Relationship Help

SilentEarth3 · Feb 16, 2006

<img src="i/expressions/brokenheart.gif" border="0">
I have a problem and I was wondering if there would be anyone who could give me some advice. My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We were together for off and on 2 years and 9 months. He has CF and it seems that everytime his health starts to get worse or everytime he needs to go into the hospital for more then the usual 2 weeks he breaks up with me. The problem I'm at now is that his health is doing really bad and he broke up with me again. This time I got some kind of answers from him. He told me that he is in love with me still, but he cant be with me because I make him want more in life. He said that I make him afraid to die and he doesnt ever want to be afraid to die. He started dating another girl and they're now "engaged." I use the term loosly because neither of them will wear a ring or set a date. They have only been together for two months. He still tells me that he is in love with me and all the same stuff as when we were together, but now he is saying its because of those things that we cant be together. He says that I make him think about the future and he doesnt want to think about the future. This girl is so not good for him either. She wont even go to the hospital with him. My ex says that being with her is a comfort because he doesnt have to care about their future or what he says or does to her. I guess basically what I'm asking is, is there anyway I can change his mind? Is there anyway I can help him realize that this isnt a way to live? Am I the one who is wrong here? Should I just let him go? Everyone that we know says he'll eventually come back, he always has, but this seems different to me. So I guess I'm asking if there is anyone out there who can give some kind of advice on how to best handle this situation. I really do love the guy. I'd appriciate anything you guys can give me. Feel free to email me too, just make sure you put a subject that'll remind me that its from here. I get so much SPAM. Thanks guy!
<3 SilentEarth3

SilentEarth3 · Feb 16, 2006

<img src="i/expressions/brokenheart.gif" border="0">
I have a problem and I was wondering if there would be anyone who could give me some advice. My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We were together for off and on 2 years and 9 months. He has CF and it seems that everytime his health starts to get worse or everytime he needs to go into the hospital for more then the usual 2 weeks he breaks up with me. The problem I'm at now is that his health is doing really bad and he broke up with me again. This time I got some kind of answers from him. He told me that he is in love with me still, but he cant be with me because I make him want more in life. He said that I make him afraid to die and he doesnt ever want to be afraid to die. He started dating another girl and they're now "engaged." I use the term loosly because neither of them will wear a ring or set a date. They have only been together for two months. He still tells me that he is in love with me and all the same stuff as when we were together, but now he is saying its because of those things that we cant be together. He says that I make him think about the future and he doesnt want to think about the future. This girl is so not good for him either. She wont even go to the hospital with him. My ex says that being with her is a comfort because he doesnt have to care about their future or what he says or does to her. I guess basically what I'm asking is, is there anyway I can change his mind? Is there anyway I can help him realize that this isnt a way to live? Am I the one who is wrong here? Should I just let him go? Everyone that we know says he'll eventually come back, he always has, but this seems different to me. So I guess I'm asking if there is anyone out there who can give some kind of advice on how to best handle this situation. I really do love the guy. I'd appriciate anything you guys can give me. Feel free to email me too, just make sure you put a subject that'll remind me that its from here. I get so much SPAM. Thanks guy!
<3 SilentEarth3

thelizardqueen · Feb 16, 2006

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. We've been together from thick and thin, for better or for worse, and I still have days where I think maybe I would be better off without him because I'm so terrified of losing him. I don't want to leave anyone behind when I die, and that's only natural. What stops me from breaking up with him, is the realization that life is short - people die unexpectadly everyday. My boyfriend could be hit by a bus tomorrow, and he would be the one leaving me behind! I would rather have a few short happy years with him, then a lifetime of misery with someone I don't love completly. You can't force your ex to get back together with you, and you can't make him see things through your eyes. He has to come to this realization himself. You can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. We CFer's are a stubborn bunch! What I can suggest, is just be there for him, whether its just as a friend or more. What he needs now is love and support, and you can give this to him as a friend as well. If he changes his mind, that's great, but if not, then it wasn't meant to be. I would tell him though that it bothers you that he declares his undieing love for you, but dates another girl and is "engaged" to her. You shouldn't be treated like that. Like I said - be his friend, and just see what happens. Don't force anything.

thelizardqueen · Feb 16, 2006

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. We've been together from thick and thin, for better or for worse, and I still have days where I think maybe I would be better off without him because I'm so terrified of losing him. I don't want to leave anyone behind when I die, and that's only natural. What stops me from breaking up with him, is the realization that life is short - people die unexpectadly everyday. My boyfriend could be hit by a bus tomorrow, and he would be the one leaving me behind! I would rather have a few short happy years with him, then a lifetime of misery with someone I don't love completly. You can't force your ex to get back together with you, and you can't make him see things through your eyes. He has to come to this realization himself. You can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. We CFer's are a stubborn bunch! What I can suggest, is just be there for him, whether its just as a friend or more. What he needs now is love and support, and you can give this to him as a friend as well. If he changes his mind, that's great, but if not, then it wasn't meant to be. I would tell him though that it bothers you that he declares his undieing love for you, but dates another girl and is "engaged" to her. You shouldn't be treated like that. Like I said - be his friend, and just see what happens. Don't force anything.

