Relationships

[LookingforPeace]

I have CF. I've been hospitalized once. I've been with my significant other for several years. I believe I withheld the fact that I have CF at the beginning of the relationship because I was not affected by it, didnt think about it on a daily basis, didnt even take a puffer.

I remember telling my significant other a few months in to the relationship, but gain, I wasn't affected.

Now. I am currently on IV antibiotics. I was told recently that "when we met and you told me you had CF you said it wasn't a big deal. Now you're on IV this is a big deal". I said, it isn't too late to back out and not deal w this crape I was told "I am not breaking up a you just because you have CF". I contined on with my day.

I am now really hurt, upset, emotional.

I feel like I am only going to take away from my significant others life. I feel guilty for being with them. They could and should live a normal life without complications.

Right now I am self sufficient as depend on myself for everything. It's not like I depend on my SO for anything. But 20 yrs down the road perhaps I will.

My SO isn't interested in learning about this stuff. They clean and cool and help me that way but.. They also made the above statement.

Can anyone relate?

 

[Printer]

Hospitalization and IV antibiotics are not a big deal. What is a big deal is lying by omission. That is what your SO is pissed about, you need to discuss and apologise. As for the future your SO could end up with more severe medical problems than you have. Just take life one day at a time.

Bill

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Been there done that. You shouldnt tell someone rt away yo have a disease but after awhile you should. I believe in telling after you establish trust. Sounds like you did that. Also if the other person if freaking out or

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Putting blame on your end then maybe you need to re evaluate the relationship or go to a counseled if you are married

 

[JENNYC]

Good advice Bill I know I would be upset if someone that I love wasn't completely honest with me and not because it would change the way I feel about them just so I can fully travel the road with them

 

[welshwitch]

I don't know. Sounds like that your CF wasn't a big deal when you met, but...perhaps it is progressing? And you now need more care for it, hence the IVs?

Not everyone can handle dating a CFer. It scares the crap out of some people. Maybe s/he's not fully on board with your disease? Which, isn't your fault at all.

I'd look at this as a test. There are DEFINITELY people who can handle being with and supporting someone with CF. But not everyone! You definitely shouldn't feel guilty. You didn't ask for this disease or do anything to deserve it. The best thing you can do is take your meds, take great care of yourself, and deal with it. If your partner can't handle that, it's time to look elsewhere.

 

[keefer11]

Yes, I can relate. I've had guys break up with me because of my CF, so naturally, it was hard for me to tell the next guy that I had it, since I was scared I would be rejected because of it. As a result I've waited at least 1-3 months to tell the guys I'm dating that I have CF. For me, I wait to tell them because I want to be sure it's worth putting myself in that vulnerable situation and that the guy was worth it and I saw the relationship going somewhere. And since I've had several men in my life accept me and my disease.

I don't feel that you waiting to tell him/her it was wrong, but if you have to go through it again with another person, I wouldn't use the words, "It isn't a big deal." Whether you are healthy or not, CF is a big deal because it can become a big deal at any moment in time, you can't predict it. But, overtime being on IV's isn't a big deal, it becomes the new normal. So if this is a big deal for him/her, maybe (s)he isn't cut out for it and doesn't realize it.

It worries me that your current SO doesn't research the disease and doesn't take interest. Maybe (s)he is scared, maybe (s)he is just ignorant. I don't know them, so I can't speculate. But, every guy I or my sister have ever dated did MAJOR internet research on it,they wanted to know what they were getting themselves into. Even when we were teenagers our boyfriends would research the disease and find out as much information as they could. Yes, some broke up with us both because what they found through their research scared them, but it weeded out the guys who couldn't handle it. Not everyone can & its a fact of life. You just need to find a SO who can handle it, which takes time, but they are out there! I've found a good one Message me if you need more support because I can definitely relate.

