Relationship Problems

[anonymous]

My Boyfriend w/cf who I have been with for almost 3 years now is not coping very well with his CF he is not sick but not coping with it mentally and he is actually trying to push me away from our relationship he is saying that he doesn't think he can handle having a gf and coping with his CF I was just wondering whether anyone else has gone through this we are finding it really hard at the moment and any advice would be appreciated

Thanks

Erin

 

[anonymous]

I have not been with my boyfriend for as long as you have, but we have had some serious discussions regarding his CF but it is getting easier as time goes on. My honest advice would be to talk it through and stick by him, just listen to him. Also, if he wants to he could go see a psychiatrist, I don't know where you live, but in Canada we have specialists who only have 'patients' with diseases such as CF and other 'permanent' disease. My boyfriend went for a few months and it helped him a great deal, sometime talknig to someone who is 'outside' of your life can help, ithere is nothing wrong with seeing a psychiatist, it might make his taughts clearer and then he might have more facility talking to you about it.

Hope this helps

Amelie

 

[Emily65Roses]

I see a psychiatrist also. He's not in the special line of people with chronic illness, but it helps. It's not the right road for everyone, but it might help your boyfriend.

 

[anonymous]

I think maybe he is thinking about his life and probably thinks why get close to someone when I am just going to die someday. I have thought this many times with my bf. I have said why do you date me? Why don't you find a girl you can marry and have a long and happy life with but he just gets mad at me for thinking such things. Bring it up and try and talk about it with him and just see what is going on and what exactly is bothering him and suggest maybe going to see someone. I saw a psychiatrist for a bit and it helped loads. And I just make sure me and my bf communicate with eachother when I or he is feeling upset about something with the relationship. I hope some of this helps!! <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Nicole 22 CF

 

[anonymous]

I myself was not dx with CF until I was in my late 20's. at the time I had a wonderful boyfriend, he was my best friend for a few years... Once I was dx I pushed him away.. I litterally stopped talking to him.. I would not anwser his phone calls, he would show up at my house and I would lock the door so he could not get in.. My thoughts were that I loved him so much and that he deserved better than what I can give him. I didn't let him decide. I decided for him. For months he was very patient with me, all the time thinking that I would come around and give in. After about six months he stopped. Six months after that he met a girl and now two years later he is engaged to her.. This is totally my loss..My fear and my inability to let go of control or the concept of what I thought was best for him ruined a really great relationship.. I understand where your boyfriend is comming from in not wanting to have you commit to him but I wish he could learn the lesson of the letting the other person decide for themselves.
It is a hard lesson to learn but a good one once learned

 

[anonymous]

My suggestion would be to leave him alone it might be his way of dumping you and maybe he realises that his health is the most important thing in his life at the moment

Tash

 

[anonymous]

I disagree with what the last poster just said... If he doesn't want to be with her then he should be man enough to say so.. Head games are jokes and how is she to know that he does't want to be with her ... because he is dumping her.. He said that he doesn't think he can handle both... I would further question him to see if it was her or if he was having inner struggles about something...

 

[dresapp]

I too would see if something else is making him "push you away" I myself am guilty of using my CF to break up with a guy. Im not saying this is the case and I hope it isnt but I think you should have a serious talk with your BF and see just what is bothering him and work it out together. If however he is having trouble accepting that you still want to be with him even with his CF than let him know how serious you are about him and how willing you are to help him cope and be apart of his life. Like Nicole, I often ask my fiance why he is with me and how he can stay with me when im so ill. He gets very upset with me and if anything that angers him when i keep asking him the same questions and acting insecure. I am however grateful that he loves me like he does and am blessed to have him. It has just taken me some time to realize that and to not think about the whys but instead how in love we are and how much happy i am with him in my life. Perhaps your BF just needs to see things in a postitive light. He is probably scared and needs reassuring but dont push him either. Just let him know that you are there for him and let him come around. But I do agree you need to make sure hes not just playing games with you. He may have CF but he is still human and capable of hurting others as well. Hes not made of glass and you need to be upfront because its not fair to you to be pushed away and not given a real reason for his behavior. Good luck!\

Kris
22 with CF, CFRD and liver disease waiting for lung/liver transplant

 

[anonymous]

My name is Josh Benjamin and I live in Ithaca NY I had a girlfriend for the last 3 years everything was going great till I went into the hospital and she left me for mybest friend. It's been about 6 months since she married him and I'm still hurt, no matter what I do my health is getting worse. I just was put in the hospital for a collapsed lung, I have Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes Type 1(really brought on by cf),Chronic Asthma, Synusitus, M.A.I. and Anemia. I find it hard to get along everyday without that support that I had for the last 3 years and I know that I might seem like a belly acher but I was wondering if anyone had any info on how to get my health up. I have spent 2 months in the hospital recently and Feel fine right now but that's only now I don't know if it will last. My email addy is Jbenjamin6152@aol.com
It may take me a few days to get back but it has been years since I have talked to other CF patients. My little sister has CF also and she has b-supacia so I don't see her much. I'm 21 years old as up dec. 01.2004 YEAHHHH well anyone wanting to chat email me later
Josh