Parents of CF Kids Working

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anonymous

New member
I have requested to increase my hours in work from 16 to 25. I know in my heart that it is the right thing to do, but I can't help feeling guilty. I have two daughters, the eldest is 4 1/2 (without CF) and the youngest is 2 1/2 (with CF).

When I had my eldest daughter I took 7 months off and returned to work 30 hours a week. A was very fortunate because my mum and dad looked after her on the 4 days a week when I worked.

When I had my youngest daughter, I took 15 months off then returned to work on 8 hours a week. I worked eight hours a week for 12 months then increased my hours to 16 hours a week.

Sorry to bore you all, but I just wanna do the right thing for my kids. I feel that it does me good to go out to work, I work short days so that I am around to do my daughter's treatments, so no-one is suffering, just me from feeling guilty!

What do you think. Do you think I'm being daft?

Grateful for any comments (don't sugar-coat them!) Ha!

Charlotte<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0">
 
A

anonymous

New member
Charlotte,

Tough one. Luckily for us, my wife has been able to stay home for the last 4 1/2 years.
We have two daughters, Emilie 5yrs no/CF and Cassidie 16mo w/CF. I don't know how I'd feel if
she wanted to go back to work. When she needs to get away, she goes out when I'm home
in the evening. I know everyone is different, just works for us. We do TOBI treatments together in
the AM before I go to work and in the evening after dinner, then I do CPT. I can tell sometimes when she is
at her wits end and needs to get out. Sometimes I wonder if she'd be better of with a part time job.

Who knows what's right or wrong. But, don't feel guilty as long as you're giving them your all.

Great Luck to you and your family in these trying times.

Trent
 
J

julie

New member
Charolette, in my personal opinion your daughter is at the age where she NEEDS to be interacting with other children and adults at schoo/daycare/preeschool and it will only do her good to do so. You shouldn't feel at all guilty about getting out of the house to work some hours each week. You already stated you are there for the treatments and medications. sounds like you are doing what needs to be done for your family, and maybe for your own sanity <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

If you are unhappy about working and can afford not to, then don't. But some people love to work and they should!!!
 
A

anonymous

New member
Hi Charlotte
I have a 15 year old w/o cf and twin 11 year olds with cf. Once the twins started school full time I went back to work part time. However, their health has never been that good, and things started to get worse. After 3 years I ended up quitting, partially because I wanted to be there for them at all times, and partially because my own health started to go down hill too. I was just so tired and stressed out all the time that I started having big problems myself. It all came to a head when the boys were hospitalized, and I was trying to work,be at the hospital with the boys and spend time with my eldest. It was just more than I could personally deal with.
You shouldnt feel guilty about going out to work, you need your time too, and if work makes you feel good than go for it!
Take care
Mel
 
A

anonymous

New member
Charlotte,
I have two daughters with CF. I went back to work after 8 weeks with each one. They are 8 and 6. Sometimes I feel overly stressed with all the things we have to do to keep them healthy, on top of the 40 work load. But, I am in our family business, so I have more flexibility than most people. I work for my parents and am greatly blessed that they love their grandchildren so much that they understand when I need to take off for doc appts or for extra treatments when sick.
I never really felt guilty putting them in daycare because the interaction with the other kids was great for them. They literaly were attached to my legs everyplace we went, and they needed to learn to venture off me, at least a few feet from me, and family events. And they were never more sick than the other kids. Our CF doctor at the time told me that all kids get sick when they go to daycare or school. He said that they might as well catch all the typical colds while in daycare before they started school since missing school means missing out on their education. Made sense to me.
But to be honest, I am not sure that I would be working full time if it wasn't for me being in a family business. And I always think in the back of my head, that I really don't know how their health will be in 10 years or so. They may need more of me then, so I might as well work now. Plus, I am the one who carries the health insurance that covers them.
I don't feel like I miss out a lot on their childhood. I pick them up from school when it lets out, and they either go back to work with me until I get out of the office, or they go home with one of their two grandma's for the afternoon.
I really am blessed!!!
 
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Jane

Digital opinion leader
I was very fortunate to have another mom come to my house while I was at school when the kids were young. Being a teacher, I have great hours and didn't feel my boy suffered from my working. In fact, I am mentally healthier when I am away from my kids for a while. I'm home at 2:30, spend all summer and vacations with them- good stuff.
 
A

anonymous

New member
I went to work after 3 months. DS loves his "school". He's three years old today. I was concerned initially that he might be sick all the time, but he's thrived. Liza aka ratatosk
 
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Jane

Digital opinion leader
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>

He's three years old today. </end quote></div>

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!<img src="i/expressions/present.gif" border="0">
 
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NoExcuses

New member
School at age 5 is good for kids.

Until then - your kids need to be with you.

The less you work - and the more you're with them, the better.

My opinion is a rare one, but there's no question in my mind that no one can raise your kids better than you. Not day care, not your parents, not a relative, not a nanny.

Your kids need you. And the more you're around them until kindergarten, the better off they'll be.
 
A

anonymous

New member
I need my job to stay sane. My husband and I luckily work different shifts that allows for him to do the therapy in the morning, me in the evenings. However he does attend a daycare (in someone else's home) for about 5 hours everyday. He loves going, loves the other kids, and it has given him an oppurtunity to learn things that he otherwise would not have being with us 24/7. I am putting him into a preschool program in the fall and am looking forward to him being around more kids in an environment that is both educational and fun.

I have never restricted him nor restricted myself from "trying" to live like everyone else. My husband and I have always worked different shifts even before him so that accommodation was already put into place prior to our son. We just got lucky with that.

