Ok, im sitting by myself midnight as usual counting my breaths and hearing my wheezing and crackles interrupting the silence. I once again take a look back at my life, but this time I dont get the feelings I felt in the past few months. I feel that I have did my best in all fields. I still regret many things I havent done, but overall I feel satisfied and content with myself. I also realize that many times I searched for happiness in the wrong places. We dont have to be like others to be happy. I remember a phrase from my literature classes " Misery starts when we chase unachievable goals". I cant recall the exact phrase or who said it, but for sure its completely true. I found out that if i sit down and accept things as they are really are I would be a more happy person. I feel peace with myself like an inner voice telling me " good job, now just sit and wait till Father calls".
I wonder why I have a strong feeling that things would be much better in the afterlife. If you watched the movie " The Island", people out there were desperately waiting to win the lottery which is a ticket to The Island. Unfortunately, The Island was nothing but they getting killed. I feel the same thing towards death. I look at it as the place were things can go no worse. Of course, I can end up in hell, and things would be practically much worse. However, still I believe I'm going to a better place.
Going to comment on a phrase in the movie " Saw 2". The killer who was dying of cancer said: " If people knew their time of death, their life would crash infront of them." Now, this is basically untrue, but he continued to add " I now get to enjoy a cup of water, a conversation with a friend,...". Absolutely right, when you get close to death and you know it, you start looking deeper at things. You get to enjoy things that other people take for granted. Back to the first phrase, I dont think your life necessarily crash ( though i dont know my time of death but I just get ranges and extrapolations due to my dropping pfts- kissing the low 20s now without an infection), but you just sort things out. You no more set plans or get engaged in long term activities, but just settle down, live daily, and make the best out of every moment. This is not a crash and infact if all people get to know thir time of death, wouldnt the world be a better place? I have to say I felt with the killer and thought he made sense, but hated his reaction manifested by killing others who didnt appreciate life.
Some of you might get the feeling that im throwing the towel. No I'm not, but I'm just being realistic. I'm a giving it a fight to the bone. I hope I made sense.
I wonder why I have a strong feeling that things would be much better in the afterlife. If you watched the movie " The Island", people out there were desperately waiting to win the lottery which is a ticket to The Island. Unfortunately, The Island was nothing but they getting killed. I feel the same thing towards death. I look at it as the place were things can go no worse. Of course, I can end up in hell, and things would be practically much worse. However, still I believe I'm going to a better place.
Going to comment on a phrase in the movie " Saw 2". The killer who was dying of cancer said: " If people knew their time of death, their life would crash infront of them." Now, this is basically untrue, but he continued to add " I now get to enjoy a cup of water, a conversation with a friend,...". Absolutely right, when you get close to death and you know it, you start looking deeper at things. You get to enjoy things that other people take for granted. Back to the first phrase, I dont think your life necessarily crash ( though i dont know my time of death but I just get ranges and extrapolations due to my dropping pfts- kissing the low 20s now without an infection), but you just sort things out. You no more set plans or get engaged in long term activities, but just settle down, live daily, and make the best out of every moment. This is not a crash and infact if all people get to know thir time of death, wouldnt the world be a better place? I have to say I felt with the killer and thought he made sense, but hated his reaction manifested by killing others who didnt appreciate life.
Some of you might get the feeling that im throwing the towel. No I'm not, but I'm just being realistic. I'm a giving it a fight to the bone. I hope I made sense.