I don't mind questions Coffee, don't feel like you are bing invasive.
Mark Just turned 25 in October and I turned 22 in August. We have been married for 3 years (this past August) and together 6.5 years. We hope very much to have children, but finances are what keep getting in the way right now. I advocate for infertility coverage (there's lots of info on my site about it and links to places like www.resolve.org and www.inciid.org) in my "states" (where I live currently in CA and "home" in WA) as well as infertility coverage for Department of Defense (DOD) employees. Other than that, we are just putting a little bit away every month to pay for the treatment, which is going to be about $11,000. I am blessed enough to have my insurance cover my medications (silly, no IVF coverage though, right??? <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> ) which would have cost me about $4,500 so there is good in the situation!
When Mark and I were first together, and even in the first year of marriage he was dead set agains having kids. Not because he doesn't like children, because he loves them, but because his biggest thing was, "I don't want to NOT be able to see my child grow up and I dont want to leave behind a fatherless child because I was left by my father". I completely understood his reasoning, but as life goes... as our marriage progressed we discussed a few things about children and family,
#1. There is NO guarantee that anyone will be around to see their children grow up, people pass away everyday and a majority of the time unexpected. At least with CF (please nobody get offended, just my opinion) you can sometimes tell when that time is coming.
#2. There is a difference between an absent parent by choice (as his father was, still alive but never around, parents divorced.....) and an absent parent when they are no longer on this earth and there is NO comparison of the two. Yes, a death is difficult especially for a child, but it's a completely different void than how he felt/feels about his dad.
#3, our running joke, "Mark, I know when you married me you thought you'd only have so spend a few years with me, but the doctors keep telling you you'll be aound for a while so it looks more like a few decades, any regrets"? <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">. My husband will be the first to tell you that I am not the easiest person to deal with when I get dead set on something, I am quite opinionated and sometimes it's very benificial, other times, I do believe he wants to strangle me. But the point being, as CF treatmetns progress, the lifespan keeps getting longer and longer. His doctor has very high hopes that he will be around to watch his children grow up.
#4, if he does pass before me (and who knows because I could get broadsided by a truck tomorrow), I would love nothing more than to have a piece of him left for me on this earth. To be able to look at my husband and see him in my child. I don't think you can leave someone with a better gift than that.
As far as adoption, we've looked into it but it is just as costly as the IVF procedures (for the most part). We are very specific about wanting a baby, an infant UNDER 3 months old and that is going to cost us a pretty penny. I am not willing to budge on the age and go any older. There's also homestudy's that have to be done and if I am not pregnant, I will be deployed about 6 months every year for the next 3 years (not looking forward to being away from Mark and having to wait 3 more years to start a family) which will make a homestudy very difficult and probably not so favorable. We want to give IVF a chance first.
Thanks for the *hope*. I always enjoy hearing about successes, it gives me faith that someday our hardwork (and heartbreak) will lead to a success.
Good to see you on here and thanks for the post.