I think each family really needs to make their own individual choices based on health status as well as mental status!!! Both are equally important to a healthy, fun, family environment.

Mom to 3 1/2 yr old son w/cf
 
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Jane

Digital opinion leader
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>

I need my job to stay sane.

I think each family really needs to make their own individual choices based on health status as well as mental status!!! Both are equally important to a healthy, fun, family environment.

</end quote></div>

Well said! I ABSOLUTELY AGREE!
 
A

anonymous

New member
hi charlotte . hope you don't mind me asking, but do you get carers allowance? will you lose that if you work more than 15 hrs a week? i'm only asking 'cos i get that benefit for joe. i want to work, i'm slowly going insane at home<img src="i/expressions/devil.gif" border="0">,but if i work more than 15 hrs a week i will lose that money. it's £40 a week. if you don't claim that money ,( you are entitled to it) you should apply for it. if your daughter gets disability allowance at the middle or higher rate you are entitled to carers allowance. take care janet. ps hope you don't mind me poking my nose in<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">
 
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anonymous

New member
Hi! I do believe that kids need to be with their parents as much as possible (especially when one is sick), But I also think that if working helps you and their is someone that can take care of your children equally as well then it's o.k. to work. I think that if working keeps you from getting stressed and overwhelmed in the long run you can probably take better care of your children. I personally stay home with my kids (I have since my oldest child was born and he is now 15 w/o cf). But since my 2 year old was diagnosed with cf my mother keeps him one day a week just so I can have a break from the treatments and so forth. This really helps me keep my mind and emotions in tack. I think in dealing with something like cf everyone has their own way to deal with it. IF working helps you be a better mom in the long run than I say do what you need to do. Anyway thats just my opinion....and if I would have been asked this question before I had my own child with cf I would have probably said that you should stay home with your kids if you can afford to. Now I say you should stay home if you can handle it emotionally and you can afford to. I love being a stay at home mom and I could not work because I like to be the one in control of my sons care from day to day. Anyway Good Luck To You!!!
 
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JazzysMom

New member
My view is a bit different, but think it could still help. When I stilled worked, my daughter (no cf as most know) went to daycare. One reason she isnt now (besides school) is because I had to stop working for physical reasons. The mental/emotional break it gave me from CF & the stressful part of being a Mom made me a better Mom. I use to drop her off in the morning & couldnt wait to get to her at night even if she was crabby. Growing up my Mom didnt work until I went to school & then she only worked a few hours a day. I dont remember much except wishing I could play with kids more that I did. Being an only child at home & Mom being, well Mom, got a bit boring at times. I say whatever works for your family. I definitely feel I am a better Mom (even today when Jazz is in school) having time away from her then being with her 24/7!
 
A

anonymous

New member
I think it sounds like you've got a pretty good arrangement going there with a job that lets you work the amount that you are comfortable with and that it lets you be there for treatments. The work question for CF parents is a wierd intersection of financial, emotional, and healthcare that is unique to each family so none of us should feel guilty for the way our situations lead us to choose (or force us to choose).
 
A

anonymous

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Jane</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>



I need my job to stay sane.



I think each family really needs to make their own individual choices based on health status as well as mental status!!! Both are equally important to a healthy, fun, family environment.



</end quote></div>



Well said! I ABSOLUTELY AGREE!</end quote></div>


Ditto! We were so concerned when DS was diagnosed that he would be the sickly child that would have to stay home with one of us, wouldn't have any friends. My mom stayed home with us and I was soooo lonely and soooo bored, I couldn't wait to go to school.

We were concerned that we might have to hire a nanny, which would have been very costly or that one of us (probably me) would have to stay home with him, which would also be costly. One doctor kept stressing that I needed to stay home and care for him, keep him away from germs, pets, dust, water, people -- essentially place him in a bubble. We kept saying -- eventually he's GOING to GO to school, where he's going to be exposed to all kinds of germs.

With support from our primary doctor we enrolled DS at a daycare center at 3 months. We figured we'd give it a try and if things didn't work out, we'd rethink our options at that time. I know I've been criticized for saying this in the past, but DS is a very very active little boy -- he's always on the go and for his sanity and mine -- he needs to be in a structured environment, with children his own age, planned activities. He's happy at his "school" and his dad and I feel so fortunate to have found a place where he's happy and learning. Liza aka ratatosk
 
R

Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Jane</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>



He's three years old today. </end quote></div>



HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!<img src="i/expressions/present.gif" border="0"></end quote></div>

Thank you! We had a party last night with both sets of grandparents, a Buzz Lightyear cake and LOTS of presents. I'm just so incredibly amazed at how big he's getting and how articulate he is, but I'm also a little sad. Where'd my baby go? Liza
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Ratatosk</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Jane</b></i>



<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>







He's three years old today. </end quote></div>







HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!<img src="i/expressions/present.gif" border="0"></end quote></div>



Thank you! We had a party last night with both sets of grandparents, a Buzz Lightyear cake and LOTS of presents. I'm just so incredibly amazed at how big he's getting and how articulate he is, but I'm also a little sad. Where'd my baby go? Liza</end quote></div>




Your baby probbaly went where my Baby did. As soon as I find them I will let you know! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
 
A

anonymous

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>amy</b></i>

School at age 5 is good for kids.



Until then - your kids need to be with you.



The less you work - and the more you're with them, the better.



My opinion is a rare one, but there's no question in my mind that no one can raise your kids better than you. Not day care, not your parents, not a relative, not a nanny.



Your kids need you. And the more you're around them until kindergarten, the better off they'll be.</end quote></div>
 
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