Quote "What a Relief"

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anonymous

New member
6 months after my youngest daughter was born, by brother and his wife decided they wanted to know if they were carriers of the CF gene as me and my husband had had a baby with CF. All he needed to do was for him to have a test to see if he was a carrier, but he didn't want to do that and wanted him and his wife to have a test. When the test results came back negative, he sent me a text message to say that he had had the test results back and they were negative and said "What a relief". Do you think this was an insensitive thing to say? This still bugs me now.

Please send me your comments.

Charlotte<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
 
A

Allie

New member
Quote "What a Relief

I can see why it owuld affect you, because your child has Cf, etc. But I don't think he was meaning to. CF is such an ugly disease, none of us want our kids to have it. We had a 5 second scare with Ahava when she was staying so tiny, but when the test results came back, it was a relief for us too.

I think he was honestly just relieved that his child didn't have CF, but I honestly understand. YOU have to deal with CF, so a part of you wants them to shut up about it. I would think it's similar as when people tell me how happy they are in thier marriages, their husband got a clean bill of health, etc. It's not that I'm not happy for them, I'm just cranky/upset for me. That's how I imagine it feels for you anyway. I don't know.


Sorry, I'm rambling.....
 
A

anonymous

New member
Quote "What a Relief

You're not rambling. Glad you understand what I mean.

Charlotte<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-cool.gif" border="0">
 
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cfmomma

New member
Quote "What a Relief

I used to get real upset when my pregnant friends would say "I don't care if it's a boy or girl, as long as it is healthy". I was jealous and frustruated, but deep down I was relieved for them. My sister-in-law just had a beautiful and healthy little girl, I love her to death. When we came to visit right after she was born, my mother-in-law, broadcasted to everyone that this new baby doesn't have CF like her cousin, Harrison. I had to leave the room, my son did not deserve to be put on the spot like that. He ended up in the hospital for two weeks in Feb. and I "convieniently" forgot to tell her. I don't think your brother was trying to be insensitive; but I can understand how his reaction may "sting" a little.
 
A

anonymous

New member
Quote "What a Relief

i think whatever problems you may have, you become hyper - sensitive to them, nobody means to upset you, they would have to be a complete ar***ole to do that.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
 
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Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Quote "What a Relief

Last year a friend of a friend's grandchild was diagnosed wcf. The child is the same age as ours. Around the same time, they found out this child had cf, the mother found out she was pregnant, so they opted to have the unborn child tested. I just cringed every time I talked to the grandma because she'd say "baby doesn't have cf, isn't even a carrier and it's a BOY". In my mind they sorta wrote off the kid with cf. L
 
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anonymous

New member
Quote "What a Relief

We wouldn't be without our daughter for the world. When I was carrying her I had no idea that me and my husband were carriers of the CF gene. Our eldest daughter doesn't have CF, so when we found out our youngest daughter had CF it came as a huge shock. When my brother said "what a relief" it hurt like hell, but I didn't say anything at the time even though I wanted to and I still beat myself up about it to this day. I guess I didn't want to start a row and for him to feel that I had a problem.

Charlotte<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif" border="0">
 
A

anonymous

New member
Quote "What a Relief

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>anonymous</b></i>

i think whatever problems you may have, you become hyper - sensitive to them, nobody means to upset you, they would have to be a complete ar***ole to do that.<img src=""></end quote></div>


You're absolutely right about being hyper-sensitive, but how do stop being? I feel people are just ignorant towards CF, if it were the other way round, I would have no way said "what a relief to him" cos I knew how much it hurt.

Charlotte<img src="i/expressions/brokenheart.gif" border="0">
 
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CFHockeyMom

New member
Quote "What a Relief

I agree with Allie. Although, it grated on you, your brother probably didn't mean anything by it. Not to mention, if you didn't have a child with CF, you probably wouldn't have thought twice about his comment.

Like Sheli, it stings me a bit when people say things like, "Just as long as she/he is healthy" or when they go around advertising how fast little Janie/Johnnie is growing. Nothing worse than having to listen to your mother-in-law tell you how big her other grandchildren are.
 
A

anonymous

New member
Quote "What a Relief

Yeah, you're right. I just wish he'd have been a bit more sensitive that's all, but like your mother-in-law 'eh?! Thank's 4 the chat.

