should i or shouldn't dump her?

A

anonymous

New member
as you all know cf is lung threaten, and some more.
anyway i met this girl for nearly 3 years, we were friend since then until up to last march i fell in love with her.
she knows i have cf because friend of mine told her as we both are in boarder, separate school but same area.
anyway as i was saying her ma told her about cf that i have short life blah blah and yes it made her upset and worried, at first i said you can leave me if you like, she then said no way not over cf and i was relief but i felt sad cos i wanted her to be happy but how?
she will see me suffer and probably worry abt me. should i stop seein her for her sake but remain as a friend? i never wanted her to be worried or upsettin or feelin sad. i mean she is happy with me but does ye think she desevre happy life with other guy who is normal? i feel selfish if i told her i want stop seeing her just cos i want her be happy and be with other guy who can make her not to worry about him? i'm struck!!!! what can i do like? she is the most beautiful girl i ever met and she is very caring and charming! i wanted her to be happy not feelin sad over me, she kept sayin she's fine but i know she is not, i can see that. it's hard man
 
T

TinyLaBruja65

New member
me and my boyfriend go threw this all the time..and im sure atleast once or more times in our lives weve had to have this conversation with the person we love...

ask her what she REALLY thinks...tell her what she has to be prepaired for..how strong she has to be for you..that she has to be there..and its not as simple as she thinks...

just give her a while to think about it...dont dump her cause its for the wrong reason..what if she really does love you? its not worth it..just give her a while <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

wish i could help you more sweetie...
 
A

anonymous

New member
well let hope it's work, thanks u been great help, couldn't ask for more, just want to view ur answer to my problem. it's hard. thx again!!!! oh yea ow long ve u b with ur bf? if u don't mind me asking
 
A

anonymous

New member
Nope I personally dont think that you should dump her. I mean she knows that you have cf and she is willing to stay by your side no matter what! That is such a special connection and possibly true love. True love is when there are a million bumbs on the way, and u think u have reached the end but that person is there to catch you and love u until the end. She knows that you are not perfect, and that you are were destined with cf, but she accepts it! Don't think that she deserves better, because u are the best that she deserves. Allow her to be by your side. The love that comes from both sides, has more power then the cystic fibrosis that lays between u 2. Hope this helps a lil' bit! Take care, & don't break up with her...you both need to be by each other and support one another through the difficult times that u face. This is my advice to u. -Alexia(15 in April)<img src="i/expressions/moon.gif" border="0"><blockquote>Quote<br><hr>True love is when nothing can tear u apart..<hr></blockquote>
 
A

anonymous

New member
I have some words of advice for you and some personal experience too. My husband and I met when I was 16 and he was 19-he has CF. When he initially told me, I didn't really know what CF was and I was really confident that I could just handle everything. As we started talking more about Cf and what it entails and what his life might be like in the future-reality hit me. But I decided that I was still going to stay with him. The the first hospital visit came, and it was so difficult to see him hooked up to machines and having such a hard time, but again I decided that the time we had together (however short it might be) is more important and better than never having a wonderful relationship and life with him. This "first time in the hospital" seems to be the make it or break it for a lot of couples. If your girlfriend says she can handle it and you two have talked in depth and been really honest with eachother, chances are she really can handle it. I am not saying things won't be difficult. Sometimes she might get really sad over things, and sometimes you might get really sad over things. But, if you can't imagine your life without her, and she feels the same about you, the two of you can make anything work.

Julie (wife to Mark 24 w/CF)
 
I

intheIMAGEofHim

New member
i would wait and see w/ she thinks about CF. Then mabye tell her what you are going to have to go throught then she w/ she thinks. And then give her time to think. I think that would be best In My Humble opinion <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">
 
A

anonymous

New member
I don't think you should dump her, leave that decision up to her so to speak. I mean, make sure she knows what she is really getting into, that she knows what CF is and what could and will happen. Not to be pessimistic, just so theer are not bad 'surprises' down the linebeacause of this. If after all this she sticks by you then I say she's worth it. My boyfriend has CF and we have been through this more than once the 'I have nothing to offer, I'm going to diw young' speech and yes I know and realize all that but you know what? He's worth all of it, he may think he has nothing to offer me but I really don't see it that way, I would rather spend only a few years of my life with him than a lifetime with someone else that could not possibly love me as much as he does. Hopefully your girlfriend will feel the same way. I'm not saying it's all easy, it's not for both parties but when both believe it's worth it it's not as bad as others think (here I'm refering to the 'How can you stay with him, he's going to die in like ten years, maybe less' YES and I could leave school today get hit by a car and die....sorry comments like that just piss me off soemtimes).

Good luck, I hope CF will not stop you two from being together, you seem to like her very much

Amélie, girlfriend of Marc-André 23 w/CF
 
A

anonymous

New member
thanks for your opinon, i'm starting to think to follow what ye say about step back and wait and talk to her abt it. she is lovely girl. i am just looking out for her, don't want her sad, no way!!! i don't want her pity for me!first time i met her, wasn't thinkin how it will affect our realationship in future till i got nearly serious and started to see point!!! atm(at the moment) we are fine, hope stay forever. anyway thx!!!
 
W

WinAce

New member
<blockquote>Quote
<hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i>
she will see me suffer and probably worry abt me. should i stop seein her for her sake but remain as a friend? i never wanted her to be worried or upsettin or feelin sad. i mean she is happy with me but does ye think she desevre happy life with other guy who is normal?<hr></blockquote>

In other words, if you have a reasonably high probability of dying soon, leaving behind a horrified, shocked and grieving lover, would you do best--in their own self-interest-- to leave them to other, potentially less painful love affairs?

This weighed heavily on my mind for a time, but turned out to be a total phantom. I realized that adults can make their own, informed decisions, and while they might lead to woe down the line, those risks would have been accepted, and outweighed by a greater good. That even if the worst happened, it would still be better than the other scenarios:

<i>"I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."</i>
<b> --Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809-92))</b>

And finally, that such logic is brutal, inhumane, denying everything that makes us kind and empathetic in a short-sighted pursuit of overprotectionism. Don't reject the chance at true love; it's the most wonderful thing you could ever experience. Assuming she does love you (and it sounds like it just might be case), put yourself in her shoes. Would you like to trade her in for someone else if she came down sick? ("NO, that's a disgusting thought!") Well, there you go. Do unto others...
 
O

okrap

New member
<blockquote>Quote
<hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i>
does ye think she desevre happy life with other guy who is normal?<hr></blockquote>

She deserves to have a happy life with a guy who will look after her and treat her well. That could be a guy with CF or a guy without it. Don't dump her, she sounds like she cares alot for you. She may need time to truly understand what CF does to you, and yes she might get scared, and yes she might get worried. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. Let her know what is happening. A lack of knowledge is often what makes people so scared, so if you don't keep stuff form her, she will see that she doesn't have to feel sad for you all the time. CF can be a very lonely disease, don't push her away.

Keep people like her near you always

okrap :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top