relationship issues with your parents

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anonymous

New member
I'm going to hide behind the annon user for this.

Please share how you hande relationship problems with parents if you live with them.

I'm "home" for a short period of time and knew it would bring up some issues for me. And it has. I'm trying to be so kind because I deeply love my parents and they deserve the best!!!! I think it's personality problems that come up and it is sooooo tough being here sometimes. The thought of hurting their feelings kills me, I would NEVER want to hurt their feelings. I know I did that plenty when I was younger. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-frown.gif" border="0"> But now, I want a separate life, one that I choose what information they know about my life, and one where I am a complete individual apart from them. For the most part I definitely am, but the other part of me has always HAD to go back "home" when I go in the hospital, or get too sick. Because of that i think I will always struggle with successfully separating myself from them. It's not good for my mental status. Since I'm continually struggling with doing this, I've not succeeded with it yet. Do you what I mean? I'm in my 30s and hate that I deal with this type of thing.

All other areas in my life are mine and doing well, married, good job, have fun, lots of laughs, travel...

Any advice on how to separate from parents even when you have to be back "home" for sick periods of time?
 
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IG

Guest
Let me know if you ever find out how to work that.

I'm about to go home for 3 weeks and my grandfather and I have always had issues.
Additionally he blames me moving colleges based on a guy I met, not on the fact that I was trying to go to a better school (and get as far away from them as I could possibly manage). Plus I had planned it for 2 + years. Not looking forward to the initial few days.
 
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65rosessamurai

Guest
Hi anon.
Since you indicated you are "hiding" from your identity, I will presume you are a "regular" here, and offer the best I can from my personal experience, as well as what my sister has been experiencing.
My sister lives close by the parents, and had to deal with the parent/child situation to become an adult/adult situation. My opinion is that as the child becomes an adult, they should no longer be treated as children, but as adults. I'm sure the hardest part for parents is to realize their children are now adults. Having a "heart-to-heart" talk with the parents, and expressing how you feel may help your situation. I know I had to return "home" on a few occasions while being an adult, and had to deal with asking the parents to treat me as a "tenant", since I also was going to pay room and board. That's just how I dealt with my situation, but the point is to clarify the need to be looked at as another adult, not treated like a child anymore. My sister would tell me about certain times she had to use "hard love", which was being strict, but to still indicate what she wanted was for their own good, yet she still loved them.
I hope that at least can give you a start as to what to do. Good Luck.
 
A

anonymous

New member
Woops, that face in the original post should have been a nice frown, not a mean one.

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
 
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anonymous

New member
Candice and Fred, thanks for your responses. My parents actually have realized that I'm an adult and treat me as that with respect and all...that part is fine. It's more about me enjoying time to myself even if they're home. I just like my space and have realized that I'm a private person now. Parts of my personality don't always mix well with theirs, but you can't really tell them that because they're your parents! It seems like basic personality issues. Sometimes it's great and we get along really well and can laugh a lot, then other times I want my space and they take it personally. A lot of little things like that build up.
 
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welshgirl

New member
i think it is normal to have set to's with your parents . i love my mum dearly but she drives me crackers, we are very similar<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">
 
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