more closing things off. The choice will ultimately be up to her, but you owe her this honesty.
 

Allie

New member
I'm going to be straight with you. If I was your girlfriend, right now, I would be so angry, and hurt. Not because of the CF itself, though yes, it's scary at first. But because I would be thinking, "How can he claim to care about me and hide such a thing from me? Did he not plan on a long term relationship with me? Was I not important enough to know?"

Number one, I think you owe her an apology for keeping that fact from her.

Number two, I think the way to mend this is now full disclosure. Tell her this is what the average is, you are doing abnormally well for your age, but no one knows exactly how well you will fare. Tell her you promise to be honest with her in all things relating to your health in the future. This is what made Ry and I so close, I knew I could trust him, he would never lie to me or keep something from me. Answer her questions honestly, let her freak out a little (I think it's completely normal to have a short freak out stage), but let her know that you love her and plan on letting her into to your ENTIRE life from now on, no more closing things off. The choice will ultimately be up to her, but you owe her this honesty.
 

Allie

New member
I'm going to be straight with you. If I was your girlfriend, right now, I would be so angry, and hurt. Not because of the CF itself, though yes, it's scary at first. But because I would be thinking, "How can he claim to care about me and hide such a thing from me? Did he not plan on a long term relationship with me? Was I not important enough to know?"

Number one, I think you owe her an apology for keeping that fact from her.

Number two, I think the way to mend this is now full disclosure. Tell her this is what the average is, you are doing abnormally well for your age, but no one knows exactly how well you will fare. Tell her you promise to be honest with her in all things relating to your health in the future. This is what made Ry and I so close, I knew I could trust him, he would never lie to me or keep something from me. Answer her questions honestly, let her freak out a little (I think it's completely normal to have a short freak out stage), but let her know that you love her and plan on letting her into to your ENTIRE life from now on, no more closing things off. The choice will ultimately be up to her, but you owe her this honesty.
 

Jennifer1981

New member
Nice advice, Allie.

I too suggested full disclosure from now on. I also do agree with the concept that an apology is due. To be with someone for 1 year is too long to contain a secret of such magnitude. Great advice!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
 

Jennifer1981

New member
Nice advice, Allie.

I too suggested full disclosure from now on. I also do agree with the concept that an apology is due. To be with someone for 1 year is too long to contain a secret of such magnitude. Great advice!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
 

Jennifer1981

New member
Nice advice, Allie.

I too suggested full disclosure from now on. I also do agree with the concept that an apology is due. To be with someone for 1 year is too long to contain a secret of such magnitude. Great advice!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
 
L

luke

Guest
Contrary to Allie's belief you don't owe anyone an apology. Sure it may have been courteous to be up front with her but who wants to be defined as the CF guy? I am sure you are still adjusting to your diagnosis yourself as it was just a couple years ago so it may be harder for you to tell people than some of us who were diagnosed very young. But ...to answer your question. You need to talk with her and tell her everything, worst and best case. Sure a few on here are 50 but many more die before 30, that is just the reality. Once you have explained everything to her give her a chance to digest it all. It takes a unique person to look past the disease and take the bad with the good. If she can't get over it don't be upset about it, she has her own priorities that she has to look out for. Just understand that she wasn't the one for you.

hope this helps
 
L

luke

Guest
Contrary to Allie's belief you don't owe anyone an apology. Sure it may have been courteous to be up front with her but who wants to be defined as the CF guy? I am sure you are still adjusting to your diagnosis yourself as it was just a couple years ago so it may be harder for you to tell people than some of us who were diagnosed very young. But ...to answer your question. You need to talk with her and tell her everything, worst and best case. Sure a few on here are 50 but many more die before 30, that is just the reality. Once you have explained everything to her give her a chance to digest it all. It takes a unique person to look past the disease and take the bad with the good. If she can't get over it don't be upset about it, she has her own priorities that she has to look out for. Just understand that she wasn't the one for you.

hope this helps
 
L

luke

Guest
Contrary to Allie's belief you don't owe anyone an apology. Sure it may have been courteous to be up front with her but who wants to be defined as the CF guy? I am sure you are still adjusting to your diagnosis yourself as it was just a couple years ago so it may be harder for you to tell people than some of us who were diagnosed very young. But ...to answer your question. You need to talk with her and tell her everything, worst and best case. Sure a few on here are 50 but many more die before 30, that is just the reality. Once you have explained everything to her give her a chance to digest it all. It takes a unique person to look past the disease and take the bad with the good. If she can't get over it don't be upset about it, she has her own priorities that she has to look out for. Just understand that she wasn't the one for you.

hope this helps
 

smoothdave

New member
i am taking what all u guys have said into account, thanks for the advice, i c where all ur points an opinions are coming from, thanks again i will let uz no how everything goes.

thanks again, means a lot
 

smoothdave

New member
i am taking what all u guys have said into account, thanks for the advice, i c where all ur points an opinions are coming from, thanks again i will let uz no how everything goes.

thanks again, means a lot
 
Top