SilentEarth3 · Feb 21, 2006

Thanks for your advice. It sounds so stupid but I dont really know how to be just his friend. Its hard to see him and not be able to cuddle and stuff. I am also having a hard time with not being able to do the little things anymore either. For example, I miss not going to his doctors appoinments with him (I've been to everyone since we started dating, we'd make a whole day of it since the hospital wasnt close and there was always traffice) and I really miss staying at the hospital with him when he was in. It was almost a comfort for not only him but me too. When he was hospitalized over Christmas and his new girl left him alone, it killed me. I cant understand why if she "loves" him so much then why did she leave him alonce. He was only in for a week, but she only visited him once. Stupid of me right? I dunno. If he still loves me like he says then why is he doing this? I just dont get it. Whats so wrong with me? <img src="i/expressions/brokenheart.gif" border="0">
<3 SilentEarth3

SilentEarth3 · Feb 21, 2006

Thanks for your advice. It sounds so stupid but I dont really know how to be just his friend. Its hard to see him and not be able to cuddle and stuff. I am also having a hard time with not being able to do the little things anymore either. For example, I miss not going to his doctors appoinments with him (I've been to everyone since we started dating, we'd make a whole day of it since the hospital wasnt close and there was always traffice) and I really miss staying at the hospital with him when he was in. It was almost a comfort for not only him but me too. When he was hospitalized over Christmas and his new girl left him alone, it killed me. I cant understand why if she "loves" him so much then why did she leave him alonce. He was only in for a week, but she only visited him once. Stupid of me right? I dunno. If he still loves me like he says then why is he doing this? I just dont get it. Whats so wrong with me? <img src="i/expressions/brokenheart.gif" border="0">
<3 SilentEarth3

thelizardqueen · Feb 22, 2006

Be his friend by going to visit him. You say that his new girlfriend only saw him once and he was alone the rest of the time - then go visit him, let him know that he still has support from you, even though it might not be as a girlfriend. I know its hard to let go at first - and I'm not saying that you should, but it will get easier with time. Ask him if he'd like you to go with him to his appts, call him just to see how he's doing. I think he should just know that there are people out there who care about it, and want to make sure he is ok.

thelizardqueen · Feb 22, 2006

Be his friend by going to visit him. You say that his new girlfriend only saw him once and he was alone the rest of the time - then go visit him, let him know that he still has support from you, even though it might not be as a girlfriend. I know its hard to let go at first - and I'm not saying that you should, but it will get easier with time. Ask him if he'd like you to go with him to his appts, call him just to see how he's doing. I think he should just know that there are people out there who care about it, and want to make sure he is ok.

SilentEarth3 · Feb 23, 2006

<img src="i/expressions/brokenheart.gif" border="0"> When he was in the hospital he said that i couldnt visit him because he didnt know when his new girlfriend would be there. I tried to visit him. Also we dont really talk or see each other anymore. We dont talk cause his phone is shut off. We dont see each other much because he said that its too hard for him. Its hard for us to hang out because he says he still cares a lot about me. Its always been that way, whenever we've been on breaks we still hung out all the time and it was as if we never broke up to begin with. Thats what I meant when I said that i didnt know how to be just his friend. Our relationship has always been complicated. He says that I make him feel things that he doesnt want to feel. I'm not sure what that means. He is also getting into some bad habits. Like he's drinking all day everyday, and he smokes pot and he said he's done cocaine too. I havent heard from him in a week and I have no way to contact him, except work. I'm really worried about him. He was never like this before. He doesnt even talk to his bestfriend or his parents anymore either. Its all about this new girl. Thats all he cares about now. I'm just so at a loss of what to do...
<3 SilentEarth3

SilentEarth3 · Feb 23, 2006

<img src="i/expressions/brokenheart.gif" border="0"> When he was in the hospital he said that i couldnt visit him because he didnt know when his new girlfriend would be there. I tried to visit him. Also we dont really talk or see each other anymore. We dont talk cause his phone is shut off. We dont see each other much because he said that its too hard for him. Its hard for us to hang out because he says he still cares a lot about me. Its always been that way, whenever we've been on breaks we still hung out all the time and it was as if we never broke up to begin with. Thats what I meant when I said that i didnt know how to be just his friend. Our relationship has always been complicated. He says that I make him feel things that he doesnt want to feel. I'm not sure what that means. He is also getting into some bad habits. Like he's drinking all day everyday, and he smokes pot and he said he's done cocaine too. I havent heard from him in a week and I have no way to contact him, except work. I'm really worried about him. He was never like this before. He doesnt even talk to his bestfriend or his parents anymore either. Its all about this new girl. Thats all he cares about now. I'm just so at a loss of what to do...
<3 SilentEarth3

thelizardqueen · Feb 24, 2006

Seems like he's in a rut. If you were close with him and had some pull - I would suggest to you that he saw a couselor, because smoking pot and doing drugs is very bad for him. But seeing as how he doesn't want to see you, this is a tough one. Are you able to talk to his parents maybe? I know its a little harsh, but what he's doing with his health is only going to make him worse. The thing is, is that in order for him to stop doing these things, you can't force him - he has to make this decision for himself. At this point I am truly at a loss.

