talk about a kick in the head

[candiebar76]

My husband wrote this to Dear Prudence this morning. The nerve of some people. Why do people find it necessary to be so mean?

Time heals all things, as the saying goes; it would seem I am not that fortunate. Over the course of the last two years, my wife and I have received several articles of mail from a certain Aunt and Uncle of mine, most of which are about 'life events' such as vacations, career changes, and any little tidbit of news they feel is important enough to pass along. My wife and I believed that their behavior signified that they were 'coming around' to our situation, but I guess we were wrong.

My six-year-old son has suffered numerous and assorted health problems throughout his life, and recently has been diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. We are anxiously awaiting the results of a DNA test, which will tell us for sure whether he has the illness or not, but doctors are confident that he does. My wife has been keeping everyone up-to-date as events have unfolded over the last three weeks, and recently made a web-page for our son in order to keep everyone informed.

The aforementioned Aunt and Uncle of mine recently informed us that they don't want to hear about it. All e-mail announcements concerning this medical condition have been sent out in bulk, and their e-mail address appears in the "To:" list at the top of each e-mail, an invasion of privacy they take offense at. The website requires 'cookies' to be enabled in order to view it, another invasion of their privacy at our hands. They have sternly requested to be taken off our list of contacts.

I find it all very insulting. It's as if they have slapped me in the face and said "We have more concern for our privacy than for the health of your adopted son; he's not a blood relation, so we don't care."

Candace
3 w/o CF
1 awaiting results

 

[Ratatosk]

Your husband and I must have the same aunt. My aunt practically spams me daily with political stuff, chain emails, links to wepbsites, letters about her wonderful kids, forwards forwards of stuff forwarded it to her, yet my mother (her sister) sends an email to everyone regarding my dad's retirement and she goes ballistic -- I think it's more the issue of "other people getting sent her email address" To fix that, I just send her emails as bcc (blindcopy), so all the other email addresses who are sent the same thing don't show up.

We used caringbridge when DS was born with a bowel obstruction and diagnosed wcf and it was wonderful because we didn't have to send out individual email posts or call a bunch of different people to keep them up to date on his health. There was a central site that everyone could look at.

IMO, consider the source when dealing with her response. Some of my relatives are so self absorbed that they never bother to consider anyone else's plight. Just the way they are. Hurtful yes, but depending upon who says what -- I sometimes feel it's an excuse for me to "take of the gloves" -- no more waking on egg shells -- she gave your husband her opinion, now you can tell her how you really feel.

Hope you find out the results on Maxwell soon. Liza mom to Max(imilian) <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

That just proves what a "selfish" world this has become. Or at least some people. I hear of something sad and almost cry - some people just have NO feelings at all!! You would think that anyone that has kids would at least care or show some compasion!! Best of luck to you and the little guy!!

Mother of 9 yr old boy w cf

 

[EnergyGal]

Dear Candace,

She is obviously a cold hearted person you have your answer. One day she will need support and she might have a few empty doors her way and lots of hangups from so called friends. You can update us here and we can support you. If you want to alarm her friends, you can copy and paste her quote and send it to her email list. In a way that is stepping down to her level but you are also helping out her other family and friends to be aware of the dog.

I have a long removed aunt and when she was part of the family when she was pregnant she told my Mom not to touch her belly because she might give her CF. Thankfully, my uncle divorced her.

Our world does not need weapons to kill, our mouths are like swords that can kill. People have diahrea of the mouth at times. I say it like this, it is better to know what stack of cards you are dealing with rather than to get tossed aside and be mistaken for the joker card. She is warning you who she really is and she is doing you a big favor. If she was very really mean she could have pretended and tried to fool you and could have hurt your child when he was growing up with some mental abuse. There are some family members that can really do damage to children mentally and physically. She did you a gigantic favor in the long run. I would find out now who is on her side and who is in any form similar to her and add them to your do not call list.
Risa

 

[JazzysMom]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Risa</b></i>

I have a long removed aunt and when she was part of the family when she was pregnant she told my Mom not to touch her belly because she might give her CF. Thankfully, my uncle divorced her.


