Overwhelmed

anonymous

New member
I am having one of those days! A day that says, how much more can we do? How can I keep up? One of those days where the right foot just keeps in front of the left to keep from completely breaking down.
I am a mother to 3 wonderful children. My middle child has CF. He is 18 years old. Most of his life, everything has been a challenge. His doctor even states how he likes to challenge medical science and keep him on his toes.
A little history. Cory is 18. He was diagnosed at 4 weeks old. He had lung problems and failure to thrive from the beginning.
Lately, I feel like I can't keep up. A year ago Cory cultured Burkholderia Cepacia. The "nasty" bug has now become completely resistant to all antibiotics. Shortly after culturing, we saw a pretty rapid decline in his pft's. He was always able to stay around 80-90%. A little over a year later we are lucky to stay in the 60%. We tend to treat it using 3-5 antibiotic combinations.
He got pretty sick his last year in high school. He ended up not completing high school(many reasons from moving to his health and the combination of the 2). Cory also has ABPA, CFRD, Chronic Sinus problems, and now he is having kidney problems.
I spend many days juggling doctor visits of 6 different doctors, insurance, medications and all the other stuff that goes along with CF. I am also a single mother and work 2 jobs to make ends meet. And did I forget to mention that I also have an ex-husband that no longer helps out with Cory or even has any communication with him. He does keep him covered with insurance but like to play mind games(like not adding Cory to the new prescription coverage so he is now without prescription coverage for the month of January and we have a prescription bill of $8,000).
I love my child. I go to bed at night and just cry, watching his struggle to want to be a "normal" 18 year old. Not an 18 year old that is surrounded by medication, medical equipment, peeing blood, in constant pain from either the kidneys or his joints, that sleeps most of his day, or needs to rest after a simple task like a shower. In the same breath I also fear on how I am going to keep up. Trying to get him to all the doctors and dealing with all the issues, it seems like I am constantly taking time from work(which I can't afford to do). I can feel the complete feeling of being overstressed. And if that isn't enough, I still have my other children. Trying to make life as normal as possible for them. In the end I am losing it.
I think I just needed to vent. Thanks
 

anonymous

New member
Just a note to encourage you to hang in there. I too have a son who is now 32 y/o and is having difficulty as an adult with some of the same things that your son is facing. I too had an ex-husband who played mind games with regards to my son - Jeff - with regards to insurance and prescription coverage. That has now been almost 18 hours ago. At this same time I also had another son who was healthy and 6 years younger than Jeff. I worked full time (not 2 jobs, however). I am sorry, I do not want to sound like I am competing with you, I am not, I just want you to know that you are not alone in this daily struggle of life with the normal things that exist, not counting a sick child who requires a lot of attention with his health. If you are like me, many of my friends (even today) have no earthly idea what a mother goes through with a CF child. Hang in there. I will pray for you. My name is Pam and I live in Dallas, Texas. I hope that your day gets better.
 

anonymous

New member
Another mother here that has also been in your shoes, not quite as bad though as all his meds have always been covered, but nonetheless I certainly feel your frustraction regarding your son's deteriorating health. My son is 27 years old, and is currently in hospital. His pft's are around 26%, admissions now every couple of months, in general his quality of life is just not the same anymore. He summed it up last week by saying "I can handle the symptons but I can't handle the restrictions anymore" He has had all the neccesary tests done for transplant and up until recently just hasn't felt it was time, but I think he is almost to the point of giving the go ahead now. I don't think anyone, including close family members, realize how agonizing it is to watch our children struggle with their illness day after day, year after year. I'm sure most think that we are absolutely paranoid about keeping people with colds away, washing hands constantly, making sure they eat properly etc. etc. they just don't get it do they? Thank goodness for lists like this where we all understand each others frustrations and are able to let off steam from time to time. I also have another younger child and have such guilts when it comes to him. I feel like he has almost raised himself at times as so much time has been spent on my cf'er. I don't know how he has turned out to be the wonderful, caring person that he is today and thinks the world of his older brother. I would have thought,with so much attention focused on his older brother throughout the years, that he would have been perhaps a little jealous, more sibling rivalry etc. but I have been fortunate enough not to have had to go through that at all. If anything my younger one has been my saviour at times. Their father has also not been in their lives for the past 12 years and even though my partner and I have been together for awhile now, they have still been my responsibilty as they are my sons. I also have been very fortunate to be able to have complete medical coverage through my place of employment and also my boyfriends takes over where mine stops, he is also covered for as long as he is living at home. I have never had to have more than one job and can only imagine how tired you must be at times. Please know that you are never alone as long as you have cyber friends like us to vent to.
 

anonymous

New member
Hi,

I just want you to know, that my family and I will be praying for all of you. I do not have CF but I have an older sister(31) and younger brother(24) with CF. I am in the middle of them(30).

Just a quick question, since your son is 18, have you tried to get social security disability for him? I do not know how much he would get or if he would get. My sister(31) just got the paperwork finished to see if she was approved. She is married with a 6yr old girl(cf free) and is working parttime. She used to work full time, but the hours were killing her. She is having a lot of physical problems with working and just trying to take care of 1 child. I believe she was denied since she is technically working. Even though she misses at least 2 days a week just to go to the many doctors that she has. I know of some weeks she misses 3 days and sometimes has to take off just for being sick or so drained she can't handle the day.

Just something to possibly look into.

God bless.

Kay
 

anonymous

New member
Cory does receive SSI. He is one of those cases where he has never been denied. I hear the nightmares of others with CF that have to go through appeals and such.
Right now it is my income alone supporting Cory's needs. His dad carries insurance but like to play mind games. Such as switching prescription insurance without telling us so we have to go a month without being able to get prescriptions. Unfortunately, the cost of his prescriptions is not something I can pull out of my pocket. His money from SSI basically pays for the nutritional supplements and the co-pays. I work an extra 23 hours(on top of my full time job) just to make ends meet. Often though I never complain about that. I would work 80 hours if I need to. The juggling of everything, the watching him get sicker and sicker(which there has been a lot of lately). I want to sit down and cry, usually I don't have time.
Thansk for your reply
Michelle
 

anonymous

New member
Michelle,
I know how you feel. My 11 year old son acquired B Cepacia several years ago. He was always very healthy before that. I can handle all the work that comes along with having a child with a chronic illness, it's watching his health decline that I will never be OK with-
Caren
 

anonymous

New member
I hear you!!!!!!!!!!.......I definately agree. The decline is so hard to watch, the daily struggle to want to be like every other person his age.
 
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