LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
>
>
> An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
>car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation
>to
>the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
>pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
>
> The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
>
> A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
>"She
>got in the back-seat by mistake."
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>__
> FAMILY
>
>
> Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One
>night
>the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to
>the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
> The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
>She
>starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
> The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
>to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
>forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of
>you as soon as I see who's at the door."
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>__
> "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
>
>
> Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
>March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
>
> "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
>
> And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>_
> LITTLE LADY:
>
>
> A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
>home.
>As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
>"Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her
>gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
>
> He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take
>the soup."
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>_
> OLD FRIEND S:
>
>
> Now this one is just too Precious !
>
> Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
>years,
>they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
>activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
>One
>day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now
>don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I
>just
>can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember
>it.
>Please tell me what your name is."
>
> Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
>and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>_
> SENIOR DRIVING
>
>
> As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
>rang.
>Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
>heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
>Please be careful!"
>
> "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>_
> DRIVING
>
>
> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could
>barely
>see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
>intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
>woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
>could
>have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes,
>they
>came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went
>right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the
>light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was
>getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
>and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said,
>"Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row?
>You could have killed us both!"
> Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"
>
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>_
> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!
>
>
> An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
>car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation
>to
>the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
>pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
>
> The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
>
> A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
>"She
>got in the back-seat by mistake."
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>__
> FAMILY
>
>
> Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One
>night
>the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to
>the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
> The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
>She
>starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
> The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
>to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
>forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of
>you as soon as I see who's at the door."
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>__
> "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
>
>
> Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
>March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
>
> "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
>
> And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>_
> LITTLE LADY:
>
>
> A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
>home.
>As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
>"Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her
>gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
>
> He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take
>the soup."
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>_
> OLD FRIEND S:
>
>
> Now this one is just too Precious !
>
> Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
>years,
>they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
>activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
>One
>day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now
>don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I
>just
>can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember
>it.
>Please tell me what your name is."
>
> Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
>and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>_
> SENIOR DRIVING
>
>
> As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
>rang.
>Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
>heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
>Please be careful!"
>
> "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>_
> DRIVING
>
>
> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could
>barely
>see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
>intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
>woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
>could
>have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes,
>they
>came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went
>right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the
>light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was
>getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
>and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said,
>"Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row?
>You could have killed us both!"
> Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"
>
>
>______________________________________________________________________
>_
> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!