 

[LookingforPeace]

Thank you for all your replies.
I did want to clarify one thing, I was 16, yes 16, when I met my SO. We started dating when I was 17. CF was quite literally NOT on my mind at this age. And who, at this age, thinks the relationship will last? Sorry, should have thrown this into perspective.

If I had met someone TODAY I would be sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the right time to educate them.

Another point: I have a sibling who just died from CF also. My sibling was our focus for our entire relationship. My sibling and I are completely different (late diagnosis).

Anyways, I just learned that my SO is going out to party today and night...

Not happy about this AT ALL. I think s/he should be with me. I'm so tired from all the side effects. This is a once in while experience. At least hang out w me so I don't feel so isolated. I seriously wish it was possible to go to my parents'. More support there.

In usually not this "poor me".

 

[Iamqueenofeverything]

Dont worry about poor me bc we all need to vent and and need to support. The guy I dated is someone I known all my life and knew about cf. still he acted like a jerk and held it over my head and used it Against me as a reason nt to marry be bc he said he was afraid of the financial part of cf and that I will die on him. I explained tha insurance is affordable and will cover the cost. I tried to say he could die before me at any time through an accident or disease. He just didn't get the whole part of me although he said he loved me. I had to dump him and told him nt to ever talk to me. You and I deserve someone better who loves us truely and treat us right.

 

[Beccamom]

Don't blame yourself. At 16 no one is thinking about a long term relationship and it sounds like when you realized it would be long term you spoke up. I am a late diagnosis age 35 and I have been married for over 14 years and my spouse is having a very difficult time with it. The divorce rate when it is the women who is sill is very high and a little lower if it is the man who is ill. If your significant other does not come around pretty quickly you may want to consider that this is not the right person for you. IVs are not a big deal with CF and if he/she can't handle that stage will they really stick around for the hard stuff. Since you are not married and assuming you are still pretty young maybe the right supportive person is still waiting. Even taking vowes for in sickness and in health, I am not sure my spouse will be there. Also I have never had IVs and only have 30 minutes of nebs and mucus clearance a day and still work and take care of 2 tween age kids and my spouse travels a lot. So if my spouse after 14 years can't handle it I cannot imagine a less committed relationship. If on the other hand your significant other sticks around after the deaf of your sibling and finding out, then you probably have a match worth marriage and are heading toward a long happy relationship.

 

[CrisDopher]

You know, this whole conversation here might be easier if you didn't type "significant other" so often. OK. So you're either bi or gay and neither your gender nor your SO's have much bearing on this discussion; we get it. Since I'm male and bi, I'll assume you are too. And that your SO is a boy. So. As Bill states, you really need to have a heart-to-heart with your bf and work out these trust issues. To me it is more serious that he doesn't want to learn all about the disease - or at least learn enough to help take care of you.

 

[eliqueang]

To me it is more serious that he doesn't want to learn all about the disease - or at least learn enough to help take care of you.

Yes, i found this odd. But i agree with others that you need to sit down and talk about these issues. I've dated a few and you could just tell that they didn't care. One had the nerve to smoke sitting next to me. Sorry but if you can't handle this, you're not for me! My bf found out i had cf through facebook. He wasn't my bf at the time but he was great about it and started researching. He's always asking questions and making sure i feel ok and worrys a lot because of recent episodes. It's nice when you find that right person that can deal with all this crap. We've been together for over a year but he has not been along for the ride on a cleanout yet (long distance) but he has told me he would spend every night with me as long as i want him too lol.

 

[LookingforPeace]

Thanks for all this discussion. I really appreciate the fact that people with CF are so blunt. LOVE it. That's what my bro was good for. ChisDopher go read your message I sent you. You're too funny. Bill, you're blunt and I appreciate it. Hope you read my comment where I stated I was 16 when I met this MAN (ill get over my SO phrase) and was 17 when we started dating. We essentially grew up together.

Not too sure what's happening now. I need to focus on getting better before I jump on this issue.