Charlotte<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-cool.gif" border="0">
 
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dyza

New member
Quote "What a Relief

the thing is , it probably is a reliefe to him, some people say the daftest things, and immediately realise what they have said. Maybe your brother is beating himself up over his text and dosn't want to broach the subject because he dosn't know how to. You could use any example on this thread in a conversation with him, and the penny may drop with him or it may have him realise how sensetive you feel............Craig
 
R

Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Quote "What a Relief

Ugh -- mother-in-laws. My MIL constantly has to mention how so and so's child "eats like a little piggy". Our son is a horrible eater. Always has been -- we'd struggle to give him a bottle. I swear if I hear those words eats like a little piggy come out of her mouth, I'll scream.

Your brother probably just didn't realize how he sounded. Is genuinely relieved and didn't eve think. I stuck my foot in my mouth last weekend -- was talking about how a coworker's daughter snuck her son in to get his MMR vaccination because her inlaws are chiropractors and told her not to get the vaccine because they feel it can cause autism, though the daughter was concerned because of the mumps outbreak in her area. Anyway, as I'm telling this story -- the child reacted to the vaccine and threw up and the daughter was afraid her son was going to be autistic, it hits me that I am a complete and utter moron. One of the people I'm telling the story to -- had an autistic brother who passed away last year and two, her mother is a chiropractor. Know how you just see the words going out of your mouth and you wish so much you could pull them back in. Liza
 
A

anonymous

New member
Quote "What a Relief

i'm married for the second time, my "mil" is a doll. my first "mil" was a right b***h! i used to call her and her husband the "outlaws" . you all should do the same . not to their faces though!!!!!!!!!! unless you are feeling brave.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
 
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julie

New member
Quote "What a Relief

Charolette,

I can see how it would come across as insensitive. My husband's brother and wife said something similar "Oh thank god!!" when she was pregnant and they were both tested as non-carriers. Mark wasn't offended because he understands where his brother is coming from, and knows his brother cares very deeply about him and his CF and his health, treatmets... but at the same time, they were relieved they weren't carriers.

I on the other hand was like, "well, that was kind of rude". but Mark didn't seem too offended.

Not to justify what your brother said but I do see how one could be relieved and still care about and feel for your situation. Sometimes people just dont' express themselves in the best way. When we were starting our IVF and I was being tested to see if I was a carrier, I was overjoyed to find out I wasn't. Simply because if I was, our baby plans and the $$$ involved would have to change drastically, and we couldn't proceed if I was a carrier. I'm not sure if that makes any more sense or not.

If it did hurt your feelings, you ought to communicate it to him though. Just so he knows how you feel and that it is still a sensitive topic (and probably always will be) and he can be more cautious of what he lets fly out of his mouth.

Good luck!
 
A

anonymous

New member
Quote "What a Relief

Keep your replies coming!

Charlotte<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
 
S

skh

Guest
Quote "What a Relief

Charlotte,
I totally understand where you are coming from. I also have to agree with Allie that they didn't mean to be insensitive. So many things are said without being thought out first and then someone ends up getting hurt.

I know that with my daughter I hear things like "well, she has never been hospitalized" or "she doesn't look sick" and I know that's supposed to make me feel better but all I want to say is you're not around when she has to do her treatments 2x day or when she has been at a sleep over with her friends and it takes her the rest of the weekend to catch up on rest. Anyone that does not live in our house does not understand the things that she does to keep herself healthy.

All I can say is I wouldn't trade any of my daughters. I love them even if they are pains in the butt! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
A

anonymous

New member
Quote "What a Relief

My brothers wife went and got tested since our son has cf. She said she was going to get tested cause she didn't want a baby w cf. It did hurt when she said that - when she left the room I told my mother "Well there is alot of worse things a baby can have too!!" Well she had twin boys - healthy. I was glad for them - but it is hard for people to say things like that - but I'm sure she didn't mean to offend me or my son. I guess we love our kids so much - w or w/o CF - that it kinda hurts us regardless!

Mother of 9 yr old boy wcf
 
A

anonymous

New member
Quote "What a Relief

Yeah, it does hurt. I woudn't be without be daughter for the world. She is amazing and her older sister.

Charlotte<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
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