Risa</end quote></div>

OMG Risa.....talk about not understanding an illness. I can only imagine the pain that shot thru your Mothers heart!

As far as your family Candance.....unfortunately we cant pick who we are related to, but we can pick who we want to talk with & associate with. I know it is painful for you, but just think how sad she must be to be so wrapped up in the simple worries of being on that email list! Dont include her in updates. She evidentally doesnt care so its not worth your concern! BUT keep US updated!

 

[Momofsix]

Wow  This aunt  <b>HAS  got to be my mother
-in-law</b> !<b>!!!  </b>I have not yet got the privilege of
seeing how she interacts with Brandon and Christopher (I already
know the answer) but I have had my heart broken many times with the
way she approaches Michael.... Michael pinches, pulls hair, bites
.kicks slaps, ect.... We have him on meds ,some of it  is
involuntary  he doesn't know how to control it neurologic
problems. and he also is learning other ways to get your
attention, being he is non verbal. How frustrating it must be to
him!!.. Anyway first he is not blood(adopted) so he isn't important
and one day she told me to just get rid of him he was nothing but a
wild animal!!!!!!!   She treats all step grandchildren
like  well...... actually..... most people like that
   what was i thinking...<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif" border="0"><br>
How did my compassionate, loving, kind, husband get here??!!
 anyway just wanted to let you know it happens to all children
where cold hearted people are in the midst. ignore them and love
the precious child  I figure if she wants to lose out
 then so be it! these kids do not need the negativity in their
lives.

 

[Ratatosk]

Last summer my husband's cousin's stepmonster was holding court at a family 4th of July gathering. Everyone fawns all over her -- except those of us outcasts -- because she flaunts her money and her worldtraveller lifestyle. Max was throwing a fit because he didn't want to do his treatment and I stepped out into the kitchen area to get his tobi and the stepmonster says to me "gee, he's high maintenance. Seems like too much work to me!" Conversation just stopped dead -- and she repeated it!! and laughed, hoping to get a laugh out of everyone else. I wish I'd have said to her -- I guess it would to you, considering your stepson moved in with his friend's family at the age of 13 rather than spend any more time with you. Next time! And there WILL be a next time, I'll be ready for her. Liza

 

[EnergyGal]

Melissa- I was young when my Mother told me and I felt badly for her. Mean people Stink but I feel like you said they are suffering inside in some way. Negative people cannot be well physically or mentally for long. Probably they just want to bring you down to their misery level. Ignore these children who pretend to be adults is the only way. when people say mean things, I say excuse me? Do you have something kind to say again?

Unfortunately, mean people are every place we go we all have just be thankful the world is not infested with them in every corner.

Momofsix is great. Great attitude. Risa

 

[candiebar76]

you are all so amazing! When they sent the email last night telling us to remove them I was bauling, hardly slept I was so upset. My husband on the other hand was angry. His uncle (by marriage) was the one that sent the email (a control freak from what I gather) as no one in the household is allowed individual email address. His Aunt, however, responded to a bulk email to friends and family with no problems. Unfortunately we have no way to tell who will get there first.

Candace

 

[julie]

Well, just because I can be an A*shole when people, especially FAMILY, do things like this, here's what I would do (NOT AT ALL recommending it's the best course of action).

I would forward their email to EVERYONE on my email list that I had been sending emails about my son to. And I would say (as civilly as possible), <i>as you can all see, this family member does not want to be bothered with information regarding our son so PLEASE do not discuss his current health situation with them or mention what is going on regarding his medical condition. They are not to be bothered with such minor things.</i>
And shoot off that email. Guess who's going to get a mouthful.... (in my family, it wouldn't be me <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">)

Again, not saying this is what you should do, but I know it's what I would do. Sorry you have to add this to the pile of crap you are already dealing with. I know it's easier said than done but just brush it off, they'll get what's coming to them!