thelizardqueen · Feb 24, 2006

Seems like he's in a rut. If you were close with him and had some pull - I would suggest to you that he saw a couselor, because smoking pot and doing drugs is very bad for him. But seeing as how he doesn't want to see you, this is a tough one. Are you able to talk to his parents maybe? I know its a little harsh, but what he's doing with his health is only going to make him worse. The thing is, is that in order for him to stop doing these things, you can't force him - he has to make this decision for himself. At this point I am truly at a loss.

littledebbie · Feb 24, 2006

Go buy the book "he's just not into you" it sounds harsh, but I'm telling you it will help sort out if this is a permanant split or not, and what you really want for yourself in a partner. I know you love him and it hurts but you are making a lot of excuses for him, and that's coming from a professioanl excuse maker. Really please read that book.

littledebbie · Feb 24, 2006

Go buy the book "he's just not into you" it sounds harsh, but I'm telling you it will help sort out if this is a permanant split or not, and what you really want for yourself in a partner. I know you love him and it hurts but you are making a lot of excuses for him, and that's coming from a professioanl excuse maker. Really please read that book.

JazzysMom · Feb 24, 2006

The fact that he is getting into drugs should tell you to stay away. I dont know if he really cares for you or not, but what I do know is that being on drugs the chances of being able to believe what is says is about zero. I am speaking from personal (recent) family experience. Drugs make a person believe their own lies, live their own lies, paranoid, poor decisions and worse. IF he did/does care about you, he is of no service to himself or you at the moment & you cant fix that. He is the one that has to do it. I know its hard, I know you will worry & I know you feel guilty, but for YOUR own safety & sanity, you really should stay your distance. There are always patterns........I gaurantee you that if you think (I mean really think not selectively choose the memories) that you will put dots together & chances of the drugs being a recent occurence only is unlikely. People without chronic illnesses fall victim to addiction all the time so why should a CFer be any different? Smart....no, Possible....Yes!

JazzysMom · Feb 24, 2006

The fact that he is getting into drugs should tell you to stay away. I dont know if he really cares for you or not, but what I do know is that being on drugs the chances of being able to believe what is says is about zero. I am speaking from personal (recent) family experience. Drugs make a person believe their own lies, live their own lies, paranoid, poor decisions and worse. IF he did/does care about you, he is of no service to himself or you at the moment & you cant fix that. He is the one that has to do it. I know its hard, I know you will worry & I know you feel guilty, but for YOUR own safety & sanity, you really should stay your distance. There are always patterns........I gaurantee you that if you think (I mean really think not selectively choose the memories) that you will put dots together & chances of the drugs being a recent occurence only is unlikely. People without chronic illnesses fall victim to addiction all the time so why should a CFer be any different? Smart....no, Possible....Yes!

anonymous · Mar 2, 2006

I am so sorry that your boyfriend has cystic fibrosis. You know his love you just be there for him.Tell him how you feel about him. That you want to be his wife and be there for his cuz you love him.I do not have cystic fibrosis but I feel bad for you cuz you really love him. You and him was together for 2 years and 9month don't let that go. If you love him you need to fight you him.

stephanie
e-mail eminems_eminem@yahoo.com

anonymous · Mar 2, 2006

I am so sorry that your boyfriend has cystic fibrosis. You know his love you just be there for him.Tell him how you feel about him. That you want to be his wife and be there for his cuz you love him.I do not have cystic fibrosis but I feel bad for you cuz you really love him. You and him was together for 2 years and 9month don't let that go. If you love him you need to fight you him.

stephanie
e-mail eminems_eminem@yahoo.com

anonymous · Mar 2, 2006

He is doing drug but you can help him. He say he dose not need your help he is lieing to you I know cuz my mom dose drug to. She lie to me all the time and I stay with her she tell me to leave but I do not leave cuz she really need my help and your ex need your help. If you still love him fight of him and stop him from doing drug. I have a boyfriend and he did durg but now his stop so I man can stop your ex can stop. stephganuie

anonymous · Mar 2, 2006

He is doing drug but you can help him. He say he dose not need your help he is lieing to you I know cuz my mom dose drug to. She lie to me all the time and I stay with her she tell me to leave but I do not leave cuz she really need my help and your ex need your help. If you still love him fight of him and stop him from doing drug. I have a boyfriend and he did durg but now his stop so I man can stop your ex can stop. stephganuie

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